Shelley & Donald Wurst

We have reason to believe that Jacob's behavior (at 2 1/2 yrs) falls somewhere on the range of the Autism Spectrum. I'm in the information-gathering stage of researching all this, and have a couple questions that I'm sure some of you dyed-in-the-wool unschoolers will have answers for.

First, I am trying to decide whether or not to pursue an assessment and diagnosis for Jacob. Seems to me the only reason to do this at this point would be to get him into an Early Intervention program. Now, I'm having trouble finding out exactly what is involved in "Early Intervention" -- most of the information I have just says it's "very important" (whatever that means) to a child's future to get diagnosed and started on "Intervention" as early as possible, but nothing seems to go into any detail about what it entails. I was wondering if anybody knows. Seems to me "Early Intervention" is probably not a very unschooling thing to do??

My other concern (and this might not be something anyone here can answer) is that, if I DO pursue a diagnosis, am I legally bound in some way to then enroll him in Early Intervention? Or any other form of "treatment"? I have enough references on the topic of autism to keep me reading for the next 18 years of his life <G>, but haven't come across this sort of information yet. I just want to know what I'm getting us into should I decide to go down that path

I am also looking for information on unschooling children with developmental disorders. Seems to me this would be a natural thing to do with a "unique" child like this, but need some reassurance that I'm making the proper decision in this matter. I was/am firmly commited to unschooling our kids until this came up, and just want to make sure I don't need to think about altering those plans.

I am extremely leary about affixing a "label" to Jacob that he will be stuck with the rest of his life -- he is an amazing and unique individual, and the thought of lumping him under some sort of diagnosis/classification is disturbing to me. But of course I want to do the "right" thing by him, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes ME. I'm just trying to figure out what that "right" thing is.

Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts or information!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
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[email protected]

In a message dated 7/20/2003 12:23:10 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
harvest.moon@... writes:

> I am extremely leary about affixing a "label" to Jacob that he will be
> stuck with the rest of his life -- he is an amazing and unique individual, and
> the thought of lumping him under some sort of diagnosis/classification is
> disturbing to me. But of course I want to do the "right" thing by him, regardless
> of how uncomfortable it makes ME. I'm just trying to figure out what that
> "right" thing is.
>

I wouldn't do it.

Here are some cheery and cheering things to read:

<A HREF="http://sandradodd.com/specialunschooling">http://sandradodd.com/specialunschooling</A>

There's an article there by Anne Ohman, some people's favorite unschooling
inspiration, and someone who's not on this list. There are things by other
unschooling moms too. It's well worth looking there before making any mainstream
"evaluation" decisions!

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shelley & Donald Wurst

>There's an article there by Anne Ohman, some people's favorite unschooling
>inspiration, and someone who's not on this list. There are things by other
>unschooling moms too. It's well worth looking there before making any mainstream
>"evaluation" decisions!

Thanks so much Sandra, this is just the sort of information I'm looking for! Off to read....

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

NHEN.org -- the top menu bar has drop down items - one of them is about
homeschooling special needs kids. Might find some really good
information there.

-pam
On Saturday, July 19, 2003, at 11:24 PM, Shelley & Donald Wurst wrote:

> We have reason to believe that Jacob's behavior (at 2 1/2 yrs) falls
> somewhere on the range of the Autism Spectrum. I'm in the
> information-gathering stage of researching all this, and have a
> couple questions that I'm sure some of you dyed-in-the-wool
> unschoolers will have answers for.
>
> First, I am trying to decide whether or not to pursue an assessment
> and diagnosis for Jacob. Seems to me the only reason to do this at
> this point would be to get him into an Early Intervention program.
> Now, I'm having trouble finding out exactly what is involved in "Early
> Intervention" -- most of the information I have just says it's "very
> important" (whatever that means) to a child's future to get diagnosed
> and started on "Intervention" as early as possible, but nothing seems
> to go into any detail about what it entails. I was wondering if
> anybody knows. Seems to me "Early Intervention" is probably not a
> very unschooling thing to do??
>
> My other concern (and this might not be something anyone here can
> answer) is that, if I DO pursue a diagnosis, am I legally bound in
> some way to then enroll him in Early Intervention? Or any other form
> of "treatment"? I have enough references on the topic of autism to
> keep me reading for the next 18 years of his life <G>, but haven't
> come across this sort of information yet. I just want to know what
> I'm getting us into should I decide to go down that path
>
> I am also looking for information on unschooling children with
> developmental disorders. Seems to me this would be a natural thing to
> do with a "unique" child like this, but need some reassurance that I'm
> making the proper decision in this matter. I was/am firmly commited
> to unschooling our kids until this came up, and just want to make sure
> I don't need to think about altering those plans.
>
> I am extremely leary about affixing a "label" to Jacob that he will be
> stuck with the rest of his life -- he is an amazing and unique
> individual, and the thought of lumping him under some sort of
> diagnosis/classification is disturbing to me. But of course I want to
> do the "right" thing by him, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes
> ME. I'm just trying to figure out what that "right" thing is.
>
> Thanks to anyone willing to share their thoughts or information!
>
> --Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 mos)
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
> Working Rough and Smooth Collies
> www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
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> -
>
>
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[email protected]

Shelly,

I forwarded your email on to Anne Ohman---you should be hearing from her
soon!

~Kelly

Fetteroll

In a message dated 7/20/2003 12:23:10 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
harvest.moon@... writes:

> Seems to me the only reason to do this at this point would be to get him into
> an Early Intervention program. Now, I'm having trouble finding out exactly
> what is involved in "Early Intervention" -- most of the information I have
> just says it's "very important" (whatever that means) to a child's future to
> get diagnosed and started on "Intervention" as early as possible, but nothing
> seems to go into any detail about what it entails.

Even more important than what's involved is what its intent is.

The intent is to prepare kids for the environment of school.

What they do in Early Intervention may sound like reasonable skills for
anyone to have, like responding when spoken to for instance. But the intent
is to make the kids less of a problem in a classroom. I'm sure the people
running the programs are absolutely convinced the intent is to help the
children. But since they're certain that school is the only way for people
to succeed, being trained to learn in a school setting *is* (from that
mindset) helping the children. So, ultimately the purpose is to help the
teachers so the kids aren't disruptive.

As much as institutions are certain they know what children need, they
really only know what children who are or will be in school need. To society
the two are one in the same since basically every child who breathes will go
to school. But since in reality the two are not the same, everything that
institutions say is necessary for kids needs to be questioned.

> My other concern (and this might not be something anyone here can answer) is
> that, if I DO pursue a diagnosis, am I legally bound in some way to then
> enroll him in Early Intervention?

That may depend on your state.

> I am also looking for information on unschooling children with developmental
> disorders.

There's a very good folder on the Unschooling.com message boards about
unschooling and special needs. Go to
http://www.unschooling.com/cgi/discus/board-newmessages.cgi. Pull down the
top menu to Unschooling and Special Needs Kids. Click on the radio button
next to "Messages posted within the last" and fill in a number of days (9999
will get you all of them though it will take 3 or 4 minutes to display
them.) Lots of stuff in the archives and lots of new stuff. And Anne Ohman's
there. :-)

Joyce

Kelly Lenhart

> Now, I'm having trouble finding out exactly what is involved in "Early
Intervention" -- most of the >information I have just says it's "very
important" (whatever that means) to a child's future to get >diagnosed and
started on "Intervention" as early as possible, but nothing seems to go into
any detail >about what it entails. I was wondering if anybody knows. Seems
to me "Early Intervention" is >probably not a very unschooling thing to do??

I have two very good friends who have been through this and intervention has
made AMAZING differences.

The thing to remember is that learning things that will help your child
doesn't mean they have to be done in sterile medical or schooly settings.
Therapy at this age is very play oriented, but it's play with a direction.
And what it does for kids on the autism spectrum is re-configure the brain
wiring (ok, that's this AMAZINGLY SHORTHAND version) so that the stuff
non-autistic kids just 'get" can come in.

You are helping their brains to GET unschooling. Same as if you gave them
insulin so their bodies GOT the right sugar levels.

As for labels, I've always felt that have as much power as we give them. If
you were putting him in a school setting, they'd have more power because all
the other people who deal with him would get to add their "power" to it. If
that makes sense. But if you get some diagnosis, have a therapist or two
and then you and your family--whose power is doing the work?

Hope that paragraph makes sense.

As for the "locked into Intervention?" That I don't know. I'm going to ask
one of my friends about what she thinks it would have been like for her, if
you don't mind?

Kelly

Shelley & Donald Wurst

Thanks for your input, Kelly!

>Therapy at this age is very play oriented, but it's play with a direction.

It's directing the play that I have a problem with. But I guess I need to decide if that sort of direction is NEEDED or not, rather than whether I'd rather avoid it (which I would). I am naturally suspicious of anything that causes manipulation, no matter how "gentle" or goal oriented.

>And what it does for kids on the autism spectrum is re-configure the brain
>wiring (ok, that's this AMAZINGLY SHORTHAND version) so that the stuff
>non-autistic kids just 'get" can come in.

If I could convince myself this was true, I would definitely go for the Intervention. So, more reading, reading, reading!

>As for labels, I've always felt that have as much power as we give them.

Well, if it were just DH and our sons, this wouldn't be a concern. But there are grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who all have a tremendous role in our kids' lives. Some of whom are going to hold that label over his head. By the same token, those are the same folks whose behavior with him is geared towards an "average" kid and is hence innappropriate for him -- getting a "doctors" diagnosis might go a long way towards helping them understand and interact with him more appropriately. (Of course, they blame his eccentricities on us "sheltering" him -- sigh!) I can see significant plusses and minuses to it.

>As for the "locked into Intervention?" That I don't know. I'm going to ask
>one of my friends about what she thinks it would have been like for her, if
>you don't mind?

That would be awesome, Kelly, thanks!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>What they do in Early Intervention may sound like reasonable skills for
>anyone to have, like responding when spoken to for instance. But the intent
>is to make the kids less of a problem in a classroom.

Thanks, Joyce -- that's my suspicion as well, hence the reason I am leary about it. I'm not entirely sure there's not something to be gained from it as well, or how much flexibility I might have in WHICH areas are covered. But since any manipulation of what comes "naturally" to a child goes against the grain of what I believe about learning, my tendency would be to stay away from it. I just need to make sure my "gut" is telling me the right thing in this situation. It's so reassuring to know that there are others that feel the same way about this stuff!

Thanks for the links, too!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>I forwarded your email on to Anne Ohman---you should be hearing from her
>soon!

Awesome, Kelly! Thanks so much!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>NHEN.org -- the top menu bar has drop down items - one of them is about
>homeschooling special needs kids. Might find some really good
>information there.

Thanks, Pam! Eating up all the info I can....

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Deniz Martinez

Just a quick word of advice here (my apologies if this has already
been covered):

If you do decide for whatever reason to have your child
professionally evaluated, get him tested PRIVATELY. DON'T go through
any program offered by the local school district or Intermediate
Unit, because in many states (such as here in PA) having your child
labeled as "special needs" will indeed place additional restrictions
on your homeschooling.

Cheers,
Deniz

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/20/2003 11:20:22 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
denizmartinez@... writes:


> If you do decide for whatever reason to have your child
> professionally evaluated, get him tested PRIVATELY. DON'T go through
> any program offered by the local school district or Intermediate
> Unit, because in many states (such as here in PA) having your child
> labeled as "special needs" will indeed place additional restrictions
> on your homeschooling.
>

Yeah---in SC, they're considereed "at risk"---but then again, so are ALL
homeschoolers! <G>

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**Well, if it were just DH and our sons, this wouldn't be a concern. But
there are grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who all have a
tremendous role in our kids' lives. Some of whom are going to hold that
label over his head. By the same token, those are the same folks whose
behavior with him is geared towards an "average" kid and is hence
innappropriate for him -- getting a "doctors" diagnosis might go a long
way towards helping them understand and interact with him more
appropriately. (Of course, they blame his eccentricities on us
"sheltering" him -- sigh!) I can see significant plusses and minuses to it.**

I suggest you don't tell them the label. Somehow.

Betsy

Tia Leschke

> **Well, if it were just DH and our sons, this wouldn't be a concern. But
> there are grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who all have a
> tremendous role in our kids' lives. Some of whom are going to hold that
> label over his head. By the same token, those are the same folks whose
> behavior with him is geared towards an "average" kid and is hence
> innappropriate for him -- getting a "doctors" diagnosis might go a long
> way towards helping them understand and interact with him more
> appropriately. (Of course, they blame his eccentricities on us
> "sheltering" him -- sigh!) I can see significant plusses and minuses to
it.**
>
> I suggest you don't tell them the label. Somehow.

Maybe tell them that his doctor says he needs to be handled in certain ways,
without mentioning the diagnosis. That way they know that you're "on it"
They know there's a doctor following him. They're more likely to do things
the way a doctor says than just what the parents say. (sad but often true)
But you don't give them a label for him.

Another thing you might want to do is read Sonrise, and check into the
institute that those parents formed. Your son may not be as severely
autistic as their boy was, but some of what they did with their might be
just the kind intervention your son needs. For those who haven't read the
book, the parents basically "went into" their son's world, in a sense
validating his way of being, rather than trying to drag him into their
world. Must have worked, as the boy apparently went on to do well in
school, etc. (Not my favourite measure of doing well, but it was the
measure that was important to them.)
Tia


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

> Betsy
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 7/20/2003 12:40:40 PM Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:

> >If you do decide for whatever reason to have your child
> >professionally evaluated, get him tested PRIVATELY. DON'T go through
> >any program offered by the local school district or Intermediate
> >Unit, because in many states (such as here in PA) having your child
> >labeled as "special needs" will indeed place additional restrictions
> >on your homeschooling.

Very good advice! I really regret ever allowing the school system to label
my child. First they demand that he learn to read before he's ready, then they
convince them he can't read due to some innate disability that doesn't exist,
then they get extra money for keeping him illiterate! BTW, do you know any
special ed teachers in PA who will approve objectives? (I wrote to Cheryl
Momaney, but have not heard back, and we're running out of time.) I would really
appreciate it if you knew anyone.


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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>If you do decide for whatever reason to have your child
>professionally evaluated, get him tested PRIVATELY. DON'T go through
>any program offered by the local school district or Intermediate
>Unit, because in many states (such as here in PA) having your child
>labeled as "special needs" will indeed place additional restrictions
>on your homeschooling.

Thanks very much for the warning, Deniz!! Tho we've pretty much decided not to seek a diagnosis (at least at this time), this is something we will keep in mind for the future.

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shelley & Donald Wurst

>Maybe tell them that his doctor says he needs to be handled in certain ways,
>without mentioning the diagnosis. That way they know that you're "on it"
>They know there's a doctor following him. They're more likely to do things
>the way a doctor says than just what the parents say. (sad but often true)
>But you don't give them a label for him.

Tia, this is excellent advice! Thank you very much!

>Another thing you might want to do is read Sonrise

Thanks, I'll put it on my "to read" list (which is getting REALLY long!! :-)

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>I really regret ever allowing the school system to label
>my child.

Thanks for the perspective!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
------------------------------------------------------------------------


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AnneO

Hey, everyone!

Shelley, Kelly forwarded your message to me, and I want to apologize
ahead of time for not taking the time to read the wonderful responses
you've already received, and I'm probably going to be repeating some
of their thoughts...but I just wanted to give you my thoughts.

>>>I'm having trouble finding out exactly what is involved in "Early
Intervention" -- most of the information I have just says it's "very
important" (whatever that means) to a child's future to get diagnosed
and started on "Intervention" as early as possible, but nothing seems
to go into any detail about what it entails.<<<

Most *experts* might say that preschool and school (and in some
cases, even daycare) are VERY IMPORTANT to a child's future. As
unschoolers, we're learning how to listen to our own hearts, and see
what is right for our children and for our families, and tuning out
those background noises in our minds that are from all of the
*experts.*

Shelley ~ my only concern with getting a diagnosis is not how other
people will feel about your Jacob, but how he will feel about
himself.

My own child was always unique and non-traditional, but because he
was always celebrated and honored for being exactly Who He Is, he had
no labels attached to his heart. He's always been comfortable with
being unique, and never had any thought that there may be something
wrong with him that needed to be fixed.

But I guess the answer lies within how far on the spectrum your son
is.

What are his *traits* that are of concern to you, Shelley? Sometimes
if you just learn about ways you can help your child yourself, then
that is sufficient. I found a lot of good information in the
book "The Out of Sync Child" and "The Highly Sensitive Child." It's
because of the latter book that I no longer feel my child is on the
autistic spectrum.

>> I am also looking for information on unschooling children with
developmental disorders. Seems to me this would be a natural thing
to do with a "unique" child like this, but need some reassurance that
I'm making the proper decision in this matter. I was/am firmly
commited to unschooling our kids until this came up, and just want to
make sure I don't need to think about altering those plans.<<<

Once again, Shelley, my Jake has always been unschooled (he's almost
13), and it is the best label-free life for any unique child. They
are free to be Who They Are, without anyone telling them they have to
be like all the other kids. They can follow their hearts and their
passions without control or intervention or direction from others
telling them not to listen to their hearts.

I have an article that Sandra kindly has on her website (it's
entitled "I Am What I Am"):

http://sandradodd.com/special/anne

And I'll be talking about this at the South Carolina conference? Are
you coming?? ;-)

>> I am extremely leary about affixing a "label" to Jacob that he
will be stuck with the rest of his life -- he is an amazing and
unique individual, and the thought of lumping him under some sort of
diagnosis/classification is disturbing to me. But of course I want
to do the "right" thing by him, regardless of how uncomfortable it
makes ME. I'm just trying to figure out what that "right" thing
is.>>>

You're listening to your heart, Shelley. Thank you. Thank you for
seeing your child as the amazing and unique person that he is. He
needs you to do that for him for his entire life, because there will
be enough people out there giving him the message that he's less than
Whole.

That's why I don't believe in adding to that message with a diagnosis
(again, unless he is absolutely in need of some intervention, but,
again, that may be obtained just by reading about Sensory Integration
Dysfunction, as all children on the autism spectrum has Sensory
Integration Dysfunction...and you could even get an occupational
therapist for his sensory integration dysfunction challenges if
absolutely necessary...).

Your heart is telling you to continue to Honor your child for Who He
Is. I think it's the right step for today.

If you'd like to talk more about what specific concerns you have
about Jacob's traits, I'd be happy to respond more. I'll put this
list on individual e-mails and only read the ones with the subject
title "autism spectrum disorders."

Be Well ~
Anne

Shelley & Donald Wurst

Anne, thank you so much for your response!

I've always known that Jacob was a unique child, since he was born even, he just seemed to respond to the world differently than other kids. This has become more evident as he's gotten older (he's only 2 1/2 now). Tho I knew there were differences, I hadn't considered that there as anything "wrong" with him until a friend suggested I read a Screeening for Austistic Symptoms in Toddlers (she suspected he may fall on the spectrum somewhere). I thought, no, that can't be, but read through the screening anyway, and found I was answering "yes" to far more questions than I was answering "no" to. So I read and read and read, and discussed with my husband, and we've come to the conclussion that he does in deed seem to fit into this "category" of individuals. The most telling thing to us was visiting some Autism/Asperger's discussion boards and suddenly, after never knowing a single other child like Jacob, we were reading about a lot of kids JUST LIKE HIM.

Here's sort of a laundry list of his "suspect" behaviors: (We of course think these are an expression of his unique way of viewing the world and expressing himself! :-)

--he is non-conversational: although he chats all the time, what he is doing is reciting lines from book and video (which he does all day long, mostly to himself, but to trusted others as well).
--he is obsessed with certain topics, especially letters and numbers -- he knew the entire alphabet at about 18 mos, could count to 100 by his 2nd birthday. He is currently teaching himself to read.
--he has "rules" about play that must be followed or else a tantrum ensues
--he has a very self-restricted diet, and refuses to try new foods
--he will not allow anyone but immediate family a a few trusted others to touch him
--he shies away from contact with other children
--he avoids eye contact with anyone he doesn't know (and even a lot of people he does know)
--he prefers to play by himself
--he uses our hands as "tools" to pick up things he wants
--he has an amazing photographic memory -- he seems to remember everything he is exposed to instantly and can recite lines from TV shows he's only seen once, and can recite a book after it's been read to him just one time
--he does not use pronouns in his speech
--he is unable to answer questions unless they are yes or no questions, and echoes back the question as well as the yes or no answer
--he has an AMAZING attention span -- will repeat the same puzzle/book/task over and over and over again for hours sometimes.

>I found a lot of good information in the
>book "The Out of Sync Child" and "The Highly Sensitive Child." It's
>because of the latter book that I no longer feel my child is on the
>autistic spectrum.

I read "the Highly Sensitive Child" a couple months ago, and agree that some of it sounded pretty similar. But it wasn't until I started reading up on Apserger's Syndrome that I felt "AHA! That's him!" I think he IS Highly Sensitive also, but I guess that would sort of go hand-in-hand anyway.

>Once again, Shelley, my Jake has always been unschooled (he's almost
>13), and it is the best label-free life for any unique child.

Thanks, Anne, that is exactly the kind of experience I am looking to read about!

>I have an article that Sandra kindly has on her website (it's
>entitled "I Am What I Am"):

:-) Sandra directed me to your excellent article -- it helped my DH and I both to see that following our heart and avoiding that label is going to be the best thing for us, so THANK YOU! My DH is also finally convinced that unschooling is the way to go with our kids (he wasn't completely on-board with that decision when I first broached the topic with him a couple years ago) -- now that he sees how the public school (or any "school" system) would be a disaster for Jacob, he can see this is the best course to take.

>And I'll be talking about this at the South Carolina conference? Are
>you coming?? ;-)

Oh I wish! We have a small farm, and can't be away from it for a length of time like that. Will be going to MA next year, tho, as we live nearby.

>That's why I don't believe in adding to that message with a diagnosis

Thank you for reassuring us about the decision we made this weekend -- which is to not seek out a diagnosis (at least not right now). We are going to start a gluten free/casein free diet with him (and us!), and let him continue to learn and develop at HIS pace. I don't feel that his development has stalled, it just seems to be a little slower than most kids -- I've never seen any huge change in his personality or behavior. He's the same child I gave birth too -- just a little different than the average Joe, that's all. I think his brain is so full of other things that the developmental stuff just needs time for it to make room for it. I see him hitting his milestones, just not on the same time table as every other kid. Yesterday he used his first pro-noun, and spoke his first complicated sentence, and the first thing that I would consider to be "conversational". (We were joking around, he was calling me Daddy to be silly, I was calling him Linus, his cat's name. He was laughing and laughing and then said "No Linus. My name is Jacob.") That confirmed to us that he'll get where he needs to be, he's just going to do it on "Jacob time". And I don't feel that I have the right to interfere -- I trust that his brain knows what it's doing, and I don't want to stand in the way of it figuring things out in the manner that is best for him.

Again, thanks so much for responding, Anne. DH and I appreciate your expertise and experience!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
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Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
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Anne Ohman

Hi Shelley.

***Here's sort of a laundry list of his "suspect" behaviors: (We of course
think these are an expression of his unique way of viewing the world and
expressing himself! :-)

--he is non-conversational: although he chats all the time, what he is doing
is reciting lines from book and video (which he does all day long, mostly to
himself, but to trusted others as well).
--he is obsessed with certain topics, especially letters and numbers -- he
knew the entire alphabet at about 18 mos, could count to 100 by his 2nd
birthday. He is currently teaching himself to read.
--he has "rules" about play that must be followed or else a tantrum ensues
--he has a very self-restricted diet, and refuses to try new foods
--he will not allow anyone but immediate family a a few trusted others to
touch him
--he shies away from contact with other children
--he avoids eye contact with anyone he doesn't know (and even a lot of
people he does know)
--he prefers to play by himself
--he uses our hands as "tools" to pick up things he wants
--he has an amazing photographic memory -- he seems to remember everything
he is exposed to instantly and can recite lines from TV shows he's only seen
once, and can recite a book after it's been read to him just one time
--he does not use pronouns in his speech
--he is unable to answer questions unless they are yes or no questions, and
echoes back the question as well as the yes or no answer
--he has an AMAZING attention span -- will repeat the same puzzle/book/task
over and over and over again for hours sometimes.***

He sounds so wonderful, Shelley. I wish I could meet him.

I agree that he sounds on the spectrum, along the Asperger lines.

Have you read Tony Attwood's paper, Discovery of Aspie Criteria. It's a
beautiful paper: http://www.tonyattwood.com/paper4.htm

I once wrote to Tony Attwood and told him that I thought he was doing a
disservice by not recommending homeschooling for Asperger's children, except
as a last resort. He basically told me that he does strongly believe in
homeschooling the Asperger's child, but he has to connect with the majority
of the population, and he believes that it's not a feasible option for most
people. Sad. I know for a fact it would save their lives. Especially in
the confusing teen years.

I have a friend who introduced me to her child, and I knew immediately that
he was an Aspie. He took my hand and led me to an engine exhibit (we were
in the library), and told me all about the engines that were on display. My
friend was amazed. She said he has never done that to anyone before, never
opened up and been so comfortable with a stranger. I think this child could
feel my energy and he understood that I thought he was amazing BECAUSE of
his unique gifts, not in spite of them. He knew and felt that I honored him
and he felt at home with that, even though he'd never met me before.


***I think his brain is so full of other things that the developmental stuff
just needs time for it to make room for it.***

I love your perception of your child. He is blessed to have you. This is
how I always saw my child. I trusted that his body would catch up with his
brain some day!

***I trust that his brain knows what it's doing, and I don't want to stand
in the way of it figuring things out in the manner that is best for him.***

I love this, too.

I also want to suggest that you stay mindful of the fact that you can help
in little ways throughout the course of his day. You're doing the most
wonderful thing by allowing him to Shine and Bless the Universe with his
gifts, gifts that only he can bring to the earth. But just also stay
mindful of the things that he needs to feel Safe and Secure, and honoring
those things about him will help him to continue to Shine. Those places in
his life in which he feels safe, go into those places with him. Explore how
he sees things in his mind, and in his heart. Share his world with him, and
this will help him to feel safe and secure to come out of his world and take
part in the bigger world.

His perception of the world originates through your eyes. Help him to
understand the world outside of himself. Help it to be a safe, loving place
Know that it is hugely beneficial for you to put forth the effort to
explain things to your child that you assume other people would understand
about the world and life. Talk about everything, even though he may not
respond to it. Discuss everything.

Shelley, does Jacob, himself, feel frustrated with any of his challenges?

Continue to let him Shine in your eyes and your heart, and all will be well.
One day at a time. For today, all is well exactly as it is.

Be Well ~
Anne

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

**--he is non-conversational: although he chats all the time, what he is
doing is reciting lines from book and video (which he does all day long, mostly to
himself, but to trusted others as well)**

You might find the 4 articles listed on the following page helpful to you.
They're written by Kandie Demarest (who has also written for HEM) about her
efforts to help her son Jackson learn conversational skills, and how she used his
interest in her computer, video games, and videos, to guide him.

http://www.lessontutor.com/kdhome.html

Shelley & Donald Wurst

>He sounds so wonderful, Shelley. I wish I could meet him.

:-) He is! Thanks so much, Anne, for providing just the kind of support I was hoping to find!

>Have you read Tony Attwood's paper, Discovery of Aspie Criteria

I LOVED this! Thank you for pointing me towards it!

>I think this child could
>feel my energy and he understood that I thought he was amazing BECAUSE of
>his unique gifts, not in spite of them. He knew and felt that I honored him
>and he felt at home with that, even though he'd never met me before.

This is SO cool! Jacob's in a Kindermusik class, and we are so lucky that the instructor really "gets" him, and loves him for all of his wonderful quirks without trying to suggest that he's anything but absolutely fabulous. Music is definitely one of the MANY areas where he shines! :-) (LOVE that term -- SHINE -- so appropriate!)

>Share his world with him, and
>this will help him to feel safe and secure to come out of his world and take
>part in the bigger world.

This thought gives me much to think about, thank you for sharing it with me!

>Know that it is hugely beneficial for you to put forth the effort to
>explain things to your child that you assume other people would understand
>about the world and life. Talk about everything, even though he may not
>respond to it. Discuss everything.

Thanks, that's just what we do. I ask his opinion about everything, even when I know there will be no opinion coming. (But if I word it as a yes or no question, like "shall we go to the market?", I can almost always get a response, and it's fortuantely usually a yes.) I also listen carefully if he's strongly opposed to anything -- for instance, we stopped at a small demonstration farm because he very much enjoys animals. There was a rooster crowing, so he didn't want to enter the barnyard (he is bothered by loud noises). So we didn't go in -- we walked along the fence and pointed out the horses and cows and llamas instead. From that distance he could quite enjoy the animals -- if I had forced the issue and made him go inside, maybe he would have had fun, but I didn't think it was worth risking his trust.

>Shelley, does Jacob, himself, feel frustrated with any of his challenges?

Sometimes he does, particularly when his mind is so far ahead of his physical capabilities that he can't complete tasks he wants to. For instance, he went thru a phase when he was around a year old where he wanted to stack blocks 5 to 8 blocks high. His physical coordination wasn't such that he could do that without kocking them down before he reached the height he wanted to, and we had many tears and frustration. DH wanted to put the blocks away to prevent him from getting so frustrated, but I decided that helping him be successful would be a better approach, so I showed him how to build the blocks against a wall -- that way they only could fall over in a couple directions instead of all around, and he was successful at least part of the time. Within a few months, his dexterity caught up to his stacking desires and he was able to stack blocks wherever he wanted. He worked on block stacking for hours on end every day to get to that point, it was amazing to watch!

I love the way he takes on challenges like that -- if he decides he wants to do something he practices until it's perfect. A lot of frustration is often involved in the process, but his determination is absolutely awe inspiring. We spent a couple of hours at the playground the other day learning to climb a ladder. He saw another kid about his size do it, and decided he had to "own" that activity as well. At first I had to hold him while he practiced moving his legs up the rungs (something we've been doing for a long time). Then he started holding on with his hands and "climbing" with them too (with me still holding on). He finally got coordinated enough to really climb the ladder on his own, but we had a whole bunch of steps in weaning him off of needing my help -- first I had to hold him the whole way, then just a hand on his butt, then just a hand for the last couple rungs, then just standing nearby. By the end of those 2 hours, parents who had come to the playground after he mastered his new climbing skill commented on how good he was at that for his age!

Sorry, I'm rambling, but get me going on my favorite topic....<G>. Thanks for letting me share how special Jacob is with you! I just know, watching him master challenges in his own way, that he's going to be just fine no matter what challenges lay in his future. I'll help him when he needs and wants it!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
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Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
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Shelley & Donald Wurst

>You might find the 4 articles listed on the following page helpful to you.
>They're written by Kandie Demarest (who has also written for HEM) about her
>efforts to help her son Jackson learn conversational skills, and how she used his
>interest in her computer, video games, and videos, to guide him.

Oh, thanks! Interesting reading!

--Shelley, Mommy to Jacob (2 1/2 yrs) and Gabriel (4 1/2 mos)
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Harvest Moon -- harvest.moon@...
Working Rough and Smooth Collies
www.geocities.com/harvestmooncollies
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AnneO

"Shelley & Donald Wurst" <harvest.moon@r...> wrote:
>>A lot of frustration is often involved in the process, but his
determination is absolutely awe inspiring.<<

It's such a contradiction, isn't it? Their perfect expectations of
themselves, and their actual physical ability. I have learned so
much about the human spirit from my child. It is difficult to watch
them be so frustrated, but I also want to reassure you that it does
get easier as they get older and they do catch up ~ and they learn so
much from their frustrating and challenging times.

For so many years, my Jake wanted to draw Pokemon characters. He'd
pick up colored pencils and get so frustrated that what was coming
out of his hands wasn't matching what was in his head. I remembered
reading about working with clay, so we bought some sculpey in the
colors of the characters he wanted to make. He was AMAZING with the
sculpey. He re-created Pokemon characters perfectly, and found great
satisfaction with the process, too.

After a couple of years, he tried drawing again, and because of time
and I believe because of his clay *therapy*, he was able to draw what
was in his mind. He is a good artist now, and he draws his own comic
strips, along with still drawing those Pokemon!

>> Sorry, I'm rambling, but get me going on my favorite topic....<G>.
Thanks for letting me share how special Jacob is with you! I just
know, watching him master challenges in his own way, that he's going
to be just fine no matter what challenges lay in his future. I'll
help him when he needs and wants it!<<

Jacob is blessed to have you, and to be on this unschooling journey
with you. Thank you for finding the best way to let him Shine, and
to allow his Light to bless the entire universe.

Be Well ~
Anne