Shyrley

zenmomma2kids wrote:

> >> To be honest, mine rarely swear. Its when they lose their tempers,
> especially the red-headed youngest that it comes out. When Rhodri
> loses it he cannot be approached or talked too or he lashes out and
> calls anyone near a 'f***** b*****'>>
>
> For me that would be the problem. It's that he's using his words to
> hurt someone else by name calling. My kid could be saying "poopy
> head" and I'd still stop and talk to him about it.

I don't think he's trying to hurt anyone to be honest. I think what he means is 'Leave me alone, I'm angry'.
Its impossible to talk to him during a rage and afterwards he is loving and says he'll try to not swear in future. I assume as he gets older he'll get more in control.

>
>
> I make a BIG distiction about what society considers "bad" words and
> what I do. My definition of "bad" is words that are intended to hurt,
> be they colorful, shocking or the plain old boring variety.

Well yeah. My daughter went througha spate of 'I hate you' when she was 5-9. Now she is old enough to say 'I feel hurt by what you've done/said' when a friend upsets her. It was difficult for a few
years though, truiong to explain that what she said wasn't what she meant. You certianly find out who are your true friends when your children exhibit '*bad* behaviour. I even had people advocating
smacking in order to 'train' them out of it!

>
>
> It's not words, it's the intent. Remember the above words ('f*****
> b*****') could be used in a fairly innocent sentence about one's
> female dog copulating with the neighbor's studly mutt. <g>
>

heehee
Not in Stepford they couldn't. The neighbours would swoon if anything that crude went on :-)

Shyrley


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zenmomma2kids

>> I don't think he's trying to hurt anyone to be honest. I think
what he means is 'Leave me alone, I'm angry'. >>

That's what I figured. But what he's saying is still more pointed and
hurtful than "leave me alone, I'm angry." For me, that would be the
focus of any discussion I had about it.

>>Its impossible to talk to him during a rage and afterwards he is
loving and says he'll try to not swear in future.>>

Maybe you could help him understand that it's the hurt in the words
that's the worst part, even though the uptight neighbors want to tell
you it's the words themselves. I would try to separate the two issues-
swearing and hurtful words. Swearing can have its time and place,
hurtful words are just never appropriate for me.

>>I assume as he gets older he'll get more in control.>>

I'm sure he's a sweetheart. :o)

>>You certianly find out who are your true friends when your children
exhibit '*bad* behaviour. I even had people advocating smacking in
order to 'train' them out of it!>>

Well I hope you smacked the people who were telling you that. Talk
about bad behavior! Hitting a little kid. Sheesh!

>> heehee
Not in Stepford they couldn't.>>

Not in most parts of Utah either. <g>

Life is good.
~Mary