[Unschooling-dotcom] Patience was One Lurker Says Hi
Nicholina ODonnell
<<on 5/18/03 11:44 PM, Nicholina ODonnell at arodonn@... wrote:
Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?>>
I am a parent. I came into it willingly. I love my daughter. I think unschooling is the best way of life. We are unschoolers. However, my question reflected my doubts about if it's still best if the parent most involved has trouble keeping his/her patience.
I feel like I should clarify at this point that I never physically harm Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little girl" type comments.
Nicholina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?>>
>I'm confused by this. The people that commented on this gave a resoundingBeing a mom to unschooled kids. Being a mom is not a choice anymore. I am a mom, what kind of mom is still a choice. Sometimes, though, I wonder about options to unschooling because I feel like I loose my patience a lot and wonder if a different environment would be better for Davan to spend some of her time in. Most of the time, I think not. I am working on my patience and Davan wants to be with me, not with someone else, faults and all.
>yes answer. My first thought at reading it was definitely no.
>What "job" are speaking of? Being a mom or being a mom to unschooled kids?
>Well either way, the wording of "feel like I don't have enough patience"Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted that day. In fact, her dad did the interaction for most of the rest of the day (luckly it was Sunday and he was not at work). I'm not proud of it. That's why I asked if other people had patience problems and are still unschoolers.
>makes me feel like someone just wanted to call it a day and not go on
>anymore.
>(with the job) I have never felt like that. I haven't felt like IIt is great you never feel that way. I really wish I never did, either. I do sometimes "feel like I bit off more than I can chew".
>don't have "enough" patience. What I do feel at times is that I want and
>need to be better at what I do. No, actually I always feel like I want to do
>better. But I have never questioned why I do this or feel like I bit off
>more than I can chew.
>Mary B
I am a parent. I came into it willingly. I love my daughter. I think unschooling is the best way of life. We are unschoolers. However, my question reflected my doubts about if it's still best if the parent most involved has trouble keeping his/her patience.
I feel like I should clarify at this point that I never physically harm Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little girl" type comments.
Nicholina
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jmcseals SEALS
**I feel like I should clarify at this point that I never physically harm
Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am
angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little
girl" type comments.**
You didn't need to clarify, for me anyway. I never once suspected you were
harming your daughter. :)
Jennifer
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am
angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little
girl" type comments.**
You didn't need to clarify, for me anyway. I never once suspected you were
harming your daughter. :)
Jennifer
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: "Nicholina ODonnell" <arodonn@...>
<<Being a mom to unschooled kids. Being a mom is not a choice anymore. I
am a mom, what kind of mom is still a choice. Sometimes, though, I wonder
about options to unschooling because I feel like I loose my patience a lot
and wonder if a different environment would be better for Davan to spend
some of her time in. Most of the time, I think not. I am working on my
patience and Davan wants to be with me, not with someone else, faults and
all.>>
Thank you Nicholina, that was the clarification I was looking for. So it's
the unschooling part that makes you wonder sometimes. I think maybe the
circumstances as to how you came about to unschool can make the difference
depending on the person. I know some people who have taken their children
out of school when the kids themselves weren't having a "terrible" time, it
was the parents who didn't like what they saw. They have expressed at one
time or another if it was really the right thing for the child. Some parents
I know who have never had children in school also express that doubt.
I have one child who has always gone to school. When she was having problems
and not liking it, I wasn't able to pull her out and homeschool her. By the
time I was able to take her out freely, she had learned how to manage the
system and was actually doing better than she ever had. In 8 more days, she
will be a senior and have only one year left. I think I'm looking forward to
it more than her!
My other 3 have never been to school. Maybe that's why I don't have the
doubts that unschooling is the right thing for them. (yet, I'm aware that
might come as they get older) Because I have had it both ways and see this
choice as the best, knowing what my other choices really are. If this is all
fairly new to you, I can understand why "if I'm doing the best thing" comes
up. And I would also imagine that even people not new to it, having their
children grow and become different can also bring about the questions. I
just haven't had them.....yet.
<<Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted that day. In fact, her dad did the
interaction for most of the rest of the day (luckly it was Sunday and he was
not at work). I'm not proud of it. That's why I asked if other people had
patience problems and are still unschoolers.>>
I remember being frustrated when Tara was a baby. She was my first and I
tried for a long time to have her. (to me) She was a very difficult baby.
She seemed like she hated being a baby. I had NO experience with babies at
all. My then husband was absolutely NO help even though he had another
child. Parenting was MY job. My mom was around but I had just lost my dad
the year before and well, she was having emotions of her own. Tara
frustrated me. I was younger then and very inexperienced. I felt alone and
sometimes I would make sure Tara was with someone and just go and cry
somewhere. I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job and failing her. I
didn't want to hang it up though, it just made me more determined. After
all, I didn't have much time to feel sorry, I had a screaming baby waiting
for me.
When Joseph came I was in my late 30's. New husband and new maturity. I
forgot all the books and well meaning family members and let my motherly
instincts take over. I haven't had that frustrating time like I did with
Tara since. I'm not at all saying anyone with doubts isn't mature or
experienced. Just that this was my experience and how it became so different
for me because of my circumstances.
<<It is great you never feel that way. I really wish I never did, either.
I do sometimes "feel like I bit off more than I can chew".
I am a parent. I came into it willingly. I love my daughter. I think
unschooling is the best way of life. We are unschoolers. However, my
question reflected my doubts about if it's still best if the parent most
involved has trouble keeping his/her patience.
I feel like I should clarify at this point that I never physically harm
Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am
angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little
girl" type comments.>>
Not wanting to feel that way and recognizing that it happens every once in
awhile is a great start as far as I'm concerned. Not seeing that you lose
patience would be a real problem. You'll find the way because you want to.
You just have to have patience that it will come!! I have no doubts just
from your few posts that you do love your children and do them no harm. I
never got that impression at all. When we know better, we do better. And
wanting to always be better as a mom is important, at least for me. Just
because I never felt like hanging it up doesn't mean I haven't realized that
many times the way I have handled something hasn't been the best way for my
kids. After 4 it still happens more than I would like, but hey, I'm only
human. I will never expect to be perfect but I do want to be able to see the
best way.
Mary B
<<Being a mom to unschooled kids. Being a mom is not a choice anymore. I
am a mom, what kind of mom is still a choice. Sometimes, though, I wonder
about options to unschooling because I feel like I loose my patience a lot
and wonder if a different environment would be better for Davan to spend
some of her time in. Most of the time, I think not. I am working on my
patience and Davan wants to be with me, not with someone else, faults and
all.>>
Thank you Nicholina, that was the clarification I was looking for. So it's
the unschooling part that makes you wonder sometimes. I think maybe the
circumstances as to how you came about to unschool can make the difference
depending on the person. I know some people who have taken their children
out of school when the kids themselves weren't having a "terrible" time, it
was the parents who didn't like what they saw. They have expressed at one
time or another if it was really the right thing for the child. Some parents
I know who have never had children in school also express that doubt.
I have one child who has always gone to school. When she was having problems
and not liking it, I wasn't able to pull her out and homeschool her. By the
time I was able to take her out freely, she had learned how to manage the
system and was actually doing better than she ever had. In 8 more days, she
will be a senior and have only one year left. I think I'm looking forward to
it more than her!
My other 3 have never been to school. Maybe that's why I don't have the
doubts that unschooling is the right thing for them. (yet, I'm aware that
might come as they get older) Because I have had it both ways and see this
choice as the best, knowing what my other choices really are. If this is all
fairly new to you, I can understand why "if I'm doing the best thing" comes
up. And I would also imagine that even people not new to it, having their
children grow and become different can also bring about the questions. I
just haven't had them.....yet.
<<Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted that day. In fact, her dad did the
interaction for most of the rest of the day (luckly it was Sunday and he was
not at work). I'm not proud of it. That's why I asked if other people had
patience problems and are still unschoolers.>>
I remember being frustrated when Tara was a baby. She was my first and I
tried for a long time to have her. (to me) She was a very difficult baby.
She seemed like she hated being a baby. I had NO experience with babies at
all. My then husband was absolutely NO help even though he had another
child. Parenting was MY job. My mom was around but I had just lost my dad
the year before and well, she was having emotions of her own. Tara
frustrated me. I was younger then and very inexperienced. I felt alone and
sometimes I would make sure Tara was with someone and just go and cry
somewhere. I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job and failing her. I
didn't want to hang it up though, it just made me more determined. After
all, I didn't have much time to feel sorry, I had a screaming baby waiting
for me.
When Joseph came I was in my late 30's. New husband and new maturity. I
forgot all the books and well meaning family members and let my motherly
instincts take over. I haven't had that frustrating time like I did with
Tara since. I'm not at all saying anyone with doubts isn't mature or
experienced. Just that this was my experience and how it became so different
for me because of my circumstances.
<<It is great you never feel that way. I really wish I never did, either.
I do sometimes "feel like I bit off more than I can chew".
I am a parent. I came into it willingly. I love my daughter. I think
unschooling is the best way of life. We are unschoolers. However, my
question reflected my doubts about if it's still best if the parent most
involved has trouble keeping his/her patience.
I feel like I should clarify at this point that I never physically harm
Davan and, while there are angry outbursts, I am able to keep them to "I am
angry about what is happening" type comments and never "you stupid little
girl" type comments.>>
Not wanting to feel that way and recognizing that it happens every once in
awhile is a great start as far as I'm concerned. Not seeing that you lose
patience would be a real problem. You'll find the way because you want to.
You just have to have patience that it will come!! I have no doubts just
from your few posts that you do love your children and do them no harm. I
never got that impression at all. When we know better, we do better. And
wanting to always be better as a mom is important, at least for me. Just
because I never felt like hanging it up doesn't mean I haven't realized that
many times the way I have handled something hasn't been the best way for my
kids. After 4 it still happens more than I would like, but hey, I'm only
human. I will never expect to be perfect but I do want to be able to see the
best way.
Mary B
Tia Leschke
>am a mom, what kind of mom is still a choice. Sometimes, though, I wonder
> Being a mom to unschooled kids. Being a mom is not a choice anymore. I
about options to unschooling because I feel like I loose my patience a lot
and wonder if a different environment would be better for Davan to spend
some of her time in.
A different environment would be . . . different. Not better.
> I am a parent. I came into it willingly. I love my daughter. I thinkunschooling is the best way of life. We are unschoolers. However, my
question reflected my doubts about if it's still best if the parent most
involved has trouble keeping his/her patience.
>Well now you know that most of us have patience problems, and we're still
unschooling. We just keep working at that patience thing. It's part of
*our* unschooling education.
Tia
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/19/2003 1:16:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,
arodonn@... writes:
to our issues.
I have a 3.5 yr. old who screams when she and her 11 yr. old brother are
together.
They are at each other constantly but do not want to go it alone when it
comes to certain things. If one goes on the trampoline the other does also
and it usually ends with one (the littlest) coming off screaming or yelling.
Sometimes they can sit and watch TV together and others neither one can keep
their hands off the other. Usually this is provoked by the 11 yr. old
taping/touching the 3 yr. old.
When the 3 yr. old screams esp when the baby is sleeping it goes right
through me.
This follows a quick "Stop! p.l..e.a..s..e"! I will usually have the little
one come with me and watch what she was watching in whatever room I am in.
This is not working for us or at least I do not see things getting better.
The solution is close I just haven't tripped over it yet.
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arodonn@... writes:
> Do any of you ever feel like you don't have enough patience for this job?>>I don't think I question if I can do it. For me it's more finding solutions
to our issues.
I have a 3.5 yr. old who screams when she and her 11 yr. old brother are
together.
They are at each other constantly but do not want to go it alone when it
comes to certain things. If one goes on the trampoline the other does also
and it usually ends with one (the littlest) coming off screaming or yelling.
Sometimes they can sit and watch TV together and others neither one can keep
their hands off the other. Usually this is provoked by the 11 yr. old
taping/touching the 3 yr. old.
When the 3 yr. old screams esp when the baby is sleeping it goes right
through me.
This follows a quick "Stop! p.l..e.a..s..e"! I will usually have the little
one come with me and watch what she was watching in whatever room I am in.
This is not working for us or at least I do not see things getting better.
The solution is close I just haven't tripped over it yet.
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma2kids
>> Well now you know that most of us have patience problems, andwe're still unschooling. We just keep working at that patience
thing. It's part of *our* unschooling education.>>
And remember, your kids would get plenty of impatience and rules,
restrictions and labels in school. Plus there wuold still be
impatient mommy moments as you wre forced to get them to do their
homework, get to bed early and get up on time. It's a different life.
This one's better. <g>
Life is good.
~Mary