Re: [Unschooling-Discussion] Re:boys/girls
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/20/2003 12:11:09 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
tmthomas@... writes:
but offered advice and potential outcomes to situations. "IF" you continue to
ride that big wheel down slide that is 10 foot up in the air, you "might" get
hurt, type of thing. Anytime I used the words "might get hurt" my boys
almost always went ahead and did whatever I had just talked with them about. My
girls? If they "might" get hurt, you can bet they were done, not even going to
attempt it. My 23 year old daughter just got her first skinned knee ever and
she keeps proudly telling all who see it that it is her FIRST. My girls were
girly girls but play sports as well. My oldest is quite a contradiction in
most people's eyes but a lot of people find it very intriguing that she can be
so "girly" yet fit in so well in a baseball dugout in college.
I see big differences in my sons and daughters. I do know other children who
the girls are just as rough as the boys and just as carefree and daredevil as
you can imagine. I also know boys who don't like physical stuff either. So
it's never set in stone. It's probably just more the personality of the child
in question. No matter how much I tried to encourage my girls to do certain
things that the boys found great fun, they wouldn't do it, (ride roller
coasters for one). They KNOW they are not likely to be killed, maimed or even
slightly injured but they have no desire to do this at all. I sometimes feel like
they are really missing out on great fun but they assure me they are very
comfortable just staying on the ground.
Just my experience with my four children...
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tmthomas@... writes:
> I think you are way off here making generalizations that are highlyI have two boys, two girls. I've never really told them NOT to do anything,
> inaccurate.I grew up in a family with 5 brothers and I have 2 girls and 2 boys and I
> have not seen my boys any more likely to make dangerous choices than the
> girls. In fact I have not experienced any of them making dangerous choices and
> if any are more impulsive and less likely to think it is in fact a daughter.
>
but offered advice and potential outcomes to situations. "IF" you continue to
ride that big wheel down slide that is 10 foot up in the air, you "might" get
hurt, type of thing. Anytime I used the words "might get hurt" my boys
almost always went ahead and did whatever I had just talked with them about. My
girls? If they "might" get hurt, you can bet they were done, not even going to
attempt it. My 23 year old daughter just got her first skinned knee ever and
she keeps proudly telling all who see it that it is her FIRST. My girls were
girly girls but play sports as well. My oldest is quite a contradiction in
most people's eyes but a lot of people find it very intriguing that she can be
so "girly" yet fit in so well in a baseball dugout in college.
I see big differences in my sons and daughters. I do know other children who
the girls are just as rough as the boys and just as carefree and daredevil as
you can imagine. I also know boys who don't like physical stuff either. So
it's never set in stone. It's probably just more the personality of the child
in question. No matter how much I tried to encourage my girls to do certain
things that the boys found great fun, they wouldn't do it, (ride roller
coasters for one). They KNOW they are not likely to be killed, maimed or even
slightly injured but they have no desire to do this at all. I sometimes feel like
they are really missing out on great fun but they assure me they are very
comfortable just staying on the ground.
Just my experience with my four children...
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/23/2003 9:54:00 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
Did it never occur to you that, after watching them refuse to go down the
slide after you told them they *night* get hurt, YOU might have caused their
reluctance?
If you *saw* a difference, maybe you could have kept your comments to
yourself rather than set them up to NOT do stuff? That you *made* them fearful with
your warnings?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
>I have two boys, two girls. I've never really told them NOT to do anything,to
>but offered advice and potential outcomes to situations. "IF" you continue
>ride that big wheel down slide that is 10 foot up in the air, you "might"get
>hurt, type of thing. Anytime I used the words "might get hurt" my boysMy
>almost always went ahead and did whatever I had just talked with them about.
>girls? If they "might" get hurt, you can bet they were done, not even goingto
>attempt it.Maybe because you kept telling them that they *might* get hurt?
>No matter how much I tried to encourage my girls to do certain
>things that the boys found great fun, they wouldn't do it, (ride roller
> coasters for one). They KNOW they are not likely to be killed, maimed or
> even
> slightly injured but they have no desire to do this at all. I sometimes
> feel like
> they are really missing out on great fun but they assure me they are very
> comfortable just staying on the ground.
Did it never occur to you that, after watching them refuse to go down the
slide after you told them they *night* get hurt, YOU might have caused their
reluctance?
If you *saw* a difference, maybe you could have kept your comments to
yourself rather than set them up to NOT do stuff? That you *made* them fearful with
your warnings?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joylyn
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
"might" get hurt. Personally, i don't tell them that, as I figure they
already know it, unless it's fairly serious or something. Both my girls
love rollercoasters, climbing trees, etc.
I have often told my children that we could hide in our house and do
nothing to help protect ourselves from getting hurt, but the reality
is--if we did that a plane my drop from the sky and kill us as we were
sitting on the couch. I'd rather get out in the world and do things,
fun things, and simply try to m inimize the risk. For instance, we wear
seatbelts, make sure the rollercoaster safety bars, etc. are firmly
placed around us, and think about what else we can do to make an
activity safer. But there is no completely safe so might as well have
fun!
I also often wonder how much of our own biases we are putting on our
children. If we expect little girls to be sweet and gentle and afraid
of rough and tumble stuff, then maybe we treat them that way and IF
their personality matches or they are more moldable children then
comply. If we expect boys to be rough and tumble children who like to
gather snails and bugs, then we treat them rough and tumble like, and
again, this is what they are. Nature is powerful. Maybe those with
children whose personalities go along with the sexual stereotypes of
their sex are getting a lot of help from their parents expectations and
treatment of them.
Joylyn
> In a message dated 7/23/2003 9:54:00 AM Eastern Daylight Time,My girls are the exact opposite. They do lots of things where they
> rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
>
> >I have two boys, two girls. I've never really told them NOT to do
> anything,
>
> >but offered advice and potential outcomes to situations. "IF" you
> continue
> to
> >ride that big wheel down slide that is 10 foot up in the air, you
> "might"
> get
> >hurt, type of thing. Anytime I used the words "might get hurt" my boys
> >almost always went ahead and did whatever I had just talked with them
> about.
> My
> >girls? If they "might" get hurt, you can bet they were done, not
> even going
> to
> >attempt it.
"might" get hurt. Personally, i don't tell them that, as I figure they
already know it, unless it's fairly serious or something. Both my girls
love rollercoasters, climbing trees, etc.
I have often told my children that we could hide in our house and do
nothing to help protect ourselves from getting hurt, but the reality
is--if we did that a plane my drop from the sky and kill us as we were
sitting on the couch. I'd rather get out in the world and do things,
fun things, and simply try to m inimize the risk. For instance, we wear
seatbelts, make sure the rollercoaster safety bars, etc. are firmly
placed around us, and think about what else we can do to make an
activity safer. But there is no completely safe so might as well have
fun!
I also often wonder how much of our own biases we are putting on our
children. If we expect little girls to be sweet and gentle and afraid
of rough and tumble stuff, then maybe we treat them that way and IF
their personality matches or they are more moldable children then
comply. If we expect boys to be rough and tumble children who like to
gather snails and bugs, then we treat them rough and tumble like, and
again, this is what they are. Nature is powerful. Maybe those with
children whose personalities go along with the sexual stereotypes of
their sex are getting a lot of help from their parents expectations and
treatment of them.
Joylyn
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> >No matter how much I tried to encourage my girls to do certain
> >things that the boys found great fun, they wouldn't do it, (ride roller
> > coasters for one). They KNOW they are not likely to be killed,
> maimed or
> > even
> > slightly injured but they have no desire to do this at all. I
> sometimes
> > feel like
> > they are really missing out on great fun but they assure me they are
> very
> > comfortable just staying on the ground.
>
> Maybe because you kept telling them that they *might* get hurt?
>
> Did it never occur to you that, after watching them refuse to go down the
> slide after you told them they *night* get hurt, YOU might have caused
> their
> reluctance?
>
> If you *saw* a difference, maybe you could have kept your comments to
> yourself rather than set them up to NOT do stuff? That you *made* them
> fearful with
> your warnings?
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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[email protected]
In a message dated 7/23/2003 10:04:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
something they VERY likely are going to get hurt by isn't very good parenting
either.
The son rode the big wheel down the slide, it skidded off the surface onto
the pavement, he had a huge skinned mark going all the way down his back on
every little backbone spot. He got hurt. It was a very clear possibility that
this would happen. I guess I could have just taken him off the slide or yanked
him off the big wheel and taken that or tried harder to reason with him but
having experience with my child, the only real thing I experienced that worked
was to tell them when something might end up wrong and they could be hurt.
Was I instilling fear in them of scary dangerous things? Maybe but it was
never my intent. I believe I was merely providing them with information that
they might not have thought of beforehand. After all it didn't seem to affect
two of the children in anyway concerning physical stuff. The girls never were
in a position of riding a big wheel down the slide, that situation was with my
son, who did it, did it only once. But he also tried riding it down a huge
flight of steep stairs, off dirt piles, anything with any height to it and it
was a huge adventure for him. He got some scrapes and broken bones along the
way from all his adventures in life but they were all from choices he made.
BTW, the differences were not pointed out to any of the children and it's
only in hindsight that I really noticed there were differences and that the boys
seemed to have gotten a lot more injuries, broken bones and also had a lot
more adventures than the girls, or I should say PHYSICAL type adventures. My
daughter likes to travel and has traveled over the summers since she was about 13
or maybe 14, different Countries, different places, eats LOTS of different
foods, enjoys it greatly. My sons, they don't like to venture far from home at
all and really don't enjoy exploring new places, culture and foods either.
Maybe that's because I always asked my daughter is she were sure she really
wanted to be in ______ for _____ days or because the talk of all the differences
scared them away from that. I don't think either way instilled a fear in my
boys or girls, I think it was simply their personalities that led them to
explore the adventures they've encountered in life.
So I think it's basically the personality of the person. They were all four
raised with the same "warnings" and same surroundings and same abilities and
same opportunities, it was all based on ultimately their own choices and
desires. Their personal differences and I guess it's the age old question as to
whether it has to do with their gender or just simply their personalities. If
you judge by my family it would seem on the surface to be about gender because
it's evenly divided. I do know lots of circumstances that would dispute that
though. I can only give evidence of what I've experienced in my family.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> Maybe because you kept telling them that they *might* get hurt?Well, you could be right but I think standing by and watching your child do
>
> Did it never occur to you that, after watching them refuse to go down the
> slide after you told them they *night* get hurt, YOU might have caused their
>
> reluctance?
>
> If you *saw* a difference, maybe you could have kept your comments to
> yourself rather than set them up to NOT do stuff? That you *made* them
> fearful with
> your warnings?
>
> ~Kelly
>
>
something they VERY likely are going to get hurt by isn't very good parenting
either.
The son rode the big wheel down the slide, it skidded off the surface onto
the pavement, he had a huge skinned mark going all the way down his back on
every little backbone spot. He got hurt. It was a very clear possibility that
this would happen. I guess I could have just taken him off the slide or yanked
him off the big wheel and taken that or tried harder to reason with him but
having experience with my child, the only real thing I experienced that worked
was to tell them when something might end up wrong and they could be hurt.
Was I instilling fear in them of scary dangerous things? Maybe but it was
never my intent. I believe I was merely providing them with information that
they might not have thought of beforehand. After all it didn't seem to affect
two of the children in anyway concerning physical stuff. The girls never were
in a position of riding a big wheel down the slide, that situation was with my
son, who did it, did it only once. But he also tried riding it down a huge
flight of steep stairs, off dirt piles, anything with any height to it and it
was a huge adventure for him. He got some scrapes and broken bones along the
way from all his adventures in life but they were all from choices he made.
BTW, the differences were not pointed out to any of the children and it's
only in hindsight that I really noticed there were differences and that the boys
seemed to have gotten a lot more injuries, broken bones and also had a lot
more adventures than the girls, or I should say PHYSICAL type adventures. My
daughter likes to travel and has traveled over the summers since she was about 13
or maybe 14, different Countries, different places, eats LOTS of different
foods, enjoys it greatly. My sons, they don't like to venture far from home at
all and really don't enjoy exploring new places, culture and foods either.
Maybe that's because I always asked my daughter is she were sure she really
wanted to be in ______ for _____ days or because the talk of all the differences
scared them away from that. I don't think either way instilled a fear in my
boys or girls, I think it was simply their personalities that led them to
explore the adventures they've encountered in life.
So I think it's basically the personality of the person. They were all four
raised with the same "warnings" and same surroundings and same abilities and
same opportunities, it was all based on ultimately their own choices and
desires. Their personal differences and I guess it's the age old question as to
whether it has to do with their gender or just simply their personalities. If
you judge by my family it would seem on the surface to be about gender because
it's evenly divided. I do know lots of circumstances that would dispute that
though. I can only give evidence of what I've experienced in my family.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
indicator that he would, indeed, get hurt!, I'll tell him something specific
that I see, instead. Giving him the info he needed seems better to me than you
might get hurt, which doesn't help him do what he wanted to do, or do much to
help him *avoid* getting hurt.
~Aimee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Was I instilling fear in them of scary dangerous things? Maybe but it wasInstead of saying "you might get hurt", which, btw, seemed to me a direct
> never my intent. I believe I was merely providing them with information
> that
> they might not have thought of beforehand.
indicator that he would, indeed, get hurt!, I'll tell him something specific
that I see, instead. Giving him the info he needed seems better to me than you
might get hurt, which doesn't help him do what he wanted to do, or do much to
help him *avoid* getting hurt.
~Aimee
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/23/2003 11:38:26 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
AimeeL73@... writes:
slide that he might get hurt. I did point out that he could slide right out
into the parking lot and land on the rough hard asphalt. Whether or not he had
thought of it being a potentially harmful situation, he now KNEW it could be
and the decision was left up to him whether it was a great enough adventure that
he would risk whatever injury he might encounter. I think I WAS giving him
the information that he needed, so that he could decide. Getting hurt isn't
pleasant, some mind it more than others. Sometimes it's worth the risk for the
pleasure.
Now that being said, if he had wanted to do a swan dive off a platform 50
feet in the air and couldn't swim, I think I would have to do more than have a
conversation about the possibility of injury. Jumping off the side of the pool
to see what happens with me close by would be a choice they could make if they
really wanted to see what could happen. Thankfully they could all swim but
any situation that might be similar in danger.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
AimeeL73@... writes:
> Instead of saying "you might get hurt", which, btw, seemed to me a directWell, it was pretty clear when I said if you ride that big wheel down that
> indicator that he would, indeed, get hurt!, I'll tell him something
> specific
> that I see, instead. Giving him the info he needed seems better to me than
> you
> might get hurt, which doesn't help him do what he wanted to do, or do much
> to
> help him *avoid* getting hurt.
>
> ~Aimee
>
slide that he might get hurt. I did point out that he could slide right out
into the parking lot and land on the rough hard asphalt. Whether or not he had
thought of it being a potentially harmful situation, he now KNEW it could be
and the decision was left up to him whether it was a great enough adventure that
he would risk whatever injury he might encounter. I think I WAS giving him
the information that he needed, so that he could decide. Getting hurt isn't
pleasant, some mind it more than others. Sometimes it's worth the risk for the
pleasure.
Now that being said, if he had wanted to do a swan dive off a platform 50
feet in the air and couldn't swim, I think I would have to do more than have a
conversation about the possibility of injury. Jumping off the side of the pool
to see what happens with me close by would be a choice they could make if they
really wanted to see what could happen. Thankfully they could all swim but
any situation that might be similar in danger.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Wednesday, July 23, 2003, at 06:28 AM, rubyprincesstsg@... wrote:
skinned knees - I always had them. It was just me.
My oldest daughter was the same way and at 18 STILL gets burned and
scraped and cut and bruised a lot - because she is a real risk taker.
Telling her something was dangerous would make her more likely to do it.
My middle daughter has probably never had a skinned knee. More likely
to have carpal tunnel <G>.
My youngest is banged and bruised all the time - she rides horses and
plays soccer and dances - but isn't a risk-taker, just an active
outdoorsey athletic kind of kid.
-pam
> My 23 year old daughter just got her first skinned knee ever andThis cracked me up.. I've told my kids about how I was never WITHOUT
> she keeps proudly telling all who see it that it is her FIRST.
skinned knees - I always had them. It was just me.
My oldest daughter was the same way and at 18 STILL gets burned and
scraped and cut and bruised a lot - because she is a real risk taker.
Telling her something was dangerous would make her more likely to do it.
My middle daughter has probably never had a skinned knee. More likely
to have carpal tunnel <G>.
My youngest is banged and bruised all the time - she rides horses and
plays soccer and dances - but isn't a risk-taker, just an active
outdoorsey athletic kind of kid.
-pam
Pamela Sorooshian
On Wednesday, July 23, 2003, at 07:39 AM, rubyprincesstsg@... wrote:
some pretty major consciousness raising.
It doesn't have to be MOM who treats the boys and girls differently -
your older ones were in school and in all kinds of activities, I'm sure.
My oldest daughter says she was born a feminist - and partly that is
because her temperament was so much more like how boys were expected to
behave so she was aware early on that she was different. She gloried in
it (I'm talking about even as 5 year old, by the way) and she was very
alert to situations where she was being expected to behave differently
"as a girl."
-pam
> So I think it's basically the personality of the person. They wereAnd - they can't escape the cultural soup they live in - not without
> all four
> raised with the same "warnings" and same surroundings and same
> abilities and
> same opportunities, it was all based on ultimately their own choices
> and
> desires.
some pretty major consciousness raising.
It doesn't have to be MOM who treats the boys and girls differently -
your older ones were in school and in all kinds of activities, I'm sure.
My oldest daughter says she was born a feminist - and partly that is
because her temperament was so much more like how boys were expected to
behave so she was aware early on that she was different. She gloried in
it (I'm talking about even as 5 year old, by the way) and she was very
alert to situations where she was being expected to behave differently
"as a girl."
-pam
Ren
"My girls are the exact opposite. They do lots of things where they
"might" get hurt. Personally, i don't tell them that, as I figure they
already know it, unless it's fairly serious or something. Both my girls
love rollercoasters, climbing trees, etc. "
Same here. My girl will definitely be MORE likely to do something if I warn her about it. Although several times my warnings have resulted in pain, so she's more likely to respect my advice now as important information, not me trying to be controlling!
I had skinned knees my entire childhood. I've got a permanent scar on each knee too, one from pre-teen days and one from adulthood. I don't learn too fast, or I just don't have a very high fear factor. Oh well.
Ren
"might" get hurt. Personally, i don't tell them that, as I figure they
already know it, unless it's fairly serious or something. Both my girls
love rollercoasters, climbing trees, etc. "
Same here. My girl will definitely be MORE likely to do something if I warn her about it. Although several times my warnings have resulted in pain, so she's more likely to respect my advice now as important information, not me trying to be controlling!
I had skinned knees my entire childhood. I've got a permanent scar on each knee too, one from pre-teen days and one from adulthood. I don't learn too fast, or I just don't have a very high fear factor. Oh well.
Ren
the_clevengers
--- In [email protected], Joylyn <joylyn@e...>
wrote:
our daughter. He still isn't keen on slides, merry-go-rounds, swings,
etc. and meanwhile our daughter is begging me for rock climbing
lessons. These are their basic personalities though, the way they
came wired. At the age of 2, my son wouldn't go near a swimming pool
with a 10 foot pole. At the age of 12 months, my toddling daughter
was flinging herself into the deep end.
best we can do is make sure we do things as safely as possible,
within reason. I think it's important to have a healthy respect for
your own mortality. My greatest fear with my daughter is that she'll
be exactly like me (I was thinking I was bulletproof until I was
about 25). She just seems so fearless. Then again, maybe she'll lead
a charmed life like me and never get seriously injured or killed in
all of her escapades. Lord knows, I've been just plain lucky on more
than a few occasions. I hope I can pass some of my accumulated wisdom
on as far as safety goes and maybe she won't be quite so foolhardy.
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
who has actually gotten a ticket for doing 120 in a 55 zone =:O
wrote:
> My girls are the exact opposite. They do lots of things where theythey
> "might" get hurt. Personally, i don't tell them that, as I figure
> already know it, unless it's fairly serious or something. Both mygirls
> love rollercoasters, climbing trees, etc.Mine is the same. In fact, our son is much, much more cautious than
our daughter. He still isn't keen on slides, merry-go-rounds, swings,
etc. and meanwhile our daughter is begging me for rock climbing
lessons. These are their basic personalities though, the way they
came wired. At the age of 2, my son wouldn't go near a swimming pool
with a 10 foot pole. At the age of 12 months, my toddling daughter
was flinging herself into the deep end.
> I have often told my children that we could hide in our house anddo
> nothing to help protect ourselves from getting hurt, but thereality
> is--if we did that a plane my drop from the sky and kill us as wewere
> sitting on the couch. I'd rather get out in the world and dothings,
> fun things, and simply try to m inimize the risk.I agree, and that's what we try to do as well. Life is risky, the
best we can do is make sure we do things as safely as possible,
within reason. I think it's important to have a healthy respect for
your own mortality. My greatest fear with my daughter is that she'll
be exactly like me (I was thinking I was bulletproof until I was
about 25). She just seems so fearless. Then again, maybe she'll lead
a charmed life like me and never get seriously injured or killed in
all of her escapades. Lord knows, I've been just plain lucky on more
than a few occasions. I hope I can pass some of my accumulated wisdom
on as far as safety goes and maybe she won't be quite so foolhardy.
Blue Skies,
-Robin-
who has actually gotten a ticket for doing 120 in a 55 zone =:O
Pamela Sorooshian
On Wednesday, July 23, 2003, at 04:44 PM, the_clevengers wrote:
12 months old. Both naked chubby little babes - both very mobile, but
not quite walking yet. We were at the beach. In the video my husband
is standing about 5 yards from the water and holding a baby under each
arm - he sets them down and my daughter makes a beeline TOWARD the
water and her cousin AWAY from the water. It was so funny - he was
really wanting to get away and she just wanted to get in. She hasn't
changed - she was out swimming in the ocean the other night - late, in
the dark, with a couple of friends. That was after spending hours
rakuing ceramics in a big gigantic roaring huge fire on the beach. No
fear.
-pam
> These are their basic personalities though, the way theyI have video of my oldest daughter at 9 months and her cousin who was
> came wired. At the age of 2, my son wouldn't go near a swimming pool
> with a 10 foot pole. At the age of 12 months, my toddling daughter
> was flinging herself into the deep end.
>
12 months old. Both naked chubby little babes - both very mobile, but
not quite walking yet. We were at the beach. In the video my husband
is standing about 5 yards from the water and holding a baby under each
arm - he sets them down and my daughter makes a beeline TOWARD the
water and her cousin AWAY from the water. It was so funny - he was
really wanting to get away and she just wanted to get in. She hasn't
changed - she was out swimming in the ocean the other night - late, in
the dark, with a couple of friends. That was after spending hours
rakuing ceramics in a big gigantic roaring huge fire on the beach. No
fear.
-pam
Ren
-Robin-
who has actually gotten a ticket for doing 120 in a 55 zone =:O
Hmmm...somehow this does not surprise me, given all of the things you are passionate about! You are an inspiration Robin. (well, except for the ticket part):)
Ren
who has actually gotten a ticket for doing 120 in a 55 zone =:O
Hmmm...somehow this does not surprise me, given all of the things you are passionate about! You are an inspiration Robin. (well, except for the ticket part):)
Ren
Joylyn
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
girl. I remember a month or so ago we were at a gym and Janene's shoes
fell between the slats in the bleachers. I asked Lexie and Carissa to
get them out and Lexie and Carissa, who have not had a lot of
experiences with school bleachers looked at them for a minute perplexed,
trying to figure out how to do it. Then Lexie exclaimed in a bright
confident voice--"We can do it, Girls can do ANYTHING!" and Carissa
confidently added "Yep, Girls are POWERFUL!" and off they went to get
the shoes. I looked up at two young adult men (in their early 20's) who
had observed this, and both had this wonderful expression on their
faces, they had obviously so enjoyed this exchange. I smiled at them
and said something like "there's nothing like a good strong self
esteem!" and they nodded and commented how great it was to hear the
girls so confident in themselves.
I think as homeschoolers we can raise our children in a more gender
nutural way. At least that is my goal. If nothing else comes of this
unschooling, my wish is for my children to be confident and sure of
their abilities to do anything, to learn anything, to become anything,
and so that's probably why I rarely tell them they might hurt
themselves. That doesn't mean I won't talk with them about risks that
might be involved in a venture, but I would never want to, even with my
body langauge, discourage them from trying something.
Last month I was at park day when a ball was stuck on the roof of a
shelter. I noticed one of the boys climb up to retrieve it, and that
the other parents there had noticed as well. One of the dads made his
way over to the shelter and inquired quietly if the kids needed any
assistance, but they didn't so he just watched. The other parents were
observing but none seemed remotely concerned. I thought about how this
situation would have been different had this been a group of schooled
children, and I could picture the parents or teachers running to the
shelter in fear, yelling for the child to get down, he might hurt
himself. Instead the adults were simply watching, ready to give a hand
if one was needed but marvalling at the ability of the boys. Another
boy shimmied up the pole and climbed up, simply to prove he could, and
then slid down again. It was wonderful to watch him do that, it made me
wish for about 20 years to come off me so Ic oudl do it too, it looked
so fun. Finally the ball was retrieved and the play was over and the
kids all came down off the shelter, all perfectly safe and sound. Not
one person said "be careful"--uh, I hate that phrase, like the child is
purposely going to NOT be careful? I always want to say, when someone
says "Drive carefully", "thanks for reminding me, otherwise I might have
driven crazily, speeding and running stop signs and the like." I think
this goes back to trusting the children, something I am so constantly
working on doing. Of course the kids will be careful, why would they
not be.
Joylyn
> .Lexie glorifies in being a girl! She loves being a rough and tumble
>
> My oldest daughter says she was born a feminist - and partly that is
> because her temperament was so much more like how boys were expected to
> behave so she was aware early on that she was different. She gloried in
> it (I'm talking about even as 5 year old, by the way) and she was very
> alert to situations where she was being expected to behave differently
> "as a girl."
girl. I remember a month or so ago we were at a gym and Janene's shoes
fell between the slats in the bleachers. I asked Lexie and Carissa to
get them out and Lexie and Carissa, who have not had a lot of
experiences with school bleachers looked at them for a minute perplexed,
trying to figure out how to do it. Then Lexie exclaimed in a bright
confident voice--"We can do it, Girls can do ANYTHING!" and Carissa
confidently added "Yep, Girls are POWERFUL!" and off they went to get
the shoes. I looked up at two young adult men (in their early 20's) who
had observed this, and both had this wonderful expression on their
faces, they had obviously so enjoyed this exchange. I smiled at them
and said something like "there's nothing like a good strong self
esteem!" and they nodded and commented how great it was to hear the
girls so confident in themselves.
I think as homeschoolers we can raise our children in a more gender
nutural way. At least that is my goal. If nothing else comes of this
unschooling, my wish is for my children to be confident and sure of
their abilities to do anything, to learn anything, to become anything,
and so that's probably why I rarely tell them they might hurt
themselves. That doesn't mean I won't talk with them about risks that
might be involved in a venture, but I would never want to, even with my
body langauge, discourage them from trying something.
Last month I was at park day when a ball was stuck on the roof of a
shelter. I noticed one of the boys climb up to retrieve it, and that
the other parents there had noticed as well. One of the dads made his
way over to the shelter and inquired quietly if the kids needed any
assistance, but they didn't so he just watched. The other parents were
observing but none seemed remotely concerned. I thought about how this
situation would have been different had this been a group of schooled
children, and I could picture the parents or teachers running to the
shelter in fear, yelling for the child to get down, he might hurt
himself. Instead the adults were simply watching, ready to give a hand
if one was needed but marvalling at the ability of the boys. Another
boy shimmied up the pole and climbed up, simply to prove he could, and
then slid down again. It was wonderful to watch him do that, it made me
wish for about 20 years to come off me so Ic oudl do it too, it looked
so fun. Finally the ball was retrieved and the play was over and the
kids all came down off the shelter, all perfectly safe and sound. Not
one person said "be careful"--uh, I hate that phrase, like the child is
purposely going to NOT be careful? I always want to say, when someone
says "Drive carefully", "thanks for reminding me, otherwise I might have
driven crazily, speeding and running stop signs and the like." I think
this goes back to trusting the children, something I am so constantly
working on doing. Of course the kids will be careful, why would they
not be.
Joylyn
Joylyn
the_clevengers wrote:
I remember once I was going 85 in a 55 mph zone and I had been with a
friend the night before on his motor cycle so my license was in the back
pocket of my jeans I wore, which were in a laundry basket, at the
bottom, next to me (I was on the way to the mountains to camp.) The
laundry basket was on the front seat, so Icouldn't get into the grove
compartment. The cops pulled me over and asked for these two items.
One was standing next to me, the other at the rear of the car, and I
realized he was laughing. I realized that point that he was reading my
bumper stickers, one said "Women are natural leaders, you're following
one now" and the other said "TGIF, Thank God I'm Female." He called the
other cop back to him and pointed these out to him and they bothed
laughed for a while. Then they both came up to me and said thanks for
giving them a good laugh and could I please slow down at least until
they were no longer in site. They never had me get out my
documentation, they just chuckled. I still have my TGIF frame on my
car, and I still get chuckles over it.
However, my 94 year old grandmother got a ticket a few years ago for
going 55 or 60 in a 25 mph zone. I am and was impressed with this and
still give her a hard time about her speeding. She is so spry and
healthy and happy and alive, and I can tell you that I know she enjoyed
roller coasters when she was younger--just a few years ago.
Joylyn
> I hope I can pass some of my accumulated wisdomunfortunately, many need to learn their own wisdom. I did.
> on as far as safety goes and maybe she won't be quite so foolhardy.
>I'm not surprised. Personally I always talked my way out of tickets....
>
> Blue Skies,
> -Robin-
> who has actually gotten a ticket for doing 120 in a 55 zone =:O
I remember once I was going 85 in a 55 mph zone and I had been with a
friend the night before on his motor cycle so my license was in the back
pocket of my jeans I wore, which were in a laundry basket, at the
bottom, next to me (I was on the way to the mountains to camp.) The
laundry basket was on the front seat, so Icouldn't get into the grove
compartment. The cops pulled me over and asked for these two items.
One was standing next to me, the other at the rear of the car, and I
realized he was laughing. I realized that point that he was reading my
bumper stickers, one said "Women are natural leaders, you're following
one now" and the other said "TGIF, Thank God I'm Female." He called the
other cop back to him and pointed these out to him and they bothed
laughed for a while. Then they both came up to me and said thanks for
giving them a good laugh and could I please slow down at least until
they were no longer in site. They never had me get out my
documentation, they just chuckled. I still have my TGIF frame on my
car, and I still get chuckles over it.
However, my 94 year old grandmother got a ticket a few years ago for
going 55 or 60 in a 25 mph zone. I am and was impressed with this and
still give her a hard time about her speeding. She is so spry and
healthy and happy and alive, and I can tell you that I know she enjoyed
roller coasters when she was younger--just a few years ago.
Joylyn
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Christina Morrissey
><<<<<like the child is purposely going to NOT be careful? ...........OfChristina
>course the kids will be careful, why would they not be[?]>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>One of my son's friends is a 16 yo self-avowed Xtreme sports fan,
>particularly of bikes and skateboards. I have known this "child" for the
>last 5 years. Lots of problems. His favorite past time is to
>"push-the-envelope" with his sports equipment. It gets bloodier every
>year. The rest of the boys just think it's hilarious and stupid, but with
>a tone of admiration thrown in. He just got his drivers permit.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/24/03 12:37:44 AM, joylyn@... writes:
<< Not
one person said "be careful"--uh, I hate that phrase, like the child is
purposely going to NOT be careful? I always want to say, when someone
says "Drive carefully", "thanks for reminding me, otherwise I might have
driven crazily, speeding and running stop signs and the like." >>
I try not to say those things to others too much, or maybe I still say them
but I hear myself.
But when people say it to me, I don't mind. When I'm leaving on a car trip
out of town, Keith always checklists me at the end: water? caffein? snacks?
be careful.
And when friends of mine say "drive carefully" I see it more as a kind of
blessing on the trip, like I have my own carefulness and theirs added to it.
Keith often says "Be safe," and in that wording it really IS just a straight out
blessing.
I feel like if five people told me to be careful I WOULD be more careful,
because in my head their voices would be there, and I would remember that they
cared enough about me to be there when I was leaving and give me some special
energy for the trip. They could've been in watching TV and eating, but instead
they gave me a "fare well" (another blessing which means just about the same
as the others).
Sandra
<< Not
one person said "be careful"--uh, I hate that phrase, like the child is
purposely going to NOT be careful? I always want to say, when someone
says "Drive carefully", "thanks for reminding me, otherwise I might have
driven crazily, speeding and running stop signs and the like." >>
I try not to say those things to others too much, or maybe I still say them
but I hear myself.
But when people say it to me, I don't mind. When I'm leaving on a car trip
out of town, Keith always checklists me at the end: water? caffein? snacks?
be careful.
And when friends of mine say "drive carefully" I see it more as a kind of
blessing on the trip, like I have my own carefulness and theirs added to it.
Keith often says "Be safe," and in that wording it really IS just a straight out
blessing.
I feel like if five people told me to be careful I WOULD be more careful,
because in my head their voices would be there, and I would remember that they
cared enough about me to be there when I was leaving and give me some special
energy for the trip. They could've been in watching TV and eating, but instead
they gave me a "fare well" (another blessing which means just about the same
as the others).
Sandra
Julie Solich
>they
> I feel like if five people told me to be careful I WOULD be more careful,
> because in my head their voices would be there, and I would remember that
> cared enough about me to be there when I was leaving and give me somespecial
> energy for the trip. They could've been in watching TV and eating, butinstead
> they gave me a "fare well" (another blessing which means just about thesame
> as the others).I know when Mark tells me to be careful or to drive carefully it's because
>
> Sandra
he loves me and does worry that something might happen if he's not around
(he admits to being a control freak LOL). I have always taken it as a sign
of love/blessing, not doubt in my capabilities.
Julie
>the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>email to:
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
Pamela Sorooshian
On Thursday, July 24, 2003, at 06:01 PM, Julie Solich wrote:
the point was nicely made.
But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bit
close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
"Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
"Good boy."
--pam
> I know when Mark tells me to be careful or to drive carefully it'sI almost wrote something just like this, but then a few of you did so
> because
> he loves me and does worry that something might happen if he's not
> around
> (he admits to being a control freak LOL). I have always taken it as a
> sign
> of love/blessing, not doubt in my capabilities.
the point was nicely made.
But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bit
close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
"Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
"Good boy."
--pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/24/03 6:20:27 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
mother. We lived on a culdusac and I wasn't allowed to get the ball if it went
into the street, without asking my mom to come out to the curb and watch. To
this day everyone still teases her about not letting little Rhonda (she's
Rhonda also, so hence that makes me little Rhonda even though I seriously outweigh
her, lol) cross the street until she was 12.
OTOH, I am opposite with many things Kass and Kree do. When we joined our
first HS group, there is a large tree at the park where we met and the twins eyes
just sparkled when they saw that tree. You could almost see the wheels
turning as they were calculating their every step, before they ever reached the
tree. I was caught a little off guard when several people mentioned that the kids
weren't really supposed to climb it. They could get hurt. HUH? I smiled and
said, "I guess that's why we have great insurance." I gave them the go ahead as
they stopped dashing for the tree when other mom's protested. The twins are
famous for their lack of fear. They have always been adrenaline junkies and are
dying to turn 12 (in 33 days, the countdown continues) so they can go
sky-diving with one of their Karate instructors. We aren't careless mind you, we
always make sure whatever they do, they have safety gear and know the best way to
fall and what not, but we don't caution them to the extent that my mom did. I
have often wondered why I don't freak when she did. Of course she freaks when
they tell her their newest quests, but they always respond with, "Come on
Grandma, do you really think Mom and Dad would let us if they didn't know we could
handle it?" She gives me the eye and the twins crack up. I don't know if it
will make a difference in how they live their lives when they are parents, but
it is odd that we are at opposite ends of the "OMG it's not safe" spectrum, my
mom and I.
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bitOh Pam, another post to throw me into childhood.;-) The above example IS my
> close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
> what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
> "Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
> do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
> bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
> behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
> "Good boy."
>
> --pam
>
mother. We lived on a culdusac and I wasn't allowed to get the ball if it went
into the street, without asking my mom to come out to the curb and watch. To
this day everyone still teases her about not letting little Rhonda (she's
Rhonda also, so hence that makes me little Rhonda even though I seriously outweigh
her, lol) cross the street until she was 12.
OTOH, I am opposite with many things Kass and Kree do. When we joined our
first HS group, there is a large tree at the park where we met and the twins eyes
just sparkled when they saw that tree. You could almost see the wheels
turning as they were calculating their every step, before they ever reached the
tree. I was caught a little off guard when several people mentioned that the kids
weren't really supposed to climb it. They could get hurt. HUH? I smiled and
said, "I guess that's why we have great insurance." I gave them the go ahead as
they stopped dashing for the tree when other mom's protested. The twins are
famous for their lack of fear. They have always been adrenaline junkies and are
dying to turn 12 (in 33 days, the countdown continues) so they can go
sky-diving with one of their Karate instructors. We aren't careless mind you, we
always make sure whatever they do, they have safety gear and know the best way to
fall and what not, but we don't caution them to the extent that my mom did. I
have often wondered why I don't freak when she did. Of course she freaks when
they tell her their newest quests, but they always respond with, "Come on
Grandma, do you really think Mom and Dad would let us if they didn't know we could
handle it?" She gives me the eye and the twins crack up. I don't know if it
will make a difference in how they live their lives when they are parents, but
it is odd that we are at opposite ends of the "OMG it's not safe" spectrum, my
mom and I.
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: "Pamela Sorooshian" <pamsoroosh@...>
<< But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bit
close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
"Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
"Good boy.">>
People like that drive me nuts. And the couple of moms I know like this,
well they now have kids just like them. The children, now young adults, are
neurotic hypochondriacs. Sad really.
Mary B
<< But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bit
close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
"Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
"Good boy.">>
People like that drive me nuts. And the couple of moms I know like this,
well they now have kids just like them. The children, now young adults, are
neurotic hypochondriacs. Sad really.
Mary B
Nancy Liedel
I am guilty as charged. A few years ago my eldest stepped into a pool and
almost drowned. He and I both are not comfortable with him around water.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
almost drowned. He and I both are not comfortable with him around water.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
wouldn't have said it was me until I read this. Doh!! Though I was
always saying it in a happy-cheering-on kind of voice it still is
annoying, isn't it? <big sigh> LOL
TreeGoddess..... still evolving ;)
>But - I am still thinking about moms who stand by, hovering a bitShit. I feel like a real dork -- you just described me though I
>close, and warn their kids about every danger - I'm sure you all know
>what I mean (and I'm sure NONE of you recognize yourselves <G>):
>"Honey, be careful on the ladder. Look down - look where you're going -
>do you see the next step? Use both hands. Sit all the way on your
>bottom. Okay, get out of the way quickly now before somebody comes down
>behind you." Usually followed by something like: "Wasn't that fun?" or
>"Good boy."
>
wouldn't have said it was me until I read this. Doh!! Though I was
always saying it in a happy-cheering-on kind of voice it still is
annoying, isn't it? <big sigh> LOL
TreeGoddess..... still evolving ;)