was: just a vent Re:Twins
Olga
Alan & Brenda Leonard <abtleo@...>
<People tell me all the time that I need to "let Tim go" more, or
he'll
always be attached to my apron strings>
This reminded me of something I wanted to post/ask about but got so
behind I forgot <g>. My gf has twin girls (2 1/2yo) and a 5yo. They
were at her dd graduation and the twins, of course at that attached
to mom phase, wanted no one else. When she went up to take pictures,
one of the twins screamed her head off with dad. Everyone proceded
to tell her how rough it must be on her dh, and this was why her
marriage had problems, etc, etc,. One friend called her and bluntly
told her she had no control over her kids, that they were running the
household. I was horrified, she was in tears over this. I told her
some postive, supportive things, poor woman! Anyway, she is really
struggling with the twins. All her girls are fiesty. My first was a
breeze, my second harder so I can see that personality difference.
She got 3 kids, none of which are a breeze (really, if you are going
to have twins, isn't one of them supposed to be mild tempered?..LOL)
and she is really having a hard time. Anyone with twins have some
suggestions. She tries to distract and such and does keep them
busy. They bite and hit eachother and of course, being that there
are two of them they put those little brains to work to figure out
things one would not. Any advice, books, websites for her. She is a
great mom who tries to be relaxed,) I think with a little confidence
and advice she would have few problems because she has the right
attitude. She always starts things with "my little monsters", or
such. At first, I didn't really think about it, but I think people
are making her feel like she needs to validate what she thinks they
think about her. Does that make sense?? I have been reading FOREVER,
LOL.I am soooo behind! Thanks for feedback :)
Olga :)
<People tell me all the time that I need to "let Tim go" more, or
he'll
always be attached to my apron strings>
This reminded me of something I wanted to post/ask about but got so
behind I forgot <g>. My gf has twin girls (2 1/2yo) and a 5yo. They
were at her dd graduation and the twins, of course at that attached
to mom phase, wanted no one else. When she went up to take pictures,
one of the twins screamed her head off with dad. Everyone proceded
to tell her how rough it must be on her dh, and this was why her
marriage had problems, etc, etc,. One friend called her and bluntly
told her she had no control over her kids, that they were running the
household. I was horrified, she was in tears over this. I told her
some postive, supportive things, poor woman! Anyway, she is really
struggling with the twins. All her girls are fiesty. My first was a
breeze, my second harder so I can see that personality difference.
She got 3 kids, none of which are a breeze (really, if you are going
to have twins, isn't one of them supposed to be mild tempered?..LOL)
and she is really having a hard time. Anyone with twins have some
suggestions. She tries to distract and such and does keep them
busy. They bite and hit eachother and of course, being that there
are two of them they put those little brains to work to figure out
things one would not. Any advice, books, websites for her. She is a
great mom who tries to be relaxed,) I think with a little confidence
and advice she would have few problems because she has the right
attitude. She always starts things with "my little monsters", or
such. At first, I didn't really think about it, but I think people
are making her feel like she needs to validate what she thinks they
think about her. Does that make sense?? I have been reading FOREVER,
LOL.I am soooo behind! Thanks for feedback :)
Olga :)
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/11/03 8:55:04 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
britcontoo@... writes:
First off that whole good twin /bad twin thing is totally a wives tale.
Personailty differences, yes, but mild mannered vs. quick tempered, has never
existed in our house. Kass & Kree are 11 and very much the same, but different. LOL
Kass is very girlly, very nuturing, very confrontational and very much the
overseer of her twin. Kree OTOH is very much a tomboy, very quick to forgive and
very much the jokester, sometimes to the point of going too far. Although my
DH for some reason has completely forgotten the rough times, I can assure you
and your friend that it was between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. I can't say why, other
than in my experience they are learning to function without each other, yet
still have an indescribable bond, that to this day amazes me. They very much had a
language of their own and were always protective of one another. They were
only 2 when they had their first physical confrontation with another child. A
neighbor had a daycare and I would often take the twins there to play with the
children she watched and to have some adult interaction myself. Well, one day
this 4 yr old knocked Kass down and before I could even get up, Kree had run
across the yard, pushed the 4 yr old down and said quite clearly in 2 yr old
dialogue, "No push my Sissy!" The neighbor and I were so astounded that we never
even had to get up, besides which we were laughing so hard, the 4 yr old got
up and went to play something else. He never again messed with either one when
we were over.
As far as qualifying herself to anyone, I wouldn't bother. People often think
because twins are so "neat" they forget they are still individuals trying to
make the world see them as such and yet the bond they share is beyond words. I
mean really, I can't even conceive the notion of having to share since the
point of conception. Then you come out and everyone immediately tries to
personify you when you have barely been in the world.
I remember feeling overwhelmed during that 2 - 3 year old stage. In fact,
Kass and Kree were so difficult at that age, we laugh because there is an entire
year of no photos of them. Everytime I got them dressed to get their picture
done, it ended in tears, primarily mine!!! LOL I remember doing anything and
everything to not have to go in public. I mean there are two little people who
now walk, don't really want to be in a stroller and there's only one of me.
And of course whichever stroller I took would just be the battle for that day.
Facing each other they'd talk in that mysterious language they had and end up
fighting, side by side they'd pinch or bite, and front to back, the one in back
would pull the hair of the one in front. It was an all around lose-lose
situation and I wondered if I'd make it to them hitting 4 without completely losing
my marbles. Then for some miraculous reason they hit 4 and all was well.
Again, I couldn't tell you why, but they just changed. They went back to being
inseparable, which they still are today to a large extent.
They each have their own room, we have a total of 6 beds (4 queen, 1 full &
1king) in our house. They have never once slept alone. Generally they end up in
our room, but never apart from each other. They also still sleep completely
cuddled together. The only time in their life they slept apart was the first
week they came home from the hospital because I had no idea that if they slept
together they would sleep through the night. Hello, light bulb moment...put
them back together and tada...12 hours of restfull bliss. That's right 12 hours.
7:30 pm to 7:30 am the first 2 years of their lives. They never woke up during
the nite as long as they had each other. Made sense though. So when they have
acted horrible or hateful to each other all we have to do is mention that
perhaps they should sleep apart and all the ill-will goes right out the window.
"Heck no, mom, my sister totally bugs but that doesn't mean we don't still need
each other." LOL Could I ask for a better response? It will be kind of sad
the day they decide they do in fact want their own sleep space.
Please tell your friend to keep up the good work and believe it or not one
day you wake up and wonder what you were so worried about. Not to mention
getting a little peeved at the audacity people have when it comes to how they think
you should parent. I always countered sarcasm with do you have twins? If not,
are you a twin? And finally, when you give birth to more than one person at a
time, talk to me then, otherwise, mind your own business.
Rhonda - who knows exactly why her daughters have no problem with
confrontation.LOL
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
britcontoo@... writes:
> (really, if you are goingOlga,
> to have twins, isn't one of them supposed to be mild tempered?..LOL)
> and she is really having a hard time. Anyone with twins have some
> suggestions. She tries to distract and such and does keep them
> busy. They bite and hit eachother and of course, being that there
> are two of them they put those little brains to work to figure out
> things one would not. Any advice, books, websites for her.
First off that whole good twin /bad twin thing is totally a wives tale.
Personailty differences, yes, but mild mannered vs. quick tempered, has never
existed in our house. Kass & Kree are 11 and very much the same, but different. LOL
Kass is very girlly, very nuturing, very confrontational and very much the
overseer of her twin. Kree OTOH is very much a tomboy, very quick to forgive and
very much the jokester, sometimes to the point of going too far. Although my
DH for some reason has completely forgotten the rough times, I can assure you
and your friend that it was between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. I can't say why, other
than in my experience they are learning to function without each other, yet
still have an indescribable bond, that to this day amazes me. They very much had a
language of their own and were always protective of one another. They were
only 2 when they had their first physical confrontation with another child. A
neighbor had a daycare and I would often take the twins there to play with the
children she watched and to have some adult interaction myself. Well, one day
this 4 yr old knocked Kass down and before I could even get up, Kree had run
across the yard, pushed the 4 yr old down and said quite clearly in 2 yr old
dialogue, "No push my Sissy!" The neighbor and I were so astounded that we never
even had to get up, besides which we were laughing so hard, the 4 yr old got
up and went to play something else. He never again messed with either one when
we were over.
As far as qualifying herself to anyone, I wouldn't bother. People often think
because twins are so "neat" they forget they are still individuals trying to
make the world see them as such and yet the bond they share is beyond words. I
mean really, I can't even conceive the notion of having to share since the
point of conception. Then you come out and everyone immediately tries to
personify you when you have barely been in the world.
I remember feeling overwhelmed during that 2 - 3 year old stage. In fact,
Kass and Kree were so difficult at that age, we laugh because there is an entire
year of no photos of them. Everytime I got them dressed to get their picture
done, it ended in tears, primarily mine!!! LOL I remember doing anything and
everything to not have to go in public. I mean there are two little people who
now walk, don't really want to be in a stroller and there's only one of me.
And of course whichever stroller I took would just be the battle for that day.
Facing each other they'd talk in that mysterious language they had and end up
fighting, side by side they'd pinch or bite, and front to back, the one in back
would pull the hair of the one in front. It was an all around lose-lose
situation and I wondered if I'd make it to them hitting 4 without completely losing
my marbles. Then for some miraculous reason they hit 4 and all was well.
Again, I couldn't tell you why, but they just changed. They went back to being
inseparable, which they still are today to a large extent.
They each have their own room, we have a total of 6 beds (4 queen, 1 full &
1king) in our house. They have never once slept alone. Generally they end up in
our room, but never apart from each other. They also still sleep completely
cuddled together. The only time in their life they slept apart was the first
week they came home from the hospital because I had no idea that if they slept
together they would sleep through the night. Hello, light bulb moment...put
them back together and tada...12 hours of restfull bliss. That's right 12 hours.
7:30 pm to 7:30 am the first 2 years of their lives. They never woke up during
the nite as long as they had each other. Made sense though. So when they have
acted horrible or hateful to each other all we have to do is mention that
perhaps they should sleep apart and all the ill-will goes right out the window.
"Heck no, mom, my sister totally bugs but that doesn't mean we don't still need
each other." LOL Could I ask for a better response? It will be kind of sad
the day they decide they do in fact want their own sleep space.
Please tell your friend to keep up the good work and believe it or not one
day you wake up and wonder what you were so worried about. Not to mention
getting a little peeved at the audacity people have when it comes to how they think
you should parent. I always countered sarcasm with do you have twins? If not,
are you a twin? And finally, when you give birth to more than one person at a
time, talk to me then, otherwise, mind your own business.
Rhonda - who knows exactly why her daughters have no problem with
confrontation.LOL
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]