Help with a bully update
The Clifton's
Boy did things end up unexpectedly blowing up tonight. I thought, all last evening and all today, about whether I should talk directly to Elliot or go to his parents. ( Side note: I've only met his mom once. I know from what other neighbors have said that they go to church and are supposedly strict Christians. I should also note that we are military and live in post housing. We live in multiplexes, 4 units in a building, so we don't have much of a yard. The kids play up and down the whole street. The one thing about living in gov. quarters is that if the MP's get called a certain number of times on your kids they will evict you.) So I do have some recourse although I really don't want it to come to that.
Well, tonight my choice was made for me. We had only been home a short time and the kids were outside playing. I went out and Elliot and Kyle were again in the same situation as last evening with Elliot taking the gun and running off with it. This time though I ended up jumping his ass. He is so disrespectful to everyone and it pissed me off. That is not how I had intended it to go. I laid it all out for him, why I had not jumped in before now and what I would no longer tolerate. I did tell him that I will call the MP's if it doesn't stop. He doesn't accept responsibility for any of his actions. All he kept trying to do was bring up old infractions that Kyle had done that had been handled a long time ago. I talked to his mom after I got done with him. She said that they are very open about what they discuss with their kids so that they can dispell what the kids pick up at school. I can agree with that part, sounds rather unschooly. She said she would talk to him about the bully stuff and the overt sexual behavior. I don't know what will actually come of it though. On one hand, she was telling me all these things she didn't agree with him doing and then on the other, she said that's just how Elliot is. She didn't agree with any of the possibilities that I brought up, like him trying to get attention or him always trying to be the most powerful and on top.
She said it is ironic that this is happening today ( last day of school) because everyone at school was telling her how good his behavior has been.
IMO, at the end of the conversation, we saw eye to eye on what should be the end result of all of this but we will see if that actually happens.
Deb L, you were right on with your post about the whole thing. I felt the same way that you were describing. I want to be able to help other kids when they need it but my kids come first. I'm such a bleeding heart for people and especially animals. People don't act out for no good reason though so you know something has to be troubling him. It's sad though if his mom isn't willing to find out what's at bottom of his behavior. Part of me feels guilty about letting this go on for as long as it did. Kyle doesn't have any ill feelings toward me about it though.
Thank you all for your concern
Dina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Well, tonight my choice was made for me. We had only been home a short time and the kids were outside playing. I went out and Elliot and Kyle were again in the same situation as last evening with Elliot taking the gun and running off with it. This time though I ended up jumping his ass. He is so disrespectful to everyone and it pissed me off. That is not how I had intended it to go. I laid it all out for him, why I had not jumped in before now and what I would no longer tolerate. I did tell him that I will call the MP's if it doesn't stop. He doesn't accept responsibility for any of his actions. All he kept trying to do was bring up old infractions that Kyle had done that had been handled a long time ago. I talked to his mom after I got done with him. She said that they are very open about what they discuss with their kids so that they can dispell what the kids pick up at school. I can agree with that part, sounds rather unschooly. She said she would talk to him about the bully stuff and the overt sexual behavior. I don't know what will actually come of it though. On one hand, she was telling me all these things she didn't agree with him doing and then on the other, she said that's just how Elliot is. She didn't agree with any of the possibilities that I brought up, like him trying to get attention or him always trying to be the most powerful and on top.
She said it is ironic that this is happening today ( last day of school) because everyone at school was telling her how good his behavior has been.
IMO, at the end of the conversation, we saw eye to eye on what should be the end result of all of this but we will see if that actually happens.
Deb L, you were right on with your post about the whole thing. I felt the same way that you were describing. I want to be able to help other kids when they need it but my kids come first. I'm such a bleeding heart for people and especially animals. People don't act out for no good reason though so you know something has to be troubling him. It's sad though if his mom isn't willing to find out what's at bottom of his behavior. Part of me feels guilty about letting this go on for as long as it did. Kyle doesn't have any ill feelings toward me about it though.
Thank you all for your concern
Dina
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[email protected]
In a message dated 6/11/03 8:55:05 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
rpclif14@... writes:
Well at least the kid and the mom are on notice. I wish you had said you had
base housing earlier, because the civilian world does not always work the same
as the military world does. Code of conduct is extended to ones family should
they use base housing. I'd say definately call the MP's and get in writing
what infractions are considered and what the reprecussions are.
Good luck,
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rpclif14@... writes:
> IMO, at the end of the conversation, we saw eye to eye on what should beDina,
> the end result of all of this but we will see if that actually happens.
>
Well at least the kid and the mom are on notice. I wish you had said you had
base housing earlier, because the civilian world does not always work the same
as the military world does. Code of conduct is extended to ones family should
they use base housing. I'd say definately call the MP's and get in writing
what infractions are considered and what the reprecussions are.
Good luck,
Rhonda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/11/03 9:54:50 AM, rpclif14@... writes:
<< Part of me feels guilty about letting this go on for as long as it did.
Kyle doesn't have any ill feelings toward me about it though. >>
Dina, print your post out or save it so you'll have a record of when you
talked to her.
It might matter.
Sandra
<< Part of me feels guilty about letting this go on for as long as it did.
Kyle doesn't have any ill feelings toward me about it though. >>
Dina, print your post out or save it so you'll have a record of when you
talked to her.
It might matter.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/11/2003 3:52:01 PM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
Sandra >>>>>>
I agree. Military housing can be quite a different animal when it comes to
behavior. He said she said can turn into the military spouse being reprimanded
by a superior if it gets worse. This way you can prove and remember all the
situations. A good paper trail is always nice.
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Dina, print your post out or save it so you'll have a record of when youIt might matter.
> talked to her.
Sandra >>>>>>
I agree. Military housing can be quite a different animal when it comes to
behavior. He said she said can turn into the military spouse being reprimanded
by a superior if it gets worse. This way you can prove and remember all the
situations. A good paper trail is always nice.
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The Clifton's
Yea, Sandra, I've been saving this whole thread.
This morning when they all came out to play, Elliot went up to Kyle and
stuck his hand out to shake Kyle's and called a truce. He asked Kyle if they
could be friends. I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open but hopefully the
worst is behind us.
Thanks
Dina
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
This morning when they all came out to play, Elliot went up to Kyle and
stuck his hand out to shake Kyle's and called a truce. He asked Kyle if they
could be friends. I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open but hopefully the
worst is behind us.
Thanks
Dina
> Dina, print your post out or save it so you'll have a record of when youthe moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
> talked to her.
> It might matter.
>
> Sandra
>
>
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In a message dated 6/11/2003 11:36:49 PM Eastern Standard Time,
rpclif14@... writes:
parents attitudes just don't match up. (hidden abuse?) Good to see that things
are going better though.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rpclif14@... writes:
> This morning when they all came out to play, Elliot went up to Kyle andInvite him to your house, A LOT!! Something tells me his actions and his
> stuck his hand out to shake Kyle's and called a truce. He asked Kyle if they
> could be friends. I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open but hopefully the
> worst is behind us.
>
> Thanks
> Dina
>
parents attitudes just don't match up. (hidden abuse?) Good to see that things
are going better though.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The Clifton's
> Invite him to your house, A LOT!! Something tells me his actions and histhings
> parents attitudes just don't match up. (hidden abuse?) Good to see that
> are going better though.Thanks, Nancy
>
> Nancy
Later after I posted that last message, he came to my door and apologized to
me. I apologized for yelling at him and told him that I do want to be his
friend. I'll try to reach out as much as I can and still protect my kids. As
far as I can tell, I'm the only mom that sits out in the front yard talking
with all the kids on the street. Hopefully, that will make a difference for
someone.
Dina
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>email to:
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>
>
Have A Nice Day!
As
far as I can tell, I'm the only mom that sits out in the front yard talking
with all the kids on the street. Hopefully, that will make a difference for
someone.<<<<<<<
Hey...I do that too! I pull up a lawn chair and just join right in with the guys when they are chit chatting.
They never seem to mind.
Kristen
far as I can tell, I'm the only mom that sits out in the front yard talking
with all the kids on the street. Hopefully, that will make a difference for
someone.<<<<<<<
Hey...I do that too! I pull up a lawn chair and just join right in with the guys when they are chit chatting.
They never seem to mind.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: The Clifton's
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, June 13, 2003 6:06 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Help with a bully update
> Invite him to your house, A LOT!! Something tells me his actions and his
> parents attitudes just don't match up. (hidden abuse?) Good to see that
things
> are going better though.
>
> Nancy
Thanks, Nancy
Later after I posted that last message, he came to my door and apologized to
me. I apologized for yelling at him and told him that I do want to be his
friend. I'll try to reach out as much as I can and still protect my kids. As
far as I can tell, I'm the only mom that sits out in the front yard talking
with all the kids on the street. Hopefully, that will make a difference for
someone.
Dina
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
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