doubts
[email protected]
I'm having a really hard time letting go right now. My 4 yr. old ADHD
son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
interested in these things?Thanks, Sus
son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
interested in these things?Thanks, Sus
Lisa Bugg
> Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societiesYes, you are rushing things. He's 4. My goodness when we were kid there
> expectations,
wasn't 4 year old K or preschool or kindergymnastics.
The old age of entrance to school was 7-8 and there were very good reasons
for choosing that age. If you read the child development material almost
every theory has a major break/growth phase starting 7. Our children begin
to think abstractly, they begin to be aware of others outside of themselves.
And of course the age is not tied directly to sheer time, as each child will
have his or her own personal time table.
I have 4 children and I've had young 4's and mature 4's. I had one son who
only began to speak after he was 4. I have two daughters that could have
argued before the Supreme Court by 4. Your son will sit down and do quiet
activities at some point. He won't still be jumping on the couch when he's
a grandfather. At least it's not likely.
Let him be the 4 year old he is.
LisaKK
[email protected]
In a message dated 03/02/2000 9:09:49 AM Pacific Standard Time,
stormy1986@... writes:
<< My 4 yr. old ADHD
son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
interested in these things?Thanks, Sus
Funny how doubts hit us at all ages. Some of my close hsing friends are
more structured than I am and their children are already doing some
early reading (6 1/2 yr olds). My dd has pretty much taught herself
everything she knows about the alphabet and writing, but is not ready
for reading and is not interested yet in learning all the rules that go
with reading. My dd is very bright, outgoing and a leader. I have
no fear she will do this on her own in her own time. Try not to compare,
I know its hard. I have heard good things about Better Late than
Early by the Moores. Have't read it myself but plan too. Good luck!
Kathy
stormy1986@... writes:
<< My 4 yr. old ADHD
son is very bright, but some of his little friends who are in preschool
are already reading little words and my boy just isn't interested in
reading, writing, coloring, anything considered " quiet activities". I
have this internal tug-of-war going on, going back and forth between
wanting to try and make him participate in these "quiet" activities, or
just letting him do his own thing. We do read books before bed, and he
does enjoy that wind down period, but he'd really rather be jumping on
the couch ! Am I just rushing things, feeling the pressure of societies
expectations, or should I be trying to calm him down and get him
interested in these things?Thanks, Sus
>>Many 4 yr old boys just aren't ready for writing and coloring activities.
Funny how doubts hit us at all ages. Some of my close hsing friends are
more structured than I am and their children are already doing some
early reading (6 1/2 yr olds). My dd has pretty much taught herself
everything she knows about the alphabet and writing, but is not ready
for reading and is not interested yet in learning all the rules that go
with reading. My dd is very bright, outgoing and a leader. I have
no fear she will do this on her own in her own time. Try not to compare,
I know its hard. I have heard good things about Better Late than
Early by the Moores. Have't read it myself but plan too. Good luck!
Kathy
Julie Stauffer
<<worries about how kids spend their time>>
I really used to worry that the kids wouldn't "turn out right". Now I
don't. Looking back, I realize that when I was worried I didn't "get"
unschooling, although I thought I did. I still wanted the kids to fit some
mold, some idea in MY head about what success looks like. I was still into
controlling who they were and who I wanted them to be. I didn't see them as
fully human, but rather some kid shaped larvae that would morph someday into
a full person.
It took a while but I now see my kids as fully human with all the rights
that entails (including the right to make mistakes and to live in ways that
I wouldn't choose). Does this mean that I am a hands-off parent? Not at
all. I work with the kids daily (and with myself and dh) on how to live
together lovingly, how to be respectful and supportive of each other.
The way I was able to work through my doubts was to ask myself constantly
"what would I want to happen if it were me, would I want someone to say that
to me, would I want someone to help me with that"? I started to see how I
treated the kids so much differently than I did adults. I gave them very
little slack for mistakes.
Like the controller thing on another thread, I would have made the kid pay
for the controller....but when I got aggravated at the dog for barking all
night, rapped on the window too hard and put my hand through it, the last
thing I wanted was a lecture. Dh simply laughed and we bought a new window.
I haven't put my hand through one since.....Apparently I learned my lesson
without anyone having to teach me one. I now know kids do too.
Julie
I really used to worry that the kids wouldn't "turn out right". Now I
don't. Looking back, I realize that when I was worried I didn't "get"
unschooling, although I thought I did. I still wanted the kids to fit some
mold, some idea in MY head about what success looks like. I was still into
controlling who they were and who I wanted them to be. I didn't see them as
fully human, but rather some kid shaped larvae that would morph someday into
a full person.
It took a while but I now see my kids as fully human with all the rights
that entails (including the right to make mistakes and to live in ways that
I wouldn't choose). Does this mean that I am a hands-off parent? Not at
all. I work with the kids daily (and with myself and dh) on how to live
together lovingly, how to be respectful and supportive of each other.
The way I was able to work through my doubts was to ask myself constantly
"what would I want to happen if it were me, would I want someone to say that
to me, would I want someone to help me with that"? I started to see how I
treated the kids so much differently than I did adults. I gave them very
little slack for mistakes.
Like the controller thing on another thread, I would have made the kid pay
for the controller....but when I got aggravated at the dog for barking all
night, rapped on the window too hard and put my hand through it, the last
thing I wanted was a lecture. Dh simply laughed and we bought a new window.
I haven't put my hand through one since.....Apparently I learned my lesson
without anyone having to teach me one. I now know kids do too.
Julie
Julie Stauffer
<<preparing them for adulthood>>
But we don't have any idea what their adulthood will be like.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals. I hated
school because it was boring. Everyone told me how hard it was to get into
vet school so I gave that idea up. Then I just decided to float and go
about the business of hating school. I graduated and worked at the 5 and
dime. I was bored with that so I decided to go to college to have more time
to play with my friends.
I found out that I loved college literature and became a Lit major. Found
out that you can't easily make a living as a Lit major and changed to
psychology. Enjoyed it. Got a Master's and worked for a decade and came to
loathe it ( I figured when I wanted to scream "Quit whining" at my clients
it was time to hang it up) so I quit to stay home with my kids. I
discovered that I liked karate, got a black belt and now teach some classes
of my own. I discovered that I love hanging out with dairy goats. I spend
massive amounts of time learning from books, on-line, chatting with friends
about how to raise them holistically. Stuff that goes against everything
you learn in vet school. My goal is to some day have my own dairy.
If I am still (at 39) learning about myself and my changing interests, how
can I pretend to know what is best for my kids? I am not living the life
that anyone thought I would (My mom has confessed that she thought I would
be in the Witness Protection program as an adult), including myself. But I
am happy. I want no more and no less for my kids.
Julie
But we don't have any idea what their adulthood will be like.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals. I hated
school because it was boring. Everyone told me how hard it was to get into
vet school so I gave that idea up. Then I just decided to float and go
about the business of hating school. I graduated and worked at the 5 and
dime. I was bored with that so I decided to go to college to have more time
to play with my friends.
I found out that I loved college literature and became a Lit major. Found
out that you can't easily make a living as a Lit major and changed to
psychology. Enjoyed it. Got a Master's and worked for a decade and came to
loathe it ( I figured when I wanted to scream "Quit whining" at my clients
it was time to hang it up) so I quit to stay home with my kids. I
discovered that I liked karate, got a black belt and now teach some classes
of my own. I discovered that I love hanging out with dairy goats. I spend
massive amounts of time learning from books, on-line, chatting with friends
about how to raise them holistically. Stuff that goes against everything
you learn in vet school. My goal is to some day have my own dairy.
If I am still (at 39) learning about myself and my changing interests, how
can I pretend to know what is best for my kids? I am not living the life
that anyone thought I would (My mom has confessed that she thought I would
be in the Witness Protection program as an adult), including myself. But I
am happy. I want no more and no less for my kids.
Julie
Karin
>window.
> Like the controller thing on another thread, I would have made the kid pay
> for the controller....but when I got aggravated at the dog for barking all
> night, rapped on the window too hard and put my hand through it, the last
> thing I wanted was a lecture. Dh simply laughed and we bought a new
> I haven't put my hand through one since.....Apparently I learned my lessonAbout a month ago, my 11 yo son was trying to kill a fly on the window with
> without anyone having to teach me one. I now know kids do too.
>
> Julie
his hand, and I guess he didn't know his own strength because his hand went
right through the window! It scared him more than anything. He happened to
be home alone at the time and called me on the cell phone crying after it
happened. I think he was very sorry and felt really bad that he broke the
window. I think he was afraid that dh or I would be mad at him and even make
him pay for the damages. Well, I responded very calmly and told him I knew
it was an accident. We never once mentioned him paying for a new window.
Luckily, dh is very handy and was able to take the sliding glass window out,
buy and new piece of glass and install it all himself. He did get a very
nasty cut on his finger, though. :-/ But my son helped him through the
project to show that he was truly sorry. I think my son learned his lesson
and will be very careful when killing flies on a window in the future!
Karin