Children's participation in family responsibilities
[email protected]
Question. What is the "unchooling" thinking on family responsibilities in
regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes... helping
clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
(because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that. ~Kris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes... helping
clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
(because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that. ~Kris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/6/03 8:45:54 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Mattydill@...
writes:
and it falls into respectful parenting.
I try not to make a commitment that will affect the boys unless I talk with
them first. If it is something we "have" to do, can't get out of, and they
really don't want to do it we try to compromise, maybe we can go and stay for a
short time, or dad can go and I will stay home or we can go and then do
something that they do want to do after.
As for the cleaning, whoever feels that any place is dirty beyond their
comfort level cleans. Usually I will be the first as I am usually the first one
uncomfortable. But if the boys see me cleaning the living room they may join in
and help. I try not to disturb things they are working on etc. Sometimes I
will hear Dallen say "I can't find a place to set up my LEGOs" and he will
start cleaning, I will join in and help until it is clean enough for him. I do
pick up here and there so it isn't a total disaster and the boys are pretty
good about picking things up when they are done, may be a week or two before they
are done but they don't want them lost or broken. I feel if I want the house
a certain way it is my decision to keep it that way or reevaluate my
expectations. And I have reevaluated many times. LOL.
Anyway I think we have discussed this before so you could try to find the old
discussions.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> . What is the "unchooling" thinking on family responsibilities inI am not sure it fits strictly into unschooling but maybe a blur of the line
> regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes...
> helping
> clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
> (because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that.
and it falls into respectful parenting.
I try not to make a commitment that will affect the boys unless I talk with
them first. If it is something we "have" to do, can't get out of, and they
really don't want to do it we try to compromise, maybe we can go and stay for a
short time, or dad can go and I will stay home or we can go and then do
something that they do want to do after.
As for the cleaning, whoever feels that any place is dirty beyond their
comfort level cleans. Usually I will be the first as I am usually the first one
uncomfortable. But if the boys see me cleaning the living room they may join in
and help. I try not to disturb things they are working on etc. Sometimes I
will hear Dallen say "I can't find a place to set up my LEGOs" and he will
start cleaning, I will join in and help until it is clean enough for him. I do
pick up here and there so it isn't a total disaster and the boys are pretty
good about picking things up when they are done, may be a week or two before they
are done but they don't want them lost or broken. I feel if I want the house
a certain way it is my decision to keep it that way or reevaluate my
expectations. And I have reevaluated many times. LOL.
Anyway I think we have discussed this before so you could try to find the old
discussions.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/6/03 3:38:30 PM Eastern Daylight Time, genant2@...
writes:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> Anyway I think we have discussed this before so you could try to find theThank you. ~Kris
> old
> discussions.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <Mattydill@...>
<<Question. What is the "unchooling" thinking on family responsibilities in
regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes...
helping
clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
(because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that.>>
I personally feel like unschooling works better in a family when one looks
at the philosophy of child led decisions also working in the dynamics of the
house too.
I am a clean and neat nut. I'm married to someone who likes clean but
doesn't at all see mess, clutter, piles and what have you. He'll actually
step over stuff instead of picking it up. I knew that when I married him and
he knew I was a nut about organization but still married me anyway too. He
doesn't hassle me about being anal and I don't hassle him about his clutter
of "stuff." He has places where he can do as he pleases and I do too. Out of
respect to me in how I feel, he tries (he really does!) to organize things
in the family living space. Aside from that, I do it all. He has his things
to do around here and at the office all day and I have my things that I do
best. I don't nag at him to make things neat when he could care less. Why
should I?? So take everything I said and just apply kids to it too. I didn't
have them to be little maids and I knew darn well that kids make clutter.
It, for the most part, isn't important to them so why should I try and
"make" it be important?
There are certain parts of the house that I ask to be kept a certain way.
That's for me. The kids don't play in the living room. When they do, they
know to take everything back out with them and put it away. Usually the only
things that end up in there are hula hoops, jump ropes, balls, etc. Once in
awhile they are left there and I just put them away. Most of the time, the
kids do it. The playroom is theirs and so are their bedrooms. When someone
is coming over to play with them for the day, they try and neaten (is that a
word?) things up a bit. Sometimes when their rooms get overwhelming, I'll go
and clean up or ask them if they want help or just want to do it themselves.
The dining room table of lately looks like it's going to walk away. Unless
I'm having company for dinner, I let that go. If I want to sit at a table, I
can do that in the kitchen. Joseph is our big artist and really needs his
space. Most times his computer desk is way too small for his projects.
Once in awhile the floor of the playroom is scattered with small things that
I can't vacuum around or push. I'll ask for some help in cleaning it up, and
9 chances out of 10, I get that help.
All 4 kids were parented the same way with this and my 17 year old is very
considerate and also very neat and clean herself. The 7 and 8 year olds have
their moments and the 2 year old is a walking tornado!!!!
The only thing I ask them not to do, and see to it is that they don't eat in
their bedrooms. Takes only one crumb to bring ants. The playroom has the
games and TV and they can eat in there with no problem.
My kids don't have chores or help with anything that is done around the
house like cleaning the yard and things unless they ask to help. They put
their dirty clothes in a basket and when laundry is done, I will ask them to
put away their folded clothes. They hang up towels after their showers and
that's about the only things I ask for. I know this was very long but I hope
it helps you somewhat understand what we do here. As far as commitments that
affect the children I'm not sure what you mean?
Mary B
<<Question. What is the "unchooling" thinking on family responsibilities in
regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes...
helping
clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
(because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that.>>
I personally feel like unschooling works better in a family when one looks
at the philosophy of child led decisions also working in the dynamics of the
house too.
I am a clean and neat nut. I'm married to someone who likes clean but
doesn't at all see mess, clutter, piles and what have you. He'll actually
step over stuff instead of picking it up. I knew that when I married him and
he knew I was a nut about organization but still married me anyway too. He
doesn't hassle me about being anal and I don't hassle him about his clutter
of "stuff." He has places where he can do as he pleases and I do too. Out of
respect to me in how I feel, he tries (he really does!) to organize things
in the family living space. Aside from that, I do it all. He has his things
to do around here and at the office all day and I have my things that I do
best. I don't nag at him to make things neat when he could care less. Why
should I?? So take everything I said and just apply kids to it too. I didn't
have them to be little maids and I knew darn well that kids make clutter.
It, for the most part, isn't important to them so why should I try and
"make" it be important?
There are certain parts of the house that I ask to be kept a certain way.
That's for me. The kids don't play in the living room. When they do, they
know to take everything back out with them and put it away. Usually the only
things that end up in there are hula hoops, jump ropes, balls, etc. Once in
awhile they are left there and I just put them away. Most of the time, the
kids do it. The playroom is theirs and so are their bedrooms. When someone
is coming over to play with them for the day, they try and neaten (is that a
word?) things up a bit. Sometimes when their rooms get overwhelming, I'll go
and clean up or ask them if they want help or just want to do it themselves.
The dining room table of lately looks like it's going to walk away. Unless
I'm having company for dinner, I let that go. If I want to sit at a table, I
can do that in the kitchen. Joseph is our big artist and really needs his
space. Most times his computer desk is way too small for his projects.
Once in awhile the floor of the playroom is scattered with small things that
I can't vacuum around or push. I'll ask for some help in cleaning it up, and
9 chances out of 10, I get that help.
All 4 kids were parented the same way with this and my 17 year old is very
considerate and also very neat and clean herself. The 7 and 8 year olds have
their moments and the 2 year old is a walking tornado!!!!
The only thing I ask them not to do, and see to it is that they don't eat in
their bedrooms. Takes only one crumb to bring ants. The playroom has the
games and TV and they can eat in there with no problem.
My kids don't have chores or help with anything that is done around the
house like cleaning the yard and things unless they ask to help. They put
their dirty clothes in a basket and when laundry is done, I will ask them to
put away their folded clothes. They hang up towels after their showers and
that's about the only things I ask for. I know this was very long but I hope
it helps you somewhat understand what we do here. As far as commitments that
affect the children I'm not sure what you mean?
Mary B
Have A Nice Day!
*Most* of the time, I let it go and ask for help as needed with the understanding that the kids can and do say no sometimes.
Other times, when the house is positively overwhelming or there have been LONG periods of time where my kids have done absolutely NOTHING to help anyone out (like a few months), I will ask that they help me with the expectation that they *do*.
Usually those times are when *I* had nothing to do with the mess: people made food and left it out everywhere (and we already have a long standing ant problem here). People left dishes all over the house. Many many times, I clean it up and let them know I cleaned it up, and remind them to please put stuff away.
But after months of that, there are just days where I'm *sick* of having to be the one to clean it up. I have other things I want to do, and I cannot leave stuff just lay around because of the ants. When it gets to that point, I ask them each to pick two chores to do.
Then they go off and do them. I'm trying to remember if they've ever said "no" on a day like that. I don't think they have.
Kristen
Other times, when the house is positively overwhelming or there have been LONG periods of time where my kids have done absolutely NOTHING to help anyone out (like a few months), I will ask that they help me with the expectation that they *do*.
Usually those times are when *I* had nothing to do with the mess: people made food and left it out everywhere (and we already have a long standing ant problem here). People left dishes all over the house. Many many times, I clean it up and let them know I cleaned it up, and remind them to please put stuff away.
But after months of that, there are just days where I'm *sick* of having to be the one to clean it up. I have other things I want to do, and I cannot leave stuff just lay around because of the ants. When it gets to that point, I ask them each to pick two chores to do.
Then they go off and do them. I'm trying to remember if they've ever said "no" on a day like that. I don't think they have.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: Mattydill@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, June 06, 2003 8:44 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Children's participation in family responsibilities
Question. What is the "unchooling" thinking on family responsibilities in
regards to the children? Things such as: cleaning up one's messes... helping
clean out the garage... mom makes a committment that affects the children
(because mom is with kids 24/7)... things like that. ~Kris
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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--- In [email protected], Have A Nice Day!
<litlrooh@c...> wrote:
Oh, this is so ironic! I have followed a bit of flylady advice about
not being a martyr when it comes to housecleaning. Sort not expecting
much from the family, and doing things for them joyfully brings you
joy, and sometimes gets them to pitch in without asking.
My dh and oldest aren't very good about picking up after themselves.
My 3-going-on-4-year-old is more "born organized", likes to clean up
and arrange things, and does things because they need doing, and
graciously helps when asked. Where does she get that from?
The irony is I have become basically immobile with this bad ankle.
And the house is falling apart. I *wish* I could get up and take over
and not have to ask for help at all. I got injured after falling on
water I spilled from shampooing the carpet. The house was in good
shape, I was doing the extra stuff, getting ready for a birthday
party this weekend.
I did something really stupid the other night. Everyone was
downstairs playing and watching tv, and trash and dishes and clothes
were everywhere. So i got up mad and put the knee of the bad ankle on
the seat of my computer chair, and scooted all over picking stuff up
and cleaning. I was so mad that no one was taking initiative when mom
was down. I was mad that I even had to ask, so I didn't. Dh came up
and got mad at me for not asking. They are the types to just step
over something and not pick it up. Passive aggressive crap gets on my
nerves.
:::::Vent over:::::::::
LOL
ang
<litlrooh@c...> wrote:
> *Most* of the time, I let it go and ask for help as needed with theunderstanding that the kids can and do say no sometimes.
> But after months of that, there are just days where I'm *sick* ofhaving to be the one to clean it up.
Oh, this is so ironic! I have followed a bit of flylady advice about
not being a martyr when it comes to housecleaning. Sort not expecting
much from the family, and doing things for them joyfully brings you
joy, and sometimes gets them to pitch in without asking.
My dh and oldest aren't very good about picking up after themselves.
My 3-going-on-4-year-old is more "born organized", likes to clean up
and arrange things, and does things because they need doing, and
graciously helps when asked. Where does she get that from?
The irony is I have become basically immobile with this bad ankle.
And the house is falling apart. I *wish* I could get up and take over
and not have to ask for help at all. I got injured after falling on
water I spilled from shampooing the carpet. The house was in good
shape, I was doing the extra stuff, getting ready for a birthday
party this weekend.
I did something really stupid the other night. Everyone was
downstairs playing and watching tv, and trash and dishes and clothes
were everywhere. So i got up mad and put the knee of the bad ankle on
the seat of my computer chair, and scooted all over picking stuff up
and cleaning. I was so mad that no one was taking initiative when mom
was down. I was mad that I even had to ask, so I didn't. Dh came up
and got mad at me for not asking. They are the types to just step
over something and not pick it up. Passive aggressive crap gets on my
nerves.
:::::Vent over:::::::::
LOL
ang