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Joanna,
Thank-you for sharing that. I am so sorry about the loss of your son. You are
so right, our son does not deserve my energy being spent on feeling guilty.
It's hard as you very well know to get past these issues. You've really made
me look at things a bit more differently by sharing your story. We came very
close to loosing our son in an accident. I am very grateful that he is here
with us today. That is what I should be focussed on....today. Yes, I have
told our son everything that I feel and how sorry I am. He tells me that it
is okay because no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. Thank-you Joanna,
you don't know how much your story has opened my eyes. I need to move forward.

Kim




<<Have you told your ds all of this?

I think that helps. My older two got the brunt of my ignorance.

They were 7 and 4 before I started coming around and learning about

respectful parenting. I told my son Sam last year that I wanted to

apologize for being not so nice to him, as a toddler, some of the

time. (forced naps, time outs, hurting him with a spank or grab of

the arm...all kinds of miserable things). I needed to tell him

because I had been worse to him than my dd, who didn't push my

buttons quite as much.

Sam and I were both stubborn and butted heads quite often. We still

argued and didn't see eye to eye quite a bit, but we had come a long

way towards respecting each other and I was really starting to feel

good about the progress I had made in being more patient and

respectful of him. He died on Jan. 19 of this year. He fell through

the ice on a lagoon at a park while there with another family. One of

the things that helps me cope, is remebering how much I strived to

make our relationship better and how I knew, he knew how much I love

him, because of it. I also feel very fortunate to have found

unschooling.

Sam was 8 (almost 9), and he spent his day finding his joy. No time

wasted in school all day. No time wasted doing meaningless

worksheets to make me feel better. Infact, not having to think about

schooling him gave us all the more time to work on being together

peacefully. Everyone who knew him described him as joyful. He

relished life (sometimes with more energy than I could handle).

I'll always regret the times I could have been a WAY better mom with

him, but I try to avoid remorse because I know I saw the error of my

ways and strived to do better. That's all we can ask of ourselves.

Energy spent feeling guilty is not going to help you to be the best

of you. Your son deserves that.

I know my kids do.

Joanna>>