kids being grounded
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/12/03 11:41:30 PM, mummy124@... writes:
<< On a last note, one mom that was going to meet us there today cancelled.
She
wrote me late Sunday night that her 10 year old son did something and she
grounded him for today. I can guarantee you that whatever he did had nothing
to do with the impending day at the water park. And his mother also lamented
how his grounding punished her as she really wanted to join us. I mean
really, what's the point and what did he learn?
In a babysitting co-op/playgroup years ago one girl's family was late and she
was made to sit at a table by herself for part of the time. Crime? She
hadn't finished her math. She was homeschooled. That was a factor in my
deciding structured school at home was for the not-so-bright. That meeting
was once a week, it served an important socio-political-logical purpose
(which kids were getting along how? what behavior needs to be watched when
kids are staying here and there during the week?), AND, the other kids
shouldn't have been affected by or witness to this mom's derision and
belittlement of her daughter.
Last week Holly had a free day which was usually scheduled, but she couldn't
play with her friend, because her friend was grounded. Why? Homeschooled
kid, hadn't done enough reading. (And had missed doing some chores.) So
she couldn't talk on the phone and couldn't play with Holly.
First, playing with Holly would have been better for her intellectually and
emotionally than doing chores and "reading chapters." (It's quite a slide
back downhill when kids "read chapters" instead of reading a book or a story!)
Second, Holly's reaction was to buy the same book and start reading it for
fun, to see how hard it would be to keep the pace the other mom had been
requiring. She's caught up, only Holly's doing it for fun and out of
curiosity.
It did seem to me that Holly was punished because someone else had
unreasonable expectations and not much awareness of what's important in life.
Looking at the moment instead of looking at the years of growth seems like a
driver looking intently at a crack in the pavement instead of forty feet
ahead.
What the other girl is learning is that reading is a chore and her mother
cares more about arbitrarily made-up rules than about the girl's feelings and
freedom, and what Holly's learning is how NOT to be when she's a mom.
Sandra
<< On a last note, one mom that was going to meet us there today cancelled.
She
wrote me late Sunday night that her 10 year old son did something and she
grounded him for today. I can guarantee you that whatever he did had nothing
to do with the impending day at the water park. And his mother also lamented
how his grounding punished her as she really wanted to join us. I mean
really, what's the point and what did he learn?
>>Bugs the heck out of me. LITTLE kids being "grounded."
In a babysitting co-op/playgroup years ago one girl's family was late and she
was made to sit at a table by herself for part of the time. Crime? She
hadn't finished her math. She was homeschooled. That was a factor in my
deciding structured school at home was for the not-so-bright. That meeting
was once a week, it served an important socio-political-logical purpose
(which kids were getting along how? what behavior needs to be watched when
kids are staying here and there during the week?), AND, the other kids
shouldn't have been affected by or witness to this mom's derision and
belittlement of her daughter.
Last week Holly had a free day which was usually scheduled, but she couldn't
play with her friend, because her friend was grounded. Why? Homeschooled
kid, hadn't done enough reading. (And had missed doing some chores.) So
she couldn't talk on the phone and couldn't play with Holly.
First, playing with Holly would have been better for her intellectually and
emotionally than doing chores and "reading chapters." (It's quite a slide
back downhill when kids "read chapters" instead of reading a book or a story!)
Second, Holly's reaction was to buy the same book and start reading it for
fun, to see how hard it would be to keep the pace the other mom had been
requiring. She's caught up, only Holly's doing it for fun and out of
curiosity.
It did seem to me that Holly was punished because someone else had
unreasonable expectations and not much awareness of what's important in life.
Looking at the moment instead of looking at the years of growth seems like a
driver looking intently at a crack in the pavement instead of forty feet
ahead.
What the other girl is learning is that reading is a chore and her mother
cares more about arbitrarily made-up rules than about the girl's feelings and
freedom, and what Holly's learning is how NOT to be when she's a mom.
Sandra
Mary
From: <SandraDodd@...>
<<It did seem to me that Holly was punished because someone else had
unreasonable expectations and not much awareness of what's important in
life.>>
That was my very first reaction to reading the e-mail about the child not
coming. Joseph was indeed being punished too. He was looking forward to
meeting this boy. He was really looking forward to play with someone a bit
older and different. He gets along with older kids better and he was the
oldest of the group that day. I felt bad for him and also the other boy. It
was hard for Joseph to understand the whys of it all. He was slightly aware
of how some parents parent but this was the first time it ever really
affected him. He didn't get it and honestly, neither did I.
Mary B
<<It did seem to me that Holly was punished because someone else had
unreasonable expectations and not much awareness of what's important in
life.>>
That was my very first reaction to reading the e-mail about the child not
coming. Joseph was indeed being punished too. He was looking forward to
meeting this boy. He was really looking forward to play with someone a bit
older and different. He gets along with older kids better and he was the
oldest of the group that day. I felt bad for him and also the other boy. It
was hard for Joseph to understand the whys of it all. He was slightly aware
of how some parents parent but this was the first time it ever really
affected him. He didn't get it and honestly, neither did I.
Mary B
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/13/03 9:37:15 AM, mummy124@... writes:
<< He didn't get it and honestly, neither did I. >>
Yes you did.
Yes he did.
Some people are mean and spiteful.
It would be nice if parents saw that being punitive and arbitrary costs them
trust and love, straight across, point for point.
Sandra
<< He didn't get it and honestly, neither did I. >>
Yes you did.
Yes he did.
Some people are mean and spiteful.
It would be nice if parents saw that being punitive and arbitrary costs them
trust and love, straight across, point for point.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/13/2003 9:58:16 AM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
Sounds like this family is intimidated by your family. Might possibly
disagree with Unschooling and they are punishing their daughter to get the
point across to you. Sounds like a similar situation I had a couple years
ago.
I could be wrong,
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Last week Holly had a free day which was usually scheduled, but she couldn'tSandra,
>
> play with her friend, because her friend was grounded. Why? Homeschooled
> kid, hadn't done enough reading. (And had missed doing some chores.) So
> she couldn't talk on the phone and couldn't play with Holly.
>
Sounds like this family is intimidated by your family. Might possibly
disagree with Unschooling and they are punishing their daughter to get the
point across to you. Sounds like a similar situation I had a couple years
ago.
I could be wrong,
Laura D
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/13/03 10:05:34 AM, HMSL2@... writes:
<< Sounds like this family is intimidated by your family. Might possibly
disagree with Unschooling and they are punishing their daughter to get the
point across to you. Sounds like a similar situation I had a couple years
ago. >>
Maybe in part. I wouldn't have known about it except Holly had a free
afternoon and called over there hoping the girl could play with her, as they
often do, but both have had really heavily scheduled months lately and both
have been freed up of some obligations about the same time.
It's a bummer.
Sandra
<< Sounds like this family is intimidated by your family. Might possibly
disagree with Unschooling and they are punishing their daughter to get the
point across to you. Sounds like a similar situation I had a couple years
ago. >>
Maybe in part. I wouldn't have known about it except Holly had a free
afternoon and called over there hoping the girl could play with her, as they
often do, but both have had really heavily scheduled months lately and both
have been freed up of some obligations about the same time.
It's a bummer.
Sandra