Need suggestions for dealing with distressed child
westlisaa
I haven't posted before. I've been busy deschooling myself. I have
an 8 mo (Zack) old and a 3 yr old (Alex).
Yesterday Alex became a wild child. He is a very active, sensitive
little boy. He suddenly started hitting, throwing, yelling,
running. He was constantly doing things that would hurt himself, his
brother, or me. Tried keeping Zack (8 mo old) in a sling but Alex
kept trying to hit or pull on him. I got Zack to sleep in another
room and tried to do some activities with Alex that he enjoys but he
seemed unable to focus or enjoy them. He just kept running, hitting
things, ect. Tried talking with him but could not get him to stay in
a room long enough to tell me anything or hear what I was saying.
Tried taking him outside but it presented too many opportunities to
hurt himself. He refused to have his diaper changed. I tried making
it into a game. He did not want to be touched (this is unusual for
him, he loves to cuddle). He seemed really distressed but I was
unable to find a way to comfort him.
Dh came home and he had to hold Alex to keep him from hitting
himself, the baby, or me. :-( I thought that he might be having a
reaction to some things he had eaten (he's really sensitive to
certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex to take some anti-
histamine. He refused and became more hysterical. We finally ended
up forcing him to take the medicine. All in all, it seemed like we
did a pretty terrible job. Today Alex is back to his old self. No
aggressive or frantic behaviors. He's playing calmly, and singing to
his brother.
I'm wondering what others would have done. I really need some non-
coersive alternatives in case this happens again. Sorry for the long
post.
Thanks,
Lisa W.
an 8 mo (Zack) old and a 3 yr old (Alex).
Yesterday Alex became a wild child. He is a very active, sensitive
little boy. He suddenly started hitting, throwing, yelling,
running. He was constantly doing things that would hurt himself, his
brother, or me. Tried keeping Zack (8 mo old) in a sling but Alex
kept trying to hit or pull on him. I got Zack to sleep in another
room and tried to do some activities with Alex that he enjoys but he
seemed unable to focus or enjoy them. He just kept running, hitting
things, ect. Tried talking with him but could not get him to stay in
a room long enough to tell me anything or hear what I was saying.
Tried taking him outside but it presented too many opportunities to
hurt himself. He refused to have his diaper changed. I tried making
it into a game. He did not want to be touched (this is unusual for
him, he loves to cuddle). He seemed really distressed but I was
unable to find a way to comfort him.
Dh came home and he had to hold Alex to keep him from hitting
himself, the baby, or me. :-( I thought that he might be having a
reaction to some things he had eaten (he's really sensitive to
certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex to take some anti-
histamine. He refused and became more hysterical. We finally ended
up forcing him to take the medicine. All in all, it seemed like we
did a pretty terrible job. Today Alex is back to his old self. No
aggressive or frantic behaviors. He's playing calmly, and singing to
his brother.
I'm wondering what others would have done. I really need some non-
coersive alternatives in case this happens again. Sorry for the long
post.
Thanks,
Lisa W.
[email protected]
My thoughts on the diaper situation: Why make him put it on right then?
My younger kids 12 mo and when 3yr would often run/crawl around with no
diapers on. With the older one it was more a sign that she was ready to go
diaperless so we did. It was only a matter of days and she was going in the potty
during the day.
My now 12 mo old began at about 8 month to resist getting his diaper changed.
He would crawl off and did not want any part of laying down. Since then I
let him crawl away. He may be without a diaper for an hour or if I find him
standing somewhere I just put it on.
I think over the past few months I have changed him standing 97% or the time
it's just easier on both of us.
When it comes to medicine it can be tough esp if the child knows what it is.
I can now give the 3 yr. old say dimeatap but when she was younger I had to
put it in her cup. I never force fed it just doesn't work. If you have a child
that requires meds more often or resists try a cup. Our DH drinks chocolate
so when we needed to she could never taste it.
But again I think it comes down to how much a child gets sick and weather
they know the drill.
Laura D
In a message dated 5/24/2003 11:36:48 AM Eastern Standard Time,
westlisaa@... writes:
My younger kids 12 mo and when 3yr would often run/crawl around with no
diapers on. With the older one it was more a sign that she was ready to go
diaperless so we did. It was only a matter of days and she was going in the potty
during the day.
My now 12 mo old began at about 8 month to resist getting his diaper changed.
He would crawl off and did not want any part of laying down. Since then I
let him crawl away. He may be without a diaper for an hour or if I find him
standing somewhere I just put it on.
I think over the past few months I have changed him standing 97% or the time
it's just easier on both of us.
When it comes to medicine it can be tough esp if the child knows what it is.
I can now give the 3 yr. old say dimeatap but when she was younger I had to
put it in her cup. I never force fed it just doesn't work. If you have a child
that requires meds more often or resists try a cup. Our DH drinks chocolate
so when we needed to she could never taste it.
But again I think it comes down to how much a child gets sick and weather
they know the drill.
Laura D
In a message dated 5/24/2003 11:36:48 AM Eastern Standard Time,
westlisaa@... writes:
> I haven't posted before. I've been busy deschooling myself. I have[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> an 8 mo (Zack) old and a 3 yr old (Alex).
>
> Yesterday Alex became a wild child. He is a very active, sensitive
> little boy. He suddenly started hitting, throwing, yelling,
> running. He was constantly doing things that would hurt himself, his
> brother, or me. Tried keeping Zack (8 mo old) in a sling but Alex
> kept trying to hit or pull on him. I got Zack to sleep in another
> room and tried to do some activities with Alex that he enjoys but he
> seemed unable to focus or enjoy them. He just kept running, hitting
> things, ect. Tried talking with him but could not get him to stay in
> a room long enough to tell me anything or hear what I was saying.
> Tried taking him outside but it presented too many opportunities to
> hurt himself. He refused to have his diaper changed. I tried making
> it into a game. He did not want to be touched (this is unusual for
> him, he loves to cuddle). He seemed really distressed but I was
> unable to find a way to comfort him.
>
> Dh came home and he had to hold Alex to keep him from hitting
> himself, the baby, or me. :-( I thought that he might be having a
> reaction to some things he had eaten (he's really sensitive to
> certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex to take some anti-
> histamine. He refused and became more hysterical. We finally ended
> up forcing him to take the medicine. All in all, it seemed like we
> did a pretty terrible job. Today Alex is back to his old self. No
> aggressive or frantic behaviors. He's playing calmly, and singing to
> his brother.
>
> I'm wondering what others would have done. I really need some non-
> coersive alternatives in case this happens again. Sorry for the long
> post.
>
> Thanks,
> Lisa W.
Robyn Coburn
<<I thought that he might be having a reaction to some things he had
eaten (he's really sensitive to certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex
to take some anti-histamine>>
You may have hit the nail on the head for the cause if it was a sudden
change in behavior. The first time Jayn (@ 20 mths) got some peanut she
first started running around wildly, then came up in hives around her
mouth, then threw up. Who knew she was sensitive to it? Now if she
accidentally ingests some she first becomes very quiet and withdrawn,
goes off to a corner and then throws up after a while. The important
thing is to invite her to throw up, to make it go away quicker.
She is also very reluctant to take any medicines on the fortunately rare
occasions she has a cold. Since they are really only for her comfort,
rather than actually therapeutic, it doesn't worry me. Sometimes if she
really has had trouble sleeping due to stuffy nose, I will sneak some
flavored cold medicine into a juice drink. The problem is that she
doesn't like the flavors they have, especially cherry. :p Seems like
this solution would not have helped you. I don't know what we would do
if it were some serious issue that needed the medicine. Probably end up
having to insist, as you did. Sometimes with ointments Jayn refuses, but
if I sit quietly and wait, without comments or cajoling, after a few
minutes she says, "I'm ready now". Again, I'm not sure this would have
applied in your situation with the wildness. It seems like he may have
forgotten and forgiven. I think I would probably talk to him about the
need to sometimes take medicine, and also do some serious investigation
with him as to the cause - either external or internal. I'd be
interested to know if you are able to track it down. BTW did the
antihistamine help or have no effect? That would be a clue.
Maybe if it occurs again and were possible, take him somewhere where he
could really run, a large park or field; perhaps he needed the physical
response to help get the "contaminant" out of his system.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
eaten (he's really sensitive to certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex
to take some anti-histamine>>
You may have hit the nail on the head for the cause if it was a sudden
change in behavior. The first time Jayn (@ 20 mths) got some peanut she
first started running around wildly, then came up in hives around her
mouth, then threw up. Who knew she was sensitive to it? Now if she
accidentally ingests some she first becomes very quiet and withdrawn,
goes off to a corner and then throws up after a while. The important
thing is to invite her to throw up, to make it go away quicker.
She is also very reluctant to take any medicines on the fortunately rare
occasions she has a cold. Since they are really only for her comfort,
rather than actually therapeutic, it doesn't worry me. Sometimes if she
really has had trouble sleeping due to stuffy nose, I will sneak some
flavored cold medicine into a juice drink. The problem is that she
doesn't like the flavors they have, especially cherry. :p Seems like
this solution would not have helped you. I don't know what we would do
if it were some serious issue that needed the medicine. Probably end up
having to insist, as you did. Sometimes with ointments Jayn refuses, but
if I sit quietly and wait, without comments or cajoling, after a few
minutes she says, "I'm ready now". Again, I'm not sure this would have
applied in your situation with the wildness. It seems like he may have
forgotten and forgiven. I think I would probably talk to him about the
need to sometimes take medicine, and also do some serious investigation
with him as to the cause - either external or internal. I'd be
interested to know if you are able to track it down. BTW did the
antihistamine help or have no effect? That would be a clue.
Maybe if it occurs again and were possible, take him somewhere where he
could really run, a large park or field; perhaps he needed the physical
response to help get the "contaminant" out of his system.
Robyn Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
liza sabater
Hi All,
Time to jump in. First, I'M BACK! I took a break from the boards after
my father passed away. I just needed to have as much quiet time as I
could get.
Life in NYC is getting, let's say, more and more demanding what with
the recession we are experiencing (nobody wants to call it that, but I
will). So I took the time off to regroup. I must be feeling better
because I definitely missed you all.
I'm happy I am back.
Now to the subject at hand.
was having an allergic reaction of some sorts. That used to happen to
my Evan, who was consistently colicky until 6-8 months and
intermittently until he was about 2 years old. Even these days (he
turns 6 in August), when he is in a crabby mood and throwing tantrums
for no reason, I know it has to do more with a physical reaction than
an emotional need.
How have I handled outbursts? He is not a hitter but he will throw
himself on the floor and in the process he has hurt himself. When he
was 3, I would just sit on the floor and hold him. By then, though, we
were on the right track, identifying all his allergies (17 markers) and
making changes to our health care options. We use homeopathy and
chiropractic medicine to deal with his allergies, eczema, asthma and
irritable bowel syndrome. We use conventional allopathic drugs when the
allergens (especially environmental ones like pollen or dust) are so
bad that nothing works.
When he was that little, after the episode, we would 'review' it. We
would talk about what he went through and try to find the words to
describe it. I remember being surprised by Evan's first own description
of a throat infection --he described it as having a sandshrew stuck in
his throat (for all you Pokemon fans, guess which episode that
reference comes from). Given the colic hell we lived through his first
2 years of life, I have to say that his explanation was like winning
the lottery. There is nothing more depressing than to have your baby
screaming to the top of his lungs and not knowing how to help them.
So see if you can talk about the incident with him. It actually has
been one of the most empowering things for Evan --to be able to explain
what he is going through so that we can figure out what caused the
distress. Because once he knows the cause, then he can control the
potential reaction. He is not anymore at the mercy of unknowns
attacking his body.
Best,
l i z a
==============================
www.culturekitchen.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Time to jump in. First, I'M BACK! I took a break from the boards after
my father passed away. I just needed to have as much quiet time as I
could get.
Life in NYC is getting, let's say, more and more demanding what with
the recession we are experiencing (nobody wants to call it that, but I
will). So I took the time off to regroup. I must be feeling better
because I definitely missed you all.
I'm happy I am back.
Now to the subject at hand.
> I thought that he might be having aLisa, I read your post and I have to say that it does sound like Alex
> reaction to some things he had eaten (he's really sensitive to
> certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex to take some anti-
> histamine. He refused and became more hysterical.
was having an allergic reaction of some sorts. That used to happen to
my Evan, who was consistently colicky until 6-8 months and
intermittently until he was about 2 years old. Even these days (he
turns 6 in August), when he is in a crabby mood and throwing tantrums
for no reason, I know it has to do more with a physical reaction than
an emotional need.
How have I handled outbursts? He is not a hitter but he will throw
himself on the floor and in the process he has hurt himself. When he
was 3, I would just sit on the floor and hold him. By then, though, we
were on the right track, identifying all his allergies (17 markers) and
making changes to our health care options. We use homeopathy and
chiropractic medicine to deal with his allergies, eczema, asthma and
irritable bowel syndrome. We use conventional allopathic drugs when the
allergens (especially environmental ones like pollen or dust) are so
bad that nothing works.
When he was that little, after the episode, we would 'review' it. We
would talk about what he went through and try to find the words to
describe it. I remember being surprised by Evan's first own description
of a throat infection --he described it as having a sandshrew stuck in
his throat (for all you Pokemon fans, guess which episode that
reference comes from). Given the colic hell we lived through his first
2 years of life, I have to say that his explanation was like winning
the lottery. There is nothing more depressing than to have your baby
screaming to the top of his lungs and not knowing how to help them.
So see if you can talk about the incident with him. It actually has
been one of the most empowering things for Evan --to be able to explain
what he is going through so that we can figure out what caused the
distress. Because once he knows the cause, then he can control the
potential reaction. He is not anymore at the mercy of unknowns
attacking his body.
Best,
l i z a
==============================
www.culturekitchen.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Clevenger
From: "Robyn Coburn" <dezigna@...>
<<I thought that he might be having a reaction to some things he had
eaten (he's really sensitive to certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex
to take some anti-histamine>>
The behavior you describe sounds *exactly* like my son if he gets any dairy
in his system. He will get so manic, he'll throw himself against walls, run
around in circles, break down weeping and screaming, etc. It's really
frightening, both to watch as a parent and feel helpless, and for him being
inside of it and not knowing how to handle it. When it happens now, I just
take a deep breath, say to myself "There's nothing he can do about this,
he's as scared and upset about this as I am", and just try and do as best as
I can to keep him from hurting himself or others. I hold him if he wants
holding, or try to give him options to help equalize the feelings he's
having (safe things to bash on, like a big plastic baseball bat he can slam
against a tree, or something similar), give him deep pressure squeezes if he
wants that (sometimes it helps him feel more organized inside). I tell
myself that this will pass, and it always does. Fortunately, now that we've
identified the triggers, eliminated most of the allergies that cause it via
NAET (www.naet.com) and avoid the one that we haven't been able to eliminate
(dairy), this happens very infrequently.
I guess my best suggestions are to do your best to identify and either avoid
or fix the allergic reactions that are happening for him. Once you do that,
this kind of day should be very rare and you can recognize it for what it
is. When it happens, cancel all plans, remind yourself of the things that
are important, and buckle in for the ride. Just try and help him through it.
Afterwards, you can talk to him about it and help him understand what is
happening inside him. I know my son really hates the way it feels and he
hates being out of control, so it really helps him if I just remind him that
it is not his "fault" and that it will pass, it *will* be over. He knows
that I'm on his side and not blaming him or trying to make him feel bad for
anything. Mostly, like I said, I just have to make sure he doesn't hurt
himself or others (once, he almost managed to break through a window with
his body, he slammed into it so hard <shudder> ).
If you're concerned about how to approach this respectfully, just think
about how you'd want to be treated if you had some kind of fit and a friend
was present. How could they best help you? It *is* hard to go through this.
Make sure you are not around unsupportive people in this kind of time,
because you sure don't need the extra stress of dealing with that, and
neither does the child.
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
<<I thought that he might be having a reaction to some things he had
eaten (he's really sensitive to certain chemicals) and tried to get Alex
to take some anti-histamine>>
The behavior you describe sounds *exactly* like my son if he gets any dairy
in his system. He will get so manic, he'll throw himself against walls, run
around in circles, break down weeping and screaming, etc. It's really
frightening, both to watch as a parent and feel helpless, and for him being
inside of it and not knowing how to handle it. When it happens now, I just
take a deep breath, say to myself "There's nothing he can do about this,
he's as scared and upset about this as I am", and just try and do as best as
I can to keep him from hurting himself or others. I hold him if he wants
holding, or try to give him options to help equalize the feelings he's
having (safe things to bash on, like a big plastic baseball bat he can slam
against a tree, or something similar), give him deep pressure squeezes if he
wants that (sometimes it helps him feel more organized inside). I tell
myself that this will pass, and it always does. Fortunately, now that we've
identified the triggers, eliminated most of the allergies that cause it via
NAET (www.naet.com) and avoid the one that we haven't been able to eliminate
(dairy), this happens very infrequently.
I guess my best suggestions are to do your best to identify and either avoid
or fix the allergic reactions that are happening for him. Once you do that,
this kind of day should be very rare and you can recognize it for what it
is. When it happens, cancel all plans, remind yourself of the things that
are important, and buckle in for the ride. Just try and help him through it.
Afterwards, you can talk to him about it and help him understand what is
happening inside him. I know my son really hates the way it feels and he
hates being out of control, so it really helps him if I just remind him that
it is not his "fault" and that it will pass, it *will* be over. He knows
that I'm on his side and not blaming him or trying to make him feel bad for
anything. Mostly, like I said, I just have to make sure he doesn't hurt
himself or others (once, he almost managed to break through a window with
his body, he slammed into it so hard <shudder> ).
If you're concerned about how to approach this respectfully, just think
about how you'd want to be treated if you had some kind of fit and a friend
was present. How could they best help you? It *is* hard to go through this.
Make sure you are not around unsupportive people in this kind of time,
because you sure don't need the extra stress of dealing with that, and
neither does the child.
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
[email protected]
> I thought that he might be having aI'm really behind in responding to posts, but have you heard of the Feingold
> reaction to some things he had eaten (he's really sensitive to
> certain chemicals)
plan? There's an article in this issue of Mothering and you can go to
www.feingold.org to get more info.
I have a 4 year old, asthmatic, many allergies, very chemically sensitive.
We've been doing the plan for about a month and the change in my boy is
amazing! The basic plan is to eliminate all artifical colors, flavors and
preservatives and, for the first four weeks, all natural salycalites (apples, grapes,
oranges, etc.). It's hard at first and feels just so restrictive that it
drives you crazy. But knowing that diet can help my son to feel better is worth
it. He used to have major meltdowns daily that lasted for an hour or two. Now,
he still gets upset - what 4 year old doesn't - but he can work through it
and get over it.
Yesterday he had some Wendy's chicken nuggets and french fries after a
brownie and frozen waffle. He felt like he was crawling out of his skin all day.
"Too many chemicals, Mommy." I think of the past month as a detox and now we
will be more careful what he eats. He's been very involved in the whole
process and likes being the way he is now.
This may be way off the mark for your situation, but I thought I'd share.
Elizabeth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]