Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself
Tracy Oldfield
Joshua, I'm the ripe old age of 26 :-) And Nanci, I know
exactly what you mean!! I feel so young, at things like LLL get-togethers,
and the Home-ed meetings (although a close friend from there was 18 when she had
her son) but at least there it's appreciated that the only way to become a
competent parent is to become a competent parent, and that comes (gradually!!)
with the job, not with age, IMO.
Tracy
----- Original Message -----From: Joshua HeathSent: Wednesday, March 01, 2000 2:53 AMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourselfFrom: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>
Sure Tracy... by the way, how young are you now?? I know you said how old your daughter(?) is, but I forgot...Have a great day,Joshua----- Original Message -----From: Tracy OldfieldSent: Tuesday, February 29, 2000 5:03 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourselfFrom: "Tracy Oldfield" <[email protected]>
That's quite young!! I did it the other way around, got married at 18, had eldest at 21, almost 22 :-) and dh is older than me, but I don't know if it makes much difference. The only thing I can see is that having children when you're that young seems to give people even more of an idea that they can tell you what to do with them <g> I know my father was told when he announced that mum and he were engaged that he was 'nobbut a bairn' himself.Us young-uns can sit over here and and natter while the fogies do their thing, eh???TracyFrom: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>
Tracy, My now wife and I concieved our first child when I was 19 and she was 20. I was all set to go travelling for 6 months to Australia! I relate to your feelings of not being sure you cut it as a homeschooling parent! I feel the same way often myself... Life can just be stressfull and overwhelming at times... and it is hard for me not to get down during these days... it doesnt help when the boys are transitioning into this lifestyle still and being "bored" and argumentative and hyper and agitated. And I too am learning the ropes and don't have a chore system that functions well yet, and am not too good at creating a nice easy rythm in our days... I sure hope to get better and better at these things... but man the thoughts do go through my mind of "maybe this is just not possible for me,"scool wasnt that bad..." But the reality was, it was, and that fact not-withstanding, there are NO real alternatives I can begin to embrace at this point.Sorry for rambling...Joshua----- Original Message -----From: Tracy OldfieldSent: Monday, February 28, 2000 3:48 PMSubject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourselfFrom: "Tracy Oldfield" <[email protected]>
Thanks Joshua, it was clear enough for me :-) You said you had children young, do you mind asking how young? Some folks idea of young are way different to others, I know!! I struggle here as I have always been a mature, serious (earnest?) type although whether that's me or 'schooled (or perhaps bullied) me' I'm not sure, and I agree with the theory that everyone has an age that fits them, once they reach that age they stay for a while until decrepitude takes over. So it's hard for me to let go and play with my children more, (I used to, though, and do with other folks children, particularly 1yo-ish's, now I think...why has that stopped I wonder? Probably since I started being asked why at every verse-end...) and I sometimes wonder whether I am the right kind of person to be unschooling or even homeschooling, but the alternative is, for me, so abhorrent that I plod on anyway!!Thanks againTracyFrom: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>
Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>Joshua
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In a message dated 3/2/00 9:26:11 PM Central Standard Time,
Tracy@...-online.co.uk writes:
<< Joshua, I'm the ripe old age of 26 :-) And Nanci, I know exactly what you
mean!! I feel so young, at things like LLL get-togethers, and the Home-ed
meetings (although a close friend from there was 18 when she had her son) but
at least there it's appreciated that the only way to become a competent
parent is to become a competent parent, and that comes (gradually!!) with the
job, not with age, IMO.
Tracy >>
Tracey,
I'm 25 this year, and my oldest is four. I've always felt sooooo yooooung. I
look older than I am, so there's always a lot of surprise when my actual age
is revealed. I'm finally getting to an age where people aren't as surprised
at my age. It's kinda nice. :)
Carrie
Tracy@...-online.co.uk writes:
<< Joshua, I'm the ripe old age of 26 :-) And Nanci, I know exactly what you
mean!! I feel so young, at things like LLL get-togethers, and the Home-ed
meetings (although a close friend from there was 18 when she had her son) but
at least there it's appreciated that the only way to become a competent
parent is to become a competent parent, and that comes (gradually!!) with the
job, not with age, IMO.
Tracy >>
Tracey,
I'm 25 this year, and my oldest is four. I've always felt sooooo yooooung. I
look older than I am, so there's always a lot of surprise when my actual age
is revealed. I'm finally getting to an age where people aren't as surprised
at my age. It's kinda nice. :)
Carrie
[email protected]
In a message dated 3/3/00 4:03:45 PM Pacific Standard Time, CJWBLW@...
writes:
<< I'm 25 this year, and my oldest is four. I've always felt sooooo
yooooung. I
look older than I am, so there's always a lot of surprise when my actual age
is revealed. >>
I can relate. I had my now 9yo daughter when I was 19. I actually looked
young for my age (before I had my 2nd child) and people reacted a little
akwardly when she called me mommy. I guess they thought I had her when I was
14 or something. I always felt *old* next to my peers but *young* next to the
parents of her peers. Luckily, no one in my family doubted my ability to
raise her based on my youth. They saw us doing everything we could to raise
her well and they saw the results. They offered, and still offer, a lot of
advice, but rarely criticize. Then again, they don't yet kow we're
unschooling. ;->
candice
writes:
<< I'm 25 this year, and my oldest is four. I've always felt sooooo
yooooung. I
look older than I am, so there's always a lot of surprise when my actual age
is revealed. >>
I can relate. I had my now 9yo daughter when I was 19. I actually looked
young for my age (before I had my 2nd child) and people reacted a little
akwardly when she called me mommy. I guess they thought I had her when I was
14 or something. I always felt *old* next to my peers but *young* next to the
parents of her peers. Luckily, no one in my family doubted my ability to
raise her based on my youth. They saw us doing everything we could to raise
her well and they saw the results. They offered, and still offer, a lot of
advice, but rarely criticize. Then again, they don't yet kow we're
unschooling. ;->
candice
susan
hi,
i was 36 when i had rene' i'm now 40 . we were not financially better off, as you said was the most common reason for waiting, in fact neither of us were employed at the time and the only money we had was a little stock my grandparents had given me many years before. why did i wait? because i had made some really bad choices in men prior to meeting my husband and really
couldn't see being happy in either of those relationships. i didn't want children without the hope of happiness, though this was more of an unconscious thought at the time - you know you do things without really knowing why but you know you have to do it.
i am glad i waited on one hand because i'm more patient (which for me was a major huddle:) and i'm more resilient to external pressures. that is i can draw boundaries and stick to them a bit better and am not so easily made to feel guilty. but this was my weakness and i'm sure it is not true of younger people in general. on the other hand i think having kids younger has
great advantages. for example in my early 20's 4 to 5 hours sleep on average punctuated by an 'all night' was do-able. this would not be possible now or should i say i would be impossible now <g>.
i think child rearing is a more instinctive thing and age has little if anything to do with it. other than patience i think the only real change in my understands and perspective on parenting is that i'm more articulate. i read books by holt and pearce in my early 20's, some 10 to 15 years before have a kid. i'm not sure why i read these books i just did, i still
maintain the beliefs i had then but now i could probable write a reach paper and back up my opinions with the writing of others.
anyway i know what you're saying my sister- in-law would fit the picture you described. one of the down sides about waiting (other than the biological clock/gentic thing) is that people don't really respect you and treat you as if you are not normal or are lacking some 'hormone' or emotion or something because you don't have kids. so this just leads me to the conclusion
that people generally like to judge other people. so just do what makes you happy because if someone wants to pick on you they'll surely find something:)
-susan
austin,tx
ps i had always looked a good 10 years younger than i was - when i was in my mid 20's people thought i was 13 or 14 and i was never taken seriously at all. so i can really empathize with what you are saying. it is because of this that i take my son very serious, even if he's talking about some cartoon. because we, as a society, ignore and trivialize the thoughts of those
younger than us and this is a great lost because wisdom is wisdom no matter how small or young the person speaking it is.
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
i was 36 when i had rene' i'm now 40 . we were not financially better off, as you said was the most common reason for waiting, in fact neither of us were employed at the time and the only money we had was a little stock my grandparents had given me many years before. why did i wait? because i had made some really bad choices in men prior to meeting my husband and really
couldn't see being happy in either of those relationships. i didn't want children without the hope of happiness, though this was more of an unconscious thought at the time - you know you do things without really knowing why but you know you have to do it.
i am glad i waited on one hand because i'm more patient (which for me was a major huddle:) and i'm more resilient to external pressures. that is i can draw boundaries and stick to them a bit better and am not so easily made to feel guilty. but this was my weakness and i'm sure it is not true of younger people in general. on the other hand i think having kids younger has
great advantages. for example in my early 20's 4 to 5 hours sleep on average punctuated by an 'all night' was do-able. this would not be possible now or should i say i would be impossible now <g>.
i think child rearing is a more instinctive thing and age has little if anything to do with it. other than patience i think the only real change in my understands and perspective on parenting is that i'm more articulate. i read books by holt and pearce in my early 20's, some 10 to 15 years before have a kid. i'm not sure why i read these books i just did, i still
maintain the beliefs i had then but now i could probable write a reach paper and back up my opinions with the writing of others.
anyway i know what you're saying my sister- in-law would fit the picture you described. one of the down sides about waiting (other than the biological clock/gentic thing) is that people don't really respect you and treat you as if you are not normal or are lacking some 'hormone' or emotion or something because you don't have kids. so this just leads me to the conclusion
that people generally like to judge other people. so just do what makes you happy because if someone wants to pick on you they'll surely find something:)
-susan
austin,tx
ps i had always looked a good 10 years younger than i was - when i was in my mid 20's people thought i was 13 or 14 and i was never taken seriously at all. so i can really empathize with what you are saying. it is because of this that i take my son very serious, even if he's talking about some cartoon. because we, as a society, ignore and trivialize the thoughts of those
younger than us and this is a great lost because wisdom is wisdom no matter how small or young the person speaking it is.
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
> You know, there was a time when one was considered an old maid if not married off by 17 or so. Not that I necessarily think that is what we SHOULD be doing, just ironic.
>
> What is the deal with this current trend with older mothers? It does not necessarily mean that one is a better parent or more intelligent or experienced in the realm of child rearing, or even (the usual stated reason) that one is better off financially. I get so sick and tired of people treating me like I asm somehow less intelligent or less worthy because I am younger.
>
> Nanci K.
>
susan
well it's nice to know it's not my age that is at issue - just the reality of
being the primary parent:)
-susan
being the primary parent:)
-susan
> LOL, still being in my twentys, I have to make a comment here! It the same
> thing occured to me the other day- that I DO NOT function very well as a
> parent on anything under 6 good hours of sleep, and prefer 7-8. I remember
> a time even after I had kids but was not the primary support person that I
> could get by fine on missing the odd night entirely (working night shift)
> without suffering too much. NOW.... it is so PAINFUL to go through a day at
> home not feeling rested. It just leads me to the conclusion that at least
> in part the difference has less to do with age, and more to do with the
> unkannily high level of energy output it requires to be the main care-giver
> for your children at the same time as keeping the house under control, doing
> laundry, cooking, shopping etc etc. It is not the kind of thing where I can
> just "drift" through the day without trying as I have been able to do at
> many of my prevous jobs on days when I was lacking sleep.
> Any other of the younger parents agree?
>
> Joshua
>
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
>I can relate. I had my now 9yo daughter when I was 19You know, there was a time when one was considered an old maid if not married off by 17 or so. Not that I necessarily think that is what we SHOULD be doing, just ironic.
>candice
What is the deal with this current trend with older mothers? It does not necessarily mean that one is a better parent or more intelligent or experienced in the realm of child rearing, or even (the usual stated reason) that one is better off financially. I get so sick and tired of people treating me like I asm somehow less intelligent or less worthy because I am younger.
Nanci K.
------------------------------------------------------------
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Shannon CC
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
think as long as you are a good mother, and are happy being a mother, it
shouldn't matter how old (or not old) you are. There are bad mothers of
all ages. I would never judge someone as a mother simply because of
their age.
Personally tho, I am glad I waited. I'm not that much "older", but I was
29 when I had my baby (my first so far). No, I was not more intelligent,
or more experienced with children (tho I was better off financially) but
most important *for me* is that I was more sure of myself and more
patient then I was in my early 20's or teens. I would have made an
awful, awful mother in my teens. But that is ME and no one else.
Anyway, just standing up for us old fogies :-) My friends are actually a
mixed bag. I have some who waited, some who wanted kids early but had
problems and finally had them in their 30's and some who had them young.
And some of them are better mother's than others, but I can honestly say
it seems to have nothing to do with age.
JMO, Shannon
> What is the deal with this current trend with older mothers? It does not necessarily mean that one is a better parent or more intelligent or experienced in the realm of child rearing, or even (the usual stated reason) that one is better off financially. I get so sick and tired of people treating me like I asm somehow less intelligent or less worthy because I am younger.LOL! Hey! Nothing wrong with being an "older" mother either you know! I
> Nanci K.
think as long as you are a good mother, and are happy being a mother, it
shouldn't matter how old (or not old) you are. There are bad mothers of
all ages. I would never judge someone as a mother simply because of
their age.
Personally tho, I am glad I waited. I'm not that much "older", but I was
29 when I had my baby (my first so far). No, I was not more intelligent,
or more experienced with children (tho I was better off financially) but
most important *for me* is that I was more sure of myself and more
patient then I was in my early 20's or teens. I would have made an
awful, awful mother in my teens. But that is ME and no one else.
Anyway, just standing up for us old fogies :-) My friends are actually a
mixed bag. I have some who waited, some who wanted kids early but had
problems and finally had them in their 30's and some who had them young.
And some of them are better mother's than others, but I can honestly say
it seems to have nothing to do with age.
JMO, Shannon
Joshua Heath
on the other hand i think having kids younger has
possible now or should i say i would be impossible now <g>.
LOL, still being in my twentys, I have to make a comment here! It the same
thing occured to me the other day- that I DO NOT function very well as a
parent on anything under 6 good hours of sleep, and prefer 7-8. I remember
a time even after I had kids but was not the primary support person that I
could get by fine on missing the odd night entirely (working night shift)
without suffering too much. NOW.... it is so PAINFUL to go through a day at
home not feeling rested. It just leads me to the conclusion that at least
in part the difference has less to do with age, and more to do with the
unkannily high level of energy output it requires to be the main care-giver
for your children at the same time as keeping the house under control, doing
laundry, cooking, shopping etc etc. It is not the kind of thing where I can
just "drift" through the day without trying as I have been able to do at
many of my prevous jobs on days when I was lacking sleep.
Any other of the younger parents agree?
Joshua
> great advantages. for example in my early 20's 4 to 5 hours sleep onaverage punctuated by an 'all night' was do-able. this would not be
possible now or should i say i would be impossible now <g>.
LOL, still being in my twentys, I have to make a comment here! It the same
thing occured to me the other day- that I DO NOT function very well as a
parent on anything under 6 good hours of sleep, and prefer 7-8. I remember
a time even after I had kids but was not the primary support person that I
could get by fine on missing the odd night entirely (working night shift)
without suffering too much. NOW.... it is so PAINFUL to go through a day at
home not feeling rested. It just leads me to the conclusion that at least
in part the difference has less to do with age, and more to do with the
unkannily high level of energy output it requires to be the main care-giver
for your children at the same time as keeping the house under control, doing
laundry, cooking, shopping etc etc. It is not the kind of thing where I can
just "drift" through the day without trying as I have been able to do at
many of my prevous jobs on days when I was lacking sleep.
Any other of the younger parents agree?
Joshua
libbygirl
Hi Joshua,
Just a quick note - i had my first child at 25 which was considered young by
my immediate family and friends and just recently had my last baby at 33.
I actually think I was a much more conscientious mother with my first child.
The house had to be just-so, baby always clean and dressed prettily, me with
make-up on by 9am etc because I lacked any confidence at all. Therefore I
tried extra hard to "do it right" For me this led to postnatal depression
which was unrecognised for years as I continued to "function"
Now with my four children at home all day, i am blissed-out of my mind and
very, very relaxed about housework and the girls having matching socks and
panties etc!! (In fact if they actually get totally dressed I am pretty darn
happy!) So I have definitely "enjoyed" the two babies I had in my thirties
so much more than the two I had in my twenties.
I realise that there are many factors at work here but still I think the
"best" younger mothers I know work incredibly hard and deserve incredible
appreciation for doing the best they can with the hardes (and potentially)
most rewarding job in the world!
Regards,
Michelle
Just a quick note - i had my first child at 25 which was considered young by
my immediate family and friends and just recently had my last baby at 33.
I actually think I was a much more conscientious mother with my first child.
The house had to be just-so, baby always clean and dressed prettily, me with
make-up on by 9am etc because I lacked any confidence at all. Therefore I
tried extra hard to "do it right" For me this led to postnatal depression
which was unrecognised for years as I continued to "function"
Now with my four children at home all day, i am blissed-out of my mind and
very, very relaxed about housework and the girls having matching socks and
panties etc!! (In fact if they actually get totally dressed I am pretty darn
happy!) So I have definitely "enjoyed" the two babies I had in my thirties
so much more than the two I had in my twenties.
I realise that there are many factors at work here but still I think the
"best" younger mothers I know work incredibly hard and deserve incredible
appreciation for doing the best they can with the hardes (and potentially)
most rewarding job in the world!
Regards,
Michelle
K WORTHEN
Nanci,
I couldn't help but chuckle when I read what you wrote about the
old maid at 17 thing. My parents didn't adopt me until my mom was 30 and my
dad was 47. 30 years ago this was almost unheard of. All of my friends were
products of parents that had had them in their early 20's if not sooner. I
always felt out of place. I then went on to marry @ 22 and have my babies @
23, 26, & 28. Now I feel out of place for being a young mom. I guess when
it comes to society, you can't win for loosin'.
Amy Worthen
I couldn't help but chuckle when I read what you wrote about the
old maid at 17 thing. My parents didn't adopt me until my mom was 30 and my
dad was 47. 30 years ago this was almost unheard of. All of my friends were
products of parents that had had them in their early 20's if not sooner. I
always felt out of place. I then went on to marry @ 22 and have my babies @
23, 26, & 28. Now I feel out of place for being a young mom. I guess when
it comes to society, you can't win for loosin'.
Amy Worthen
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall" <tn-k4of5@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, March 04, 2000 10:05 PM
Subject: RE: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself
> From: "Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall" <tn-k4of5@...>
>
>
> >I can relate. I had my now 9yo daughter when I was 19
> >candice
>
> You know, there was a time when one was considered an old maid if not
married off by 17 or so. Not that I necessarily think that is what we
SHOULD be doing, just ironic.
>
> What is the deal with this current trend with older mothers? It does not
necessarily mean that one is a better parent or more intelligent or
experienced in the realm of child rearing, or even (the usual stated reason)
that one is better off financially. I get so sick and tired of people
treating me like I asm somehow less intelligent or less worthy because I am
younger.
>
> Nanci K.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Show off your pagan (and Idaho) pride, get Idaho Pagan Mail today!
> Sign up at http://www.idahopagan.com/mail.html
>
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>
>
[email protected]
<< Nanci,
I couldn't help but chuckle when I read what you wrote about the
old maid at 17 thing. My parents didn't adopt me until my mom was 30 and my
dad was 47. 30 years ago this was almost unheard of. All of my friends were
products of parents that had had them in their early 20's if not sooner. I
always felt out of place. I then went on to marry @ 22 and have my babies @
23, 26, & 28. Now I feel out of place for being a young mom. I guess when
it comes to society, you can't win for loosin'.
Amy Worthen >>
And I have kind of the opposite. My mom had me when she was 17. Because
she started in on the sex ed lectures when I was 12 and had 2 more children
while I was a teenager, I wanted nothing to do with children for a long time.
I had my first pretty much right by the biological clock with my friends -
29 - but then all those friends I thought I'd be raising my children with
went the daycare route and have very different attitudes about almost
everything regarding children. So, here I am.
But my mom did a great job, and I remember loving that she would play tag
with me and stuff when the other mothers wouldn't. And getting to go to
college with her sometimes and color in the corner. And bragging to friends
in 6th grade that I could still trust MY mom cause she wasn't 30 yet.
Karen, (with Helen, 7, Agent of Chaos, and Gordon, 4, Agent of Destruction)
I couldn't help but chuckle when I read what you wrote about the
old maid at 17 thing. My parents didn't adopt me until my mom was 30 and my
dad was 47. 30 years ago this was almost unheard of. All of my friends were
products of parents that had had them in their early 20's if not sooner. I
always felt out of place. I then went on to marry @ 22 and have my babies @
23, 26, & 28. Now I feel out of place for being a young mom. I guess when
it comes to society, you can't win for loosin'.
Amy Worthen >>
And I have kind of the opposite. My mom had me when she was 17. Because
she started in on the sex ed lectures when I was 12 and had 2 more children
while I was a teenager, I wanted nothing to do with children for a long time.
I had my first pretty much right by the biological clock with my friends -
29 - but then all those friends I thought I'd be raising my children with
went the daycare route and have very different attitudes about almost
everything regarding children. So, here I am.
But my mom did a great job, and I remember loving that she would play tag
with me and stuff when the other mothers wouldn't. And getting to go to
college with her sometimes and color in the corner. And bragging to friends
in 6th grade that I could still trust MY mom cause she wasn't 30 yet.
Karen, (with Helen, 7, Agent of Chaos, and Gordon, 4, Agent of Destruction)
Shannon CC
cunian@... wrote:
seen many people say how great it is to be (or have) a younger mom
because you're "willing" to play with the kids and I have to speak up on
this. It's attitude not age! Yes, there are many older moms who do not
like to play tag, color, etc with their kids, but I bet it's not their
age, it's them. My mom had me at 21, and she certainly didn't ever play
tag (or much of anything else) with us. I had mine at 29 and while she
is not yet old enuf to play tag per se, I already chase her around the
house and roll around on the floor with her.
Ok, true, my knees are not what they used to be, but IMO it's worth the
pain to give her a happy childhood. I'm constantly kneeling down to be
at her level all day long, ignoring the creaking in my knees (and by the
way, they started to give out in my early 20's, so having a child
younger would not have made much of a difference).
I also often hear people talk about "first time moms" (of any age) and
how they don't know anything and are too uptight. I always stand up for
myself when I hear that because I think I'm pretty laid back. Maybe it's
because I'm of an unschooling mindset, but I let Bridget do all sorts of
things. Last night I lay a blanket on the kitchen floor, put down a pot,
and let her splash water all over (the blanket was to soak up the water
so she wouldn't slip). When you give dd something in a cup, she likes to
drink some and then pour the rest on the floor. Dh says I should just
give her sippy cups (with the lids). Why? It's easy enuf to clean up,
the carpet is old anyway, and this way she is learning, exploring,
playing and having fun :-)
My whole point is, people are who they are for many different reasons.
You can't make sweeping generalizations based on age (or how long you've
been parenting). Yes, some of us are more confident and patient because
we're older, but some were already confident and patient when they were
young. Some moms will play with their kids no matter what their age, and
some won't, no matter how young they are. Some people loosen up as the
parenting years go by, some are pretty laid back from day one.
So anyway, that's MO :-)
Shannon, Mom to Bridget (Oct.8.98)
> But my mom did a great job, and I remember loving that she would play tagI'm not addressing you directly, Karen, but addressing this idea. I've
> with me and stuff when the other mothers wouldn't.
seen many people say how great it is to be (or have) a younger mom
because you're "willing" to play with the kids and I have to speak up on
this. It's attitude not age! Yes, there are many older moms who do not
like to play tag, color, etc with their kids, but I bet it's not their
age, it's them. My mom had me at 21, and she certainly didn't ever play
tag (or much of anything else) with us. I had mine at 29 and while she
is not yet old enuf to play tag per se, I already chase her around the
house and roll around on the floor with her.
Ok, true, my knees are not what they used to be, but IMO it's worth the
pain to give her a happy childhood. I'm constantly kneeling down to be
at her level all day long, ignoring the creaking in my knees (and by the
way, they started to give out in my early 20's, so having a child
younger would not have made much of a difference).
I also often hear people talk about "first time moms" (of any age) and
how they don't know anything and are too uptight. I always stand up for
myself when I hear that because I think I'm pretty laid back. Maybe it's
because I'm of an unschooling mindset, but I let Bridget do all sorts of
things. Last night I lay a blanket on the kitchen floor, put down a pot,
and let her splash water all over (the blanket was to soak up the water
so she wouldn't slip). When you give dd something in a cup, she likes to
drink some and then pour the rest on the floor. Dh says I should just
give her sippy cups (with the lids). Why? It's easy enuf to clean up,
the carpet is old anyway, and this way she is learning, exploring,
playing and having fun :-)
My whole point is, people are who they are for many different reasons.
You can't make sweeping generalizations based on age (or how long you've
been parenting). Yes, some of us are more confident and patient because
we're older, but some were already confident and patient when they were
young. Some moms will play with their kids no matter what their age, and
some won't, no matter how young they are. Some people loosen up as the
parenting years go by, some are pretty laid back from day one.
So anyway, that's MO :-)
Shannon, Mom to Bridget (Oct.8.98)
Michelle Bennett
I second that, Shannon!!!! All mothers and children are important and
special no matter what their age! Perhaps the people who make comments or
give you strange looks are not people that one should be concerned about
what they think? Perhaps they would be lousy parents? Or are? Don't judge
another until you have walked a mile in their shoes I say!!! I agree that I
have had more patience and money than I did when I was younger, but there
have been nights when I have fell into bed so exhausted and thought, "If
only I had had children at a younger age, I would have had more energy for
them!" There are pros and cons both ways. I also hear the time clock
ticking for more children where as it would have been different if I had
begun at a younger age. It's a toss up!
Michelle
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
special no matter what their age! Perhaps the people who make comments or
give you strange looks are not people that one should be concerned about
what they think? Perhaps they would be lousy parents? Or are? Don't judge
another until you have walked a mile in their shoes I say!!! I agree that I
have had more patience and money than I did when I was younger, but there
have been nights when I have fell into bed so exhausted and thought, "If
only I had had children at a younger age, I would have had more energy for
them!" There are pros and cons both ways. I also hear the time clock
ticking for more children where as it would have been different if I had
begun at a younger age. It's a toss up!
Michelle
>From: Shannon CC <shannoncc@...>______________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself
>Date: Sat, 04 Mar 2000 23:48:16 -0500
>
>Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall wrote:
> > What is the deal with this current trend with older mothers? It does
>not necessarily mean that one is a better parent or more intelligent or
>experienced in the realm of child rearing, or even (the usual stated
>reason) that one is better off financially. I get so sick and tired of
>people treating me like I asm somehow less intelligent or less worthy
>because I am younger.
> > Nanci K.
>
>
>LOL! Hey! Nothing wrong with being an "older" mother either you know! I
>think as long as you are a good mother, and are happy being a mother, it
>shouldn't matter how old (or not old) you are. There are bad mothers of
>all ages. I would never judge someone as a mother simply because of
>their age.
>
>Personally tho, I am glad I waited. I'm not that much "older", but I was
>29 when I had my baby (my first so far). No, I was not more intelligent,
>or more experienced with children (tho I was better off financially) but
>most important *for me* is that I was more sure of myself and more
>patient then I was in my early 20's or teens. I would have made an
>awful, awful mother in my teens. But that is ME and no one else.
>
>Anyway, just standing up for us old fogies :-) My friends are actually a
>mixed bag. I have some who waited, some who wanted kids early but had
>problems and finally had them in their 30's and some who had them young.
>And some of them are better mother's than others, but I can honestly say
>it seems to have nothing to do with age.
>
>JMO, Shannon
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Lynda
Truer words were never spoken and I have been staying out of the discussion
because it is soooo age biased! It is simple, some folks are born old and
boring and tired. Some folks never grow up and there are a whole variety
inbetween! Nobody parents all their kids the same. No two 20 year old, no
two 30 year olds and no two 40 year olds parent the same and they won't
parent the 2nd, 3rd or umpteenth kid the same as the first one. Some folks
are watchers, some are doers.
I "acquired" 5 kids when I was 19. Instant parenthood because my sil was
hospitalized. It was also instant intro to unschooling because the kids
were on overload and I figured they had enough on their plates without
school. Of course, I didn't have a clue that what we were doing was
unschooling.
My first kidlet was born when I was 22, last one when I was 36. Each was
different and the parenting combined their individuality with my
personality. Age never had anything to do with it. I'm OAD now and the
kidlets and I are still doing lots of things together including lifting
weights, roller blading and bicycling.
Lynda
----------
because it is soooo age biased! It is simple, some folks are born old and
boring and tired. Some folks never grow up and there are a whole variety
inbetween! Nobody parents all their kids the same. No two 20 year old, no
two 30 year olds and no two 40 year olds parent the same and they won't
parent the 2nd, 3rd or umpteenth kid the same as the first one. Some folks
are watchers, some are doers.
I "acquired" 5 kids when I was 19. Instant parenthood because my sil was
hospitalized. It was also instant intro to unschooling because the kids
were on overload and I figured they had enough on their plates without
school. Of course, I didn't have a clue that what we were doing was
unschooling.
My first kidlet was born when I was 22, last one when I was 36. Each was
different and the parenting combined their individuality with my
personality. Age never had anything to do with it. I'm OAD now and the
kidlets and I are still doing lots of things together including lifting
weights, roller blading and bicycling.
Lynda
----------
> From: Shannon CC <shannoncc@...>tag
>
> cunian@... wrote:
> > But my mom did a great job, and I remember loving that she would play
> > with me and stuff when the other mothers wouldn't.
>
>
> I'm not addressing you directly, Karen, but addressing this idea. I've
> seen many people say how great it is to be (or have) a younger mom
> because you're "willing" to play with the kids and I have to speak up on
> this. It's attitude not age! Yes, there are many older moms who do not
> like to play tag, color, etc with their kids, but I bet it's not their
> age, it's them. My mom had me at 21, and she certainly didn't ever play
> tag (or much of anything else) with us. I had mine at 29 and while she
> is not yet old enuf to play tag per se, I already chase her around the
> house and roll around on the floor with her.
>
> Ok, true, my knees are not what they used to be, but IMO it's worth the
> pain to give her a happy childhood. I'm constantly kneeling down to be
> at her level all day long, ignoring the creaking in my knees (and by the
> way, they started to give out in my early 20's, so having a child
> younger would not have made much of a difference).
>
> I also often hear people talk about "first time moms" (of any age) and
> how they don't know anything and are too uptight. I always stand up for
> myself when I hear that because I think I'm pretty laid back. Maybe it's
> because I'm of an unschooling mindset, but I let Bridget do all sorts of
> things. Last night I lay a blanket on the kitchen floor, put down a pot,
> and let her splash water all over (the blanket was to soak up the water
> so she wouldn't slip). When you give dd something in a cup, she likes to
> drink some and then pour the rest on the floor. Dh says I should just
> give her sippy cups (with the lids). Why? It's easy enuf to clean up,
> the carpet is old anyway, and this way she is learning, exploring,
> playing and having fun :-)
>
> My whole point is, people are who they are for many different reasons.
> You can't make sweeping generalizations based on age (or how long you've
> been parenting). Yes, some of us are more confident and patient because
> we're older, but some were already confident and patient when they were
> young. Some moms will play with their kids no matter what their age, and
> some won't, no matter how young they are. Some people loosen up as the
> parenting years go by, some are pretty laid back from day one.
>
> So anyway, that's MO :-)
>
> Shannon, Mom to Bridget (Oct.8.98)
>
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Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
>i am glad i waited on one hand because i'm more patient (which for me was a major huddle:) and i'm more resilient to external pressures. that is i can draw boundaries and stick to them a bit better and am not so easily made to feel guilty. but this was my weakness and i'm sure it is not true of younger people in general.I have had to do this all my life. In a way my parent's neglect was a training ground for me about being true to myself and being in charge of my own life. Right from the very begining I have made decsions and headed in directions with parenting that has alienated me from "friends" and family.
on the other hand i think having kids younger has
>great advantages. for example in my early 20's 4 to 5 hours sleep on average punctuated by an 'all night' was do-able.I have NEVER been able to function well on little sleep. Now that I am a full time mom I need even more than ever, even though I am still several years till thirty.
>i think child rearing is a more instinctive thing and age has little >if anything to do with it. other than patience i think the only >real change in my understands and perspective on parenting is that >i'm more articulateThank you Susan, that's beautiful, and describes just how I feel about motherhood, or any station in life. You are what you are and age has very little to do with it at all.
>because we, as a society, ignore and trivialize the thoughts of thoseI SO agree, and I take children's concerns very seriously for the same reasons of being ignored and disrespected as a child, which is so baseless and unfair. Children have so much to give, and they give it freely and without thought of any payment other than your attention and kindness and recognition. We are the ignorant ones if we ignore them.
>younger than us and this is a great lost because wisdom is wisdom no >matter how small or young the person speaking it is.
Nanci K.
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Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
My parents didn't adopt me until my mom was 30 and my
My elder siblings had children later (mid 30's) and I went on to get married at 22 and have my children at 23 and 24. They don't talk to me much, but from the comments I got from them early on I know they don't approve. My brother (the closest in age to me) married 3 weeks after I did and has two girls VERY close in age to my two boys. He is the one that I am still the closest to, despite two states in between us.
Nanci K.
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>dad was 47. 30 years ago this was almost unheard of. All of my friends wereI can relate so well to this Amy. When my parents married, they were both divorced and blending their families. They did not have my brother and I (their last) until they were in their late 30's (Mom) and mid 40's (Dad.) I often wonder why they bothered (yes we were intentional) as I know now that we were an annoyance and a burden to them. I think they only had us as trophy children, to cement their marriage for themselves and others (espeically the ex's.)
>products of parents that had had them in their early 20's if not sooner. I
>always felt out of place. I then went on to marry @ 22 and have my babies @
>23, 26, & 28. Now I feel out of place for being a young mom. I guess when
>it comes to society, you can't win for loosin'.
>Amy Worthen
My elder siblings had children later (mid 30's) and I went on to get married at 22 and have my children at 23 and 24. They don't talk to me much, but from the comments I got from them early on I know they don't approve. My brother (the closest in age to me) married 3 weeks after I did and has two girls VERY close in age to my two boys. He is the one that I am still the closest to, despite two states in between us.
Nanci K.
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The Mowery Family
>>I have NEVER been able to function well on little sleep. Now that I am afull time mom I need even more than ever, even though I am still several
years till thirty.<<<
ME NEITHER!! And thankfully I have a four year old that still naps. My
entire 31yrs, I have required A LOT of sleep, if I don't get it, I am hell
on wheels. I am cranky, crotchety, the whole nine yards. Thankfully, as I
have gotten older, If I do not get enough, I can not get some, then catch up
later. Fortunately, my beloved is a early bird, and I get to sleep in on
weekends and even take NAPS.
When Dana was teeney, I have no idea how I worked full time, nursed and and
did what I had to do. My dear hubby worked SEVEN days a week then(7pm til
8am - for 16 months) so that DanaBeth would not have to go to daycare(I had
to work cause I had the health insurance). God love the little kid, she go
to bed with me at ten -- I would bring her in bed with me, starting at
7weeks when I returned to work, put her in the crook of my arm, turn off the
light and tell her it was sleepy-ni-night-time and she would rest her little
fingers on my face and fall fast asleep till we had to start our day at 6ish
am. We would get up, I would feed her (she wasn't nursing then - I pumped
twice a day - I think I set Guinness records for breastmilk production), go
to sleep, my Daddy would drive 45 min so she wouldn't have to go to daycare,
and watch her for 2 hours till Joey got home, Joey would feed her, she
would sleep for 2 hours, awake for 2, sleep 2, so on. I have no idea how we
made it through that year plus. Long story short, I think we(my family) are
making up for lost time with our sleep.
Thanks for listening, the trip down memory lane was touching for me. How
easily we forget how time quickly passes. I think I will go snuggle with my
girl, her hands are getting so big.
Warmly,
Karen Mowery
[email protected]