Rob Wight

Hi all

Thanks to all those people who have replied to my request for suggestions with James. I have at different times tried

1. Having a pre-visitor chat with him (which sometimes works but generally backfires with him becoming stressed and hurt before they even arrive)
2. Suggesting he writes down anything he doesn't understand so we can discuss it later. This usually frustrates him because his writing can't keep up.
3. Indicating for him to wait while someone finishes their sentence and then turning to give him my full attention. The trouble is his involvement and questions is so constant that the conversation. I'm talking about every second sentence being questioned here!

I haven't tried the tape-recorder but I don't feel fully comfortable with that idea. There are frankly conversations which I want to have without him - for example when a friend is telling me about her marriage problems. Sometimes my friends need me to be a good listener and I can't be at the same time as coping with James' demands.

I guess I'll just have to hang in there. Keep letting him no when it is a problem and it will get better. - In fact it has got better over the time he has been at home but bad experiences still leave me feeling that we are never going to be free of this.

Susan


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

coyote's corner

Can you explain to him? I missed his age. Brianna is 10 and 1/2 years old. She knows there are times I must have conversations w/o her.
Late yesterday afternoon, our friend came by. A little background; a few months ago, he collapsed at work. While he had been feeling tired, otherwise, he was fine.
After many tests, he was told yesterday that he has 4 to 6 months to live. He has advanced stage Hepatitis C.
The only thing that will save him is a transplant.
He is not nor has he ever been an alcoholic, in fact, he's Jewish - (in light of our recent discussion! ;) )

Brianna didn't need to be there for the first ten minutes or so....I didn't want her there.

I asked her to spend some time w/ Teah (our dog - who is behaving wonderfully thanks to Joyce)

She gets the hint.

Maybe diverting him....but explain that sometimes some people need to just talk to one person, that it's easier to speak to just one and not two.

And when that happens, we both need to adapt. Because the People come here to learn & to get comfort.

Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Rob Wight
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 16, 2003 2:11 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Interrupted conversation


Hi all

Thanks to all those people who have replied to my request for suggestions with James. I have at different times tried

1. Having a pre-visitor chat with him (which sometimes works but generally backfires with him becoming stressed and hurt before they even arrive)
2. Suggesting he writes down anything he doesn't understand so we can discuss it later. This usually frustrates him because his writing can't keep up.
3. Indicating for him to wait while someone finishes their sentence and then turning to give him my full attention. The trouble is his involvement and questions is so constant that the conversation. I'm talking about every second sentence being questioned here!

I haven't tried the tape-recorder but I don't feel fully comfortable with that idea. There are frankly conversations which I want to have without him - for example when a friend is telling me about her marriage problems. Sometimes my friends need me to be a good listener and I can't be at the same time as coping with James' demands.

I guess I'll just have to hang in there. Keep letting him no when it is a problem and it will get better. - In fact it has got better over the time he has been at home but bad experiences still leave me feeling that we are never going to be free of this.

Susan


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> Thanks to all those people who have replied to my request for suggestions
with James. I have at different times tried
>
> 1. Having a pre-visitor chat with him (which sometimes works but
generally backfires with him becoming stressed and hurt before they even
arrive)
> 2. Suggesting he writes down anything he doesn't understand so we can
discuss it later. This usually frustrates him because his writing can't keep
up.
> 3. Indicating for him to wait while someone finishes their sentence and
then turning to give him my full attention. The trouble is his involvement
and questions is so constant that the conversation. I'm talking about every
second sentence being questioned here!

Have you talked with him when there are no visitors expected or recently
left about your problem with the interruptions and asked him for ideas for
how you could get your needs met while also meeting his? He might have some
good ideas.
>
> I haven't tried the tape-recorder but I don't feel fully comfortable with
that idea. There are frankly conversations which I want to have without
him - for example when a friend is telling me about her marriage problems.
Sometimes my friends need me to be a good listener and I can't be at the
same time as coping with James' demands.

For those times when you really do need privacy for the conversation, can
you either go out for coffee with that person (maybe when your husband is
home) or invite them over when someone else can hang out with him?
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...