Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Am I just being naïve?
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/20/03 1:53:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
britcontoo@... writes:
that. It is a process of trust. I have always trusted that my boys were
doing the best they could. Meaning that they were not out to get in trouble.
They didn't spill their juice on purpose. They come to me and say "Mom I
spilled my juice on the rug." I say "OK do you need help cleaning it up?"
Then they either say no and go get a towel or they say yes and we clean it up
together. There is no punishment. I don't scream at them for spilling the
juice. And they have just always come to me. I am hoping that by doing these
little things now that when the challenges are larger they will continue to
come to me.
I also try to help whenever asked. Even if I think they can do it
themselves. If my oldest asks me to make him a peanut butter sandwich,
unless there is some reason that I can't, I will say yes. I don't say can't
you do it yourself, even though I know he can. I just assume that there is a
reason that he wants his Mom to make it for him. Not that he is lazy or
trying to take advantage of me. I guess I am trying to build a relationship
of trust that will carry us through a lifetime, not just a set of rules for
now.
Hope that makes some sense.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
britcontoo@... writes:
> We are working towards this, but how? I know it is a vauge questionLike I said, my boys are 8 and 6 so I might not be the best person to answer
> but I am having trouble wording it. How do you handle it when they
> do something *wrong*, both if you find out and if they tell you
> themselves? How do you create that trust to *insure* they do come to
> you? Right now, my ds, 4, is pretty open but I want to maintain that
> as he gets older (right now it is that mommy I love you stage and
> mommy is all good stage<g>)
>
>
that. It is a process of trust. I have always trusted that my boys were
doing the best they could. Meaning that they were not out to get in trouble.
They didn't spill their juice on purpose. They come to me and say "Mom I
spilled my juice on the rug." I say "OK do you need help cleaning it up?"
Then they either say no and go get a towel or they say yes and we clean it up
together. There is no punishment. I don't scream at them for spilling the
juice. And they have just always come to me. I am hoping that by doing these
little things now that when the challenges are larger they will continue to
come to me.
I also try to help whenever asked. Even if I think they can do it
themselves. If my oldest asks me to make him a peanut butter sandwich,
unless there is some reason that I can't, I will say yes. I don't say can't
you do it yourself, even though I know he can. I just assume that there is a
reason that he wants his Mom to make it for him. Not that he is lazy or
trying to take advantage of me. I guess I am trying to build a relationship
of trust that will carry us through a lifetime, not just a set of rules for
now.
Hope that makes some sense.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Tuesday, May 20, 2003, at 04:21 PM, genant2@... wrote:
There is a really good book called the Parent/Teen Breakthrough - a
Relationship Approach. (Or something close enough so that you'd be able
to find it based on that). I recommend it to parents of young kids, not
just teens, because you can start building that great relationship from
the start!
-pam
> I guess I am trying to build a relationshipMakes sense to me!!!
> of trust that will carry us through a lifetime, not just a set of
> rules for
> now.
> Hope that makes some sense.
There is a really good book called the Parent/Teen Breakthrough - a
Relationship Approach. (Or something close enough so that you'd be able
to find it based on that). I recommend it to parents of young kids, not
just teens, because you can start building that great relationship from
the start!
-pam