RE: bad mommie moment
Backstrom kelli
Sandra wrote: <Tracy, that's not the best way to build real trust and judgment in a kid.
I'm guessing you're new to the list, and that's cool, but I think it still
maintains quite an us-and-them dichotomy between parents and kids and
unschooling works better without so much of that.> I guess what I would like to add to that is that, not only is the above point a good one but also what I have noticed in my own parenting and in counselling other parents, is that this approach often does not work, period. In my own experience, especially this year, when I start the whole punishment and reward thing, I am setting everyone up for this crazy game, that is not built on mutual trust and relationship building. It is really hard sometimes (especially when we are talking about my almost three year old:) but I have been trying to just be patient with her and always try to figure out what it is she is trying to tell me, through the tantrum. For example today, she was throwing her weight around her bedroom, yelling, throwing the teddy bear, all as I was rearranging her room for her to allow for more space. Finally I stopped myself and looked at her and slowly sat down with her to ask her what it was. It was in this whole process of slowing down that we both connected. I was willing to take the time to hear her and it was so simple. She was upset because I was not letting her help enough! Poor little thing looked up at me with tears and told me, "Sadie wants to sweep too, Mama!" Ugh! It took us a good hour extra to accomplish the goal but did we EVER have fun! Kelli
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm guessing you're new to the list, and that's cool, but I think it still
maintains quite an us-and-them dichotomy between parents and kids and
unschooling works better without so much of that.> I guess what I would like to add to that is that, not only is the above point a good one but also what I have noticed in my own parenting and in counselling other parents, is that this approach often does not work, period. In my own experience, especially this year, when I start the whole punishment and reward thing, I am setting everyone up for this crazy game, that is not built on mutual trust and relationship building. It is really hard sometimes (especially when we are talking about my almost three year old:) but I have been trying to just be patient with her and always try to figure out what it is she is trying to tell me, through the tantrum. For example today, she was throwing her weight around her bedroom, yelling, throwing the teddy bear, all as I was rearranging her room for her to allow for more space. Finally I stopped myself and looked at her and slowly sat down with her to ask her what it was. It was in this whole process of slowing down that we both connected. I was willing to take the time to hear her and it was so simple. She was upset because I was not letting her help enough! Poor little thing looked up at me with tears and told me, "Sadie wants to sweep too, Mama!" Ugh! It took us a good hour extra to accomplish the goal but did we EVER have fun! Kelli
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tracy and Gilbert Valdez
See, now this is what I meant that I didn't expand my thoughts far
enough to let others read what I was trying to say. My kids have never
thrown a tantrum in their live's. We've always "used our words so mommy
knows what you want" or "show mommy - mommy doesn't understand". Maybe I
used the wrong term _reward_ and I did NOT use the term punishment - I
said logical consequences.
Tracy - who agrees with your handling of this scenario - 100% and I
would have done the same - gotten to the bottom of the problem instead
of punishing her for throwing a fit.
-----Original Message-----
From: Backstrom kelli [mailto:kellibac@...]
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2003 8:44 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] RE: bad mommie moment
Sandra wrote: <Tracy, that's not the best way to build real trust and
judgment in a kid.
I'm guessing you're new to the list, and that's cool, but I think it
still
maintains quite an us-and-them dichotomy between parents and kids and
unschooling works better without so much of that.> I guess what I
would like to add to that is that, not only is the above point a good
one but also what I have noticed in my own parenting and in counselling
other parents, is that this approach often does not work, period. In my
own experience, especially this year, when I start the whole punishment
and reward thing, I am setting everyone up for this crazy game, that is
not built on mutual trust and relationship building. It is really hard
sometimes (especially when we are talking about my almost three year
old:) but I have been trying to just be patient with her and always try
to figure out what it is she is trying to tell me, through the tantrum.
For example today, she was throwing her weight around her bedroom,
yelling, throwing the teddy bear, all as I was rearranging her room for
her to allow for more space. Finally I stopped myself and looked at her
and slowly sat down with her to ask her what it was. It was in this
whole process of slowing down that we both connected. I was willing to
take the time to hear her and it was so simple. She was upset because I
was not letting her help enough! Poor little thing looked up at me with
tears and told me, "Sadie wants to sweep too, Mama!" Ugh! It took us a
good hour extra to accomplish the goal but did we EVER have fun! Kelli
---------------------------------
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The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
enough to let others read what I was trying to say. My kids have never
thrown a tantrum in their live's. We've always "used our words so mommy
knows what you want" or "show mommy - mommy doesn't understand". Maybe I
used the wrong term _reward_ and I did NOT use the term punishment - I
said logical consequences.
Tracy - who agrees with your handling of this scenario - 100% and I
would have done the same - gotten to the bottom of the problem instead
of punishing her for throwing a fit.
-----Original Message-----
From: Backstrom kelli [mailto:kellibac@...]
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2003 8:44 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] RE: bad mommie moment
Sandra wrote: <Tracy, that's not the best way to build real trust and
judgment in a kid.
I'm guessing you're new to the list, and that's cool, but I think it
still
maintains quite an us-and-them dichotomy between parents and kids and
unschooling works better without so much of that.> I guess what I
would like to add to that is that, not only is the above point a good
one but also what I have noticed in my own parenting and in counselling
other parents, is that this approach often does not work, period. In my
own experience, especially this year, when I start the whole punishment
and reward thing, I am setting everyone up for this crazy game, that is
not built on mutual trust and relationship building. It is really hard
sometimes (especially when we are talking about my almost three year
old:) but I have been trying to just be patient with her and always try
to figure out what it is she is trying to tell me, through the tantrum.
For example today, she was throwing her weight around her bedroom,
yelling, throwing the teddy bear, all as I was rearranging her room for
her to allow for more space. Finally I stopped myself and looked at her
and slowly sat down with her to ask her what it was. It was in this
whole process of slowing down that we both connected. I was willing to
take the time to hear her and it was so simple. She was upset because I
was not letting her help enough! Poor little thing looked up at me with
tears and told me, "Sadie wants to sweep too, Mama!" Ugh! It took us a
good hour extra to accomplish the goal but did we EVER have fun! Kelli
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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<http://rd.yahoo.com/M=247865.3269369.4566997.1261774/D=egroupweb/S=1705
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