Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Am I just being naïve?
Have A Nice Day!
They will do what they want - but what they want will include serious
consideration of what we parents think. As an unschooling parent, you
probably won't feel totally shut out and you won't feel like they don't
even care what you think at all<<<<<
I have to agree with this. I think most parents do try to teach their kids morals. Kids who are doing objectionable things don't always come from homes where their parents didn't care about morals.
When kids are 2, it is hard to think of them as people who will be making their own decisions while we trust them. So, I don't necessarily think its being naieve as much as it is hard to imagine your 2 year old as a teen, especially if you don't have any other teenagers. When my kids were that young, I would never have imagined that I would allow my 14 year old to make his own decisions about things.
At this age, they are *very* quickly moving into adulthood where they *will* be making their own decisions. I will have very little control over what decisions they make. I *have* to accept this...or I *will* be left out of the loop. The best thing I can do is be there as a mentor and accept that they might not take my advice.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
consideration of what we parents think. As an unschooling parent, you
probably won't feel totally shut out and you won't feel like they don't
even care what you think at all<<<<<
I have to agree with this. I think most parents do try to teach their kids morals. Kids who are doing objectionable things don't always come from homes where their parents didn't care about morals.
When kids are 2, it is hard to think of them as people who will be making their own decisions while we trust them. So, I don't necessarily think its being naieve as much as it is hard to imagine your 2 year old as a teen, especially if you don't have any other teenagers. When my kids were that young, I would never have imagined that I would allow my 14 year old to make his own decisions about things.
At this age, they are *very* quickly moving into adulthood where they *will* be making their own decisions. I will have very little control over what decisions they make. I *have* to accept this...or I *will* be left out of the loop. The best thing I can do is be there as a mentor and accept that they might not take my advice.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have A Nice Day!
If we see that our children make mistakes and in doing so are given an
opportunity for growth and understanding, then we can approach the subject
in a different manner, perhaps avoiding the possibile feelings of anger,
resentment and guilt on both 'sides' and allowing the opportunity for
thought provoking discussion.
I'm interested in hearing what others have to say....
I think its very important to take the view that mistakes are not a sign of immorality. They are only a sign of inexperience. And they are very valuable learning experiences.
The most valuable thing we can do when our kids make mistakes is be there when it happens and help them through it. There is nothing that will establish trust and loyalty between two people more than that will.
Kristen
opportunity for growth and understanding, then we can approach the subject
in a different manner, perhaps avoiding the possibile feelings of anger,
resentment and guilt on both 'sides' and allowing the opportunity for
thought provoking discussion.
I'm interested in hearing what others have to say....
I think its very important to take the view that mistakes are not a sign of immorality. They are only a sign of inexperience. And they are very valuable learning experiences.
The most valuable thing we can do when our kids make mistakes is be there when it happens and help them through it. There is nothing that will establish trust and loyalty between two people more than that will.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: jmcseals SEALS
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 11:21 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Am I just being naïve?
**Do "they" (meaning teenagers) just go ahead and do what "they" want
regardless of what "you" (as parents) think?***
I'm thinking about this but in the meantime, I want to add that it isn't
just peer pressure. They also have internal pressures and conflicts to deal
with as well. I think somehow many of us forget that it isn't just young
children that forego what they 'should' be doing for what they 'want' to be
doing for many reasons. Teens do this. Adults do it as well. In the sahm
and homeschooling circles, I am aware of many women who aren't in good
marriages and accept certain levels of behavior and neglect by their
husbands in order to stay at home that otherwise they wouldn't accept. Some
are worse than others.
I also think that viewing this in an us vs. them frame of mind is somewhat
flawed. Perhaps seeing that they make mistakes will cast a different light.
If we see that our children make mistakes and in doing so are given an
opportunity for growth and understanding, then we can approach the subject
in a different manner, perhaps avoiding the possibile feelings of anger,
resentment and guilt on both 'sides' and allowing the opportunity for
thought provoking discussion.
I'm interested in hearing what others have to say....
Jennifer
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Kris
> Do "they"Lanora (12 - going on 30) cares about what I think, I care about what she
> (meaning teenagers) just go ahead and do what "they" want
> regardless of what "you" (as parents) think?
thinks, we trust each other. She spends a lot of time on the internet
chatting, this horrifies some but I'm comfortable. She relays her
conversations and even leaves up chat windows and asks me to read them.
I have never asked for this, she just wants me involved, wants my input.
Most of my conversations are open to her as well.
I know several families who have the same type of relationship, all of them
home school. I can't help but see a correlation there.
I think the ideas of rebellion and shutting down communication are products
of trust issues. It doesn't have to be like that.
Kris
Tim and Maureen
----- Original Message -----
From: melissa4123
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 7:14 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Am I just being naïve?
"
(meaning teenagers) just go ahead and do what "they" want
regardless of what "you" (as parents) think?
I don't have tons of experience on this issue. I have an almost 15 year old who is just starting to venture in the teen social groups. She asked a boy in her drama class out (she said I could share this) but before she did asked me what I thought,told me what she was going to do, asked my advice on the best way, gave me her ideas etc.. She sounded reasonable, calm and confident in her whole discussion. She cared what I thought but likely would have done it anyway. I was marvelling with my dh celebrating her growth then suddenly wondered if I was crazy. This could lead to a whole bunch of stuff I might not think was great so why wasn't I initially freaked out. I realised it was because she talks to me and has given me no reason to worry about her choices or decisions. I am aware she may need to experiment in ways I might not like but because we trust each other I know we can always work it out for both of us.
Maureen
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Julie Solich
A different kind of life leads to a different kind of thinking.
Sandra
I love this! We've been committed to unschooling for several months now and
already my thinking has changed radically. It's like I have been blindfolded
most of my life and now that it's been removed I am truly seeing. I am so
glad we are doing this now while the kids are young. I'm excited for them.
I have loved reading everyone's thoughts about what to expect as our kids
get older. I think it has heaps to do with the state of our relationship
with them.
I've been thinking about all the times in the past when I have interrupted
my kids and told them what to do ALL the time, been abrupt while giving
orders and generally not taking them into consideration when organizing the
day, something you seem to end up doing when you school-at-home. How could I
expect that I wouldn't receive that same disrespect and lack of interest
from them when they get older?
My relationship with my kids is so much better now that I am treating them
like people and I know that they will be able to talk to me about what's
happening in their lives 5-10 years from now and that they will listen to
what I have to say because I can see them doing it now. Because they know I
am interested and I am not going to be angry with them or make judgments.
They know from experience that I will listen and be gentle with them. And
all this has happened in just a few short months. WOW!
I know I keep saying it but thank you everyone. Life is so much better! This
list is one of the reasons that it is so.
Julie
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
Sandra
I love this! We've been committed to unschooling for several months now and
already my thinking has changed radically. It's like I have been blindfolded
most of my life and now that it's been removed I am truly seeing. I am so
glad we are doing this now while the kids are young. I'm excited for them.
I have loved reading everyone's thoughts about what to expect as our kids
get older. I think it has heaps to do with the state of our relationship
with them.
I've been thinking about all the times in the past when I have interrupted
my kids and told them what to do ALL the time, been abrupt while giving
orders and generally not taking them into consideration when organizing the
day, something you seem to end up doing when you school-at-home. How could I
expect that I wouldn't receive that same disrespect and lack of interest
from them when they get older?
My relationship with my kids is so much better now that I am treating them
like people and I know that they will be able to talk to me about what's
happening in their lives 5-10 years from now and that they will listen to
what I have to say because I can see them doing it now. Because they know I
am interested and I am not going to be angry with them or make judgments.
They know from experience that I will listen and be gentle with them. And
all this has happened in just a few short months. WOW!
I know I keep saying it but thank you everyone. Life is so much better! This
list is one of the reasons that it is so.
Julie
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