RElaxed parenting--info
Olga
The more I read on this site, the more I hear about relaxed
parenting. Right now, I am struggling with my ds who turned 2
yesterday. I started flipping through a positve discipline book I
had bought years ago and never read. I was ready to run it over with
my car!! The examples were so proposterous that I was insulted along
with making claims such as you could spoil a new baby in some rare
cases. Needless to say, we are not pursuing this book. However, I
would love some feedback on great books or sites that discuss a
relaxed parenting approach.
Thank You. Everyone always has such good info here!
Olga :)
parenting. Right now, I am struggling with my ds who turned 2
yesterday. I started flipping through a positve discipline book I
had bought years ago and never read. I was ready to run it over with
my car!! The examples were so proposterous that I was insulted along
with making claims such as you could spoil a new baby in some rare
cases. Needless to say, we are not pursuing this book. However, I
would love some feedback on great books or sites that discuss a
relaxed parenting approach.
Thank You. Everyone always has such good info here!
Olga :)
Robyn Coburn
I love John Holts books because his attitude to children learning
carries through into all areas. I also like Non-Violent Communication -
still learning to apply it to communicating with my husband but it
seems to work with my little darling who is 3 ½. I always explain why I
need her to do something, and if it sounds dumb, then it probably is
dumb, and arbitrary.
Robyn Coburn
<<However, I would love some feedback on great books or sites that
discuss a
relaxed parenting approach.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carries through into all areas. I also like Non-Violent Communication -
still learning to apply it to communicating with my husband but it
seems to work with my little darling who is 3 ½. I always explain why I
need her to do something, and if it sounds dumb, then it probably is
dumb, and arbitrary.
Robyn Coburn
<<However, I would love some feedback on great books or sites that
discuss a
relaxed parenting approach.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Clevenger
From: "Olga" <britcontoo@...>
Discipline", which is a terrible title for quite a good book. The jacket is
terrible too, I can only guess that both were created by someone in a
marketing department. The book itself is about how to get past the need to
control, why control doesn't work, how kids learn from our examples and the
only control we can truly exert is self-control, etc. I felt that it helped
me along my parenting journey more than any other book. The other books like
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" have some
good "tips and tricks" (like lists of "alternatives to 'No'"), but this book
is more like the underlying foundation for respectful parenting, and how to
achieve it.
I also like this particular little list, I can't remember where I saved it
from:
Here is a "declaration of complete confidence in children":
1.. Adult-like behavior matures by the time we are adults.
2.. No expectations means no disappointments for us, and no damaging
pressures for our children.
3.. Children respond best to modeling and leadership, not control.
4.. Trust... and wait.
5.. Choose between your momentary convenience and your long-term goal for
your child's sense of self.
6.. Enjoy your child for who he is, not for who you would like him to be -
he will never be this age again.
7.. Distinguish between your emotional needs and what your child feels and
needs. Act toward your child in harmony with her needs; take care of your
emotional needs elsewhere.
8.. Celebrate your child's uniqueness as well as your own.
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
> However, IThe book I found the most useful was "Easy to Love, Difficult to
>would love some feedback on great books or sites that discuss a
>relaxed parenting approach.
Discipline", which is a terrible title for quite a good book. The jacket is
terrible too, I can only guess that both were created by someone in a
marketing department. The book itself is about how to get past the need to
control, why control doesn't work, how kids learn from our examples and the
only control we can truly exert is self-control, etc. I felt that it helped
me along my parenting journey more than any other book. The other books like
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" have some
good "tips and tricks" (like lists of "alternatives to 'No'"), but this book
is more like the underlying foundation for respectful parenting, and how to
achieve it.
I also like this particular little list, I can't remember where I saved it
from:
Here is a "declaration of complete confidence in children":
1.. Adult-like behavior matures by the time we are adults.
2.. No expectations means no disappointments for us, and no damaging
pressures for our children.
3.. Children respond best to modeling and leadership, not control.
4.. Trust... and wait.
5.. Choose between your momentary convenience and your long-term goal for
your child's sense of self.
6.. Enjoy your child for who he is, not for who you would like him to be -
he will never be this age again.
7.. Distinguish between your emotional needs and what your child feels and
needs. Act toward your child in harmony with her needs; take care of your
emotional needs elsewhere.
8.. Celebrate your child's uniqueness as well as your own.
Blue Skies!
-Robin-
Kelli Traaseth
I don't know if anyone has mentioned Living Joyfully With Children by Win
and Bill Sweet, its one of my favs!
Here's their website: www.sweetjoy.com
Kelli
and Bill Sweet, its one of my favs!
Here's their website: www.sweetjoy.com
Kelli
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/12/03 2:48:32 PM, diamondair@... writes:
<< 2.. No expectations means no disappointments for us, and no damaging
pressures for our children. >>
oooh ooh oooooh!!! (The monkey hoot from the back row of someone with
something to SAY!)
This weekend when I was out and about, one discussion was just me and the
dad, after we had dropped Kirby off with the prom gang (where the boys had
just shown up too, and so all were in one place, in a mountain parking lot
between towns, in their formals, heels, etc. <g>).
It was about Mother's Day.
It was about, on my end, how Mother's Day is at my house, and on his end, how
it is all screwed up at his house.
In the hope of making sure it was a big deal, he reminded his stepsons two
months ago. He reminded them a month ago; nothing. He remined them two
weeks and a week ago; nothing.
That's a lot of negativity to lay as a foundation for a day on which all the
mom asked for was some time all alone, which she got! But meanwhile backstag
e the boys are set up to fail, and the step dad sees them as ungrateful
slouches who don't appeciate their mother nor his thoughtful reminders.
Here was my mother's day.
Keith asked me Friday if there was anything I wanted to do. I said no, maybe
Two Towers at the dollar flick. (But Kirby and I got back too late for that
anyway.) We discussed that I'd be with Kirby most of the day, and he's the
kid who caused my motherhood to happen, so that seemed kind of appropriate.
Since I was with the other family, I was privileged to partake of a big
breakfast of sausage-grave, biscuits and eggs all made by male people (Kirby
was sleeping off the prom still). I got "Happy Mother's Day" greetings from
some teens and the adults we were with.
When we left there Kirby had already gone out for lunch with a couple of the
girls from the night before, and I asked him to stop at Sonic so I could get
something before the two hour drive. I ordered my stuff and held out money
to him (he was driving) and he said "No! It's Mother's Day!" and he paid for
my lunch at Sonic. That was not too bad.
Holly met me in the yard with a big hug.
Marty had bought me two bags of dark chocolate Dove miniatures.
That was it, but it was every bit sweet and sincere and nobody had reminded
them and I wasn't going to pout if they hadn't done anything at all!! I was
happy to be with them and it was a good day.
Sandra
<< 2.. No expectations means no disappointments for us, and no damaging
pressures for our children. >>
oooh ooh oooooh!!! (The monkey hoot from the back row of someone with
something to SAY!)
This weekend when I was out and about, one discussion was just me and the
dad, after we had dropped Kirby off with the prom gang (where the boys had
just shown up too, and so all were in one place, in a mountain parking lot
between towns, in their formals, heels, etc. <g>).
It was about Mother's Day.
It was about, on my end, how Mother's Day is at my house, and on his end, how
it is all screwed up at his house.
In the hope of making sure it was a big deal, he reminded his stepsons two
months ago. He reminded them a month ago; nothing. He remined them two
weeks and a week ago; nothing.
That's a lot of negativity to lay as a foundation for a day on which all the
mom asked for was some time all alone, which she got! But meanwhile backstag
e the boys are set up to fail, and the step dad sees them as ungrateful
slouches who don't appeciate their mother nor his thoughtful reminders.
Here was my mother's day.
Keith asked me Friday if there was anything I wanted to do. I said no, maybe
Two Towers at the dollar flick. (But Kirby and I got back too late for that
anyway.) We discussed that I'd be with Kirby most of the day, and he's the
kid who caused my motherhood to happen, so that seemed kind of appropriate.
Since I was with the other family, I was privileged to partake of a big
breakfast of sausage-grave, biscuits and eggs all made by male people (Kirby
was sleeping off the prom still). I got "Happy Mother's Day" greetings from
some teens and the adults we were with.
When we left there Kirby had already gone out for lunch with a couple of the
girls from the night before, and I asked him to stop at Sonic so I could get
something before the two hour drive. I ordered my stuff and held out money
to him (he was driving) and he said "No! It's Mother's Day!" and he paid for
my lunch at Sonic. That was not too bad.
Holly met me in the yard with a big hug.
Marty had bought me two bags of dark chocolate Dove miniatures.
That was it, but it was every bit sweet and sincere and nobody had reminded
them and I wasn't going to pout if they hadn't done anything at all!! I was
happy to be with them and it was a good day.
Sandra
Rob Wight
Parenting Books! I have read a few. My poor children started out with a
traditional authoritarian mum, then we moved onto Toddler Taming, then
Positive Parenting, then Logical Consequences. The trouble was, the kids got
used to the fact that mum was trying new tricks to get them to do what they
didn't want to do. This made them suspicious and uncooperative.
Then I discovered (after many destructive years) one really great book (and
course that goes with it) is Dr Thomas Gordan's Parent Effectiveness
Training. This has made a whole new way of life for our family. I highly
recommend it. It's basis is active listening to our children, firmly stating
our needs and problem solving to find win-win solutions. I am not that good
at yet, but feel less pressure to be the "perfect parent".
Susan
traditional authoritarian mum, then we moved onto Toddler Taming, then
Positive Parenting, then Logical Consequences. The trouble was, the kids got
used to the fact that mum was trying new tricks to get them to do what they
didn't want to do. This made them suspicious and uncooperative.
Then I discovered (after many destructive years) one really great book (and
course that goes with it) is Dr Thomas Gordan's Parent Effectiveness
Training. This has made a whole new way of life for our family. I highly
recommend it. It's basis is active listening to our children, firmly stating
our needs and problem solving to find win-win solutions. I am not that good
at yet, but feel less pressure to be the "perfect parent".
Susan
----- Original Message -----
From: "Olga" <britcontoo@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2003 1:29 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] RElaxed parenting--info
> The more I read on this site, the more I hear about relaxed
> parenting. Right now, I am struggling with my ds who turned 2
> yesterday. I started flipping through a positve discipline book I
> had bought years ago and never read. I was ready to run it over with
> my car!! The examples were so proposterous that I was insulted along
> with making claims such as you could spoil a new baby in some rare
> cases. Needless to say, we are not pursuing this book. However, I
> would love some feedback on great books or sites that discuss a
> relaxed parenting approach.
>
> Thank You. Everyone always has such good info here!
>
> Olga :)
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
Barb Eaton
I'm having an awful time getting into this website. A page comes up,
said to click on a figure and when I do it goes nowhere. Any sugestions?
Barb E
"No one can make you change.
No one can stop you from changing.
No one really knows how you must change.
Not even you.
Not until you start. "
- Dr. David Viscott, Author and Psychologist
on 5/12/03 10:12 AM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
said to click on a figure and when I do it goes nowhere. Any sugestions?
Barb E
"No one can make you change.
No one can stop you from changing.
No one really knows how you must change.
Not even you.
Not until you start. "
- Dr. David Viscott, Author and Psychologist
on 5/12/03 10:12 AM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
> http://www.naturalchild.com/ (I especially love the articles by Naomi
> Aldort!)
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/14/2003 8:44:46 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
homemama@... writes:
Raydie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
homemama@... writes:
> I'm having an awful time getting into this website. A page comes up,I didn't have a problem.....:o(
> said to click on a figure and when I do it goes nowhere. Any sugestions?
Raydie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unolist
--- In [email protected], Barb Eaton <homemama@i...>
wrote:
this list, and was having lots of problems, so it's not just you. No
suggestions <g> sorry
wrote:
> I'm having an awful time getting into this website. A pagecomes up,
> said to click on a figure and when I do it goes nowhere. Anysugestions?
>I was trying to get on that site yesterday for reasons unrelated to
>
> Barb E
>
> > http://www.naturalchild.com/
this list, and was having lots of problems, so it's not just you. No
suggestions <g> sorry
Kelli Traaseth
Barb,
I just tried it and it worked, did you try it again?
Kelli
I just tried it and it worked, did you try it again?
Kelli
----- Original Message -----
From: "Barb Eaton" <homemama@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 7:41 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] RElaxed parenting--info
> I'm having an awful time getting into this website. A page comes up,
> said to click on a figure and when I do it goes nowhere. Any sugestions?
>
>
> Barb E
> "No one can make you change.
> No one can stop you from changing.
> No one really knows how you must change.
> Not even you.
> Not until you start. "
>
> - Dr. David Viscott, Author and Psychologist
>
>
>
>
> on 5/12/03 10:12 AM, [email protected] at
> [email protected] wrote:
>
> > http://www.naturalchild.com/ (I especially love the articles by Naomi
> > Aldort!)
>
>
>
> ~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
>
> If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email
the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner,
Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an
email to:
> [email protected]
>
> Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
Barb Eaton
Yes I did. This morning and different days too. I have a Mac. Would that
have anything to do with it? The Natural Child site sounds so interesting.
We got a little bunny yesterday. He's so cute. :-)
Barb E
"Just as our eyes need light in order to see, our minds
need ideas in order to conceive. "
- Napoleon Hill, Author
on 5/14/03 1:05 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
have anything to do with it? The Natural Child site sounds so interesting.
We got a little bunny yesterday. He's so cute. :-)
Barb E
"Just as our eyes need light in order to see, our minds
need ideas in order to conceive. "
- Napoleon Hill, Author
on 5/14/03 1:05 PM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
> Date: Wed, 14 May 2003 08:26:13 -0500
> From: "Kelli Traaseth" <tktraas@...>
> Subject: Re: RElaxed parenting--info
>
> Barb,
>
> I just tried it and it worked, did you try it again?
>
> Kelli