With or without kids
Paula Sjogerman
on 7/3/03 2:23 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
point - I just want to post an alternative view for the sake of new/lurky
folks.
My husband and I had quite a few sitters when our kids were little. Grandmas
and aunties at first. Then some lovely teens and preteens that we knew
pretty well. Babysitter, for me, does not equal stranger. We have a lot of
friends that have no kids and while they love mine, there are times when we
do stuff without them. Also, we're theater people and we NEED to go see
stuff - we bring them often, but sometimes not. We love having dates with
just one another.
I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
Paula
[email protected] wrote:
> The last time I got a stranger to care for my kids was when my dh wasOK, I'm not picking on anyone and I'm not trying to convince anyone of any
> sick and I had to work. The only time we've had a babysitter for a
> "date" was for the first Harry Potter movie when we took the kids to a
> good friend's house to play with her kids and neices and nephews.
point - I just want to post an alternative view for the sake of new/lurky
folks.
My husband and I had quite a few sitters when our kids were little. Grandmas
and aunties at first. Then some lovely teens and preteens that we knew
pretty well. Babysitter, for me, does not equal stranger. We have a lot of
friends that have no kids and while they love mine, there are times when we
do stuff without them. Also, we're theater people and we NEED to go see
stuff - we bring them often, but sometimes not. We love having dates with
just one another.
I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
Paula
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/03 4:31:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
sjogy@... writes:
We do things as a family or the boys stay home with Jackson or I while the
other goes out. But I was not saying anything about people who do use a sitter.
I guess I was commenting on the fact that Because I choose not to use a
sitter people often comment that we "need to get out as a couple without the
kids." "It isn't healthy to never use a sitter." Those kinds of comments. Just
curious, does anyone ever say anything about you going out without the
children, as a couple that is?
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sjogy@... writes:
> My husband and I had quite a few sitters when our kids were little.Paula, I agree.
> Grandmas
> and aunties at first. Then some lovely teens and preteens that we knew
> pretty well. Babysitter, for me, does not equal stranger. We have a lot of
> friends that have no kids and while they love mine, there are times when we
> do stuff without them. Also, we're theater people and we NEED to go see
> stuff - we bring them often, but sometimes not. We love having dates with
> just one another.
>
> I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
> anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
> little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
We do things as a family or the boys stay home with Jackson or I while the
other goes out. But I was not saying anything about people who do use a sitter.
I guess I was commenting on the fact that Because I choose not to use a
sitter people often comment that we "need to get out as a couple without the
kids." "It isn't healthy to never use a sitter." Those kinds of comments. Just
curious, does anyone ever say anything about you going out without the
children, as a couple that is?
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
> I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't seeI think the key is how the kids feel about it. If yours were happy, great.
> anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
> little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
I was lucky enough to have various close family willing to help out when
mine were little, so I didn't use non-family sitters. I didn't use them
much anyway except when I was a single parent. I had to some then, but it
was for the kid who was the most comfortable being away from me, so that was
all right. I'm sure you wouldn't have left your kids if they made it clear
that they needed *you*.
Tia
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/03 2:31:18 PM, sjogy@... writes:
<< I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you. >>
Depends what they do differently! (Crack house in my neighborhood, that was
wrong.)
We were in a WONDERFUL babysitting co-op when Kirby and Marty were little.
All the members were either LLLeaders or dedicated long-time members. Kids
were staying with other whole families of people they knew and we knew. Their
kids had stayed at our houses, too.
It was common in that group for the mom to take the nursing baby with her but
leave the older kids, but when leaving a baby was necessary that happened
too. And if the moms were particularly close or trusting, sometimes a kid who
was scared or hurt got nursed by another mom.
Just last month, Marty was in a conversation with two grown women who knew
each other but didn't know that they both knew Marty. One said "I nursed him
when he was a baby!" I said, mock-hurt, "I helped!" Marty didn't even seem
embarrassed. <g>
When Holly was born, a 12 year old neighbor came over to see the baby. She
came to be a mother's helper for me for three years, and she was the oldest of
three girls, homeschooled, three houses up the road. Sometimes her sisters
were at our house. Sometimes one or more of our kids were up there. As Amy got
older, I would sometimes leave for a while (grocery store) and leave the boys
with her, especially if her mom was home and could help in an emergency.
That family broke up and scattered, and the kids still ask about Amy
sometimes. We've lost contact.
But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered mode, and
with some families it does seem that leaving kids with people they don't know or
like is common. My parents certainly did it. We were left for the weekend
with a family that only spoke Spanish once. They made us pick cucumbers. My
sister was crying. A woman stayed at the house with us for a weekend. She made
us mop the kitchen floor on our hands and knees, with rags. That was
exciting.
Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra
<< I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you. >>
Depends what they do differently! (Crack house in my neighborhood, that was
wrong.)
We were in a WONDERFUL babysitting co-op when Kirby and Marty were little.
All the members were either LLLeaders or dedicated long-time members. Kids
were staying with other whole families of people they knew and we knew. Their
kids had stayed at our houses, too.
It was common in that group for the mom to take the nursing baby with her but
leave the older kids, but when leaving a baby was necessary that happened
too. And if the moms were particularly close or trusting, sometimes a kid who
was scared or hurt got nursed by another mom.
Just last month, Marty was in a conversation with two grown women who knew
each other but didn't know that they both knew Marty. One said "I nursed him
when he was a baby!" I said, mock-hurt, "I helped!" Marty didn't even seem
embarrassed. <g>
When Holly was born, a 12 year old neighbor came over to see the baby. She
came to be a mother's helper for me for three years, and she was the oldest of
three girls, homeschooled, three houses up the road. Sometimes her sisters
were at our house. Sometimes one or more of our kids were up there. As Amy got
older, I would sometimes leave for a while (grocery store) and leave the boys
with her, especially if her mom was home and could help in an emergency.
That family broke up and scattered, and the kids still ask about Amy
sometimes. We've lost contact.
But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered mode, and
with some families it does seem that leaving kids with people they don't know or
like is common. My parents certainly did it. We were left for the weekend
with a family that only spoke Spanish once. They made us pick cucumbers. My
sister was crying. A woman stayed at the house with us for a weekend. She made
us mop the kitchen floor on our hands and knees, with rags. That was
exciting.
Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra
Bill and Diane
Paula Sjogerman wrote:
leaving my little guys with a stranger so I could work. (I mean I DID
check out the person first, and she WAS licensed, certified, etc.) I
would LOVE to have people either or both kids would love to stay with,
and I'm working on making connections (we moved shortly after the one
time they did stay with someone that was a friend).
We don't have any local family, and when I did, years ago, they didn't
offer to help much--although they do watch my neice all the time now. I
would also love to find some older friends who would love to watch my
kids at times--as was suggested to me on this list('s predecessor) a few
months ago.
Sure, choosing to do stuff that doesn't interest your kids is fine, as
is choosing to do stuff with them. It's being pressured to leave them
just to not have to be around them that's being viewed as a problem, IMHO.
:-) Diane
>on 7/3/03 2:23 PM, [email protected] atHey Paula--Sorry I came across that way--I didn't mean to! I felt SO bad
>[email protected] wrote:
>
>>The last time I got a stranger to care for my kids was when my dh was
>>sick and I had to work. The only time we've had a babysitter for a
>>"date" was for the first Harry Potter movie when we took the kids to a
>>good friend's house to play with her kids and neices and nephews.
>>
>
>
>OK, I'm not picking on anyone and I'm not trying to convince anyone of any
>point - I just want to post an alternative view for the sake of new/lurky
>folks.
>
>My husband and I had quite a few sitters when our kids were little. Grandmas
>and aunties at first. Then some lovely teens and preteens that we knew
>pretty well. Babysitter, for me, does not equal stranger. We have a lot of
>friends that have no kids and while they love mine, there are times when we
>do stuff without them. Also, we're theater people and we NEED to go see
>stuff - we bring them often, but sometimes not. We love having dates with
>just one another.
>
>I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
>anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
>little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
>
>Paula
>
leaving my little guys with a stranger so I could work. (I mean I DID
check out the person first, and she WAS licensed, certified, etc.) I
would LOVE to have people either or both kids would love to stay with,
and I'm working on making connections (we moved shortly after the one
time they did stay with someone that was a friend).
We don't have any local family, and when I did, years ago, they didn't
offer to help much--although they do watch my neice all the time now. I
would also love to find some older friends who would love to watch my
kids at times--as was suggested to me on this list('s predecessor) a few
months ago.
Sure, choosing to do stuff that doesn't interest your kids is fine, as
is choosing to do stuff with them. It's being pressured to leave them
just to not have to be around them that's being viewed as a problem, IMHO.
:-) Diane
[email protected]
Sandra that reminds me of my son when he was 3. I had taken a bad job so we
could get out of Housing (I was a single Mom for 3 years) after I met my now
husband. I was working for a maid service cleaning toilets (I hate cleaning). My
husband was a mechanic at a bus company across the street so I thought it
would help if we choose that one so he could see him. Wrong.. Every day I would
leave and he would totally freak out. I left there crying every day for three
weeks. When hubby would drive in the lot across the street and Dustin was out
side he would cry. As soon as we signed papers on our home I quit my job and
took a job delivering papers so Dustin could come with me.
That was 8 years ago, he still says "I hate that place" or "remember when you
made me go there" :(
He told me that they would call him a baby, make fun of him and take an item
he brought with him away.
Since then I only leave my kids with my MIL when I have to.
We even take our kids to our anniversary meals. We figure they are part of
the celebration at least until they got older and choose not to go.
Laura D
<<<<Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist
church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it
for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
could get out of Housing (I was a single Mom for 3 years) after I met my now
husband. I was working for a maid service cleaning toilets (I hate cleaning). My
husband was a mechanic at a bus company across the street so I thought it
would help if we choose that one so he could see him. Wrong.. Every day I would
leave and he would totally freak out. I left there crying every day for three
weeks. When hubby would drive in the lot across the street and Dustin was out
side he would cry. As soon as we signed papers on our home I quit my job and
took a job delivering papers so Dustin could come with me.
That was 8 years ago, he still says "I hate that place" or "remember when you
made me go there" :(
He told me that they would call him a baby, make fun of him and take an item
he brought with him away.
Since then I only leave my kids with my MIL when I have to.
We even take our kids to our anniversary meals. We figure they are part of
the celebration at least until they got older and choose not to go.
Laura D
<<<<Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist
church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it
for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kris
<<Sure, choosing to do stuff that doesn't interest your kids is fine, as
is choosing to do stuff with them. It's being pressured to leave them
just to not have to be around them that's being viewed as a problem, IMHO.
:-) Diane>>
I would love to get out to a movie once in a while, the kind that 5 year
olds would be better off not seeing, like "The Matrix Reloaded". However,
Jonathan, does NOT like being away from me. Lanora was the same way and I
know he will outgrow it but I don't intend to leave him crying so I can see
a movie.
I watch my friend's boy all the time so they can have a date. Kai is VERY
cool with being here without mom or dad though. I understand getting out
and doing things that aren't best with kids. I REALLY miss live theatre!
Kris
is choosing to do stuff with them. It's being pressured to leave them
just to not have to be around them that's being viewed as a problem, IMHO.
:-) Diane>>
I would love to get out to a movie once in a while, the kind that 5 year
olds would be better off not seeing, like "The Matrix Reloaded". However,
Jonathan, does NOT like being away from me. Lanora was the same way and I
know he will outgrow it but I don't intend to leave him crying so I can see
a movie.
I watch my friend's boy all the time so they can have a date. Kai is VERY
cool with being here without mom or dad though. I understand getting out
and doing things that aren't best with kids. I REALLY miss live theatre!
Kris
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/2003 4:31:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
sjogy@... writes:
about being OUT of the loop! <G>
I had NEVER heard of attachment parenting before coming to this list!
My boys seem just fine! Who knows what they would have been like
otherwise...
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sjogy@... writes:
> My husband and I had quite a few sitters when our kids were little.That's OK, Paula. I have had sitters and au pairs and nannies! <BWG> Talk
> Grandmas
> and aunties at first. Then some lovely teens and preteens that we knew
> pretty well. Babysitter, for me, does not equal stranger. We have a lot of
> friends that have no kids and while they love mine, there are times when we
> do stuff without them. Also, we're theater people and we NEED to go see
> stuff - we bring them often, but sometimes not. We love having dates with
> just one another.
>
> I don't think folks who do things differently are wrong. I just didn't see
> anyone talking about how they have had sitters and it started to sound a
> little like if you do leave your kids, something's wrong with you.
about being OUT of the loop! <G>
I had NEVER heard of attachment parenting before coming to this list!
My boys seem just fine! Who knows what they would have been like
otherwise...
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/3/2003 4:50:55 PM Eastern Daylight Time, genant2@...
writes:
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> does anyone ever say anything about you going out without theThey say, "Where are the boys?"
> children, as a couple that is?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <SandraDodd@...>
<<We were in a WONDERFUL babysitting co-op when Kirby and Marty were little.
All the members were either LLLeaders or dedicated long-time members. Kids
were staying with other whole families of people they knew and we knew.
Their
kids had stayed at our houses, too.
It was common in that group for the mom to take the nursing baby with her
but
leave the older kids, but when leaving a baby was necessary that happened
too. And if the moms were particularly close or trusting, sometimes a kid
who
was scared or hurt got nursed by another mom.>>
I got such a nice picture with this reading. How great was that?? It would
be so nice for most, who want it, to be able to share like that.
Mary B
<<We were in a WONDERFUL babysitting co-op when Kirby and Marty were little.
All the members were either LLLeaders or dedicated long-time members. Kids
were staying with other whole families of people they knew and we knew.
Their
kids had stayed at our houses, too.
It was common in that group for the mom to take the nursing baby with her
but
leave the older kids, but when leaving a baby was necessary that happened
too. And if the moms were particularly close or trusting, sometimes a kid
who
was scared or hurt got nursed by another mom.>>
I got such a nice picture with this reading. How great was that?? It would
be so nice for most, who want it, to be able to share like that.
Mary B
melissa4123
<<I just didn't see anyone talking about how they have had sitters and
it started to sound a little like if you do leave your kids,
something's wrong with you.>>
<<But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered
mode, and with some families it does seem that leaving kids with
people they don't know or like is common. My parents certainly did
it.>>
My husband and I have left our daughter with in-laws and close friends
(all of whom have kids) a few times. Actually, most of the time, we
simply take our daughter with us when we want to go out but, there
have been a couple of times when we wanted to go out alone.
What I don't understand is leaving your kids with people you don't
even know. Especially if they are little. We actually never left our
daughter with anyone until she was older (by that I mean no longer an
infant). But, I don't care how old my child is, I would NEVER leave
her with someone I didn't know (and I mean know well). This is
someone you are trusting with you child (or children) for goodness sake!
I think there is a difference between leaving your kid(s) with a
friend or family member for a couple of hours and dropping the kid(s)
off with total strangers.
Melissa
it started to sound a little like if you do leave your kids,
something's wrong with you.>>
<<But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered
mode, and with some families it does seem that leaving kids with
people they don't know or like is common. My parents certainly did
it.>>
My husband and I have left our daughter with in-laws and close friends
(all of whom have kids) a few times. Actually, most of the time, we
simply take our daughter with us when we want to go out but, there
have been a couple of times when we wanted to go out alone.
What I don't understand is leaving your kids with people you don't
even know. Especially if they are little. We actually never left our
daughter with anyone until she was older (by that I mean no longer an
infant). But, I don't care how old my child is, I would NEVER leave
her with someone I didn't know (and I mean know well). This is
someone you are trusting with you child (or children) for goodness sake!
I think there is a difference between leaving your kid(s) with a
friend or family member for a couple of hours and dropping the kid(s)
off with total strangers.
Melissa
Mary
From: "melissa4123" <melissa4123@...>
<<But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered
mode, and with some families it does seem that leaving kids with
people they don't know or like is common. My parents certainly did
it.>>
And to add to that, aside from leaving them with someone they hardly know,
they also leave them with someone their kids don't like. I've heard kids say
plenty of times "Oh no mom, not her again!" when told about having a sitter
that night. Even if it is someone the child knows, if it's someone they
dislike for any reason, why make them spend hours alone with them? I've hard
the parents say tough, or I don't care or it's only for a few hours. Just
doesn't seem right to me at all. Go out of your way if you have to go out
and find someone the kid likes to be with.
Mary B
<<But even though we've left our kids, it's not been our prefered
mode, and with some families it does seem that leaving kids with
people they don't know or like is common. My parents certainly did
it.>>
And to add to that, aside from leaving them with someone they hardly know,
they also leave them with someone their kids don't like. I've heard kids say
plenty of times "Oh no mom, not her again!" when told about having a sitter
that night. Even if it is someone the child knows, if it's someone they
dislike for any reason, why make them spend hours alone with them? I've hard
the parents say tough, or I don't care or it's only for a few hours. Just
doesn't seem right to me at all. Go out of your way if you have to go out
and find someone the kid likes to be with.
Mary B
Dave and Shannon
<<That was 8 years ago, he still says "I hate that place" or "remember when
you
made me go there" :(
He told me that they would call him a baby, make fun of him and take an item
he brought with him away.
Laura D
<<<<Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist
church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it
for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra>>
This reminds me of the time when I took Connor who was then 4 to private
swim lessons because I thought they would be better than anything I could
teach him or a group setting. (I'm NOT a swimmer and want him to be)
Anyway, this man MADE him get in the water and go under water and and and.
I felt HORRIBLE the whole time and needless to say, we never went back for
another lesson. Still to this day, he says "remember when you made me go to
those swim lessons and I cried the whole time?" Even a few months after the
lesson, he would cry when we passed by the street. I felt about as big as
an ant. What was I thinking? Anyway, I never took him to lessons again
until he asked me to. And by then, he was ready to learn and felt
comfortable being away from me (him in the pool with the instructor and me
on the side watching). He has become a little fish all by himself. Boy,
childled learning is great! I make a point of paying attention to his body
language and what he says even more so now.
Shannon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you
made me go there" :(
He told me that they would call him a baby, make fun of him and take an item
he brought with him away.
Laura D
<<<<Once left Kirby and Marty at a mom's day out program at the Methodist
church
near us, so I could go Christmas shopping, I think it was. Two hours or
three. Marty pointed and said "I HATE THAT PLACE" every time we passed it
for
two or three YEARS.
Sandra>>
This reminds me of the time when I took Connor who was then 4 to private
swim lessons because I thought they would be better than anything I could
teach him or a group setting. (I'm NOT a swimmer and want him to be)
Anyway, this man MADE him get in the water and go under water and and and.
I felt HORRIBLE the whole time and needless to say, we never went back for
another lesson. Still to this day, he says "remember when you made me go to
those swim lessons and I cried the whole time?" Even a few months after the
lesson, he would cry when we passed by the street. I felt about as big as
an ant. What was I thinking? Anyway, I never took him to lessons again
until he asked me to. And by then, he was ready to learn and felt
comfortable being away from me (him in the pool with the instructor and me
on the side watching). He has become a little fish all by himself. Boy,
childled learning is great! I make a point of paying attention to his body
language and what he says even more so now.
Shannon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]