leaving children, again
Alan & Brenda Leonard
I have a question for folks about leaving kids with people they don't know
or hardly know. What do you do when you're on the receiving end of that?
A neighbor dumped her kids here yesterday, and it was hard for them. It was
an emergency, in Mom's mind, but it was someone else's emergency, and she
didn't really HAVE to go. So first, I felt like she chose to stick her kids
anywhere to deal with something that wasn't her problem in the first place.
But her two year old was truly freaked out; she's seen me on the playground
between our buildings, of course, but never been to my house. She cried and
cried, but when I phoned up the Mom, her attitude was pretty much "so what?"
I hated to say no, in the sense that I know she'll just find somebody else,
and that's not really any better a situation. At least here, I know that
I'm not going to smack her and tell her to shut up, as several other folks
in this place are prone to doing. So maybe here is better.
But what do you do when you're the "unknown" caregiver? Do you say
something to the parents? How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?
brenda
or hardly know. What do you do when you're on the receiving end of that?
A neighbor dumped her kids here yesterday, and it was hard for them. It was
an emergency, in Mom's mind, but it was someone else's emergency, and she
didn't really HAVE to go. So first, I felt like she chose to stick her kids
anywhere to deal with something that wasn't her problem in the first place.
But her two year old was truly freaked out; she's seen me on the playground
between our buildings, of course, but never been to my house. She cried and
cried, but when I phoned up the Mom, her attitude was pretty much "so what?"
I hated to say no, in the sense that I know she'll just find somebody else,
and that's not really any better a situation. At least here, I know that
I'm not going to smack her and tell her to shut up, as several other folks
in this place are prone to doing. So maybe here is better.
But what do you do when you're the "unknown" caregiver? Do you say
something to the parents? How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?
brenda
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/6/03 1:52:14 PM, abtleo@... writes:
<< How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life? >>
When she returns all dramatically exhausted from fixing the other person's
problems, maybe you could gaze steadily at her without wavering and when she
pauses say "I wonder if her mother used to leave her to cry for hours instead of
paying attention to her when she was a little? Maybe that's why her life is
so difficult today."
Sandra
<< How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life? >>
When she returns all dramatically exhausted from fixing the other person's
problems, maybe you could gaze steadily at her without wavering and when she
pauses say "I wonder if her mother used to leave her to cry for hours instead of
paying attention to her when she was a little? Maybe that's why her life is
so difficult today."
Sandra
Mary
From: "Alan & Brenda Leonard" <abtleo@...>
<<But what do you do when you're the "unknown" caregiver? Do you say
something to the parents? How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?>>
I'm not sure you can tactfully tell her. And I'm also not sure she would
listen. At least probably not hear what you are saying. You could really try
and possibly piss her off and never have to watch her kids again. Sounds
like you think maybe that's not a good thing either. You sound like you care
for her kids and would rather have them with you than who knows who else. If
that's the case, you can be a supportive and be a very positive influence on
those children. Possibly making a difference in their lives they will never
forget. That would be a very good thing.
Mary B
<<But what do you do when you're the "unknown" caregiver? Do you say
something to the parents? How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?>>
I'm not sure you can tactfully tell her. And I'm also not sure she would
listen. At least probably not hear what you are saying. You could really try
and possibly piss her off and never have to watch her kids again. Sounds
like you think maybe that's not a good thing either. You sound like you care
for her kids and would rather have them with you than who knows who else. If
that's the case, you can be a supportive and be a very positive influence on
those children. Possibly making a difference in their lives they will never
forget. That would be a very good thing.
Mary B
Alan & Brenda Leonard
7/7/03 02:16:
would surely get her attention, but also probably piss her off quite a bit.
There's a political connnection with this person, militarily speaking, so I
can't really do that without my husband hearing about it, and then there'd
be trouble. Not from him to me, he'd agree! But between the guys. And I
do try to behave myself, for his sake.
I'm leaving in a week for the rest of the summer, so maybe I'll just let it
be for awhile and see if anything good comes to me, or if anybody else has
any ideas.
Thanks,
brenda
> I'm not sure you can tactfully tell her. And I'm also not sure she wouldI've sort of hinted at it, and no, she doesn't hear me. And Sandra's idea
> listen. At least probably not hear what you are saying.
would surely get her attention, but also probably piss her off quite a bit.
There's a political connnection with this person, militarily speaking, so I
can't really do that without my husband hearing about it, and then there'd
be trouble. Not from him to me, he'd agree! But between the guys. And I
do try to behave myself, for his sake.
I'm leaving in a week for the rest of the summer, so maybe I'll just let it
be for awhile and see if anything good comes to me, or if anybody else has
any ideas.
Thanks,
brenda
[email protected]
> How do I tactfully tell someone (with a historyI don't think there is a way to be tactful in a situation like this. She
> of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
> that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?
>
needs brutal honesty to wake up, or some other brutal incident. And that's not
likely to happen. It's sad.
My sister just adopted twins after YEARS of infertility treatments. She had
my 76 year old mother, who is a bit confused and not all that strong after
surgery to remove a heart tumor a year ago, babysit them when they were a week
old! Now, my mother is not a stranger, but she is also not all that competant.
My sister has had babysitters in and out so that she can work out. She came
to my parents for the weekend where we had a family gathering and dumped the
twins, now 5 1/2 weeks old, while she and her husband went on a three hour bike
ride. I can understand the need to exercise, truly I can. But please! I
couldn't leave my mom with two crying babies and made my kids wait to go to the
beach so that I could help her.
Pissed me off, but I'll probably never have the courage to say anything
either. These poor babies sleep in another room because they make too much noise
for her to sleep! Yikes. It's just so far removed from my parenting
experience, I can't fathom. And that's probably where you are coming from too.
I wish I had the courage for brutal honesty. Maybe I'll grow into it.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coyote's corner
So there was a reason she couldn't have kids!! Sometimes, just sometimes, Mother Nature does know better! I feel so sorry for those babies and for you. You know the reality and it could very well break your heart!
My blessings to you and yours,
Janis
My blessings to you and yours,
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: ejcrewe@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, July 07, 2003 5:06 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-Discussion] leaving children, again
> How do I tactfully tell someone (with a history
> of choosing to deal with other people's needs rather than her children's)
> that she needs to put her kids higher up in her life?
>
I don't think there is a way to be tactful in a situation like this. She
needs brutal honesty to wake up, or some other brutal incident. And that's not
likely to happen. It's sad.
My sister just adopted twins after YEARS of infertility treatments. She had
my 76 year old mother, who is a bit confused and not all that strong after
surgery to remove a heart tumor a year ago, babysit them when they were a week
old! Now, my mother is not a stranger, but she is also not all that competant.
My sister has had babysitters in and out so that she can work out. She came
to my parents for the weekend where we had a family gathering and dumped the
twins, now 5 1/2 weeks old, while she and her husband went on a three hour bike
ride. I can understand the need to exercise, truly I can. But please! I
couldn't leave my mom with two crying babies and made my kids wait to go to the
beach so that I could help her.
Pissed me off, but I'll probably never have the courage to say anything
either. These poor babies sleep in another room because they make too much noise
for her to sleep! Yikes. It's just so far removed from my parenting
experience, I can't fathom. And that's probably where you are coming from too.
I wish I had the courage for brutal honesty. Maybe I'll grow into it.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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