deschooling?
Gary m and Mary Anne Taylor
Hi, I've been mostly a lurker, and wanted to post a question. I really know the answers, I think, but would like different viewpoints/reassurance.
Since about January we've been unschooling and also removed most coercion, or at least tried to, from our children's lives. And I realized that although we were much more relaxed than the other families there was still a lot of subtle pressure on my kids (2 girls, 9 + 14) to always choose an 'educational' activity. This is the way I was raised and I just didn't get natural learning until hearing Frank Smith speak and reading here. Coincidentally (bg), have been reading here since January.
Anyway, you guessed it, my kids now rarely choose an activity that looks remotely 'educational'. Yes, I see that they are learning, but part of me is feeling .....impatient...... and I want to vent to you guys rather than having a fit with my kids and forcing them to......oh I don't know....be interested in something that would impress adults.
There! that sounds so ludicrous when I say it out loud. OK, just tell me it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of I-Ming people and being on the phone. I don't think she's depressed, I think it's my problem. So thanks for listening to all this. Let me know if you have any tips for getting through this tough spot.
Mary T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Since about January we've been unschooling and also removed most coercion, or at least tried to, from our children's lives. And I realized that although we were much more relaxed than the other families there was still a lot of subtle pressure on my kids (2 girls, 9 + 14) to always choose an 'educational' activity. This is the way I was raised and I just didn't get natural learning until hearing Frank Smith speak and reading here. Coincidentally (bg), have been reading here since January.
Anyway, you guessed it, my kids now rarely choose an activity that looks remotely 'educational'. Yes, I see that they are learning, but part of me is feeling .....impatient...... and I want to vent to you guys rather than having a fit with my kids and forcing them to......oh I don't know....be interested in something that would impress adults.
There! that sounds so ludicrous when I say it out loud. OK, just tell me it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of I-Ming people and being on the phone. I don't think she's depressed, I think it's my problem. So thanks for listening to all this. Let me know if you have any tips for getting through this tough spot.
Mary T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/11/03 10:53:32 AM, berybrit@... writes:
<< and I want to vent to you guys rather than having a fit with my kids and
forcing them to......oh I don't know....be interested in something that would
impress adults. >>
Good idea! Because you can't really force them to be interested in anything.
<<OK, just tell me it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of
I-Ming people and being on the phone.>>
What do they talk about or IM about? Interesting stuff?
What do you do with your daughter? What movies have you watched together
lately?
Where have you gone together in the past few weeks?
Sandra
<< and I want to vent to you guys rather than having a fit with my kids and
forcing them to......oh I don't know....be interested in something that would
impress adults. >>
Good idea! Because you can't really force them to be interested in anything.
<<OK, just tell me it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of
I-Ming people and being on the phone.>>
What do they talk about or IM about? Interesting stuff?
What do you do with your daughter? What movies have you watched together
lately?
Where have you gone together in the past few weeks?
Sandra
Betsy
**Anyway, you guessed it, my kids now rarely choose an activity that
looks remotely 'educational'. Yes, I see that they are learning, but
part of me is feeling .....impatient...... and I want to vent to you
guys rather than having a fit with my kids and forcing them to......oh I
don't know....be interested in something that would impress adults.
There! that sounds so ludicrous when I say it out loud. OK, just tell me
it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of I-Ming people and
being on the phone. I don't think she's depressed, I think it's my
problem.**
Hi, Mary --
I walk in your same "shoes" pretty often, so I think I understand your
feelings. I have a younger kid who has been reading comic books and
comic strip books exclusively for more than two years. Instead of being
thrilled that he's spending time reading, my internalized school voices
are rooting "C'mon chapter books! chapter books! chapter books. Read
those chapeter books -- Hey!" (Sad, but true.)
And my funny thing to share is that he was recently reading a Foxtrot
book that had Roman numerals in the text (as part of movie titles) and
he asked me two questions and then spontaneously made me answer a couple
of Roman numeral problems that were algebraic, and then I'm thinking
"Yes! Whoo! Educational! Comic strips are educational". (But I tried
to be cool about it, on the outside. ;-) )
Another idea that might help you is I recently realized that school
creates the expectations that the "smartest" kids (in terms of school
and test smarts) SHOULD be the most successful in later life. They may
dangle that promise in front of kids, but it just isn't true.
Creativity, determination and people skills are all highly important in
many careers and school doesn't develop these qualities. Right now I
think your daughter is working on interpersonal and intrapersonal
skills. Does that make you feel a smidge better?
Betsy
looks remotely 'educational'. Yes, I see that they are learning, but
part of me is feeling .....impatient...... and I want to vent to you
guys rather than having a fit with my kids and forcing them to......oh I
don't know....be interested in something that would impress adults.
There! that sounds so ludicrous when I say it out loud. OK, just tell me
it's alright for 14 dd to only have the activities of I-Ming people and
being on the phone. I don't think she's depressed, I think it's my
problem.**
Hi, Mary --
I walk in your same "shoes" pretty often, so I think I understand your
feelings. I have a younger kid who has been reading comic books and
comic strip books exclusively for more than two years. Instead of being
thrilled that he's spending time reading, my internalized school voices
are rooting "C'mon chapter books! chapter books! chapter books. Read
those chapeter books -- Hey!" (Sad, but true.)
And my funny thing to share is that he was recently reading a Foxtrot
book that had Roman numerals in the text (as part of movie titles) and
he asked me two questions and then spontaneously made me answer a couple
of Roman numeral problems that were algebraic, and then I'm thinking
"Yes! Whoo! Educational! Comic strips are educational". (But I tried
to be cool about it, on the outside. ;-) )
Another idea that might help you is I recently realized that school
creates the expectations that the "smartest" kids (in terms of school
and test smarts) SHOULD be the most successful in later life. They may
dangle that promise in front of kids, but it just isn't true.
Creativity, determination and people skills are all highly important in
many careers and school doesn't develop these qualities. Right now I
think your daughter is working on interpersonal and intrapersonal
skills. Does that make you feel a smidge better?
Betsy
Gary m and Mary Anne Taylor
Thanks for your responses, Sandra and Betsy.
What do they talk about or IM about? Interesting stuff?What do you do with your daughter?
I doooon't know-she doesn't want us to look at any of them. Have agreed not to. I think it's mostly just day to day stuff but I could be wrong.
Mostly lately what I do with her is to drive her places, to meet friends or go to her drama day camp or choir or guitar lessons. We do have good talks on these drives (9 YO is often with friends)
We went to a ML Baseball game where her choir sang the national anthem-a boy that she hadnt met IRL that is a friend of a friend also came, plus 9 dd and friends. I dont' think she had a good time.....
There's not much TV we like to watch together- but one thing is who's Line Is It Anyway, so maybe I should find out when that's on so we could watch it together.
I took her, 9dd, my mom, and two friends (kids) to Freaky Friday.
All the things we used to do together, like cook, care for the animals, ride the (old) horse, art stuff, she is Not interested in anymore...at all.......I miss her like crazy. I realize that might be developmental.
Another theme here- notice her and I didn't do anything for fun by ourselves. It seems like I'm always so busy meeting other's needs that that goes by the wayside. What do you think?
Thanks for your reassurances, Betsy. I told my dh that her spelling was probably improving because of all the 'I M ing' and he reported that all she writes is ......yeah. uh. ........one word answers....oh well.
Mary T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What do they talk about or IM about? Interesting stuff?What do you do with your daughter?
I doooon't know-she doesn't want us to look at any of them. Have agreed not to. I think it's mostly just day to day stuff but I could be wrong.
Mostly lately what I do with her is to drive her places, to meet friends or go to her drama day camp or choir or guitar lessons. We do have good talks on these drives (9 YO is often with friends)
We went to a ML Baseball game where her choir sang the national anthem-a boy that she hadnt met IRL that is a friend of a friend also came, plus 9 dd and friends. I dont' think she had a good time.....
There's not much TV we like to watch together- but one thing is who's Line Is It Anyway, so maybe I should find out when that's on so we could watch it together.
I took her, 9dd, my mom, and two friends (kids) to Freaky Friday.
All the things we used to do together, like cook, care for the animals, ride the (old) horse, art stuff, she is Not interested in anymore...at all.......I miss her like crazy. I realize that might be developmental.
Another theme here- notice her and I didn't do anything for fun by ourselves. It seems like I'm always so busy meeting other's needs that that goes by the wayside. What do you think?
Thanks for your reassurances, Betsy. I told my dh that her spelling was probably improving because of all the 'I M ing' and he reported that all she writes is ......yeah. uh. ........one word answers....oh well.
Mary T.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]