having friends: was Mary B.
Mary
From: <grlynbl@...>
<<It's just that the things she does don't include other
kids her age We are still hanging in there and looking for opportunities
for
her to meet some homeschool friends. She has decided to stay home next
school year too, so she must not be too distressed over not having any
friends ( yet)>>
I have never believed that children, at a certain age need to socialize and
have friends. Meaning it's not necessary for all children at a certain age.
Whether they are in school or not. Of course school kids really don't have
much of a choice as they are all herded together anyway. If they aren't
ready for that interaction, they are usually branded the shy or odd child
and made fun of and left out. I have noticed, that with the homeschoolers I
know here, the children aren't looking for that interaction at a young age
as frequently as most people would think. I have just noticed recently that
Joseph (8) and Sierra (7) are wanting to get together with friends to do
things. But again, the 2 times a week they do are more than enough. The rest
of the time is spent with us as a family or even out in public interacting,
but not necessarily with "friends." Of course I see that it might change as
they get older. Noticing it already I would imagine they will want to be
more social. I don't see any introverted children in this family!
Mary B
<<It's just that the things she does don't include other
kids her age We are still hanging in there and looking for opportunities
for
her to meet some homeschool friends. She has decided to stay home next
school year too, so she must not be too distressed over not having any
friends ( yet)>>
I have never believed that children, at a certain age need to socialize and
have friends. Meaning it's not necessary for all children at a certain age.
Whether they are in school or not. Of course school kids really don't have
much of a choice as they are all herded together anyway. If they aren't
ready for that interaction, they are usually branded the shy or odd child
and made fun of and left out. I have noticed, that with the homeschoolers I
know here, the children aren't looking for that interaction at a young age
as frequently as most people would think. I have just noticed recently that
Joseph (8) and Sierra (7) are wanting to get together with friends to do
things. But again, the 2 times a week they do are more than enough. The rest
of the time is spent with us as a family or even out in public interacting,
but not necessarily with "friends." Of course I see that it might change as
they get older. Noticing it already I would imagine they will want to be
more social. I don't see any introverted children in this family!
Mary B
[email protected]
I wrote this...
friends , "yet", not, she is not distressed "yet".. It's really a small
grammatical thing, but when I reread it, I thought, "that sounds like I am
just waiting for her to be distressed"..
Mary said this
< I have never believed that children, at a certain age need to socialize and
have friends. Meaning it's not necessary for all children at a certain age.
Whether they are in school or not.>
I agree totally. Ethan my 11 yo has never really had any close friends and
he doesnt care to have any. He never complained that the didnt have any
friends in school, but he DID complain about how mean the other kids were to
him. I thought that maybe he was just afraid to try to make friends, he
feared rejection. Now that he has been home for 5 months, he shows
absolultely no interest in making friends. He will play with other kids if
he is in a situation, but he would just as soon pass on it. I really think
he is just an introvert that does not need others to "occupy" him. My dh is
much the same way. Anna and JP enjoy being around other kids ( all ages)
and they tend to seek them out and easily engage in play and conversation.
But, they don't sit at home and feel lonely without thier friends. When Anna
came out of school, she missed her friends. She had friends that she saw and
talked to every day and she missed that. But, obviously, she didnt miss it
too much because she didnt make any efforts to stay in touch with her school
friends
Really, I think I worry more over her "friendships" or lack thereof, than
she does. I recall my own youth ( and what other point of reference do I
have, personally, I mean?) and I remember having lots of friends, lots of
talking on the phone, sleepovers, day trips, and I loved every minute of it.
I have to keep reminding myself that Anna is not me. Her life is not like
mine was. And, even though she may not have the busy social life that I
had, she has LOTS and LOTS of other things that I didnt have.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> <<She has decided to stay home nextAnd then I realized it was not really clear.. I meant, she does not have any
> school year too, so she must not be too distressed over not having any
> friends ( yet)>>
friends , "yet", not, she is not distressed "yet".. It's really a small
grammatical thing, but when I reread it, I thought, "that sounds like I am
just waiting for her to be distressed"..
Mary said this
< I have never believed that children, at a certain age need to socialize and
have friends. Meaning it's not necessary for all children at a certain age.
Whether they are in school or not.>
I agree totally. Ethan my 11 yo has never really had any close friends and
he doesnt care to have any. He never complained that the didnt have any
friends in school, but he DID complain about how mean the other kids were to
him. I thought that maybe he was just afraid to try to make friends, he
feared rejection. Now that he has been home for 5 months, he shows
absolultely no interest in making friends. He will play with other kids if
he is in a situation, but he would just as soon pass on it. I really think
he is just an introvert that does not need others to "occupy" him. My dh is
much the same way. Anna and JP enjoy being around other kids ( all ages)
and they tend to seek them out and easily engage in play and conversation.
But, they don't sit at home and feel lonely without thier friends. When Anna
came out of school, she missed her friends. She had friends that she saw and
talked to every day and she missed that. But, obviously, she didnt miss it
too much because she didnt make any efforts to stay in touch with her school
friends
Really, I think I worry more over her "friendships" or lack thereof, than
she does. I recall my own youth ( and what other point of reference do I
have, personally, I mean?) and I remember having lots of friends, lots of
talking on the phone, sleepovers, day trips, and I loved every minute of it.
I have to keep reminding myself that Anna is not me. Her life is not like
mine was. And, even though she may not have the busy social life that I
had, she has LOTS and LOTS of other things that I didnt have.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen McLaughlin
>> I have just noticed recently that Joseph (8) and Sierra (7) are wantingto get together with friends to do
things. But again, the 2 times a week they do are more than enough. The
rest
of the time is spent with us as a family or even out in public interacting,
but not necessarily with "friends." Of course I see that it might change as
they get older. Noticing it already I would imagine they will want to be
more social. I don't see any introverted children in this family!<<
Interestingly enough, my older son Noah (5 1/2), who is *definitely* an
introvert (just like his mama!!) is constantly asking for dh and I to set up
playdates with his friends. At this point, all his friends are schooled
kids, and I think this will be a big issue next year when all of these
friends start grade 1 and won't be available during the day any longer.
Also, two friends that he really enjoys a lot are girls and I'm wondering
how long it's going to take before that "boy/girl" thing starts happening
(as in, boys only play with boys, girls only play with girls- seems to be
the prevalent attitude for schooled kids). We're working on finding some
homeschooled friends (there aren't a great many unschoolers around here) but
the local homeschool drop-in which we attend sporadically hasn't led to any
new friendships yet.
Noah really values the friends he has now (most of them have played together
since infancy or toddlerhood) and I'm hoping there will be some way to
maintain these friendships despite school but I sense there may be a lot of
difficulties ahead.
Karen
Mary
From: "Karen McLaughlin" <karenmcl@...>
<<We're working on finding some
homeschooled friends (there aren't a great many unschoolers around here) but
the local homeschool drop-in which we attend sporadically hasn't led to any
new friendships yet.>>
Well Joseph and Sierra have no unschooled friends but all their friends are
homeschoolers. I haven't had any problems because of that or made to feel
the odd man out. I have found that just attending the regular support group
outtings before left me feeling like there weren't many kids available for
my two. The kids were way older or way younger than mine. But now that I
know Joseph and Sierra want to have get together's, I'm able to find more
kids around their age to play with. I started actively looking for them. Our
local group has focus groups and I found another homeschool group in the
area that is all inclusive. Of course the homeschool sports camp helps also,
although they have parted for the summer now. Just hang in there and keep
digging around and putting out the word that you are looking for some
homeschool moms to get together with weekly. When I first started I thought
I wouldn't find anyone really wanting to do something on a regular basis,
now we are busy as we want to be. It's the water park again tomorrow and I
put the word out and new people always show. You'll find someone.
Mary B
<<We're working on finding some
homeschooled friends (there aren't a great many unschoolers around here) but
the local homeschool drop-in which we attend sporadically hasn't led to any
new friendships yet.>>
Well Joseph and Sierra have no unschooled friends but all their friends are
homeschoolers. I haven't had any problems because of that or made to feel
the odd man out. I have found that just attending the regular support group
outtings before left me feeling like there weren't many kids available for
my two. The kids were way older or way younger than mine. But now that I
know Joseph and Sierra want to have get together's, I'm able to find more
kids around their age to play with. I started actively looking for them. Our
local group has focus groups and I found another homeschool group in the
area that is all inclusive. Of course the homeschool sports camp helps also,
although they have parted for the summer now. Just hang in there and keep
digging around and putting out the word that you are looking for some
homeschool moms to get together with weekly. When I first started I thought
I wouldn't find anyone really wanting to do something on a regular basis,
now we are busy as we want to be. It's the water park again tomorrow and I
put the word out and new people always show. You'll find someone.
Mary B
Kelly Lenhart
My son has one good friend his age and a grown friend (sort of an adopted
uncle, if you will.) If he could go back and forth between them he wouldn't
care if he never had another friend or anyone else to play with. Other than
me, his dad and brother that is.
I'm the one who expects to have a social whirl, I suppose. I know it would
be easier on me if he knew and liked some of the kids in the local
homeschool community, because then when I wanted to go to something or take
his brother I could say, "But so and so will be there." That's my issue
though, not his.
Kelly
(wondering what the little one will be like when he's old enough to ask for
playdates)
uncle, if you will.) If he could go back and forth between them he wouldn't
care if he never had another friend or anyone else to play with. Other than
me, his dad and brother that is.
I'm the one who expects to have a social whirl, I suppose. I know it would
be easier on me if he knew and liked some of the kids in the local
homeschool community, because then when I wanted to go to something or take
his brother I could say, "But so and so will be there." That's my issue
though, not his.
Kelly
(wondering what the little one will be like when he's old enough to ask for
playdates)