Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Smoking "solutions"
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/18/03 7:39:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
concerns and instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me", instead I got a barrage of accusations
and implication that just frustrated me. Now, I dont even bring up those
challanges. I just deal with them. Lots of times I read things that DO
help me, that ARE great suggestions and alternatives.. but those usually come
in the form of a response to someone else who has a similar situation as
mine.
In the spirit of trying to offer solutions, here are some ideas of how I
would handle the smoking situation. If my young child asked me if they
could smoke... I'm thinking about some real life situations I have been
in.... OK. . my father in law smoked. My kids would ask us why Grandpa
smoked. We would say that when Granpa was younger, a lot more folks smoked..
people didnt really know how harmful it was. Lots of people smoked, that
thought it was "cool", and they didnt realize they could get very sick from
it. Grandpa started smoking, and now, he is addicted to nicotine and he
doesnt want to try hard enough to quit smoking.
Really, in a way, maybe being around a smoker occasionally made it easier for
them to see how nasty it is. My dad smoked until he had a heart attack at 38.
I never wanted to smoke because I detested his smoking. Smoking was never
'attractive" to me because it stunk, and smoking played a big part in my dads
heart attack. My kids know all of that about thier Grandpa. I also have an
aunt that I am as close to as a sister who smokes ALOT. My kids do not like
to go to her house.. IT STINKS! They dont like to ride in the car with her.
It bugs them that she smokes and smells like smoke. We always sit in the
no smoking area at restaurants, and if there is a smoker nearby that stinks
up our meal, we ask to move. My kids are as adamant about moving as my dh
and I are.
I think my very first question to a kid who asked to smoke would be "why do
you want to try it?" I would look at the specific situation.. What made
smoking seem attractive? Does someone they look up to smoke? Did they see
it on TV and it looked cool? Maybe they just saw someone smoking in passing
and they are curious... Find out WHY.. Of course, each different "why"
may merit different responses.
If a child is just downright curious, about the 'act" of smoking, I would
let them try one. I doubt any young child would find it enjoyable, quite
the contrary, they would probably think.. GADS, .. thats nasty!.. If you dont
want to go that far, maybe take them to a place with heavy smoking where they
can get a good lungful of second hand smoke. If they want to emulate
someone they look up to.. Talk to that person privately, tell them your child
wants to try smoking.. Most folks would be glad to sit down with a child and
explain to them that thier smoking is NOT something they they are proud of.
Think of all the other things that make the child look up to the person.
Maybe that person will stop smoking around your child.. maybe they will stop
altogether..
All of these solutions of course should be accompanied by lots of talking
and information about the dangers of smoking, the reasons some people chose
to smoke, the effects of second hand smoke.. etc etc.. There is also an easy
out. IF a child did actually want to smoke and continued to insist on
it.... There are legal considerations. Persons under 18 can not buy
cigarettes.. AND. ( copied from a "legal stuff web page")
It may seem odd, but it is not illegal for kids under 19 years of age to
possess cigarettes or to smoke them. However, it is illegal for anyone to
supply or sell cigarettes to kids under 19 years of age.
SOO, if you give your child a cigarette, you are breaking the law. Of
course, I wouldnt just use that as a first response, but, it is valid.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
> Threads can go on and on about a wrong way or a personality but they rarelyI can agree with this. I have come to this group with challanges and
> go on with idea after idea of how one might handle a particular situation
> the
> right way.
>
> glena
>
concerns and instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me", instead I got a barrage of accusations
and implication that just frustrated me. Now, I dont even bring up those
challanges. I just deal with them. Lots of times I read things that DO
help me, that ARE great suggestions and alternatives.. but those usually come
in the form of a response to someone else who has a similar situation as
mine.
In the spirit of trying to offer solutions, here are some ideas of how I
would handle the smoking situation. If my young child asked me if they
could smoke... I'm thinking about some real life situations I have been
in.... OK. . my father in law smoked. My kids would ask us why Grandpa
smoked. We would say that when Granpa was younger, a lot more folks smoked..
people didnt really know how harmful it was. Lots of people smoked, that
thought it was "cool", and they didnt realize they could get very sick from
it. Grandpa started smoking, and now, he is addicted to nicotine and he
doesnt want to try hard enough to quit smoking.
Really, in a way, maybe being around a smoker occasionally made it easier for
them to see how nasty it is. My dad smoked until he had a heart attack at 38.
I never wanted to smoke because I detested his smoking. Smoking was never
'attractive" to me because it stunk, and smoking played a big part in my dads
heart attack. My kids know all of that about thier Grandpa. I also have an
aunt that I am as close to as a sister who smokes ALOT. My kids do not like
to go to her house.. IT STINKS! They dont like to ride in the car with her.
It bugs them that she smokes and smells like smoke. We always sit in the
no smoking area at restaurants, and if there is a smoker nearby that stinks
up our meal, we ask to move. My kids are as adamant about moving as my dh
and I are.
I think my very first question to a kid who asked to smoke would be "why do
you want to try it?" I would look at the specific situation.. What made
smoking seem attractive? Does someone they look up to smoke? Did they see
it on TV and it looked cool? Maybe they just saw someone smoking in passing
and they are curious... Find out WHY.. Of course, each different "why"
may merit different responses.
If a child is just downright curious, about the 'act" of smoking, I would
let them try one. I doubt any young child would find it enjoyable, quite
the contrary, they would probably think.. GADS, .. thats nasty!.. If you dont
want to go that far, maybe take them to a place with heavy smoking where they
can get a good lungful of second hand smoke. If they want to emulate
someone they look up to.. Talk to that person privately, tell them your child
wants to try smoking.. Most folks would be glad to sit down with a child and
explain to them that thier smoking is NOT something they they are proud of.
Think of all the other things that make the child look up to the person.
Maybe that person will stop smoking around your child.. maybe they will stop
altogether..
All of these solutions of course should be accompanied by lots of talking
and information about the dangers of smoking, the reasons some people chose
to smoke, the effects of second hand smoke.. etc etc.. There is also an easy
out. IF a child did actually want to smoke and continued to insist on
it.... There are legal considerations. Persons under 18 can not buy
cigarettes.. AND. ( copied from a "legal stuff web page")
It may seem odd, but it is not illegal for kids under 19 years of age to
possess cigarettes or to smoke them. However, it is illegal for anyone to
supply or sell cigarettes to kids under 19 years of age.
SOO, if you give your child a cigarette, you are breaking the law. Of
course, I wouldnt just use that as a first response, but, it is valid.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/18/03 7:00:09 PM, grlynbl@... writes:
<< I have come to this group with challanges and
concerns and instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me", instead I got a barrage of accusations
and implication that just frustrated me. Now, I dont even bring up those
challanges. I just deal with them. Lots of times I read things that DO
help me, that ARE great suggestions and alternatives.. but those usually come
in the form of a response to someone else who has a similar situation as
mine. >>
Ideally issues, suggestions and alternatives will be ALL we discuss on this
list, and it shouldn't be important whose question it originally was. If the
question was ANYTHING about unschooling, the answers should all be tools for
stimulating the thought of anyone who reads it.
-=-instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me". . . .-=-
The whole list exists for people to throw out a question, problem, concern,
and for others to discuss that problem or situation. When a person is
especially insecure or unsure and takes things personally, it's unfortunate
for everyone.
Sandra
<< I have come to this group with challanges and
concerns and instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me", instead I got a barrage of accusations
and implication that just frustrated me. Now, I dont even bring up those
challanges. I just deal with them. Lots of times I read things that DO
help me, that ARE great suggestions and alternatives.. but those usually come
in the form of a response to someone else who has a similar situation as
mine. >>
Ideally issues, suggestions and alternatives will be ALL we discuss on this
list, and it shouldn't be important whose question it originally was. If the
question was ANYTHING about unschooling, the answers should all be tools for
stimulating the thought of anyone who reads it.
-=-instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you thought
about this" or "this worked for me". . . .-=-
The whole list exists for people to throw out a question, problem, concern,
and for others to discuss that problem or situation. When a person is
especially insecure or unsure and takes things personally, it's unfortunate
for everyone.
Sandra
Pamela Sorooshian
On Sunday, May 18, 2003, at 05:58 PM, grlynbl@... wrote:
but those of other people with similar situations do?
Just wondering.
-pam
> I can agree with this. I have come to this group with challanges andDo you have any insight as to why your posts don't elicit suggestions
> concerns and instead of someone say.. "try this" or, "have you
> thought
> about this" or "this worked for me", instead I got a barrage of
> accusations
> and implication that just frustrated me. Now, I dont even bring up
> those
> challanges. I just deal with them. Lots of times I read things
> that DO
> help me, that ARE great suggestions and alternatives.. but those
> usually come
> in the form of a response to someone else who has a similar situation
> as
> mine.
but those of other people with similar situations do?
Just wondering.
-pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/19/03 12:18:03 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> Do you have any insight as to why your posts don't elicit suggestionsYes I do.
> but those of other people with similar situations do?
>
> Just wondering.
>
> -pam
>
>
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Monday, May 19, 2003, at 06:04 AM, grlynbl@... wrote:
pam
>Why?
>> Do you have any insight as to why your posts don't elicit suggestions
>> but those of other people with similar situations do?
>>
>> Just wondering.
>>
>> -pam
>>
>>
>
> Yes I do.
>
> Teresa
pam
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/19/03 12:40:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
I wanted to respond to your question, I did not want to just dismiss it.
But, I don't think my insights on some of the responses I get will be
conducive to keeping the list peaceful. I really don't want add to the
current tensions and such. I know why I get ( and do not get) certain
responses from my posts. But, after being on this list for 8 months, seeing
the dynamics of this list and how it operates ( proven many times over), I
just take it all with a grain of salt and don't get worked up about it
anymore. Well, I take that back, I DO get worked up about it.. I just don't
express it to the group. I finally figured out that was big fat waste of
time and energy, and it gets me put on moderation
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
> Do you have any insight as to why your posts don't elicit suggestionsPam,
> >>but those of other people with similar situations do?
> >>
> >>Just wondering.
> >>
> >>-pam
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Yes I do.
> >
> >Teresa
>
> Why?
>
> pam
>
I wanted to respond to your question, I did not want to just dismiss it.
But, I don't think my insights on some of the responses I get will be
conducive to keeping the list peaceful. I really don't want add to the
current tensions and such. I know why I get ( and do not get) certain
responses from my posts. But, after being on this list for 8 months, seeing
the dynamics of this list and how it operates ( proven many times over), I
just take it all with a grain of salt and don't get worked up about it
anymore. Well, I take that back, I DO get worked up about it.. I just don't
express it to the group. I finally figured out that was big fat waste of
time and energy, and it gets me put on moderation
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
Okay - well - I thought that if you had thought this through and
figured out why your posts weren't getting results from the 1,000 plus
people on this list, while other people asking the same questions do
get responses from listmembers - that it would be useful to people to
hear from you what made the difference.
-pam
figured out why your posts weren't getting results from the 1,000 plus
people on this list, while other people asking the same questions do
get responses from listmembers - that it would be useful to people to
hear from you what made the difference.
-pam
On Monday, May 19, 2003, at 10:31 AM, grlynbl@... wrote:
> Pam,
> I wanted to respond to your question, I did not want to just dismiss
> it.
> But, I don't think my insights on some of the responses I get will be
> conducive to keeping the list peaceful. I really don't want add to
> the
> current tensions and such. I know why I get ( and do not get) certain
> responses from my posts. But, after being on this list for 8 months,
> seeing
> the dynamics of this list and how it operates ( proven many times
> over), I
> just take it all with a grain of salt and don't get worked up about it
> anymore. Well, I take that back, I DO get worked up about it.. I
> just don't
> express it to the group. I finally figured out that was big fat
> waste of
> time and energy, and it gets me put on moderation