Bronwen

My always been unschooled son is quite upset at his inability to read. He
will be 11 in August.

For two reasons- he wants to read stuff, and people's attitudes (why can't
you read?)

I keep saying- "it is ok, lots of kids learn to read later...", "you have
been learning tons of other things...."

I know what it is like when he is relaxed and excited about something and
expanding his horizons. He is not relaxed and excited about this. He feels
it is really hard and he is worried he won't be able to do it. I say, "just
give yourself a break- one day it will feel easy..". I feel like he reads a
lot of stuff already and I tell him that- he says " I just know the SHAPE or
font of the word and the context- I cant READ it- I don't know the letters"
I say - but that IS reading...

Anyway.. I would like to hear from people who have had and gotten through
this situation.

Thanks so much,
Bronwen
www.SUNetwork.com

Tia Leschke

>
> I know what it is like when he is relaxed and excited about something and
> expanding his horizons. He is not relaxed and excited about this. He
feels
> it is really hard and he is worried he won't be able to do it. I say,
"just
> give yourself a break- one day it will feel easy..". I feel like he reads
a
> lot of stuff already and I tell him that- he says " I just know the SHAPE
or
> font of the word and the context- I cant READ it- I don't know the
letters"
> I say - but that IS reading...
>
When my son was 11, he was much the same way, though he didn't talk about
it. (He's never talked about feelings much.) Please don't make the mistake
I did and *push* phonics. Lars learned to read that way, but he also
learned to hate reading. (I know you weren't suggesting that you might,
just wanted to warn you.)

Would he understand that the way he reads now (and he *does* read, from what
you say) is how how many kids learn to read? Lots of kids learn without
knowing the letters and their sounds. They're the ones who learn by
watching the page when they are being read to. Eventually they know enough
words that they can figure out the ones they don't know. At that point,
some kids are helped by learning a bit of phonics, so they can puzzle out
unfamiliar words more easily. But some never use phonics consciously at
all.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/22/03 5:49:10 AM, felesina@... writes:

<< Anyway.. I would like to hear from people who have had and gotten through

this situation. >>

Holly learned to read after she was ten. She was frustrated sometimes. She
would have liked to have played Pokemon but couldn't read the cards. She
pressed me to get her something she could use to learn, so we got a book with
word lists and a used copy of Teach Your Child to Read in100 Easy Lessons (or
whatever it's called). We did a few chapters (ignoring their weird notations,
just reading the lists and samples), and they frustrated her, so she tried
sometimes and said no sometimes, and I didn't press. I kept her busy and
distracted and read to her when necessary and gradually (kind of suddenly, but
gradually within that few months) it came together for her.

I don't think the books helped except to show her that reading lesson books
aren't magic nor even very sensible things.

My advice is get that book if he seems interested, make lists of the words he
DOES know (maybe put them on 3x5 cards) and as he sees how many he does know,
he might feel better. MAYBE (if he's interested) you could put similar
words on the back of the words he knows for sure.

We had some cards sometimes for Kirby and Marty (we'd lose them and find them
again, or use them for other things and make new ones--not too focussed on
that front), like eight or ten cards, no big deal. But if, for example, you
have a dog named Flipper (we used to) maybe you could put on the back of that
other words (not ALL of them, but a few) like sipper, skipper, zipper.

And maybe read to him what Carol Rice wrote about her son Liam, which is here:

http://sandradodd.com/reading

Kathy Culwell

> My always been unschooled son is quite upset at his inability to read. He
> will be 11 in August.
>
> For two reasons- he wants to read stuff, and people's attitudes (why can't
> you read?)
>
> I keep saying- "it is ok, lots of kids learn to read later...", "you have
> been learning tons of other things...."
>
> I know what it is like when he is relaxed and excited about something and
> expanding his horizons. He is not relaxed and excited about this. He
feels
> it is really hard and he is worried he won't be able to do it. I say,
"just
> give yourself a break- one day it will feel easy..". I feel like he reads
a
> lot of stuff already and I tell him that- he says " I just know the SHAPE
or
> font of the word and the context- I cant READ it- I don't know the
letters"
> I say - but that IS reading...
>
> Anyway.. I would like to hear from people who have had and gotten through
> this situation.
>
I don't know if anyone has posted this but there are a couple of really good
reading
threads at www.unschooling.com in Sandra's folder. They really saved me at
one
time. I found that while I was confident that my children would learn to
read on
their own when they were ready, that they were not so confident. It seemed
almost
impossible for them at times to ever believe that they could learn to read,
it was
much like what a foreign language might look like to an adult. I really
struggled
with protecting them and their self esteem as they get older and realise
other children
their age or younger are reading. I would explain how those children
practiced reading
every day from 5 yrs old on.

I think I can sort of understand where they were
coming from. I know that sometimes when there are things I "think" are
too hard for me or doesn't come naturally or easily, I just don't want to do
or
learn them. Like learning how to run our business if anything every
happened to my
dh. I have a friend who said of course I would and I was absolutely sure
that
I couldn't do it! Then I thought, maybe she is right, maybe I could. Now I
am a
pretty confident person, but there are some real technical, mechanical and
physical aspects of the job that "I think" I would just not "get" (kinda
like how
some folks shut down with "math"). The very idea terrifies me, scares me so
much
I would almost rather give up (the business) than
take a chance and apply myself. And sometimes I think thats where my
children
were with reading.

Once they got that everything they were doing, asking
how to write a word, what sound does this word make, what does this say
were all leading to reading. My dd will be 10 in two weeks and has just in
the
past couple of weeks started to read "pretty well". She is into Calvin and
Hobbes
(purchased on the off chance she might find those more interesting than any
other
story/chapter book we have, and they were). But, she has been wanting to
read
since she was 6! It was not an easy process for her. It was not an
effortless
process for her. My son, who is 8.5 is just now starting to want to read
(since last fall maybe) and getting it much quicker than his sister was at
that
age. My 6 yr old will probably be reading sooner than the first two, he
seems
to have the motivation without the fear or realisation that that is what
other
kids his age are doing. So to make a long story longer, I don't know how
we protect our kids from the self-esteem issues of knowing other kids their
age are reading and its ok for them not to be reading now. Anyone have any
suggestions for that?

One other thing I did tell my son when he was feeling
down about not reading I asked him some questions: does J being able to
read
make him a better cub scout than you? does he say the scouts pledge better
than you? has he earned more awards than you have? does reading make
him a better motorcycle rider than you? etc. etc. that seemed to help him
a lot also.

Kathy

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/26/03 12:06:59 PM, kaculwell@... writes:

<< I don't know how

we protect our kids from the self-esteem issues of knowing other kids their

age are reading and its ok for them not to be reading now. Anyone have any

suggestions for that?>>

I remember saying one day "What can you do better than Kellee can do?"
Holly said "lots of things." So we talked about the things Kellee, who was a
year older and in school, could not do as well as Holly. And I said "Some
day she might catch up with you, and I know someday you will catch up with her
in reading, but I don't know when it will be!"

We talked about people being happy and having fun even if they couldn't walk
yet or couldn't ride a bike yet, or if their moms didn't let them climb trees.
So emphasizing the range of interests and abilities in the kids all around
her, from babies to teens, helped her see them all as individuals instead of
starting to compare kids the same age, school-style.

It helped particularly if there were things in our family in which Marty was
better than Kirby or she was better than one or both of them. Calmed her
right down.




<<One other thing I did tell my son when he was feeling

down about not reading I asked him some questions: does J being able to

read

make him a better cub scout than you? does he say the scouts pledge better

than you? has he earned more awards than you have? does reading make

him a better motorcycle rider than you? etc. etc. that seemed to help him

a lot also.>>

Same deal. Not only was it distracting and reassuring, but it makes the
worried child see what he DOES do, not what he doesn't yet do.

Sandra