melissa4123

I just wanted to vent for a minute and see if I was the only one out
there who thinks this way.

Let me give you a little background. My niece goes to day care
and is there most of the day. As soon as my SIL (no longer
married to my brother) and my niece get home, my SIL makes
my niece eat. It has never been an option of "are you hungry" or
"do you want to eat now?" It's just a rule. If my niece isn't hungry
and doesn't want to eat much (after all, she did just get home
and wants to spend some time with mommy), then she doesn't
get to eat anything else that night. If my niece (who's name is
Linzie) wants something later in the evening, then my SIL will
either tell her no or force her to eat cold left over dinner. Of
course, what 22 month old will eat cold dinner that's been sitting
out? So, she dosen't eat it and then goes to bed hungry. "bed
time" is another thing, my SIL forces Linzie to go to bed at 8 pm,
period. If she doesn't want to (like when I'm visiting and she's
excited to see me), then she just has to scream until she goes to
sleep.

I'm coming from a household (with my husband and 2 year old
daughter) where none of that happens so I just don't understand
it. My daughter eats when she's hungry and stops when she's
full. I will ask her what she wants to eat at around 6 or so but, if
she says nothing then I don't force her to eat. Usually, once I get
myself something or my husband gets his dinner, then she will
have what we are having. But, not always. She will ALWAYS
come up and ask me for what she wants, when she's hungry.
Which may be at 5 pm or may be at 8 pm. As for bed time, she
goes to bed when she's tired. Most times it's around 9 or so but
sometimes it's as early as 8 and as late as 11pm, it just
depends on if or when she napped that day. I have never let her
cry herself to sleep because I would rather have some "alone
time." Sure, there have been times when I would love to have
some quiet time before going to bed and I wish she would just
go to sleep but......I have never put her in her bed/crib and let her
scream until she went to sleep. My SIL won't even consider
getting Linzie a "big girl" bed because then she would be able to
climb out and get out of her room (she has told me this, in those
exact words).

So....last night I had had enough (I may not be welcome there for
a while). My SIL put dinner in front of Linzie (beans, weiners and
peas and carrots). Linzie ate some of it but only a bite or two and
then started yelling "bite, bite." My SIL was ignoring her, as
usual, so I asked what she wanted. My SIL said that Linzie
wanted tomatoes. She had eated a couple (the small cherry
ones) already and wanted some more. Ok.....so get her some
more, what's the problem? I looked at my SIL and said "so, why
don't you give her some more tomatoes, it's not like she's asking
for chips and dip for heaven's sake, it's TOMATOES!!" Her
response was because she's already eaten some and she
needs to eat everything else on her plate and then she can have
some more. OMG! If the poor child wants some damn tomatoes
and not peas and carrots, get her the damn tomatoes. Of
course, then Linzie and my SIL get in a screaming match and
Linzie has to go to a time out. All because she wanted to eat
extra tomatoes at dinner time. It was really very sad, I think.

Anyway, I left feeling frustrated and angry and so was Linzie. To
top it all off, she had to go to bed hungry and screaming. I
couldn't even stay after that. I know that sometimes it feels like a
struggle to get kids to eat "healthy" but, it's tomates we're talking
about not cookies and ice cream.

Melissa

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In a message dated 6/20/03 10:03:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
melissa4123@... writes:

> Anyway, I left feeling frustrated and angry and so was Linzie. To
> top it all off, she had to go to bed hungry and screaming.

That is the way so many families opperate. It is sad. I really feel for you
holding your tongue, sort of. I have to do this with my SIL as well. She is
a clean your plate person with one child and the otehr doesn't eat much at
all. She is built like my son. Tall and skinny. My SIL sees it as she is not
eating enough so she pushes everything on this girl. If she won't eat what is
out for supper than she she gets her to eat anything, candy, cookies etc. She
keeps harping on the poor girl until she eats something. I do hold my tongue
though. I know people have their own parenting styles. I offer my
suggestions if she asks.
Pam G.


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