jmcseals SEALS

**Do "they" (meaning teenagers) just go ahead and do what "they" want
regardless of what "you" (as parents) think?***

I'm thinking about this but in the meantime, I want to add that it isn't
just peer pressure. They also have internal pressures and conflicts to deal
with as well. I think somehow many of us forget that it isn't just young
children that forego what they 'should' be doing for what they 'want' to be
doing for many reasons. Teens do this. Adults do it as well. In the sahm
and homeschooling circles, I am aware of many women who aren't in good
marriages and accept certain levels of behavior and neglect by their
husbands in order to stay at home that otherwise they wouldn't accept. Some
are worse than others.

I also think that viewing this in an us vs. them frame of mind is somewhat
flawed. Perhaps seeing that they make mistakes will cast a different light.
If we see that our children make mistakes and in doing so are given an
opportunity for growth and understanding, then we can approach the subject
in a different manner, perhaps avoiding the possibile feelings of anger,
resentment and guilt on both 'sides' and allowing the opportunity for
thought provoking discussion.

I'm interested in hearing what others have to say....

Jennifer

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Pamela Sorooshian

This is so good, Jennifer, so TRUE.

Some people's expectations for their kids are so high - that they NEVER
make any mistakes, especially never make any big mistakes. And -
sometimes we are so arrogant, too, in thinking that we even KNOW that
some decisions are mistakes. That is something I had to learn - that I
really may not know - may NOT have better insight than my 18 yo about
her OWN life.

Here are a couple of things I've discovered -- first, teens and young
adults push back when they feel pushed - they can't seem to help it,
and, second, they don't always act like they are really seriously
considering their parents' opinions even when they are.

So -- it is time to offer advice but not insist that they even LISTEN
to it, much less take it. EVEN when it is solicited - they might push
against it - but that doesn't mean they aren't considering it or don't
care what parents think.

-pam


On Tuesday, May 20, 2003, at 08:21 AM, jmcseals SEALS wrote:

> I also think that viewing this in an us vs. them frame of mind is
> somewhat
> flawed. Perhaps seeing that they make mistakes will cast a different
> light.
> If we see that our children make mistakes and in doing so are given
> an
> opportunity for growth and understanding, then we can approach the
> subject
> in a different manner, perhaps avoiding the possibile feelings of
> anger,
> resentment and guilt on both 'sides' and allowing the opportunity for
> thought provoking discussion.

jmcseals SEALS

I never have understood the naked thing. My little ones (4, 3, 2...well,
almost 3 and almost 2) run around naked all the time. My family thinks they
should be punished for it. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. They don't do
it in public! Um, well, ok, maybe Ethan did at McD's the other day but
ANYWAY <bwg>!

I was raised to think nudity was a BAD thing. I still don't feel
comfortable being naked in front of my own husband, not even by myself!
It's a huge problem that I work on daily and has nothing to do with my 'body
image' other than I was always told naked=bad.

All my kids have gone through stages of wanting to be naked. Some much more
than others. Hannah, my 4.5 yr old rarely ever gets dressed if we are
spending the day at home. We (the people living under this roof) don't even
notice it anymore. I think most kids come to a stage where they become
'aware' of the social aspect of nudity and start to want to be in clothes in
front of others. Nicholette just turned 7 and she still feels comfortable
being naked around me and the kids but not around my husband. She'll run
around after her shower without clothes on but generally it doesn't last
very long. Maybe an hour or so at most. The older they get, the less they
want to be naked.

But then there's Hannah who may never wear clothes unless we tie her down
and lock them on! :)

I'm glad my kids don't feel the way I used to. I'm glad we have given them
an environment that doesn't stigmatize nude bodies as sexual beings only.

Funky side note: I think breastfeeding openly has helped to establish that
environment as well. They don't go "OOOOO Boobies!" like so many kids do.
Just another body part, no less amazing than the nose on their face! I like
that!

Jennifer




<<<What an excellent post. It reminded me of how "sexual" people make
things. My now 4 yo has always run around in a diaper and then
underwear. Up until he turned 4 he would pretty much take of his
clothes and run around comfortably in his underwear. My dh's family
and especially the kids ranging from younger than him to grown up
always had to comment. They kept trying to kncikname him something
to do with being *naked*. The kid wasn't *naked* and we never
thought twice about it.

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