[email protected]

I know we where on this subject a week or 3000 emails ago but I tried it and
I am getting some friction.

I told Dustin he no longer had a bed time and he of coarse thinks this is
great!
My husband after being annoyed that Dustin did not empty the dishwasher told
him to shut off his light. Now I had gone to Walmart late for diapers and we
got back at 10:30. My husband went up stairs around 10:45 and told Dustin to
shut off his light. He didn't tell him to go to sleep or turn the tv off. My
issue was that Dustin was READING! UGH

My son was reading Dick and Jane in public school a few years ago and I was
told he will always have issues.
Now he reads Novels/big books. The boy is consuming books like no tomorrow a
site I didn't think I would ever see. So I told my husband that he really
needs to be on the same page as the rest of the house. I said ya know I dont
want to sit here and read pages out of books to you or emails every night to
show you what's its all about. I dont want to bore you or anything. I said
also dont want to ask you to read a book cuz I know you wont.

But Please please follow my lead and watch what I do. I said do you believe
Unschooling is working, do you believe he is reading more? Well, yes he said.
I said ok, I am her day and night I have to deal with the kids more than you
so please allow me to choose the direction we need to do and PLEASE dont come
home and undo what has positively happened all day.

Then I made the mistake of talking about it in IM with my husbands dad who
supports our HS now. He went off! He is a child not an adult he needs to be
in bed period!

I told Dustin no bed time well over a week ago, he is asleep by 11 and up
between 8/9am.
What's the harm?
I told my husband that if he would have allowed him a second day Dustin would
have done the dishwasher without being asked. Six months ago if I had asked
him if he could take to dog out or grab the laundry basket he would have
stomped his feet. I stopped asking and now he just does it. Progress.......

We are a work in progress,

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

coyote's corner

I don't understand why you tell the kids.....
I mean, why not just let it happen?

Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: HMSL2@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 3:44 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] No set bed time


I know we where on this subject a week or 3000 emails ago but I tried it and
I am getting some friction.

I told Dustin he no longer had a bed time and he of coarse thinks this is
great!
My husband after being annoyed that Dustin did not empty the dishwasher told
him to shut off his light. Now I had gone to Walmart late for diapers and we
got back at 10:30. My husband went up stairs around 10:45 and told Dustin to
shut off his light. He didn't tell him to go to sleep or turn the tv off. My
issue was that Dustin was READING! UGH

My son was reading Dick and Jane in public school a few years ago and I was
told he will always have issues.
Now he reads Novels/big books. The boy is consuming books like no tomorrow a
site I didn't think I would ever see. So I told my husband that he really
needs to be on the same page as the rest of the house. I said ya know I dont
want to sit here and read pages out of books to you or emails every night to
show you what's its all about. I dont want to bore you or anything. I said
also dont want to ask you to read a book cuz I know you wont.

But Please please follow my lead and watch what I do. I said do you believe
Unschooling is working, do you believe he is reading more? Well, yes he said.
I said ok, I am her day and night I have to deal with the kids more than you
so please allow me to choose the direction we need to do and PLEASE dont come
home and undo what has positively happened all day.

Then I made the mistake of talking about it in IM with my husbands dad who
supports our HS now. He went off! He is a child not an adult he needs to be
in bed period!

I told Dustin no bed time well over a week ago, he is asleep by 11 and up
between 8/9am.
What's the harm?
I told my husband that if he would have allowed him a second day Dustin would
have done the dishwasher without being asked. Six months ago if I had asked
him if he could take to dog out or grab the laundry basket he would have
stomped his feet. I stopped asking and now he just does it. Progress.......

We are a work in progress,

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 4:37:02 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jana@... writes:

>
> I don't understand why you tell the kids.....
> I mean, why not just let it happen?
>
> Janis

Because he asked me what time to set his timer for. I simply said set it for
60 min increments so the tv isn't on all night. I have never told him not to
read, watch tv etc. But he asked what time is my bed time I said you dont
have one! To be honest it was more for my husbands understanding not his.
He's 11 he gets that sometimes we have to label/name things for dad to
understand.

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: <HMSL2@...>

<<But he asked what time is my bed time I said you dont have one! >>


For his sake you could have just asked him when he thought he might like to
go to bed.

Mary B

coyote's corner

oh, okay. I really didn't understand.

Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: HMSL2@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 4:51 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] No set bed time


In a message dated 5/13/2003 4:37:02 PM Eastern Standard Time,
jana@... writes:

>
> I don't understand why you tell the kids.....
> I mean, why not just let it happen?
>
> Janis

Because he asked me what time to set his timer for. I simply said set it for
60 min increments so the tv isn't on all night. I have never told him not to
read, watch tv etc. But he asked what time is my bed time I said you dont
have one! To be honest it was more for my husbands understanding not his.
He's 11 he gets that sometimes we have to label/name things for dad to
understand.

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


Yahoo! Groups Sponsor



~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]

Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

> I don't understand why you tell the kids.....
> I mean, why not just let it happen?
>
> Janis
>

This is my experiment... I just stopped mentioning it. They request a movie
or a computer game or internet time and I agree. So far they've just fallen
asleep when tired [about a week now], Hayden (4.5) is quickly figuring out
it's *not* all that exciting to be the last one up at night and the last one
up in the morning, I trust his system will balance and he'll sleep when he
needs it. *whew!* thanks ~ from the kids :-)
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rob Wight

Laura
I have the same trouble but I can see progress. With our oldest son, after
years of disagreeing about a set bedtime, I have worn my husband down. Son
one (11 years old) now turns his light out when he is ready - usually after
husband and I are asleep. He regulates himself having some really late
nights and earlier ones other nights and although this does depend a lot on
how exciting the book is that he is reading, he is also more aware of his
own body and how tired he is feeling. A strict "lights out because I said
so" does not allow children to feel that because they are too busy crying
"unfair". But the freedom to do this means that he listens to me and takes
notice if I recommend an earlier night for any real reason. One day he had
been feeling unwell earlier in the day and came to me after tea and asked
what time I recommended he settle down for the night.

However, now my husband is stressing about our second son (8 years old). I
usually go and check on him before I go to sleep and ask if he wants to be
tucked in. Sometimes he does, sometimes he decides to put his own light out.
But if my husband decides "its far too late, he's only eight years old, we
can't have him sleeping in till 9.00 am every morning..." we end up with a
power struggle and a son who is determined to stay up as late as possible
regardless of how he feels. Because we are flip-flopping between these two
approaches, the son is very conscious of the time and trying to stay up as
late as he can. I am hoping that my husband will back off and leave it to me
and honestly, he gets so stressed about it, he probably will.

Susan
> Message: 17
> Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 15:44:31 EDT
> From: HMSL2@...
> Subject: No set bed time
>
> I know we where on this subject a week or 3000 emails ago but I tried it
and
> I am getting some friction.
>
> I told Dustin he no longer had a bed time and he of coarse thinks this is
> great!
> My husband after being annoyed that Dustin did not empty the dishwasher
told
> him to shut off his light. Now I had gone to Walmart late for diapers and
we
> got back at 10:30. My husband went up stairs around 10:45 and told Dustin
to
> shut off his light. He didn't tell him to go to sleep or turn the tv off.
My
> issue was that Dustin was READING! UGH
>
> My son was reading Dick and Jane in public school a few years ago and I
was
> told he will always have issues.
> Now he reads Novels/big books. The boy is consuming books like no
tomorrow a
> site I didn't think I would ever see. So I told my husband that he really
> needs to be on the same page as the rest of the house. I said ya know I
dont
> want to sit here and read pages out of books to you or emails every night
to
> show you what's its all about. I dont want to bore you or anything. I said
> also dont want to ask you to read a book cuz I know you wont.
>
> But Please please follow my lead and watch what I do. I said do you
believe
> Unschooling is working, do you believe he is reading more? Well, yes he
said.
> I said ok, I am her day and night I have to deal with the kids more than
you
> so please allow me to choose the direction we need to do and PLEASE dont
come
> home and undo what has positively happened all day.
>
> Then I made the mistake of talking about it in IM with my husbands dad who
> supports our HS now. He went off! He is a child not an adult he needs to
be
> in bed period!
>
> I told Dustin no bed time well over a week ago, he is asleep by 11 and up
> between 8/9am.
> What's the harm?
> I told my husband that if he would have allowed him a second day Dustin
would
> have done the dishwasher without being asked. Six months ago if I had
asked
> him if he could take to dog out or grab the laundry basket he would have
> stomped his feet. I stopped asking and now he just does it.
Progress.......
>
> We are a work in progress,
>
> Laura D
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/03 3:48:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time, HMSL2@...
writes:

> My husband after being annoyed that Dustin did not empty the dishwasher told
>
> him to shut off his light.

It might take a while for your DH to "get" the whole concept. I think when
you grow up a certain way it is difficult to think that there might be
another way to do things. Also it is a loss of control for him, that might be
scary too. He might also be having the "are we doing the right thing"
doubts. It might just take some understanding and gentle reminders of how it
is working and what the long term goals are etc.

Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

cheryl

What's wrong with sleeping past 9:00? My husband will call from work and
say "Did you all get up at the crack of noon?" (as in "the crack of dawn"
which doesn't happen much around here) Besides, I've heard it's much
healthier for kids (and adults) to sleep until they wake up naturally, if
possible.
Then your body will be sure get all the sleep it needs, very important for
little growing ones.
Cheryl N

----- Original Message -----
From: "Rob Wight" <robwight@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 7:13 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re:No set bed time
> However, now my husband is stressing about our second son (8 years old). I
> usually go and check on him before I go to sleep and ask if he wants to be
> tucked in. Sometimes he does, sometimes he decides to put his own light
out.
> But if my husband decides "its far too late, he's only eight years old, we
> can't have him sleeping in till 9.00 am every morning..."

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 7:13:24 PM Eastern Standard Time,
robwight@... writes:

> Laura
> I have the same trouble but I can see progress. With our oldest son, after
> years of disagreeing about a set bedtime, I have worn my husband down. Son
> one (11 years old) now turns his light out when he is ready - usually
> after
> husband and I are asleep. He regulates himself having some really late
> nights and earlier ones other nights and although this does depend a lot on
> how exciting the book is that he is reading, he is also more aware of his
> own body and how tired he is feeling. A strict "lights out because I said
> so" does not allow children to feel that because they are too busy crying
> "unfair". But the freedom to do this means that he listens to me and takes
> notice if I recommend an earlier night for any real reason. One day he had
> been feeling unwell earlier in the day and came to me after tea and asked
> what time I recommended he settle down for the night.
>
> However, now my husband is stressing about our second son (8 years old). I
> usually go and check on him before I go to sleep and ask if he wants to be
> tucked in. Sometimes he does, sometimes he decides to put his own light
> out.
> But if my husband decides "its far too late, he's only eight years old, we
> can't have him sleeping in till 9.00 am every morning..." we end up with a
> power struggle and a son who is determined to stay up as late as possible
> regardless of how he feels. Because we are flip-flopping between these two
> approaches, the son is very conscious of the time and trying to stay up as
> late as he can. I am hoping that my husband will back off and leave it to
> me
> and honestly, he gets so stressed about it, he probably will.

That's the issue. Not the unschooling end of things it is the disagreements
on choices with DH. I am not perfect but he has childhood baggage and refuses
to dump it. His way or the highway.
I just take each day and try to deal with the issues before he delivers them
to the kids especially the oldest.
He has come a long way but often takes 1 step forward and 10 back so it has
been like having a fourth child.
I do understand what you are saying also, I do!

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 7:18:59 PM Eastern Standard Time,
genant2@... writes:

> It might take a while for your DH to "get" the whole concept. I think when
> you grow up a certain way it is difficult to think that there might be
> another way to do things. Also it is a loss of control for him, that might
> be
> scary too. He might also be having the "are we doing the right thing"
> doubts. It might just take some understanding and gentle reminders of how
> it
> is working and what the long term goals are etc.
>
> Pam G.
>

It is --> a loss of control for him, that might be
scary too. BIG TIME that is clear, very clear.

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Have A Nice Day!

I had the advantage of working till 3am. Then I could say to my dh that it is too my advantage to have them stay up late and sleep late if they want :o)

Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: HMSL2@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 8:01 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re:No set bed time


In a message dated 5/13/2003 7:13:24 PM Eastern Standard Time,
robwight@... writes:

> Laura
> I have the same trouble but I can see progress. With our oldest son, after
> years of disagreeing about a set bedtime, I have worn my husband down. Son
> one (11 years old) now turns his light out when he is ready - usually
> after
> husband and I are asleep. He regulates himself having some really late
> nights and earlier ones other nights and although this does depend a lot on
> how exciting the book is that he is reading, he is also more aware of his
> own body and how tired he is feeling. A strict "lights out because I said
> so" does not allow children to feel that because they are too busy crying
> "unfair". But the freedom to do this means that he listens to me and takes
> notice if I recommend an earlier night for any real reason. One day he had
> been feeling unwell earlier in the day and came to me after tea and asked
> what time I recommended he settle down for the night.
>
> However, now my husband is stressing about our second son (8 years old). I
> usually go and check on him before I go to sleep and ask if he wants to be
> tucked in. Sometimes he does, sometimes he decides to put his own light
> out.
> But if my husband decides "its far too late, he's only eight years old, we
> can't have him sleeping in till 9.00 am every morning..." we end up with a
> power struggle and a son who is determined to stay up as late as possible
> regardless of how he feels. Because we are flip-flopping between these two
> approaches, the son is very conscious of the time and trying to stay up as
> late as he can. I am hoping that my husband will back off and leave it to
> me
> and honestly, he gets so stressed about it, he probably will.

That's the issue. Not the unschooling end of things it is the disagreements
on choices with DH. I am not perfect but he has childhood baggage and refuses
to dump it. His way or the highway.
I just take each day and try to deal with the issues before he delivers them
to the kids especially the oldest.
He has come a long way but often takes 1 step forward and 10 back so it has
been like having a fourth child.
I do understand what you are saying also, I do!

Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT




~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~

If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).

To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
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Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 10:28:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
litlrooh@... writes:

> I had the advantage of working till 3am. Then I could say to my dh that it
> is too my advantage to have them stay up late and sleep late if they want
> :o)
>
> Kristen
>

LOL,

Im am usually up till 1 or 2 just going through the emails. He falls asleep
within 5 minutes of getting in to bed so that was something I said last
night. He doesn't even know what time Dustin goes to bed cuz he is sleeping.
I said I am awake and I know when I go up stairs at 11 Dustin is snoring.
Heck the 3 year old has been sleeping in our room the past week or so she is
up later than our son. I think its a father son thing. Tonight was better he
left him alone went in and gave him a hug and said nothing. Progress....


Laura D


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shari

---
HI,
I had a simular situation about bedtimes in this home. My dh
believes that when it is bedtime you just go to sleep(he can sit on
the sofa and be asleep in less then a minutes),our girls need to
unwind by either reading or quietly playing in their beds.
We have set bedtimes the 8 year old has to be in her bed by
8:30p.m. if she wants to read or play,otherwise it is 9:00p.m. The 14
year old is a nightowl..she goes to her room at 9:30p.m. but doesn't
shut her light off till 12:00p.m. and she is up and ready to start
her day at 7:00a.m.
I have tried the no set bedtime but I have found that my girls want
a set time...to atleast be in their "corner of the world" as we call
it.
I feel whatever works in your home..I know that our dh's have
strong ideas on how things have to be. When my dh worked for Office
Depot he never saw the girls except on the weekends,but I had to have
set(no letting it slide on times),but found that they didn't interact
with him. So I came up with this idea and it works much better.

Shari






In [email protected], HMSL2@a... wrote:
> I know we where on this subject a week or 3000 emails ago but I
tried it and
> I am getting some friction.
>
> I told Dustin he no longer had a bed time and he of coarse thinks
this is
> great!
> My husband after being annoyed that Dustin did not empty the
dishwasher told
> him to shut off his light. Now I had gone to Walmart late for
diapers and we
> got back at 10:30. My husband went up stairs around 10:45 and told
Dustin to
> shut off his light. He didn't tell him to go to sleep or turn the
tv off. My
> issue was that Dustin was READING! UGH
>
> My son was reading Dick and Jane in public school a few years ago
and I was
> told he will always have issues.
> Now he reads Novels/big books. The boy is consuming books like no
tomorrow a
> site I didn't think I would ever see. So I told my husband that he
really
> needs to be on the same page as the rest of the house. I said ya
know I dont
> want to sit here and read pages out of books to you or emails every
night to
> show you what's its all about. I dont want to bore you or anything.
I said
> also dont want to ask you to read a book cuz I know you wont.
>
> But Please please follow my lead and watch what I do. I said do you
believe
> Unschooling is working, do you believe he is reading more? Well,
yes he said.
> I said ok, I am her day and night I have to deal with the kids more
than you
> so please allow me to choose the direction we need to do and PLEASE
dont come
> home and undo what has positively happened all day.
>
> Then I made the mistake of talking about it in IM with my husbands
dad who
> supports our HS now. He went off! He is a child not an adult he
needs to be
> in bed period!
>
> I told Dustin no bed time well over a week ago, he is asleep by 11
and up
> between 8/9am.
> What's the harm?
> I told my husband that if he would have allowed him a second day
Dustin would
> have done the dishwasher without being asked. Six months ago if I
had asked
> him if he could take to dog out or grab the laundry basket he would
have
> stomped his feet. I stopped asking and now he just does it.
Progress.......
>
> We are a work in progress,
>
> Laura D
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]