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In a message dated 6/22/2003 8:57:57 AM Eastern Standard Time,
tmthomas@... writes:

> Its my understanding that phone etiquette is different in USA and Canada
> (or maybe it's an East/West thing?) but my mother-in-law NEVER says "bye" when
> she hands up the phone. My sister-in-law dismisses it as an American thing
> and laffs. I don't laff. I find it REALY obnoxious - because the line goes
> dead - courtesy to me is to let the other person know you are done speaking -
> they do this in Toastmasters even, so there is a "standard" of sorts.
>
We have 2 friends, one born and raised in South Africa, the other born and
raised in England. We are used to the American way of calling someone, "Hi Mik,
this is Nancy...is Barbara around?" But to him (and the other fellow) this
is very rude. And the kids have always said, "Hi, is Leila home?"

They feel we should first make small talk with them, before asking to speak
with their wives or children. Like, "Hi Mik, how are you today? Are you
enjoying all this rain? (etc, etc)....Well, if she's not busy, can I speak to
Barb?"

I've gotten used to it and it is much more polite, but it's very hard for the
kids...still working on it...but very different.

Nancy


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In a message dated 6/22/03 9:38:34 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
CelticFrau@... writes:

> They feel we should first make small talk with them, before asking to speak
>
> with their wives or children. Like, "Hi Mik, how are you today? Are you
> enjoying all this rain? (etc, etc)....Well, if she's not busy, can I speak
> to
> Barb?"
>
> I've gotten used to it and it is much more polite, but it's very hard for
> the
> kids...still working on it...but very different.
>
>

To me it sounds fake. Jackson has a friend that does that. "Hi How are the
kids? and how are the pets? etc etc." I end up saying...."Charlie do you
want to talk with Jackson?" "He usually says yes and laughs." I guess I
would rather let whoever needs to talk do it and get on with what I am doing. I
am not offended by someone wanting to talk with my husband. LOL.

Pam G


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

On Sunday, June 22, 2003, at 06:37 AM, CelticFrau@... wrote:

> They feel we should first make small talk with them, before asking to
> speak
> with their wives or children. Like, "Hi Mik, how are you today? Are
> you
> enjoying all this rain? (etc, etc)....Well, if she's not busy, can I
> speak to
> Barb?"
>

This is VERY true for Iranians, too. My husband's family would truly
feel personally insulted if they picked up the phone and I just said
"Hi Mike, can I talk to Barb?" A little small talk is absolutely
essential - it is very very bad manners not to ask about the person's
health and each person in his/her family's health, etc., before asking
to speak to someone else or before getting to the point of the phone
call.

Americans seem abrupt and rude to them, very often, because we're so
"to the point." There are other ways we seem rude, too. They, for
example, always spend time going around a room greeting each person in
the room when they arrive at any kind of get-together and the people
already in the room ALL stand up and wait for the new arrival to reach
them, to exchange a few sentences of how are you's and how is your
family type stuff. They are not in a hurry at all when it comes to this
kind of thing - and we Americans seem to them that we just not have
time to be polite to each other.

Living here, they have to remind themselves that it doesn't really mean
we're snubbing them and that it might "feel" rude to them but that we
really don't mean to be rude.

-pam