Re: socialization- the little ones
Sue
Eileen,
Don't worry three year olds often don't want the company of other
three year olds. It doesn't mean that they will not be socialized,
socialization happens whenever they are in contact with any other
person, no matter what the age.
School, preschool etc are the worse places on to learn to be
socialized, mostly antisocial behaviours are learned there.
How is he at relating to people not in his own age group?
Sue
The Winona Farm in Minnesota Welcomes Unschoolers All Year Round
My website: http://members.xoom.com/sue_m_e
Farm website: http://members.xoom.com/winfarm/
Farm newsletter: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Winonafarm
"To believe in something, and not to live it, is to be dishonest."
-Mahatma Gandhi
Don't worry three year olds often don't want the company of other
three year olds. It doesn't mean that they will not be socialized,
socialization happens whenever they are in contact with any other
person, no matter what the age.
School, preschool etc are the worse places on to learn to be
socialized, mostly antisocial behaviours are learned there.
How is he at relating to people not in his own age group?
Sue
> From: "Eileen Konieczny" <jazballard@...>- Sue -
>
> OK here goes.. I posted earlier, but it got lost in the system, if
> this is a second, please accept my apologies..
> This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about being
> worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
> children..
> I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
> only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
> ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
> interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And being
> that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
> We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
> participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
> class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
> I understand that socialization is so much more than what people
> profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
> other children out there who could be fun to play with, right? So
> how to I stop feeling responsible for him not wanting to
> participate??? If I was like all the other moms around here, I'd
> already have him in preschool ect ect ect.....
> Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...
> Thanks,
> Eileen
>
>
The Winona Farm in Minnesota Welcomes Unschoolers All Year Round
My website: http://members.xoom.com/sue_m_e
Farm website: http://members.xoom.com/winfarm/
Farm newsletter: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Winonafarm
"To believe in something, and not to live it, is to be dishonest."
-Mahatma Gandhi
Eileen Konieczny
OK here goes.. I posted earlier, but it got lost in the system, if
this is a second, please accept my apologies..
This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about being
worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
children..
I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And being
that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
I understand that socialization is so much more than what people
profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
other children out there who could be fun to play with, right? So
how to I stop feeling responsible for him not wanting to
participate??? If I was like all the other moms around here, I'd
already have him in preschool ect ect ect.....
Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks,
Eileen
this is a second, please accept my apologies..
This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about being
worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
children..
I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And being
that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
I understand that socialization is so much more than what people
profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
other children out there who could be fun to play with, right? So
how to I stop feeling responsible for him not wanting to
participate??? If I was like all the other moms around here, I'd
already have him in preschool ect ect ect.....
Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks,
Eileen
Brown
Eileen
I have 4 sons (18, 16, 12, 9). I don't recall any of them playing *with*
other kids very much at all at that age. Sometimes they seemed to like to
play *alongside* other kids. We went to alsorts of playgroups etc. but the
benefit was that mother got some socialisation <g> And even those kids that
do like playing with others, don't play *nicely* for very long. Kids this
age are just too little to really understand things like sharing, having
turns etc.
Eileen Konieczny wrote:
on our own kids so much. When we look around at all the others, we see them
doing what we'd like ours to be doing. But we only look for a few minutes.
In Playcentre, which is a parent run preschool system here in New Zealand,
parents are asked to participate in parent education. One of the things we
had to do, was observe a child - *not* our own. We had to write down
everything that child did and said, and who to, what they said etc.
Sometimes it was just for 10 minutes, but sometimes it was for a whole
morning. It was a great thing to do - it helped me realise that other kids
weren't the perfect little darlings I, in my role as anxious mother, assumed
them to be. So next time you go to gym, try watching someone else's kid for
a while - not the little star (there's always one of those) but just one or
two of the other ordinary little kids.
I sometimes think that the fear of my children being social misfits has been
the biggest fear I had. Having 4 boys at the ages they are now, I've stopped
worrying. I have 2 extroverts, 2 introverts, but they are all just fine in
their individual ways.
Try not to worry - it will be okay. Truely.
(((((hugs)))))
Carol
I have 4 sons (18, 16, 12, 9). I don't recall any of them playing *with*
other kids very much at all at that age. Sometimes they seemed to like to
play *alongside* other kids. We went to alsorts of playgroups etc. but the
benefit was that mother got some socialisation <g> And even those kids that
do like playing with others, don't play *nicely* for very long. Kids this
age are just too little to really understand things like sharing, having
turns etc.
Eileen Konieczny wrote:
> This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about beingSounds normal to me.
> worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
> children..
> I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
> only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
> ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
> interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...
> And beingThis all sounds normal to me too.
> that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
> We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
> participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
> class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
> I understand that socialization is so much more than what peopleJust wait, and it'll happen when he's ready. Honest. The thing is, we focus
> profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
> other children out there who could be fun to play with, right?
on our own kids so much. When we look around at all the others, we see them
doing what we'd like ours to be doing. But we only look for a few minutes.
In Playcentre, which is a parent run preschool system here in New Zealand,
parents are asked to participate in parent education. One of the things we
had to do, was observe a child - *not* our own. We had to write down
everything that child did and said, and who to, what they said etc.
Sometimes it was just for 10 minutes, but sometimes it was for a whole
morning. It was a great thing to do - it helped me realise that other kids
weren't the perfect little darlings I, in my role as anxious mother, assumed
them to be. So next time you go to gym, try watching someone else's kid for
a while - not the little star (there's always one of those) but just one or
two of the other ordinary little kids.
I sometimes think that the fear of my children being social misfits has been
the biggest fear I had. Having 4 boys at the ages they are now, I've stopped
worrying. I have 2 extroverts, 2 introverts, but they are all just fine in
their individual ways.
Try not to worry - it will be okay. Truely.
(((((hugs)))))
Carol
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
>School, preschool etc are the worse places on to learn to be..I truely believe that he has no
>socialized, mostly antisocial behaviours are learned there.
>Sue
>> worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
>> children..
>> interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And beingI agree with Sue. Not only are toddlers/preschoolers not very good at being social with each other because they are all in the same primitive stage of egocentrism combined with lack of social skills, but they don't really care to either. They are not at a very social age for peers.
>> that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
>> We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
>> participates in only 50% of the time...
>> Eileen
My boys are three years old, and two years old next week, respectively. We stopped attending our weekly playgroup for a variety of reasons, not the least of which were negative social repercussions for them. We do not take any classes or attend any groups, they do not have sitters, and they do not attend day care.
While they do have the benefit of having each other to play with (they are mostly inseperable) we are taking steps to seperate them more and give them more alone time. This arose as a problem due to my elder son's hyperactive and overbearing personality, coupled with his brother's quiet and shy demeanor. We feel that our younger son is not being given the time or opportunity to develop his own interests and personality due to being always overridden by his brother.
So we have arranged two weekly "Daddy Days" where each of the boys gets to go out for alone time with their father to do something special once a week (Thomas on Tue. night and Alex on Thur. night) while the other has the opportunity to stay home and do something alone with me, or do their own thing, without his brother.
Other than that, they are learning about personal boundaries, manners and empathy all in the safety and forgiving environment of their relationships at home. They see other children at the playground and are quite open and social with them, they interact well with quests who come to our house or people whose homes we visit, and they talk to strangers in stores, etc. I feel that it is vitally important to let them develop the confidence and competence in their social skills first in the safety of home with us, and them slowly reach out farther and farther with them as they are ready. I don't believe in forcing them to be social or into "enrichment" situations. I do believe in giving them access to opportunities to be social with peers as they show the readiness and desire to do that. So far, they could not really care less about it if they tried.
Nanci K.
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Sonia Ulan
Hi Eileen!
I am TOTALLY new at this cyber communication gig, having just signed-up
last night, so here is my first attempt at soap-boxing!!!
I am writing to tell you your 3 year old child sounds TOTALLY normal.
There could be several explanations for his lack of interest in other
children just now. And kids grow and change so exceptionally quickly,
bare in mind he could be a totally different child in 6-12 months. His
lack of interest in others would be apparent even if -as you put it- you
were like every other conforming parent and had him in
preschool/daycare. Perhaps he is just naturally shy. That's his right
and his temperment is his own. Look how many of us adults struggle in
social situations? Not all of us are confident regarding large parties,
public speaking, travel, you name it. Why aren't our children allowed
the same privelege? I am constantly annoyed with "bullies" who demand
all children should behave in a prescribed way and if the children
don't, a judgemental finger is always wagging at the parents.
Especially if you're home/un-schooling. Aside from normal shyness,
(which almost EVERY child experiences in one form or another; it's
nature's way of protecting our children from potentially unnerving
situations) let us not forget that this child is still only a toddler,
an infant really in terms of an entire lifespan, and it's normal for
children to simply lack the maturity at that age to comfortably conduct
themselves around strangers. Again, he could be a totally different
personality in a year. He's just not interested and/or ready yet.
That's no reflection on you or homeschooling. If anything it shows he
is firm about his attachment to you and he doesn't need outsiders to
meet his needs. In the future, his attachment/security/relationship
with you will only contribute to his "socialization" in a positive way.
Maybe he's just a very good judge of character and hasn't met anyone who
measures up yet! For the first 6 years and beyond every parenting book
worth its salt, recognizes that the mother-child bond is THE most
important relationship to cultivate. He will get to know the rest of
the world after the security you two have is firmly established. Forget
the so-called "norms" for social development. Don't push your child
into stressful situations with strangers, it will only complicate the
issue. Embrace this time that he is still all your own, because when
things change with him you will miss the fact that you've lost your
baby! I was very shy and somewhat of a loner most of my childhood and
to this day I think I handle social situations much more successfully,
courteously and sensitively than most of my compatriates. And I now
know literally hundreds of acquaintances through my various volunteer
organizations and interests. We have to come up with a new definition
of "socialization" because I don't like what it represents according to
others' definition. 3 kids later, I'm seeing my so-called "sheltered",
homeschooled children put other neighbourhood and schooled children to
shame with their socialization skills. And MY children were often the
shy ones at gatherings over the years. We've never even utilized
babysitters.
Trust your instincts as a mother and feel confident that you can stand
up to the misguided scrutiny of others. Some day you will be rewarded
for your courage to be different!
Sonia
Eileen Konieczny wrote:
I am TOTALLY new at this cyber communication gig, having just signed-up
last night, so here is my first attempt at soap-boxing!!!
I am writing to tell you your 3 year old child sounds TOTALLY normal.
There could be several explanations for his lack of interest in other
children just now. And kids grow and change so exceptionally quickly,
bare in mind he could be a totally different child in 6-12 months. His
lack of interest in others would be apparent even if -as you put it- you
were like every other conforming parent and had him in
preschool/daycare. Perhaps he is just naturally shy. That's his right
and his temperment is his own. Look how many of us adults struggle in
social situations? Not all of us are confident regarding large parties,
public speaking, travel, you name it. Why aren't our children allowed
the same privelege? I am constantly annoyed with "bullies" who demand
all children should behave in a prescribed way and if the children
don't, a judgemental finger is always wagging at the parents.
Especially if you're home/un-schooling. Aside from normal shyness,
(which almost EVERY child experiences in one form or another; it's
nature's way of protecting our children from potentially unnerving
situations) let us not forget that this child is still only a toddler,
an infant really in terms of an entire lifespan, and it's normal for
children to simply lack the maturity at that age to comfortably conduct
themselves around strangers. Again, he could be a totally different
personality in a year. He's just not interested and/or ready yet.
That's no reflection on you or homeschooling. If anything it shows he
is firm about his attachment to you and he doesn't need outsiders to
meet his needs. In the future, his attachment/security/relationship
with you will only contribute to his "socialization" in a positive way.
Maybe he's just a very good judge of character and hasn't met anyone who
measures up yet! For the first 6 years and beyond every parenting book
worth its salt, recognizes that the mother-child bond is THE most
important relationship to cultivate. He will get to know the rest of
the world after the security you two have is firmly established. Forget
the so-called "norms" for social development. Don't push your child
into stressful situations with strangers, it will only complicate the
issue. Embrace this time that he is still all your own, because when
things change with him you will miss the fact that you've lost your
baby! I was very shy and somewhat of a loner most of my childhood and
to this day I think I handle social situations much more successfully,
courteously and sensitively than most of my compatriates. And I now
know literally hundreds of acquaintances through my various volunteer
organizations and interests. We have to come up with a new definition
of "socialization" because I don't like what it represents according to
others' definition. 3 kids later, I'm seeing my so-called "sheltered",
homeschooled children put other neighbourhood and schooled children to
shame with their socialization skills. And MY children were often the
shy ones at gatherings over the years. We've never even utilized
babysitters.
Trust your instincts as a mother and feel confident that you can stand
up to the misguided scrutiny of others. Some day you will be rewarded
for your courage to be different!
Sonia
Eileen Konieczny wrote:
>
> From: "Eileen Konieczny" <jazballard@...>
>
> OK here goes.. I posted earlier, but it got lost in the system, if
> this is a second, please accept my apologies..
> This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about being
> worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
> children..
> I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
> only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
> ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
> interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And being
> that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
> We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
> participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
> class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
> I understand that socialization is so much more than what people
> profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
> other children out there who could be fun to play with, right? So
> how to I stop feeling responsible for him not wanting to
> participate??? If I was like all the other moms around here, I'd
> already have him in preschool ect ect ect.....
> Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...
> Thanks,
> Eileen
>
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susan
hi,
i think this whole concern with/pressure to socialize kids at younger
and younger ages, is society's way of rationalizing 'our' new social
trend to institutionalize our kids (and ultimately our society). we've
handed most everything we have over to others - i.e. the government.
everyone, except the primary parent, is the expert (e.g.. the portrayal,
on tv, of mothers, who are knowledgeable about their children's medical
condition, as having munchausen's syndrome).
we, personally, are continually questioned (or ignored), by our family
and friends, about why we don't take rene' to storytime, classes, play
dates etc. when i first got sick (rene' was 20 months) both my folks
and my dh's, offered us $$ to put rene' in daycare but would not offer
$$ to have someone come in and help with other thing so i could focus my
attention and energy on him. it was so odd to me that they felt
completely comfortable breaking up the family but couldn't image a way
to help and keep the family intact.
in the book magic child by pearce the idea to expose/expecte that a
child be socialized, prior to the age of 7, is detrimental and detracts
from the natural bonding which builds a strong foundation for later
growth and development. that, until the age of 7, children really only
need their family and the natural environment to bond with and that they
will spontaneously and easily become 'socialized' with their peers, if
they have bonded with their family and the immediate world around them
first. there is a natural and necessary process which unfolds and
should not be rushed. ( another good book is the hurried child by
elkind)
in my opinion this 'fad' of early socialization has an immediate
negative effect of over stimulation and challenges (at best) the
parent/child relationship. i think someone said, in an prior discussion
of early socialization on this list, something to the effect that they
stopped having problems once they quitting doing it:) i honestly
believe over stimulation at an early age is a problem because kids need
quiet and time for self-discovery and don't need all the noisy and
demands for conformity from the outside world interfering with this.
we take rene' to park days once a week and started this at the age of
4. prior to this we ran errands and went to the park when we felt like
it (a kind of consensus). we didn't force anything, just got to know
each other and messed around at home - lived the quiet life. people
made comments and openly expressed their doubts but we just did what
came natural. we were not and are impervious to the doubts of others
but we make a conscious and concerted effort to recognize it's
disparaging effects and 'stop them in their tracts'.
my overall advise would be - relax and be yourself and don't hurry it
along.
-susan
austin, tx
"A. Yates" wrote:
i think this whole concern with/pressure to socialize kids at younger
and younger ages, is society's way of rationalizing 'our' new social
trend to institutionalize our kids (and ultimately our society). we've
handed most everything we have over to others - i.e. the government.
everyone, except the primary parent, is the expert (e.g.. the portrayal,
on tv, of mothers, who are knowledgeable about their children's medical
condition, as having munchausen's syndrome).
we, personally, are continually questioned (or ignored), by our family
and friends, about why we don't take rene' to storytime, classes, play
dates etc. when i first got sick (rene' was 20 months) both my folks
and my dh's, offered us $$ to put rene' in daycare but would not offer
$$ to have someone come in and help with other thing so i could focus my
attention and energy on him. it was so odd to me that they felt
completely comfortable breaking up the family but couldn't image a way
to help and keep the family intact.
in the book magic child by pearce the idea to expose/expecte that a
child be socialized, prior to the age of 7, is detrimental and detracts
from the natural bonding which builds a strong foundation for later
growth and development. that, until the age of 7, children really only
need their family and the natural environment to bond with and that they
will spontaneously and easily become 'socialized' with their peers, if
they have bonded with their family and the immediate world around them
first. there is a natural and necessary process which unfolds and
should not be rushed. ( another good book is the hurried child by
elkind)
in my opinion this 'fad' of early socialization has an immediate
negative effect of over stimulation and challenges (at best) the
parent/child relationship. i think someone said, in an prior discussion
of early socialization on this list, something to the effect that they
stopped having problems once they quitting doing it:) i honestly
believe over stimulation at an early age is a problem because kids need
quiet and time for self-discovery and don't need all the noisy and
demands for conformity from the outside world interfering with this.
we take rene' to park days once a week and started this at the age of
4. prior to this we ran errands and went to the park when we felt like
it (a kind of consensus). we didn't force anything, just got to know
each other and messed around at home - lived the quiet life. people
made comments and openly expressed their doubts but we just did what
came natural. we were not and are impervious to the doubts of others
but we make a conscious and concerted effort to recognize it's
disparaging effects and 'stop them in their tracts'.
my overall advise would be - relax and be yourself and don't hurry it
along.
-susan
austin, tx
"A. Yates" wrote:
> I went through this when my kids were very little. The group here was
> all older. But yearly the dynamics of a group changes. Younger kids
> come in, and older ones drift away. Keep in touch with that group.
> Now our group is mostly young kids.
> Now that I look back, I didn't need a group when my kids were so young
> anyway. They really didn't need much interaction until about 4. So
> enjoy your peace and quite with your little ones, and don't feel
> guilty. They are very happy with you. There will be plenty of time
> later for overfilling your calendar with events. :)
> Ann
>
> jazballard@... wrote:
>
>> From: jazballard@...
>>
>> Michelle,
>> Yes--not having anyone who can relate to what you want to do IS such
>> a
>> difficulty...
>> EVERYONE here sends their kids to school, and I have yet to find a
>> support
>> group in my area....most of the people I find out about are a good 1
>> hr
>> away..kind of hard to cultivate a relationship with a stranger that
>> way...
>> There is a group that does activities ect, but everything is for
>> the older
>> ages...nothing for little ones really..
>> So this list is my support group...although not much interaction for
>> my
>> child...
>> Altleast we have each other !!! Just knowing that I'm not alone in
>> my
>> feelings certainly does ALOT for me...
>> Eileen
>> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
>> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
Michelle Bennett
Eileen and Sonia,
I can relate to your concerns. My oldest is turning 3 in a few days and
does not play with other children probably 90% of the time! He is also in a
music program (which he has gone to for a year!) that he will only
participate maybe 10% of the time!!!! But guess what? He comes home and in
the privacy of his own room sings every song and does every action!!!! He
is just one of those people who will need time to soak everything up first
before he makes a move. This is good for his teenage years I'd say! He
will (hopefully) always think things through thoroughly before deciding to
do something! I often fight with myself on the issues of should I put him
into more activities...everyone else's child is in preschool...is he ever
going to get along well with others....what did I do wrong in the beginning,
etc. I am so glad to have found someone else who relates to me! Hang in
there! Are you also having trouble hooking up with others that have young
children who plan to homeschool/unschool? I am! Feeling very isolated!!!!
Michelle
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
I can relate to your concerns. My oldest is turning 3 in a few days and
does not play with other children probably 90% of the time! He is also in a
music program (which he has gone to for a year!) that he will only
participate maybe 10% of the time!!!! But guess what? He comes home and in
the privacy of his own room sings every song and does every action!!!! He
is just one of those people who will need time to soak everything up first
before he makes a move. This is good for his teenage years I'd say! He
will (hopefully) always think things through thoroughly before deciding to
do something! I often fight with myself on the issues of should I put him
into more activities...everyone else's child is in preschool...is he ever
going to get along well with others....what did I do wrong in the beginning,
etc. I am so glad to have found someone else who relates to me! Hang in
there! Are you also having trouble hooking up with others that have young
children who plan to homeschool/unschool? I am! Feeling very isolated!!!!
Michelle
>From: Sonia Ulan <sulan@...>______________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] socialization- the little ones
>Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 02:14:56 -0600
>
>Hi Eileen!
>
>I am TOTALLY new at this cyber communication gig, having just signed-up
>last night, so here is my first attempt at soap-boxing!!!
>
>I am writing to tell you your 3 year old child sounds TOTALLY normal.
>There could be several explanations for his lack of interest in other
>children just now. And kids grow and change so exceptionally quickly,
>bare in mind he could be a totally different child in 6-12 months. His
>lack of interest in others would be apparent even if -as you put it- you
>were like every other conforming parent and had him in
>preschool/daycare. Perhaps he is just naturally shy. That's his right
>and his temperment is his own. Look how many of us adults struggle in
>social situations? Not all of us are confident regarding large parties,
>public speaking, travel, you name it. Why aren't our children allowed
>the same privelege? I am constantly annoyed with "bullies" who demand
>all children should behave in a prescribed way and if the children
>don't, a judgemental finger is always wagging at the parents.
>Especially if you're home/un-schooling. Aside from normal shyness,
>(which almost EVERY child experiences in one form or another; it's
>nature's way of protecting our children from potentially unnerving
>situations) let us not forget that this child is still only a toddler,
>an infant really in terms of an entire lifespan, and it's normal for
>children to simply lack the maturity at that age to comfortably conduct
>themselves around strangers. Again, he could be a totally different
>personality in a year. He's just not interested and/or ready yet.
>That's no reflection on you or homeschooling. If anything it shows he
>is firm about his attachment to you and he doesn't need outsiders to
>meet his needs. In the future, his attachment/security/relationship
>with you will only contribute to his "socialization" in a positive way.
>Maybe he's just a very good judge of character and hasn't met anyone who
>measures up yet! For the first 6 years and beyond every parenting book
>worth its salt, recognizes that the mother-child bond is THE most
>important relationship to cultivate. He will get to know the rest of
>the world after the security you two have is firmly established. Forget
>the so-called "norms" for social development. Don't push your child
>into stressful situations with strangers, it will only complicate the
>issue. Embrace this time that he is still all your own, because when
>things change with him you will miss the fact that you've lost your
>baby! I was very shy and somewhat of a loner most of my childhood and
>to this day I think I handle social situations much more successfully,
>courteously and sensitively than most of my compatriates. And I now
>know literally hundreds of acquaintances through my various volunteer
>organizations and interests. We have to come up with a new definition
>of "socialization" because I don't like what it represents according to
>others' definition. 3 kids later, I'm seeing my so-called "sheltered",
>homeschooled children put other neighbourhood and schooled children to
>shame with their socialization skills. And MY children were often the
>shy ones at gatherings over the years. We've never even utilized
>babysitters.
>
>Trust your instincts as a mother and feel confident that you can stand
>up to the misguided scrutiny of others. Some day you will be rewarded
>for your courage to be different!
>
>Sonia
>
>
>
>Eileen Konieczny wrote:
> >
> > From: "Eileen Konieczny" <jazballard@...>
> >
> > OK here goes.. I posted earlier, but it got lost in the system, if
> > this is a second, please accept my apologies..
> > This goes out to anyone who can help me get over myself, about being
> > worried my son (3yo) will not know how to play nicely with other
> > children..
> > I totally believe in the ability of unschooling my child, but the
> > only place that I find myself lacking in confidence is with his
> > ability to be around other kids..I truely believe that he has no
> > interest in playing with others about 80% of the time...And being
> > that he is only 3, I am afraid that he will isolate himself...
> > We are enrolled in a gym class with other 3/4 yo, which he
> > participates in only 50% of the time...And I have found a moms/tots
> > class that he actually liked for a month, but now will not go??!!??
> > I understand that socialization is so much more than what people
> > profess it to be....but at some point he needs to see that there are
> > other children out there who could be fun to play with, right? So
> > how to I stop feeling responsible for him not wanting to
> > participate??? If I was like all the other moms around here, I'd
> > already have him in preschool ect ect ect.....
> > Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...
> > Thanks,
> > Eileen
> >
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Michelle,
Yes--not having anyone who can relate to what you want to do IS such a
difficulty...
EVERYONE here sends their kids to school, and I have yet to find a support
group in my area....most of the people I find out about are a good 1 hr
away..kind of hard to cultivate a relationship with a stranger that way...
There is a group that does activities ect, but everything is for the older
ages...nothing for little ones really..
So this list is my support group...although not much interaction for my
child...
Altleast we have each other !!! Just knowing that I'm not alone in my
feelings certainly does ALOT for me...
Eileen
Yes--not having anyone who can relate to what you want to do IS such a
difficulty...
EVERYONE here sends their kids to school, and I have yet to find a support
group in my area....most of the people I find out about are a good 1 hr
away..kind of hard to cultivate a relationship with a stranger that way...
There is a group that does activities ect, but everything is for the older
ages...nothing for little ones really..
So this list is my support group...although not much interaction for my
child...
Altleast we have each other !!! Just knowing that I'm not alone in my
feelings certainly does ALOT for me...
Eileen
A. Yates
I went through this when my kids were very little. The group here was
all older. But yearly the dynamics of a group changes. Younger kids
come in, and older ones drift away. Keep in touch with that group. Now
our group is mostly young kids.
Now that I look back, I didn't need a group when my kids were so young
anyway. They really didn't need much interaction until about 4. So
enjoy your peace and quite with your little ones, and don't feel
guilty. They are very happy with you. There will be plenty of time
later for overfilling your calendar with events. :)
Ann
jazballard@... wrote:
all older. But yearly the dynamics of a group changes. Younger kids
come in, and older ones drift away. Keep in touch with that group. Now
our group is mostly young kids.
Now that I look back, I didn't need a group when my kids were so young
anyway. They really didn't need much interaction until about 4. So
enjoy your peace and quite with your little ones, and don't feel
guilty. They are very happy with you. There will be plenty of time
later for overfilling your calendar with events. :)
Ann
jazballard@... wrote:
> From: jazballard@...
>
> Michelle,
> Yes--not having anyone who can relate to what you want to do IS such a
>
> difficulty...
> EVERYONE here sends their kids to school, and I have yet to find a
> support
> group in my area....most of the people I find out about are a good 1
> hr
> away..kind of hard to cultivate a relationship with a stranger that
> way...
> There is a group that does activities ect, but everything is for the
> older
> ages...nothing for little ones really..
> So this list is my support group...although not much interaction for
> my
> child...
> Altleast we have each other !!! Just knowing that I'm not alone in my
>
> feelings certainly does ALOT for me...
> Eileen
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Message boards, timely articles, a free newsletter and more!
> Check it all out at: http://www.unschooling.com
>
Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall
most of the people I find out about are a good 1 hr
Nanci K.
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>away..kind of hard to cultivate a relationship with a stranger that way...In the same boat here with my little ones. There are some homeschoolers here, but mostly school at home and almost all Christian focus, or specifically Mormon. Since we are not Christian, or Mormon that leaves us out.
>So this list is my support group...although not much interaction for my
>child...
>Eileen
Nanci K.
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Winifred Haun + Dancers
My daughter is now almost 4 years old and when she was a little toddler
she HATED going to playgroups that weren't in the park. She's basically
an introverted personality type (per: Raising Your Spirited Child), but
she's very, very energetic and has a mind of her own (really, really). She
was not very social, although she seemed to like other kids and adults,
she didn't like a lot of them around. So we stopped hanging around with
our playgroups (very, very hard on extroverted me) and she was happier.
Now at 4 she loves talking to people and she expresses herself very well.
If i'm around she'll talk to almost anyone interesting and almost always
to other kids (its very funny to watch her run up to kids she doesn't know
in the park and say, "Hi, my name's Athena. What's your's?" -- this from
a toddler who hated strangers, yelled in terror whenever someone she
didn't know said hi, etc.) I have two points: one, is that kids get there
eventually. Like a lot of people have mentioned, socialization is all in
their individual growth pattern (like walking, reading, etc.) and two, we,
as a culture know very little about how babies and toddlers naturally are.
Until we have them ourselves, we have no idea what's within normal range
for the behavior of toddlers. I was amazed at how hard it was to take
care of a baby and then I nearly fainted when I realized how hard my
toddler was going to be!
One more thing: take a bath with your toddler, if you can. It takes care
of two things at once (you get clean, she gets clean) and there's no
screaming (usually!) I also found water to be very soothing for my little
spirited one. There were days when we took up to 4 baths!
Wini
_____________________________________
WINIFRED HAUN & DANCERS
4225 N. Oakley
Chicago, IL 60618
773-583-2995
http://www.mcs.com/~wini/
______________________________________
she HATED going to playgroups that weren't in the park. She's basically
an introverted personality type (per: Raising Your Spirited Child), but
she's very, very energetic and has a mind of her own (really, really). She
was not very social, although she seemed to like other kids and adults,
she didn't like a lot of them around. So we stopped hanging around with
our playgroups (very, very hard on extroverted me) and she was happier.
Now at 4 she loves talking to people and she expresses herself very well.
If i'm around she'll talk to almost anyone interesting and almost always
to other kids (its very funny to watch her run up to kids she doesn't know
in the park and say, "Hi, my name's Athena. What's your's?" -- this from
a toddler who hated strangers, yelled in terror whenever someone she
didn't know said hi, etc.) I have two points: one, is that kids get there
eventually. Like a lot of people have mentioned, socialization is all in
their individual growth pattern (like walking, reading, etc.) and two, we,
as a culture know very little about how babies and toddlers naturally are.
Until we have them ourselves, we have no idea what's within normal range
for the behavior of toddlers. I was amazed at how hard it was to take
care of a baby and then I nearly fainted when I realized how hard my
toddler was going to be!
One more thing: take a bath with your toddler, if you can. It takes care
of two things at once (you get clean, she gets clean) and there's no
screaming (usually!) I also found water to be very soothing for my little
spirited one. There were days when we took up to 4 baths!
Wini
_____________________________________
WINIFRED HAUN & DANCERS
4225 N. Oakley
Chicago, IL 60618
773-583-2995
http://www.mcs.com/~wini/
______________________________________