melissa4123

Well, I was almost done with this email when my power went out. I
guess God thought I wasn't frustrated enough.....he decided to throw
that into the mix. :)

My DH and I had a sort of fight tonight and I need some help on how to
speak to him about homeschooling. He says that he is all for
homeschooling Karen and that he does not want her to go to public
school. But, I think that if I told him tomorrow that I wanted her to
go to public school, he would say that was fine as well. His biggest
problem with homeschooling has always been that he doesn't think she
will get to socialize enough with other kids. So (not only for him
but, for me and my dd as well) I joined a local homeschooling group
that meets once a week.

Any time I mention getting together at parties or field trips that
they go on, he backs out. For example....there is a camp out in July
that is only about 1/2 hour from us (sounded like fun to me). I told
him tonight that I would like to go (even though DD is only 2) so that
we can start to get to know the local homeschoolers and he does not
want to go. His reasoning (if you can call if that) is that he
doesn't want to go because he doesn't know anyone! I asked him how he
thought we were going to get to know anyone if we never went to these
things to get to know people?! He didn't really have an answer except
that he has only ever camped with family.

Anyway, I'm hoping you all might be able to help me. If nothing else,
let me know that I'm not the only one with a spouse who isn't as open
minded as he says he is.

Thanks for listening,
Melissa

jmcseals SEALS

<<<If nothing else,
let me know that I'm not the only one with a spouse who isn't as open
minded as he says he is.>>>

You're not the only one. :( I swear sometimes my husband just likes to
watch my blood boiling through my skin. If he doesn't go, I go without him.
Sometimes, he'll finally decide to join or continue to be his anti-social
self and stay home. He grunts and groans about unschooling, but refuses to
read or listen so I'm dragging him to SC and letting him figure out
unschooling without my help. (I told him it was a "homeschooling thing".
Bad me. <bg>) I'm tired of fighting and sadly, he doesn't appear to be
interested in it unless it has griping-gas. I just gove him a match and let
him blow off steam while I nod lovingly as if I agree. Don't know what else
to do.

Jennifer

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

melissa4123

I WISH that I could drag my husband to the conference in Sacramento in
Aug. it just might help my cause and make a little more flexible.
But, alas, he works nights and weekends so it'll just be me and my
daughter. Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
bathroom....he'll read it! :)

Melissa
--- In [email protected], "jmcseals SEALS"
<jmcseals@m...> wrote:
> <<<If nothing else,
> let me know that I'm not the only one with a spouse who isn't as open
> minded as he says he is.>>>
>
> You're not the only one. :( I swear sometimes my husband just likes to
> watch my blood boiling through my skin. If he doesn't go, I go
without him.
> Sometimes, he'll finally decide to join or continue to be his
anti-social
> self and stay home. He grunts and groans about unschooling, but
refuses to
> read or listen so I'm dragging him to SC and letting him figure out
> unschooling without my help. (I told him it was a "homeschooling
thing".
> Bad me. <bg>) I'm tired of fighting and sadly, he doesn't appear to be
> interested in it unless it has griping-gas. I just gove him a match
and let
> him blow off steam while I nod lovingly as if I agree. Don't know
what else
> to do.
>
> Jennifer
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 12:43:40 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
melissa4123@... writes:> But, alas, he works nights and weekends so
> it'll just be me and my
> daughter. Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
> bathroom....he'll read it! :)
>

Tapes. Buy LOTS of TAPES!

~Kelly


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jmcseals SEALS

**Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
bathroom....he'll read it! :)**

<evil giggle> Oh forgive me, but I can't help but think you could always
slap a Victoria's Secret catalog cover on it to entice him. Oh, naughty
me.....

Jennifer

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

melissa4123

LOL!! I'm just trying to picture what my poor husband would do if
that happened. I'm sure he would be afraid to look.....just in case
it was a trap! Actually, for my husband, it would have to be a Maxim
cover.

Melissa
--- In [email protected], "jmcseals SEALS"
<jmcseals@m...> wrote:
> **Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
> bathroom....he'll read it! :)**
>
> <evil giggle> Oh forgive me, but I can't help but think you could
always
> slap a Victoria's Secret catalog cover on it to entice him. Oh,
naughty
> me.....
>
> Jennifer
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> The new MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE*
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jmcseals SEALS

**I'm sure he would be afraid to look.....just in case
it was a trap! **

*roaring with laughter* Oh! Wouldn't you just LOVE to be a fly on *that*
wall!?! I can just see my husband now....peering around, ripping back the
shower curtain, waiting for me to pounce on him! Mwahahahahahaah!!!!!

Jennifer....*really* needing to go to bed....lol

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: "jmcseals SEALS" <jmcseals@...>

<<I'm tired of fighting and sadly, he doesn't appear to be
interested in it unless it has griping-gas. I just gove him a match and let
him blow off steam while I nod lovingly as if I agree. Don't know what else
to do.>>


Maybe it's time to find a new husband. <BEG>


Mary B

Mark & Kristin Shields

Melissa,
Are you sure you can't get your dh to go to the conference for just one day? Is he in a position to take a day off for it? One of the best things about the conference is seeing all the happy, smiling, homeschooling faces there. It is truly amazing to see all the kids and parents. He might feel better just seeing what it's like to have a huge group of kids that get along so well together. That said, I also have had a hard time getting my dh to read about homeschooling. In the beginning he did read some of the back issues of Growing Without Schooling, but since then has relied on me to make most of these decisions. My dh has never gone to the conference either, but if yours is willing it would be a great thing. Good Luck! Kristin

-----Original Message-----
From: melissa4123 [SMTP:melissa4123@...]

I WISH that I could drag my husband to the conference in Sacramento in
Aug. it just might help my cause and make a little more flexible.
But, alas, he works nights and weekends so it'll just be me and my
daughter. Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
bathroom....he'll read it! :)

Melissa



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/13/2003 12:18:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
melissa4123@... writes:


> Any time I mention getting together at parties or field trips that
> they go on, he backs out. For example....there is a camp out in July
> that is only about 1/2 hour from us (sounded like fun to me). I told
> him tonight that I would like to go (even though DD is only 2) so that
> we can start to get to know the local homeschoolers and he does not
> want to go.

My husband has gone, in the past, to "end of the year" accomplishment type
things, and that's about it. He never goes on field trips, to festivals,
parties, etc. It's just not in his personality, and I don't bug him about
it. Maybe you are mistaking his dislike for social events for a dislike of
homeschooling.

When I first mentioned homeschooling to my husband many moons ago, (about 13
years) his first reaction was "No way, Huh-uh, never." I gently ;o)
persuaded him into an "OK, we'll try it" but was happy with that, and never
pushed any more on him. He now is very vocal about his feelings that public
school is nothing but a mill to turn out brainwashed mis-taught children.
LOL!!

Honestly, in all the places we've lived, in all the homeschool groups, there
has only been a few times a husband/father showed up, and they felt so out of
place with all those moms they usually didn't come back. Just get a yes, and
go from there.

Nancy


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sorcha_aisling

>>>continue to be his anti-social
> self and stay home.<<<

Maybe he's an introvert. This is a huge pet peeve for me; I'm an
introvert and my extrovert mom has nagged me my entire life about
being "anti-social". The word is asocial. Asocial. Someone who
prefers to stay home is an introvert. If an extrovert has to rudely
characterize them, the word is asocial. Anti-social is a personality
disorder characterized by lack of regard for humanity. The Unibomber
was anti-social. Osama bin Laden may possibly be antisocial. A
husband who doesn't like to socialize is probably *not* anti-social.
If you husband truly has a personality disorder, I apologize.

Sorcha, stepping down from her soap-box

melissa4123

Thanks Krisin,
I think that I am going to see if he might be able to take some time
off. It's not until Aug so it shouldn't be a problem if he requests
it early enough. I would really like him to see that there are a LOT
of people out there who homeschool and I'd really like him to go to
the round table on unschooling.

Melissa

--- In [email protected], Mark & Kristin Shields
<mkshields@h...> wrote:
> Melissa,
> Are you sure you can't get your dh to go to the conference for just
one day? Is he in a position to take a day off for it? One of the
best things about the conference is seeing all the happy, smiling,
homeschooling faces there. It is truly amazing to see all the kids
and parents. He might feel better just seeing what it's like to have
a huge group of kids that get along so well together. That said, I
also have had a hard time getting my dh to read about homeschooling.
In the beginning he did read some of the back issues of Growing
Without Schooling, but since then has relied on me to make most of
these decisions. My dh has never gone to the conference either, but
if yours is willing it would be a great thing. Good Luck! Kristin
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: melissa4123 [SMTP:melissa4123@y...]
>
> I WISH that I could drag my husband to the conference in Sacramento in
> Aug. it just might help my cause and make a little more flexible.
> But, alas, he works nights and weekends so it'll just be me and my
> daughter. Maybe, if I leave some of the reading material in the
> bathroom....he'll read it! :)
>
> Melissa
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I think Kathryn has it - that's how I got involved - took time to trust that this could work. Now I'm 110% behind it, having forsaken $$ to ensure one of us is home.

My thots

Tim Thomas



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jmcseals SEALS

**If you husband truly has a personality disorder, I apologize.
Sorcha, stepping down from her soap-box **


<g> Actually, he went through intense therapy for this. As a child, if he
was playing outside and a car DROVE by, he would run and hide so no one
would see him and stay in that position for hours at a time. He's come a
long way. If he has to interact with people in a business situation, he
does ok but in personal interactions, such as meeting people in a friendly
situation, he has a very hard time dealing with it. This even extended into
his relationship with our children and he is only now feeling comfortable
when they want to hug him. For a long time, when they tried to hug him, he
would pat them on the back and stiffen up. I think having the kids has
brought him out more than anything.

He is really uncomfortable about going to the SC conference because he feels
"fake" when he has to meet and greet. Over the years, we've tried small
gatherings of a few people but for some reason, the larger crowds tend to be
better for him. We were told that in the larger crowds, he feels less of a
need to interact in a personal or emotional way. Basically, he can meet
hundreds of people that he knows he will never see again and he is able to
deal with that. It actually makes sense to me.

The hardest part is I am extremely outgoing and gregarious. I talk to
anyone and everyone. Drives him crazy! LOL I really have to like his
therapist though...he hasn't gone since just after we were married...because
he told Chris that having me for a wife would cure him before any therapy
session.

(Just got off the phone with him to see if he minded me writing all this
about him to people he might actually meet someday. <g>) His comment on my
last sentence....'because he told Chris that having me for a wife would cure
him before any therapy session'......was, "yeah, isn't THAT the truth!" LOL
Not sure how heartfelt that one was. <bg> We got a good laugh out of it
though!

Jennifer

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sablehs

<<<Anti-Social, was Re: Frustrated w/DH & homeschooling

>>>continue to be his anti-social
> self and stay home.<<<

Maybe he's an introvert. This is a huge pet peeve for me; I'm an
introvert and my extrovert mom has nagged me my entire life about
being "anti-social". The word is asocial. Asocial. Someone who
prefers to stay home is an introvert. If an extrovert has to rudely
characterize them, the word is asocial. Anti-social is a personality
disorder characterized by lack of regard for humanity. The Unibomber
was anti-social. Osama bin Laden may possibly be antisocial. A
husband who doesn't like to socialize is probably *not* anti-social.
If you husband truly has a personality disorder, I apologize.

Sorcha, stepping down from her soap-box >>


Very true, and something I had to learn and understand with my husband. It took me a long time to understand tho.

Tracy



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becqui

<< Maybe he's an introvert. This is a huge pet peeve for me; >>

Something else to consider is maybe he has "selective mutism". My son has
this and many consider him to be very introverted. If they could only see
him at home...lol

Becqui


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