Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...
[email protected]
Hi. :-) My name is Lara ... I discovered unschooling oh, about 15 minutes
ago (well, really about a week) after homeschooling with workbooks etc (my mom
sent me a copy of HEM she had picked up at a used bookstore). Anyway, it
excites and thrills me, and my husband, and I immediately let my children began to
lead their own learning processes. It seems to right.
But I have some questions - my kids are 5 (Corwin) and 3 (Peregrine). And are
wonderful, enthusiastic, questioning kids. I have no doubts that they will
learn what they need when they need it.
But I do have questions about general discipline issues - some things I
(think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are after all 5 and 3 and
can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing tomatoes), and some general "how
you treat other people" issues - what to do when Corwin pushes his sister or
yells at her (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) or when they play
games with the dog the dog is unwilling to play? ...
And after setting rules, since I don't "punish" or "threaten" them, if I ask
them to stop something and they don't, I find I have no actual recourse but to
explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do those things ... is that enough?
I mean, usually they understand and agree, ... I don't know, as I type this I
realize that when I do what I know is right, sit down with them and talk with
them about things it generally works out fine. So perhaps this question isn't
necessary, but how do you all deal with these things?
And finally, my son especially is so full of wonderful questions, and I love
to go through things with him and answer questions, but how far do I take
answering each question, as he can't read yet and usually the process of getting
the answers that he wants bores his sister, and he'd ask questions all day if
I'd answer them all. I mean, it is wonderful, but is there a time when I can
say to him "ok, now I'm going to take some quiet time, ..."? I mean, of course
I have to determine what is ok for me to say, but how do you all deal with
this? Do you even find it a difficulty?
Any other incredibly profound words of wisdom to offer? I would love to hear
them.
(Also, did I do this right? Just send out an e-mail to the unschooling-dotcom
address? I've never been in an e-mail group before ... is there a way to only
follow certain threads .... my e-mail is getting overwhelmed and I don't
spend much time on the computer every day ...)?
Well, thanks for everything, and mostly for being out there and for opening
my eyes to this truth, so brilliant and obvious once seen, but something I know
I would never have even realized had I continued in the mold in which I grew
up ...
Bye! Lara :-)
ago (well, really about a week) after homeschooling with workbooks etc (my mom
sent me a copy of HEM she had picked up at a used bookstore). Anyway, it
excites and thrills me, and my husband, and I immediately let my children began to
lead their own learning processes. It seems to right.
But I have some questions - my kids are 5 (Corwin) and 3 (Peregrine). And are
wonderful, enthusiastic, questioning kids. I have no doubts that they will
learn what they need when they need it.
But I do have questions about general discipline issues - some things I
(think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are after all 5 and 3 and
can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing tomatoes), and some general "how
you treat other people" issues - what to do when Corwin pushes his sister or
yells at her (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) or when they play
games with the dog the dog is unwilling to play? ...
And after setting rules, since I don't "punish" or "threaten" them, if I ask
them to stop something and they don't, I find I have no actual recourse but to
explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do those things ... is that enough?
I mean, usually they understand and agree, ... I don't know, as I type this I
realize that when I do what I know is right, sit down with them and talk with
them about things it generally works out fine. So perhaps this question isn't
necessary, but how do you all deal with these things?
And finally, my son especially is so full of wonderful questions, and I love
to go through things with him and answer questions, but how far do I take
answering each question, as he can't read yet and usually the process of getting
the answers that he wants bores his sister, and he'd ask questions all day if
I'd answer them all. I mean, it is wonderful, but is there a time when I can
say to him "ok, now I'm going to take some quiet time, ..."? I mean, of course
I have to determine what is ok for me to say, but how do you all deal with
this? Do you even find it a difficulty?
Any other incredibly profound words of wisdom to offer? I would love to hear
them.
(Also, did I do this right? Just send out an e-mail to the unschooling-dotcom
address? I've never been in an e-mail group before ... is there a way to only
follow certain threads .... my e-mail is getting overwhelmed and I don't
spend much time on the computer every day ...)?
Well, thanks for everything, and mostly for being out there and for opening
my eyes to this truth, so brilliant and obvious once seen, but something I know
I would never have even realized had I continued in the mold in which I grew
up ...
Bye! Lara :-)
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/03 1:00:07 PM, LaraHaywar@... writes:
Last things first:
-=-(Also, did I do this right? Just send out an e-mail to the
unschooling-dotcom
address? I've never been in an e-mail group before ... is there a way to only
follow certain threads ...-=-
Yes!
If you have a mailing program that will sort things out (that would be on
your computer, not on yahoo) you probably could sort by threads, but some days
aren't so busy here.
If you don't want so much e-mail, though, you could read all of
www.unschooling.com
and if you're not too tired of reading, sandradodd.com/unschooling or
sandradodd.com/life
<< But I do have questions about general discipline issues - some things I
(think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are after all 5 and 3
and
can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing tomatoes), and some general
"how
you treat other people" issues - what to do when Corwin pushes his sister or
yells at her (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) or when they play
games with the dog the dog is unwilling to play? ... >>
Knives and 400 degree ovens aren't changed by unschooling.
Maybe a kid's need for access to them does, but in VERY direct proportion, so
does his constant adult supervision!
Why would you think unschoolers' kids push or yell more than others?
(Clue: I think it's less, because they're not as frustrated.)
Get into it as you go. It's like riding a bicycle. Just get on and go!
You'll figure out the nuances.
-=-since I don't "punish" or "threaten" them, if I ask
them to stop something and they don't, I find I have no actual recourse but
to
explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do those things ... is that enough?
. . . . but how do you all deal with these things? -=-
There are lots of things to do besides explaining. You can pick them up and
hug and rock them, give them popsicles, take them for a stroller ride or car
ride, put on happy music, pop in a funny video, ask one to go on a really fun
little errand and ask the other one to give you a hug while he's gone.
<<he'd ask questions all day if
I'd answer them all>>
You SHOULD answer them all, and he will NOT ask questions all day.
"He would do X all day" is a kind of phrase lots of suspicious and resistent
parents say.
Here, especially, we hear
He would play Nintendo all day if I'd let him.
He would watch TV all day if I let him.
He would sleep all day if I let him.
None of those has ever, ever once been proven true.
But you're the first one I've heard claim your kid would ask questions all
day if you'd answer them! <g>
As to how much answer, just a little. If he wants more he'll ask more. If
that was enough he'll think about it a while and THEN ask more, later, next
week, next year. "Where do babies come from?" is a very easy answer. It differs
depending what the kid already knows, but first pass is "They grow inside
their moms." You don't need to say more the first time if they don't ask. More
would be too much, probably, the first time.
Same with the history of Liberia, or castles, or kangaroos, or anything.
Sandra
Last things first:
-=-(Also, did I do this right? Just send out an e-mail to the
unschooling-dotcom
address? I've never been in an e-mail group before ... is there a way to only
follow certain threads ...-=-
Yes!
If you have a mailing program that will sort things out (that would be on
your computer, not on yahoo) you probably could sort by threads, but some days
aren't so busy here.
If you don't want so much e-mail, though, you could read all of
www.unschooling.com
and if you're not too tired of reading, sandradodd.com/unschooling or
sandradodd.com/life
<< But I do have questions about general discipline issues - some things I
(think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are after all 5 and 3
and
can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing tomatoes), and some general
"how
you treat other people" issues - what to do when Corwin pushes his sister or
yells at her (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) or when they play
games with the dog the dog is unwilling to play? ... >>
Knives and 400 degree ovens aren't changed by unschooling.
Maybe a kid's need for access to them does, but in VERY direct proportion, so
does his constant adult supervision!
Why would you think unschoolers' kids push or yell more than others?
(Clue: I think it's less, because they're not as frustrated.)
Get into it as you go. It's like riding a bicycle. Just get on and go!
You'll figure out the nuances.
-=-since I don't "punish" or "threaten" them, if I ask
them to stop something and they don't, I find I have no actual recourse but
to
explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do those things ... is that enough?
. . . . but how do you all deal with these things? -=-
There are lots of things to do besides explaining. You can pick them up and
hug and rock them, give them popsicles, take them for a stroller ride or car
ride, put on happy music, pop in a funny video, ask one to go on a really fun
little errand and ask the other one to give you a hug while he's gone.
<<he'd ask questions all day if
I'd answer them all>>
You SHOULD answer them all, and he will NOT ask questions all day.
"He would do X all day" is a kind of phrase lots of suspicious and resistent
parents say.
Here, especially, we hear
He would play Nintendo all day if I'd let him.
He would watch TV all day if I let him.
He would sleep all day if I let him.
None of those has ever, ever once been proven true.
But you're the first one I've heard claim your kid would ask questions all
day if you'd answer them! <g>
As to how much answer, just a little. If he wants more he'll ask more. If
that was enough he'll think about it a while and THEN ask more, later, next
week, next year. "Where do babies come from?" is a very easy answer. It differs
depending what the kid already knows, but first pass is "They grow inside
their moms." You don't need to say more the first time if they don't ask. More
would be too much, probably, the first time.
Same with the history of Liberia, or castles, or kangaroos, or anything.
Sandra
joanne comito
>I think when kids are really young, they need firm
> And after setting rules, since I don't "punish" or
> "threaten" them, if I ask
> them to stop something and they don't, I find I have
> no actual recourse but to
> explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do those
> things ... is that enough?
guidance. They need to know "this is ok", "this isn't
ok".
"It isn't ok to pull the cat's tail--that hurts."
I don't think they need or want a lot of involved
explanation. They are trying to figure out the world,
make sense of things, and we are there to help them to
do that and to keep them safe. I don't think
unschooling means leaving kids (esp at this age)
totally to their own devices. I realize you're not
saying this, but it seems like you're looking for
permission to give your kids limits.
Set your env't up to be safe and kid-friendly so
they can explore and play and mess around freely.
Thinking back, (way before unschooling was even in my
vocabulary) I remember using the word "No" very very
rarely with my dtr. I would point out things that
might be dangerous to her (outlets, fireplace etc) and
she understood very quickly. I didn't have to explain
why things might be dangerous--she just took my word
for it.
Not to say she always agreed with me on other things!
Now that she's 11, life is much easier. :)
joanne
__________________________________
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The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
http://search.yahoo.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/03 2:52:47 PM, joannec28804@... writes:
<< Set your env't up to be safe and kid-friendly so
they can explore and play and mess around freely.
Thinking back, (way before unschooling was even in my
vocabulary) I remember using the word "No" very very
rarely with my dtr. I would point out things that
might be dangerous to her (outlets, fireplace etc) and
she understood very quickly. I didn't have to explain
why things might be dangerous--she just took my word
for it. >>
Once when Kirby was three or four, we were at an SCA event and he tripped and
fell flat down and was scared and crying.
I picked him up and checked him and then showed him what he had tripped over.
There was a low string-and-stake marker that the older, taller humans were
just stepping over without thinking about it, but Kirby was new to this world.
It helped him to know WHY he had fallen, not just that he was going to be
okay. And after that, that day, he knew where the stakes and strings were.
An unmarried male friend of mine witnessed all that and made a mushy speech
about me being a good mom. That was nice, but what I didn't expect was that
later that day he opened up to me about having fathered a daughter whose mother
wanted nothing to do with him, and he was not in touch with the daughter at
all, and so he always watched parents with their children wistfully. I offered
to help him find her whenever he was ready. He said she was about fifteen at
that time.
One thing leads to another.
Sandra
<< Set your env't up to be safe and kid-friendly so
they can explore and play and mess around freely.
Thinking back, (way before unschooling was even in my
vocabulary) I remember using the word "No" very very
rarely with my dtr. I would point out things that
might be dangerous to her (outlets, fireplace etc) and
she understood very quickly. I didn't have to explain
why things might be dangerous--she just took my word
for it. >>
Once when Kirby was three or four, we were at an SCA event and he tripped and
fell flat down and was scared and crying.
I picked him up and checked him and then showed him what he had tripped over.
There was a low string-and-stake marker that the older, taller humans were
just stepping over without thinking about it, but Kirby was new to this world.
It helped him to know WHY he had fallen, not just that he was going to be
okay. And after that, that day, he knew where the stakes and strings were.
An unmarried male friend of mine witnessed all that and made a mushy speech
about me being a good mom. That was nice, but what I didn't expect was that
later that day he opened up to me about having fathered a daughter whose mother
wanted nothing to do with him, and he was not in touch with the daughter at
all, and so he always watched parents with their children wistfully. I offered
to help him find her whenever he was ready. He said she was about fifteen at
that time.
One thing leads to another.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/03 4:43:07 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
complete, 'let's research this and do all sorts of stuff to explain it'
answer, which is why I think it seems to hard to do other things, like laundry and
eat and sleep, when I am busy answering questions. :-) but if I just give an
simple answer and then give more if he asks, I think I'll have less pressure.
And no, he wouldn't really ask questions ALL day, just most of it. :-) He is
a wonderfully curious kid.
And I'm not at all resistant about the idea - I LOVE it, and am so thrilled I
found it. I just don't know what is best for him, to answer and answer and
answer, which seems like giving a 5 year old too much information, or to let him
discover things himself without me answering it all. I guess simple answers
sort of takes care of that dilemma. thanks. :-)
>As to how much answer, just a little. If he wants more he'll ask more.I think that makes the difference. I have always tried to give him this long,
> If
>that was enough he'll think about it a while and THEN ask more, later,
>next
>week, next year. "Where do babies come from?" is a very easy answer.
>It differs
>depending what the kid already knows, but first pass is "They grow inside
>
>their moms." You don't need to say more the first time if they don't
>ask. More
>would be too much, probably, the first time.
complete, 'let's research this and do all sorts of stuff to explain it'
answer, which is why I think it seems to hard to do other things, like laundry and
eat and sleep, when I am busy answering questions. :-) but if I just give an
simple answer and then give more if he asks, I think I'll have less pressure.
And no, he wouldn't really ask questions ALL day, just most of it. :-) He is
a wonderfully curious kid.
And I'm not at all resistant about the idea - I LOVE it, and am so thrilled I
found it. I just don't know what is best for him, to answer and answer and
answer, which seems like giving a 5 year old too much information, or to let him
discover things himself without me answering it all. I guess simple answers
sort of takes care of that dilemma. thanks. :-)
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/03 4:52:17 PM, joannec28804@... writes:
far, and have loved putting it into practice, but the unschooling thinking
I've been doing has also been bringing to the fore my other thoughts I've
puzzled with, as to how much freedom to give a 5 and 3 year old? can I give them as
much as they want? ... etc ... anyway, it seemed related to this unschooling
site ... sorry if it wasn't ... I think changing so much of my current world
view so quickly is causing me to reevaluate other things I've sort of either
been complacent about, or even uncertain about but not ready to do anything about
changing.
I have gotten some good advice so far on how to approach things with the
kids, neither disciplining nor allowing, and I love the statement that they are
just trying to figure out their world. I think in the end, that is what all of
their actions boil down to, and it is important for me to remember that.
Lara :-)
>I realize you're notI guess that's it, in a way. I am enthusiastic, and I love the concept and so
>saying this, but it seems like you're looking for
>permission to give your kids limits.
far, and have loved putting it into practice, but the unschooling thinking
I've been doing has also been bringing to the fore my other thoughts I've
puzzled with, as to how much freedom to give a 5 and 3 year old? can I give them as
much as they want? ... etc ... anyway, it seemed related to this unschooling
site ... sorry if it wasn't ... I think changing so much of my current world
view so quickly is causing me to reevaluate other things I've sort of either
been complacent about, or even uncertain about but not ready to do anything about
changing.
I have gotten some good advice so far on how to approach things with the
kids, neither disciplining nor allowing, and I love the statement that they are
just trying to figure out their world. I think in the end, that is what all of
their actions boil down to, and it is important for me to remember that.
Lara :-)
joanne comito
--- LaraHaywar@... wrote:
related to unschooling--sorry if it came off that way.
I'm sorta new to posting! Actually, I think it's
very related in that the way we interact with our kids
every day is what it's all about.
I, too, am working on changing my world view and it
isn't always cut and dry, is it? This list has made
me question a lot of my ideas and that's been a good
and really exciting thing. And it has made my
relationship with my kids so much more joyful.
joanne
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
http://search.yahoo.com
>I didn't mean to imply that your question wasn't
>, but
> the unschooling thinking
> I've been doing has also been bringing to the fore
> my other thoughts I've
> puzzled with, as to how much freedom to give a 5 and
> 3 year old? can I give them as
> much as they want? ... etc ... anyway, it seemed
> related to this unschooling
> site ... sorry if it wasn't ... I think changing so
> much of my current world
> view so quickly is causing me to reevaluate other
> things I've sort of either
> been complacent about, or even uncertain about but
> not ready to do anything about
> changing.
>
> Hey Lara,
related to unschooling--sorry if it came off that way.
I'm sorta new to posting! Actually, I think it's
very related in that the way we interact with our kids
every day is what it's all about.
I, too, am working on changing my world view and it
isn't always cut and dry, is it? This list has made
me question a lot of my ideas and that's been a good
and really exciting thing. And it has made my
relationship with my kids so much more joyful.
joanne
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
http://search.yahoo.com
zenmomma2kids
Hi Lara. I'm here too. ::waving:: :o)
Hold that thought. It's key.
after all 5 and 3 and can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing
tomatoes)>>
Are you sure? Have you ever tried letting them hold a knife or wear a
potholder? They wouldn't be flying solo, you'd be there to supervise.
Remember what you said.."I have no doubts that they will learn what
they need when they need it." Couldn't they learn these skills as the
need arises with you right there to guide them?
but it does happen) or when they play games with the dog the dog is
unwilling to play?>>
I answered a similar question in an offlist discussion with Lara.
Since you're asking it here too, Lara, I'm going to share this piece
of what I wrote for the benefit of others who may have similar
questions.
well as they are. I wouldn't shame them or punish. I'd just get in
between them and the dog and explain why it's not okay to hurt or
distress another living being if we can help it. At your kids' ages I
would redirect or distract them and then get the dog to a safe
place. Remember, they don't want to hurt the dog. They want to
understand how to behave appropriately in this world and they want to
please you. If they mess up they just need help to get out of the
situation, information about how to handle themselves better (age
appropriate) and a shame-free chance to try again.
express what he's feeling. But don't be surprised if it doesn't work
perfectly the first time you tell him. I still have to remind my kids
to treat each other with respect and they're 9 and 14! They go
through cycles. They remember, they forget. It's all part of
learning to get along in this society.
actual recourse but to explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do
those things ... is that enough?>>
Instead of rules, try using principles as a guiding force. Situations
change, rules are rigid. If the kids understand the priciples your
family believes are important...kindness, honesty, etc...you can help
them get back to those principles when they stray a bit.
Life is good.
~Mary
>> I have no doubts that they will learn what they need when theyneed it.>>
Hold that thought. It's key.
>>But I do have questions about general discipline issues - somethings I (think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are
after all 5 and 3 and can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing
tomatoes)>>
Are you sure? Have you ever tried letting them hold a knife or wear a
potholder? They wouldn't be flying solo, you'd be there to supervise.
Remember what you said.."I have no doubts that they will learn what
they need when they need it." Couldn't they learn these skills as the
need arises with you right there to guide them?
>>and some general "how you treat other people" issues - what to dowhen Corwin pushes his sister or yells at her (doesn't happen often,
but it does happen) or when they play games with the dog the dog is
unwilling to play?>>
I answered a similar question in an offlist discussion with Lara.
Since you're asking it here too, Lara, I'm going to share this piece
of what I wrote for the benefit of others who may have similar
questions.
>>what if they are harassing the dog?>>I'd stop them. It's not fair to the dog and he's a living thing as
well as they are. I wouldn't shame them or punish. I'd just get in
between them and the dog and explain why it's not okay to hurt or
distress another living being if we can help it. At your kids' ages I
would redirect or distract them and then get the dog to a safe
place. Remember, they don't want to hurt the dog. They want to
understand how to behave appropriately in this world and they want to
please you. If they mess up they just need help to get out of the
situation, information about how to handle themselves better (age
appropriate) and a shame-free chance to try again.
>>If Corwin is harassing his sister?>>Same principle. It's not okay and he needs to find a better way to
express what he's feeling. But don't be surprised if it doesn't work
perfectly the first time you tell him. I still have to remind my kids
to treat each other with respect and they're 9 and 14! They go
through cycles. They remember, they forget. It's all part of
learning to get along in this society.
>>And after setting rules, since I don't "punish" or "threaten" them,if I ask them to stop something and they don't, I find I have no
actual recourse but to explain to them why I wish they wouldn't do
those things ... is that enough?>>
Instead of rules, try using principles as a guiding force. Situations
change, rules are rigid. If the kids understand the priciples your
family believes are important...kindness, honesty, etc...you can help
them get back to those principles when they stray a bit.
Life is good.
~Mary
[email protected]
>Hi Lara. I'm here too. ::waving:: :o)Hi again! <waving back. :-) >
>>> I have no doubts that they will learn what they need when they need it.>>I'm sure about very little as regards discipline and such - I'd like to have
>Hold that thought. It's key.
>Are you sure?
none, but either conditioning or some other internal thing won't let me get
away with that - for safety issues, and for probably what narrows down to
personal time issues, and then I wonder if I am being a good mom if I have personal
time issues, or if I'm being a good mom if I don't ... anyway, I spend a lot
of time thinking about my parenting, and trying to improve it, because I know
it is never as good as they deserve, but right now i think I am doing it more
than usual, as I said because there are so many exciting new things happening
to my outlook and I am trying to process it all while still having my usual
daily things to contemplate ... and I am but a bear of little brain ...
>Have you ever tried letting them hold a knife or wear aThat's a very good point. For instance, today my 3 year old asked if she
>potholder? They wouldn't be flying solo, you'd be there to supervise.
could make her own cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey, I'll get it
for you, then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through it and she did
just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things that I need to
show them instead of doing it myself because it is more efficient, as being
efficient isn't the point, and those things that I can let them do but I have to
watch very carefully to make sure safety isn't a concern.
>At your kids' ages I would redirect or distract them and then get the dogto a safe
>place. Remember, they don't want to hurt the dog. They want toThat's such a good point. I think I'll hang that on my computer. Though even
>understand how to behave appropriately in this world and they want to
>please you. If they mess up they just need help to get out of the
>situation, information about how to handle themselves better (age
>appropriate) and a shame-free chance to try again.
though the ages 3 and 5 seem young, they don't seem young to me, in a way,
especially my son ... I feel as though I can explain all the stuff to him, the
whys etc, and probably I end up sounding like charlie brown's adult world "wonk
wonk wonk wonk, wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk ..". In fact at bedtime
tonight, as we were reading, i talked with him about the very point you make
later - not having rules so much as family values, and did he agree that our
values were to be kind and loving to all creatures and people. and he said he did,
and it seemed very simple and clear.
And I have another totally off topic question, about the etiquette of this
conversation by e-mail thing (I notice someone else was mentioning how hard it
is to keep up with these, esp since I am used to being online for one letter a
day, to my husband, and maybe during a break or two to read up on a topic that
interests me ... notwithstanding the together computer times, when Corwin
wants to see the Hindenburg pictures AGAIN :-) or wants to do madlibs ...) - that
is, if I start a post/thread/???, is it somehow proper etiquette to respond
back to everyone who responds to me? I sort of feel I should, but it is so hard
... but otherwise it feels like starting a conversation then drifting off and
not being polite as others get involved and try to talk to me ... like I
wanted to say to Joanne I didn't feel she was saying I had gotten off the topic,
I just realized on rereading what I had written that it sounded like I was
being off the topic ... can anyone guide me on this? Thanks. :-)
Lara
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/23/03 8:57:01 PM, LaraHaywar@... writes:
<< if I start a post/thread/???, is it somehow proper etiquette to respond
back to everyone who responds to me? >>
No, you don't need to. It's worse to post a bunch of short answers that
basically say "I agree" or "thanks" because each one's a whole e-mail. If
you're sending something nice, you can use "reply to all" (maybe) and then delete
the lists's e-mail and the sender's e-mail will remain and you can thank them
personally without the whole list knowing. (OR not... people don't expect
it, and if they NEED it they have a personal problem.)
Theoretically, we're discussion only issues and not people.
<<like I
wanted to say to Joanne I didn't feel she was saying I had gotten off the
topic,
I just realized on rereading what I had written that it sounded like I was
being off the topic ... can anyone guide me on this? Thanks. :-)
topic. When it's TOTALLY a different topic, it's polite to change the subject
line, which you can do by selecting it and then typing over, OR you can keep the
original as a sort of subtitle, like this:
Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...
Delete the first part and replace with something else, like this:
Changing Subject Lines (was Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...)
Sandra
<< if I start a post/thread/???, is it somehow proper etiquette to respond
back to everyone who responds to me? >>
No, you don't need to. It's worse to post a bunch of short answers that
basically say "I agree" or "thanks" because each one's a whole e-mail. If
you're sending something nice, you can use "reply to all" (maybe) and then delete
the lists's e-mail and the sender's e-mail will remain and you can thank them
personally without the whole list knowing. (OR not... people don't expect
it, and if they NEED it they have a personal problem.)
Theoretically, we're discussion only issues and not people.
<<like I
wanted to say to Joanne I didn't feel she was saying I had gotten off the
topic,
I just realized on rereading what I had written that it sounded like I was
being off the topic ... can anyone guide me on this? Thanks. :-)
>>People can't help it when conversations evolve. It's okay to wander off
topic. When it's TOTALLY a different topic, it's polite to change the subject
line, which you can do by selecting it and then typing over, OR you can keep the
original as a sort of subtitle, like this:
Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...
Delete the first part and replace with something else, like this:
Changing Subject Lines (was Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...)
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 5/23/03 7:38 PM, LaraHaywar@... at LaraHaywar@... wrote:
but once we start questioning why they need to be taught school subjects,
it's natural to question why we need to teach them anything.
It isn't unschooling but it is extending the unschooling philosophy into
life. :-)
Joyce
> but the unschooling thinkingOh, it's very definitely is related! Parenting issues aren't unschooling,
> I've been doing has also been bringing to the fore my other thoughts I've
> puzzled with, as to how much freedom to give a 5 and 3 year old? can I give
> them as
> much as they want? ... etc ... anyway, it seemed related to this unschooling
> site ... sorry if it wasn't
but once we start questioning why they need to be taught school subjects,
it's natural to question why we need to teach them anything.
It isn't unschooling but it is extending the unschooling philosophy into
life. :-)
Joyce
melissa4123
"For instance, today my 3 year old asked if she could make her own
cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey, I'll get it for you,
then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through it and she did
just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things that I
need to show them instead of doing it myself because it is more
efficient, as being efficient isn't the point, and those things that I
can let them do but I have to watch very carefully to make sure safety
isn't a concern."
Lara,
I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. I'm a neat freak
and it bothers me to see a messy child (or anything for that matter).
But, in this case, what I want really doesn't matter. What I really
should be doing is taking joy in the fact that she wants to learn new
things. And, she actually is quite good at feeding herself (as my
husband pointed out yesterday). So the kitchen floor (and my child)
might get messy....that's what a mop is for right? :) Besides, she
even likes to help me clean up!
Thank you,
Melissa
cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey, I'll get it for you,
then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through it and she did
just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things that I
need to show them instead of doing it myself because it is more
efficient, as being efficient isn't the point, and those things that I
can let them do but I have to watch very carefully to make sure safety
isn't a concern."
Lara,
I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. I'm a neat freak
and it bothers me to see a messy child (or anything for that matter).
But, in this case, what I want really doesn't matter. What I really
should be doing is taking joy in the fact that she wants to learn new
things. And, she actually is quite good at feeding herself (as my
husband pointed out yesterday). So the kitchen floor (and my child)
might get messy....that's what a mop is for right? :) Besides, she
even likes to help me clean up!
Thank you,
Melissa
coyote's corner
One of the cutest pictures I have of Brianna is the one of her in a high chair. She's sleeping, her head in her hand. She is completely covered with spaghetti sauce.
It's is adorable!!
Kids get dirty.
It's healthy.
There are many, many things that you'll be able to do 'better' or more 'efficiently' than your baby. If you keep doing things based on that - your baby will have serious problems.
Lighten up.
Enjoy,
Janis
It's is adorable!!
Kids get dirty.
It's healthy.
There are many, many things that you'll be able to do 'better' or more 'efficiently' than your baby. If you keep doing things based on that - your baby will have serious problems.
Lighten up.
Enjoy,
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: melissa4123
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, May 24, 2003 10:50 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Hi. Very new to this. Can I ask a question? ...
"For instance, today my 3 year old asked if she could make her own
cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey, I'll get it for you,
then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through it and she did
just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things that I
need to show them instead of doing it myself because it is more
efficient, as being efficient isn't the point, and those things that I
can let them do but I have to watch very carefully to make sure safety
isn't a concern."
Lara,
I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. I'm a neat freak
and it bothers me to see a messy child (or anything for that matter).
But, in this case, what I want really doesn't matter. What I really
should be doing is taking joy in the fact that she wants to learn new
things. And, she actually is quite good at feeding herself (as my
husband pointed out yesterday). So the kitchen floor (and my child)
might get messy....that's what a mop is for right? :) Besides, she
even likes to help me clean up!
Thank you,
Melissa
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/24/03 8:51:05 AM, melissa4123@... writes:
<< I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. >>
We used to let Kirby practice food prep on the patio. Hoseable. <g>
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were first tried outside.
Sandra
<< I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. >>
We used to let Kirby practice food prep on the patio. Hoseable. <g>
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were first tried outside.
Sandra
[email protected]
Our 3 yr. old does her own toast. We had a spell where she would put the
toast in herself without letting me know and she would turn the dial on the
toaster oven and well it was burnt. We explained to her that there could be a fire
and now when she wants toast she comes and gets me and I help her. She makes
her own chocolate milk and we do have messes but they are easily cleaned up.
She insists on putting her own clothes away and folding the wash cloths. Fine
with me.
She is an independent player. She loves to write and draw pictures.
There is a big difference between she and the oldest who did attend school
for a few years.
My son is the opposite of all that she is and does. He seems to be struggling
with independence this month. He has found some neighborhood kids that do
attend school and his attitude and independent play has changed.
Seems this month everything has to be done a certain way and his way.
Laura D
In a message dated 5/24/2003 10:51:04 AM Eastern Standard Time,
melissa4123@... writes:
toast in herself without letting me know and she would turn the dial on the
toaster oven and well it was burnt. We explained to her that there could be a fire
and now when she wants toast she comes and gets me and I help her. She makes
her own chocolate milk and we do have messes but they are easily cleaned up.
She insists on putting her own clothes away and folding the wash cloths. Fine
with me.
She is an independent player. She loves to write and draw pictures.
There is a big difference between she and the oldest who did attend school
for a few years.
My son is the opposite of all that she is and does. He seems to be struggling
with independence this month. He has found some neighborhood kids that do
attend school and his attitude and independent play has changed.
Seems this month everything has to be done a certain way and his way.
Laura D
In a message dated 5/24/2003 10:51:04 AM Eastern Standard Time,
melissa4123@... writes:
> "For instance, today my 3 year old asked if she could make her own[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey, I'll get it for you,
> then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through it and she did
> just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things that I
> need to show them instead of doing it myself because it is more
> efficient, as being efficient isn't the point, and those things that I
> can let them do but I have to watch very carefully to make sure safety
> isn't a concern."
>
> Lara,
>
> I'm going to keep this in mind this morning when my 2 year old wants
> to feed herself. I have resisted this so far only because it's messy
> and takes so much more time than if I just feed her. I'm a neat freak
> and it bothers me to see a messy child (or anything for that matter).
> But, in this case, what I want really doesn't matter. What I really
> should be doing is taking joy in the fact that she wants to learn new
> things. And, she actually is quite good at feeding herself (as my
> husband pointed out yesterday). So the kitchen floor (and my child)
> might get messy....that's what a mop is for right? :) Besides, she
> even likes to help me clean up!
>
> Thank you,
> Melissa
>
Fetteroll
on 5/24/03 11:50 AM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:
Joyce
> Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were first tried outside.I always open the dishwasher door and let anything messy happen there.
Joyce
Bill and Diane
>I'm glad someone quoted this. I delete faster than I think.
>
>>>But I do have questions about general discipline issues - some
>>>
>things I (think) I have to insist on - like safety issues (they are
>after all 5 and 3 and can't go popping cookies in the oven or slicing
>tomatoes)>>
>
My kids are 3 and 5, and I have NO safety rules regarding the oven or
tomatoes/knives. They know knives are sharp, and they know which knives
are "kid knives" and why.
They can FEEL the heat of the oven as they approach, so there's no need
for me to insist on it when the activity is focused on the oven, only
when they're running around when someone *else* might be opening it.
Kids aren't stupid, and they don't want to get hurt. They need
information they don't have, and support to do what they can do. They
can't cut tomatoes with their knives, but they can cut cheese and a lot
of other things.
:-) Diane
[email protected]
In a message dated 24/05/2003 07:51:09 Pacific Daylight Time,
melissa4123@... writes:
Nancy, with 2 small hungry dogs and a clean floor in BC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
melissa4123@... writes:
> So the kitchen floor (and my child)Try getting a small hungry dog!!<G>
> might get messy....that's what a mop is for right? :) Besides, she
> even likes to help me clean up!
>
Nancy, with 2 small hungry dogs and a clean floor in BC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coyote's corner
----- Original Message -----
From: Bill and Diane
To: [email protected]
>>>>>Kids aren't stupid, and they don't want to get hurt. They need
information they don't have, and support to do what they can do.<<<<<<<
:-) Diane
Brilliant, simply brilliant!!!
Janis
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi
Hi Lara!
reader, and once immersed in a book, it takes a lot to bring me to
the surface, or if not reading a book, doing something online, but my
kids have been making breakfast for themselves for quite some time.
Simply because they'd get hungry and go in the kitchen and start, and
me not notice. Mind you, if they came to me and said they were
hungry, I'd definitely put the book down, but...heh heh...with my
kids, it was "Hungry, let's get some food" and I'd be in la-la land
and they'd be making food in the other room! L Probably starting when
Katie was about 4ish, they've done a lot of kitchen stuff their own
selves. Sometimes it means a bit of a mess, and then we clean up
together. But mostly it means that, now that they are 8 and 10, they
can make their own Ramen noodles, peanut butter toast, scrambled
eggs, sandwiches, etc. They can peel veggies, and cut things like
potatoes. Not up to carrot sticks yet. They can bake a potato in the
microwave, and heat up a can of chili. Grate cheese, though they
usually ask for help with that. etc.
A bit different from my 8 year old state, who couldn't have peeled a
carrot to save her life:Mom handled it all.
I want to! IOW, if someone gives me helpful advice, I'll say thanks,
but if someone says "thanks" to me, I don't usually say "You're
welcome" because there ARE so many posts. I don't think there's a
rule about it. Just respond to what you want to, and keep in mind the
huge volume on this list!
HeidiC
>if she
> That's a very good point. For instance, today my 3 year old asked
> could make her own cinnamon toast - and my first response was, hey,I'll get it
> for you, then I thought, sure you can, and I talked her through itand she did
> just fine, of course. I just need to bear in mind those things thatI need to
> show them instead of doing it myself because it is more efficient,as being
> efficient isn't the point, and those things that I can let them dobut I have to
> watch very carefully to make sure safety isn't a concern.Making their own breakfast. Maybe it's because I've always been a
reader, and once immersed in a book, it takes a lot to bring me to
the surface, or if not reading a book, doing something online, but my
kids have been making breakfast for themselves for quite some time.
Simply because they'd get hungry and go in the kitchen and start, and
me not notice. Mind you, if they came to me and said they were
hungry, I'd definitely put the book down, but...heh heh...with my
kids, it was "Hungry, let's get some food" and I'd be in la-la land
and they'd be making food in the other room! L Probably starting when
Katie was about 4ish, they've done a lot of kitchen stuff their own
selves. Sometimes it means a bit of a mess, and then we clean up
together. But mostly it means that, now that they are 8 and 10, they
can make their own Ramen noodles, peanut butter toast, scrambled
eggs, sandwiches, etc. They can peel veggies, and cut things like
potatoes. Not up to carrot sticks yet. They can bake a potato in the
microwave, and heat up a can of chili. Grate cheese, though they
usually ask for help with that. etc.
A bit different from my 8 year old state, who couldn't have peeled a
carrot to save her life:Mom handled it all.
> And I have another totally off topic question, about the etiquetteof this
> conversation by e-mail thingis it somehow proper etiquette to respond
> back to everyone who responds to me? I sort of feel I should, butit is so hard
> ... but otherwise it feels like starting a conversation thendrifting off and
> not being polite as others get involved and try to talk to me ...I don't answer every single response to my posts, just the ones that
I want to! IOW, if someone gives me helpful advice, I'll say thanks,
but if someone says "thanks" to me, I don't usually say "You're
welcome" because there ARE so many posts. I don't think there's a
rule about it. Just respond to what you want to, and keep in mind the
huge volume on this list!
HeidiC
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/25/03 3:21:18 AM Eastern Daylight Time, LOWRIEK@...
writes:
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> Try getting a small hungry dog!!<G>A big unhungry dog who is just a "pig" will work too.. LOL.
>
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: <grlynbl@...>
<<A big unhungry dog who is just a "pig" will work too.. LOL.>>
I have one of those and one little "pig." There isn't anything edible on my
floors!!!
Mary B
<<A big unhungry dog who is just a "pig" will work too.. LOL.>>
I have one of those and one little "pig." There isn't anything edible on my
floors!!!
Mary B