Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] doubts
susan
my son, also 4 (last sept), is really wild. he would most likely be 'labeled' adhd if i let someone. one person, a health practitioner, tried and i stop going to her. those label, imo, are nothing but distracting and limiting and keep you from getting to know who your son really is, which, i think, is both the fun and the priority of these early years.
my son runs in circles at night to wind down (and sometimes even stays up after we've gone to bed and comes to bed with the use of a flashlight when he's ready - weird i'm sure but he's happy and healthy, - 'if it works go with it' is our motto:), paces when he's telling a story, loves being read to but has flat out refused to learn to read (i think he's just waiting until it no longer will require work <g> a rather efficient approach i think), he 'invents' things, 'designs' computer games and robot, mixes up 'chemical experiments' (i.e. trashes the bathroom:) and is busy at what he's busy at. he will rarely color, when he does it's pure 'energy', he won't try to write, when he paints it's for 5 mins max. and all the colors end up as one big brown spot <g> but he's happy and capable just not interested in following some prescribed formula for the best approach to learning. when people talk about their kids reading and writing i simply tell them: 'right now rene' is not at all interested in learning those things'.
early on i had entertained the ideas set forth by waldorf etc. e.g. play music -which he hated (though that is changing), dolls -which he has no interest at all in, fairies - again could care less, silk scarfs- nothing 'boring' as he says, stuffed animals sit on his shelves etc. he likes any and all construction sets, building guns, is not real interested in store bought ones, computer software: both games - whoops and hollers while playing some squirrel combat/ninja freeware game - and educational (the other night he stayed up until midnight to play a german cd from kidspeak (transparent language) then the next morning the first thing he did was play the indonesean cd for over an hour- go figure:)
i've just been reading an interview with grace llewelyn. here's a quote i think applies to the bigger picture (the 'it' refers to her first hand experience with unschoolers at her camp 'not back to school camp'): 'it confirms for me that there's something about unschooling that helps people to really grow as human beings, not just in the narrow, academic sense, but just really grow as human beings.'
this is what, i believe, is at the heart of raising children. imo, the reasons schools fail is because they remove the academic component from its natural context and progression. in an attempt to find that 'one right way' to learn they strip away all the creative approaches that children naturally come up with. unschooling is a leap of faith in your child innate curiosity and desire to learn. what this looks like will be utterly unique for each and every child. unfortunately our society is so rooted in comparisons and competitions, and strongly sets forth the notion of the 'one right way' that it is hard to maintain this faith. but then that's why there are groups like this, to help in those time of doubt, which seem to come and go.
i know this (and most my posts:) is long but one last thing. at first i found rene's 'maleness' so different i tried to curb it. that just compromised our relationship - made him feel controlled which was exactly the truth! so from my experience i would recommend accepting him (ahhd and all but try and forget the labels) and give him lots of opportunity to be physical - wear him out (i.e. we have water balloon fights in the tub:) a good book is the wonder of boys. for me it help to shed some light on this great mystery (for me not for dh he already got it:) and i just learned to work with it rather than change it. i think people have the right to develop their true natures.
best of luck,
susan
austin,tx
stormy1986@... wrote:
From: stormy1986@...I'm having a really hard time letting go right now. My 4 yr. old ADHD
son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
interested in these things?Thanks, Sus------------------------------------------------------------------------
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susan
> "Wow their five year old can write whole sentences and my seven yearlol
> old still holds his pencil like a battering-ram!
> We are always comparing.this sure is a tough one for me.
> his nature and character are so far superior to thei find this to be true as well. rene' seems more up front, and the school
> school-kids with their pack mentality that HS is definitely the way to go
>
> Love
> Michelle
> Regards,
> Brooke
kids, daycare included, are more calculated and manipulative - even at 4 they
have cliques.
-susan
susan
the author's name is michael gurian.
first thing tomorrow i will be looking for the book you recommended!! Regards,
Michelle
libbygirl
Absolutely you need to just pull back and trust that your little boy is an
active, intelligent little guy who will definitely read and write etc. when
he is ready!! You do trust him and yourself and you are just feeling bad cos
of the odious comparisons!! I know cos this happens to me much more than I
would like. Sometimes I can catch myself and laugh at my silliness - you
know, "Wow their five year old can write whole sentences and my seven year
old still holds his pencil like a battering-ram! Even though he can do
gymnastics and running and jumping and displays "remarkable kinesthetic
achievements!! - wow *grin* he still shows no interest in learning to play
the flute!" We are always comparing.
Another thing I find useful is sometimes to sit and watch a bunch of kids
the same aga in the playground. I ALWAYS come away knowing that no matter my
kids academic standard, whether he be "above or below average academically"
at the moment, his nature and character are so far superior to the
school-kids with their pack mentality that HS is definitely the way to go
Love
Michelle
Regards,
Brooke
Sonia Ulan
If you can delay these activities until HE'S ready, you will both feel
greater success and accomplishment. Avoid the power struggles. He's
still SO young. Provide the crayons, puzzles, paper, glue sticks, etc.
and perhaps occassionally let him see how YOU use them, but then sit
back, relax, and watch for his signs of readiness. Eventually, he may
be content just to even draw/color swirls and abstract images. Actual
drawings and coloring can take time to develop and lots aren't
interested until about age 6 or 7 years.
stormy1986@... wrote:
>
> From: stormy1986@...
>
> I'm having a really hard time letting go right now. My 4 yr. old ADHD
> son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
> are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
> reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
> have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
> wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
> just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
> does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
> the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
> expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
> interested in these things?Thanks, Sus
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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> Get a NextCard Visa, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as
> 0.0% Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees.
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> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
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> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
libbygirl
Michelle
libbygirl
Brooke
Michelle Bennett
>From: "libbygirl" <libbygirl@...>______________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] doubts
>Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000 18:16:42 +1300
>
>Susan
>Thanks! Boy that was a fast response!! Thanks agaian and i will be
>forwarding your post to a couple of my friends with little boys who are
>"more" than other kids - more exuberant, more sensitive, more physical etc.
>
>By the way have you read "Raising the Spirited Child" (??) I think that's
>the title - it is excellent!!
>Regards,
>Brooke
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