Kelli Traaseth

Thanks Pam for sharing this, I'm late in getting this out. I think its helpful for people to see how a transformation can take place.

Your transformation/experience in "getting" unschooling is similar to mine. I read and read and read, oh did I say that I read? <g> It just clicked. Made soo much sense to me.

**What got me to this
place was that there were people way out ahead of me - shining a light
and beckoning and giving me real clear no-nonsense uncluttered
direction.**

I think that light was shining brightly for me also! Right here at unschooling.com and Sandra's web site.


But then,,instead of sitting and thinking about these "dangerous thoughts"--- I just jumped in, head first, no looking back. Which sometimes can be quite a shock for some..my dh especially. I look back now and wonder if I was too impulsive, too brash?

Nahhhh, I did my research, my reading and you know what? In my heart I knew that I was doing the right thing. How could it be wrong?

My kids have loved the change, its been over a year now and I'm so glad that it wasn't a shock to them. I know others have said that some kids have had a hard time with the change. Mine have not. Maybe its an age thing, mine are still quite young, 10, 8 and 6. Maybe its a personality thing. Maybe we rode the tide of change together, so it was OK. We talk alot, maybe that's it? I don't know.

I guess to me as long as we listen to our children and figure out what they need and like, it can't be bad. If a child wants some structure, we can help them find it. If a child wants freedom its there.

Its interesting the way change takes place in peoples lives.

Thanks again for your post!

Kelli~
----- Original Message -----
From: Pamela Sorooshian
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2003 1:16 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-Discussion] Re: List Changes and Additions



On Tuesday, July 1, 2003, at 06:35 AM, grlynbl@... wrote:

> No, I only asked because.. well, I think I stated the reasons I asked
> in my
> original post. I just meant, if you are a close, personal friend
> with someone
> in real life, its much easier to "know" and understand thier
> communications
> online.

This discussion got me thinking about how I got started down this
unschooling road and what really helped me. Although I'd been enamored
of Summerhill and the free school movement way back in the late 60's, I
first read about unschooling on the AOL message boards. I was a quick
study - the minute I read the first few posts I was hooked and I
immediately ordered every back issue of Growing Without Schooling - and
read every one of John Holt's books and reread Summerville (having read
it as a college student) and so on. I was thrilled with the whole
concept of unschooling. Still, I had hang-ups. I was very very
"well-schooled" and it was scary to think of not guiding my children
along that same path of straight "A's" and honor societies and teacher
recommendations, etc. My own self-esteem was very wrapped up in my
school successes and degrees and professional life and I was afraid not
to push my children in that same direction.

I asked a lot of questions. I got a lot of answers that varied from
"take it one step at a time" to "you can't unschool part time, it is
all or nothing." I confess I got a THRILL from the radical unschooling
answers. The more firm and blunt and clear, the better. I absolutely
needed the uncluttered-with-caveats and apology-free absolutist kinds
of statements that I heard from a number of people, but most especially
from Sandra. Anything less than that created more clutter in my
already-teeming brain. I was trying desperately to come to the most
important decision in my life (and, yes, that is how I DID think of
education - the MOST important decision) and I didn't need to be
coddled and I didn't want to hear watered-down ideas, I wanted straight
talk and nothing less. I skimmed over the posts that told me that
whatever worked for my family was what I should do. It was just a kind
of feel-good, everybody is okay, nonsense that said nothing and didn't
help me at all. I soon learned which posters would answer my questions
with concrete real solid-thinking advice and information and principles
and ideals and who would just say, "Whatever" (except, unfortunately,
they'd say it at great length). I skipped the "Whatevers" and avidly
read (and reread) the hard-hitting stuff.

Then there was a conference scheduled in my neck of the woods (Los
Angeles area) and Sandra was going to speak at it. I bravely wrote to
her offlist and offered to pick her up at the airport and take her to
her hotel. She seemed a bit taken aback, but she let me do it and I got
to meet her and her family. We continued, over the years, to find ways
to meet in person and we have become good friends. The first time I
heard Sandra speak, she talked about "thinking dangerous thoughts."
This was EXACTLY what I was struggling with. I had all these radical
scary dangerous ideas now filling my head and I was a bit paralyzed,
mentally, because I had some real decisions to make. Sandra said, "If
you're really afraid, duct-tape yourself to a chair or get a spotter
and just sit there and think all the dangerous thoughts you want. When
you're done, you'll still be sitting in that chair and you can, if you
want to, get up and live your life as if none of those thoughts had
ever existed."

I was electrified. It hit me that I could just do it - just think as
radically and extremely as I could possibly manage - and that it didn't
mean I was stuck or that I had to actually DO anything. I just needed
to stop worrying and really open up and think. It changed my life. It
was absolutely the right thing for someone to say at absolutely the
right time. I thought, honestly, about what my schooling had really
done to me. I thought about how superficial my experience had been -
high school, college, and grad school. I thought about how unrewarding
my career really was, how I felt like I was doing nothing worthwhile,
just earning money. I thought about what I'd been like as a toddler and
preschool-age kid - how learning had been so exciting and how I'd been
so passionate and enthusiastic about everything. I thought about how
I'd lost that and how that was really, ultimately, losing out on loving
life itself.

I literally sat, in a chair, and did nothing but urge myself on -
trying, on purpose, to think things that were difficult for me. (No, I
didn't duct-tape myself to the chair - I didn't need to, I got the
point.) If I started to feel uncomfortable about something I was
considering, I'd force myself to think even more about it, not to shy
away from it.

I am now as confident in unschooling as I am confident that I live in
California and have three daughters and a husband and am sitting here
typing on a nice new iBook. In other words, I have absolutely no doubts
about unschooling. Unschooling is as natural to me now as eating and
sleeping.

I didn't get to this place of confidence overnight. What got me to this
place was that there were people way out ahead of me - shining a light
and beckoning and giving me real clear no-nonsense uncluttered
direction. If they'd met me where I was - we'd all still be there.

Yes, Sandra is now a dear friend of mine and I adore her and owe her
more than I'll ever be able to repay. There are also a lot of other
people who were down there at the end of the unschooling road urging me
on and some of you are here and remember me then and know how far I've
come! All the time I was devouring every word they wrote, there were
people nitpicking and criticizing their posting style and their tone
and saying they should be more gentle, etc. That they just kept going
and helping and were tireless in answering questions with infinite
patience and stamina and are STILL doing it today - is an amazing
testimony to their good-heartedness and, mostly, to how much they
deeply care about children. My kids are lucky that they know Sandra
and, believe me, they know that the magical life they lead is largely
due to her influence. They love her as much as I do. I hope that every
mom who is just starting out considering homeschooling gets as lucky as
I did and finds their path lit as brightly as mine was.

pam sorooshian



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