[email protected]

In a message dated 7/22/2003 1:43:15 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
OomYaaqub@... writes:
> I always ignored tantrums too, and I would hope that most mothers do.
>
WHAT????

A tantrum is a cry for help.

Joyce says it so well...Joyce?

A child doesn't TRY to be annoying or bad. A child wants to be the best
person he can be. Sometimes, it's too hard, and the child WILL have a
meltdown---and sometimes right in the middle of Volde-Mart (the store which should not be
named). Sometimes the child is completely overwhelmed, and often it can be
avoided. To just ignore a tantrum is downright----JOHN ROSEMONDish!

How about holding him and talking gently to him or just sweetly let him get
his frustrations out? How 'bout carrying Rescue Remedy with you if it happens
often? How 'bout making sure he's not hungry or tired or overwhelmed?

A tantrums is a sign that something's not OK with the child. How 'bout
finding out what it is rather than ignoring a child's needs?

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Backstrom kelli

I have been recently trying to talk empathetically to my 3 year old when she melts down. I say things like, "wow, this sounds really frustrating" and I hold her really close. Sometimes she tells me how scary it feels to be that way, and almost always once I have put everything down and stopped to reallyhold her and talk to her, the tantrum turns in to tears. This has proven to be much more effective and how nice to be heard and validated like that. Kelli

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:In a message dated 7/22/2003 1:43:15 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
OomYaaqub@... writes:
> I always ignored tantrums too, and I would hope that most mothers do.
>
WHAT????

A tantrum is a cry for help.

Joyce says it so well...Joyce?

A child doesn't TRY to be annoying or bad. A child wants to be the best
person he can be. Sometimes, it's too hard, and the child WILL have a
meltdown---and sometimes right in the middle of Volde-Mart (the store which should not be
named). Sometimes the child is completely overwhelmed, and often it can be
avoided. To just ignore a tantrum is downright----JOHN ROSEMONDish!

How about holding him and talking gently to him or just sweetly let him get
his frustrations out? How 'bout carrying Rescue Remedy with you if it happens
often? How 'bout making sure he's not hungry or tired or overwhelmed?

A tantrums is a sign that something's not OK with the child. How 'bout
finding out what it is rather than ignoring a child's needs?

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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In a message dated 7/22/2003 8:38:11 AM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:

> How about holding him and talking gently to him or just sweetly let him get
>
> his frustrations out? How 'bout carrying Rescue Remedy with you if it
> happens
> often? How 'bout making sure he's not hungry or tired or overwhelmed?
>

Kelly, I've heard "Rescue Remedy" mentioned a couple of times...excuse my
ignorance, but what is it? It is just an expression or an actual product? LoL!

Nancy B.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/22/2003 9:03:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
CelticFrau@... writes:


> Kelly, I've heard "Rescue Remedy" mentioned a couple of times...excuse my
> ignorance, but what is it? It is just an expression or an actual product?
> LoL!
>

Actual product . From your local health food store. I'm guessing they ALL
carry it!

A couple of drops on the tongue. Ben carries a bottle in the car---for road
rage! <G>

I found out about it from Ren.

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

>
> Actual product . From your local health food store. I'm guessing they ALL
> carry it!
>
> A couple of drops on the tongue. Ben carries a bottle in the car---for
road
> rage! <G>

Great stuff. Lars used to get quite panicky when he was sick, like he was
sure he'd never get better. (This would be relatively minor stuff -
sometimes scarier, like croup.) His panic was interfering with his body's
ability to heal itself. Often rescue remedy was the only thing he needed in
order to start healing himself.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

marji

At 09:02 7/22/03 -0400, you wrote:
>Kelly, I've heard "Rescue Remedy" mentioned a couple of times...excuse my
>ignorance, but what is it? It is just an expression or an actual
>product? LoL!
>
>Nancy B.

Kelly mentions that a couple of drops can go under the tongue, but you can
also dab some on a raging kid's wrist or inside the elbow and it'll help a
great deal, then, too. It's also helpful for companion animals (a dab
inside the ear flaps or in the drinking water). One of the nice things
about Rescue Remedy is that you don't have to stress anyone out to give it
to them. :-)

marji

P.S. AA alert- a friend pointed out to me that there's a lot of alcohol in
Rescue Remedy, and she had been avoiding it for that reason. She didn't
realize that you can dab it on topically and it will work just as well.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/22/03 6:38:19 AM, kbcdlovejo@... writes:

<< right in the middle of Volde-Mart (the store which should not be
named) >>

THAT is a good one.

A friend of mine told me about a disease I didn't know about, but I had had
symptoms of---walking in there and suddenly and completely forgetting what I
came for.

"Walzheimers," she called it.

Sandra

Tia Leschke

> A friend of mine told me about a disease I didn't know about, but I had
had
> symptoms of---walking in there and suddenly and completely forgetting what
I
> came for.
>
> "Walzheimers," she called it.

There are a couple of other names for that one. C.R.S. Syndrome and
C.R.A.F.T Disease.
can't remember shit
can't remember a f'ing thing
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/22/03 10:43:18 PM, leschke@... writes:

<< > "Walzheimers," she called it.


There are a couple of other names for that one. C.R.S. Syndrome and

C.R.A.F.T Disease.

can't remember shit

can't remember a f'ing thing >>

Those can strike at home, though. The other one only happens in WalMart. <g>

I get exercise at my house by walking through six rooms and upstairs was in
there somewhere and looking around and realizing I can't remember what I needed
unless I go back to the first room and see what I was doing.

So it goes. Exercise is good, I guess.

Sandra

Fetteroll

kbcdlovejo@... wrote:In a message dated 7/22/2003 1:43:15 AM Eastern
Daylight Time, OomYaaqub@... writes:

>> I always ignored tantrums too, and I would hope that most mothers do.
>>
> WHAT????
>
> A tantrum is a cry for help.
>
> Joyce says it so well...Joyce?

Do I? (I seem to have missed the original of this.) Maybe you mean when I
point out that a tantrum is the last resort of a child who isn't being
heard. They've gone through the skills they know to tell us they want
something and we're ignoring them or not taking them seriously or not
understanding. They don't have anything left but to melt down in supreme
frustration.

If we tried to tell our husbands we were hungry or tired and they ignored
us, dismissed us, and told us to stop complaining for what felt like *hours*
we'd likely melt down too!

If a parent waits until the tantrum happens to try to understand what the
child wants, the child can learn that a tantrum is an effective means of
communication. They can learn to skip over the other ways of communication
and go straight to tantrum.

In standard parenting practices that translates into ignore the tantrum so
they don't learn to use tantrums to "manipulate" the parent.

Better -- *much* *much* better -- is to learn to listen to the child and
pick up the cues he's using to try to communicate before it ever gets to the
tantrum point. Then offer help or at least understanding. It may not avoid
the additional frustration of not getting their needs met, but at least
they'll feel they're being heard and their needs are understood and taken
seriously.

And additionally thinking ahead to the types of things that cause melt downs
and preventing the situation in the first place, like making sure they're
well fed and rested before going shopping, maybe having a little bit of
money to spend or whatever.

(Which doesn't address the highly sensitive child who may have frequent
meltdowns because of frustrations with life in general. In which case I'd
say "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "The Explosive Child".)

Joyce