[email protected]

In a message dated 6/14/2003 12:22:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

> >Somehow, when
> >our children became older, got more independent, developed more clear ideas
> >of their own, etc, he became more and more resistent to their expressing
> >their own thoughts, if they were different than his. He could not go beyond
> >the "because I said so" with pre-teens and teens and their discussions. I
> >often would, calmly and without any charge, state their case in different
> >lingo in the attempt to have him hear them in another way. I was accused of
> >siding with them or contradicting him or disempowering him as a father,etc.
> >This was not the sole reason for the demise of our marriage, but a factor.
> >Yet, even in reflection, I cannot see another way of doing it, without
> >compromising my position as my children's mom and constant supporter and
> >defender (even to their dad).
>

Well, luckily, Julian's dad is actually getting better. (We're not together,
having NOTHING to do with his parenting.) Perry was wonderful with Julian when
he was little. Perry worked as a teacher in a hippy-dippy co-op day care
center before and after Julian was born. He's always been great with little ones,
and my only criticism of him with little kids is that Perry has very high
energy and tends to overstimulate the crap out of them.

They have a blast.

As Julian got older, though, Perry started to get authoritarian and worried
and weird. Not all the time, but he'd periodically wory that Julian couldn't do
structure, or that the homeschooling wasn't covering enough, or just not
listen to him.

I'll need to ask him what made him mellow out. He doesn't yell very often at
him anymore, and he really seems to be listening to him, and he's REALLY
lightened up on the unschooling.

Kathryn


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