Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Digest Number 3445
Paula Sjogerman
on 5/8/03 2:51 AM, [email protected] at
[email protected] wrote:
Take it easy on yourself, we're just humans, raised in this often bizarro
culture.
Remember that all those awards are for things that can be measured. And
then remember all the things that can never be measured: love, loyalty,
kindness, friendship, honor.
At her ten year reunion, you'll get a better picture of how they're all
really doing <gg>.
Paula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] wrote:
> I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special{{Laura}}
> recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
> scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
> jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
Take it easy on yourself, we're just humans, raised in this often bizarro
culture.
Remember that all those awards are for things that can be measured. And
then remember all the things that can never be measured: love, loyalty,
kindness, friendship, honor.
At her ten year reunion, you'll get a better picture of how they're all
really doing <gg>.
Paula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/8/2003 9:35:24 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
sjogy@... writes:
Maybe it's not such a selfish thing you wanted for your children after all.
Maybe you really just want them to experience EVERYTHING, the accolades, the
awards, the recognition's, the praise, you know how great your children are
and you want the world to recognize that too. That isn't so horrible for a
mother to want to happen for her children.
Just might not be what they want. I had children who received these "big"
sports awards, just last year I went to the "big" sports banquet and was
supposed to meet my baseball player son there. Coach kept asking me where he
was, they couldn't start until he got there, they kept dragging things out.
John never showed. He was to receive the "big" award for the athlete of the
year or something to that effect, a really big honor anyway. John knew, he
didn't want to be recognized. He said he's a team player, without a team
behind him, he would have never won all the games he did. So he skipped it.
On one hand I find that extremely admirable but on the other it looked like
he was really an ungrateful brat that ruined the night for the coaches and
other players who wanted to recognize him. So what did the coach do? He
didn't give out the award that night AND he gave it to someone who really
wanted it.
It's really a double edged sword of sorts. Cait volunteers in the Community.
She does any number of different things, from reading to preschoolers at a
daycare to helping with the duck race (a local fundraiser), doing clean up on
earth day, all kinds of stuff. Just yesterday she got an invite to a
reception honoring the volunteers, she wants no part of it. She said it's
kinda fake if you do it to get recognition. I told her that they might think
she's just being rude if she doesn't show up. She still doesn't want to go,
so she won't be attending.
One of my other children were to receive a similar award several years ago
for athletics, she let the coach know that she really didn't want the award
and she wished it would go to someone who really really liked that sort of
thing. That night, when they were announcing the award winners, they called
myself and DH to the front. They gave US and award for being supportive of
the teams and the school and our child. Kinda embarrassing since they don't
usually give parent awards at these things.
So, even if your child had gotten the awards it might not have been a
positive experience for them. My children really dislike recognition for
things like that. They love sports and being part of a team but don't like
to be singled out for anything that recognizes one over another.
Some kids it really matters too and you can see they are crushed if they
don't get the award, others are simply embarrassed or don't feel individuals
should be recognized in a team sport.
You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself for wanting your child/children
to have the FULL experience of growing up. We all want the world to know
what great children we have and for them to receive all the accolades the
world can toss at them. Sometimes they don't want them though.
And let me clarify that you can have a completely FULL experience of growing
up without having accolades and awards but in the sense that they are offered
up for certain things our children participate in, we as parents can be joy
filled that our child has been so successful at a certain thing.
Many times these awards are meaningless and really come down to a coaches
preference instead of actual achievement anyway.
It's probably just a very bittersweet time for you since your child is about
to enter a different part of their lives journey. Especially for schooled
children and the rite of passage that comes with graduation. I was in tears
for weeks before graduation, cried non stop through sports awards ceremonies,
scholarship ceremonies and all the other events that seem to come non stop
with a high school senior.
It can be a hard time for a mother, be kind to yourself!
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sjogy@... writes:
> I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting specialLaura,
> >recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
> >scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
> >jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
>
Maybe it's not such a selfish thing you wanted for your children after all.
Maybe you really just want them to experience EVERYTHING, the accolades, the
awards, the recognition's, the praise, you know how great your children are
and you want the world to recognize that too. That isn't so horrible for a
mother to want to happen for her children.
Just might not be what they want. I had children who received these "big"
sports awards, just last year I went to the "big" sports banquet and was
supposed to meet my baseball player son there. Coach kept asking me where he
was, they couldn't start until he got there, they kept dragging things out.
John never showed. He was to receive the "big" award for the athlete of the
year or something to that effect, a really big honor anyway. John knew, he
didn't want to be recognized. He said he's a team player, without a team
behind him, he would have never won all the games he did. So he skipped it.
On one hand I find that extremely admirable but on the other it looked like
he was really an ungrateful brat that ruined the night for the coaches and
other players who wanted to recognize him. So what did the coach do? He
didn't give out the award that night AND he gave it to someone who really
wanted it.
It's really a double edged sword of sorts. Cait volunteers in the Community.
She does any number of different things, from reading to preschoolers at a
daycare to helping with the duck race (a local fundraiser), doing clean up on
earth day, all kinds of stuff. Just yesterday she got an invite to a
reception honoring the volunteers, she wants no part of it. She said it's
kinda fake if you do it to get recognition. I told her that they might think
she's just being rude if she doesn't show up. She still doesn't want to go,
so she won't be attending.
One of my other children were to receive a similar award several years ago
for athletics, she let the coach know that she really didn't want the award
and she wished it would go to someone who really really liked that sort of
thing. That night, when they were announcing the award winners, they called
myself and DH to the front. They gave US and award for being supportive of
the teams and the school and our child. Kinda embarrassing since they don't
usually give parent awards at these things.
So, even if your child had gotten the awards it might not have been a
positive experience for them. My children really dislike recognition for
things like that. They love sports and being part of a team but don't like
to be singled out for anything that recognizes one over another.
Some kids it really matters too and you can see they are crushed if they
don't get the award, others are simply embarrassed or don't feel individuals
should be recognized in a team sport.
You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself for wanting your child/children
to have the FULL experience of growing up. We all want the world to know
what great children we have and for them to receive all the accolades the
world can toss at them. Sometimes they don't want them though.
And let me clarify that you can have a completely FULL experience of growing
up without having accolades and awards but in the sense that they are offered
up for certain things our children participate in, we as parents can be joy
filled that our child has been so successful at a certain thing.
Many times these awards are meaningless and really come down to a coaches
preference instead of actual achievement anyway.
It's probably just a very bittersweet time for you since your child is about
to enter a different part of their lives journey. Especially for schooled
children and the rite of passage that comes with graduation. I was in tears
for weeks before graduation, cried non stop through sports awards ceremonies,
scholarship ceremonies and all the other events that seem to come non stop
with a high school senior.
It can be a hard time for a mother, be kind to yourself!
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tia Leschke
>he
> Just might not be what they want. I had children who received these "big"
> sports awards, just last year I went to the "big" sports banquet and was
> supposed to meet my baseball player son there. Coach kept asking me where
> was, they couldn't start until he got there, they kept dragging thingsout.
> John never showed. He was to receive the "big" award for the athlete ofthe
> year or something to that effect, a really big honor anyway. John knew,he
> didn't want to be recognized. He said he's a team player, without a teamLars is like this. His team went to the Western Canadian Fastball
> behind him, he would have never won all the games he did.
Championship a couple of years ago. They didn't get a medal, but Lars won
the MVP award. He didn't call to tell me about it. He didn't say anything
about it when he arrived home. (The other coach had come back a day early
and mentioned it to me.) I had to ask him about it. I also had to prompt
him to at least tell a few family members about it. And it was the same
reason. He's a team player.
Tia
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...