Somebody slap me...please!
[email protected]
Backstory (in other words, don't slap me yet):
I'm relatively new to unschooling (2 years), and came into it too late with
my kids to persuade my eldest to leave ps behind. I am therefore in the
peculiar position of living the *educational extremes* -- unschooling my now
almost 15 yo ds, and supporting my 18 yo dd as she finishes her public high
school career. Believe me, it's weird sometimes. Okay. Most of the time.
My heart is really with unschooling, but it didn't fit dd under her
circumstances at the time we made the leap. I have to accept that and not
allow myself to be overcome with regrets. The conflicting emotions, however,
are another story entirely...
My little problem:
I went tonight to dd's annual sports awards banquet. She's a 4 year
basketball letterman -- enthusiastic if not highly successful (in the
prototypical sense). As a matter of fact, that's kind of what I'm stumbling
over tonight.
I have raised, in her, a totally marvelous, delightful young woman, full of
exceptional but relatively intangible gifts -- a terrific sense of humor, a
wonderful way with people, an open and loving heart, a positive
self-image...you get the idea.
What she's NOT is successful in terms that the world (especially the
perverse, hypocritical, overly competitive world of public high school)
appreciates and recognizes. She is an average student and athlete, has
friends but is not *popular*, has enjoyed high school but has very little to
show for the time she spent there in terms of extracurricular activities, is
healthy and attractive but not glamorous.
I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special
recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
I would never, in a gazillion years, breathe a word of this to either of my
children, but it's there like a cancer, inside me. I wanted a child like
that. I wanted my offspring to be a credit to me. I wanted the applause for
her accomplishments...for me! And I knew, as I sat there, with an awful
feeling of despair, that I'll never get that from either of my children now.
She's done, and her brother's at home -- never to even have a shot at that
sort of acclaim.
Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and
overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves around
me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
shall pass.
Laura B.
I'm relatively new to unschooling (2 years), and came into it too late with
my kids to persuade my eldest to leave ps behind. I am therefore in the
peculiar position of living the *educational extremes* -- unschooling my now
almost 15 yo ds, and supporting my 18 yo dd as she finishes her public high
school career. Believe me, it's weird sometimes. Okay. Most of the time.
My heart is really with unschooling, but it didn't fit dd under her
circumstances at the time we made the leap. I have to accept that and not
allow myself to be overcome with regrets. The conflicting emotions, however,
are another story entirely...
My little problem:
I went tonight to dd's annual sports awards banquet. She's a 4 year
basketball letterman -- enthusiastic if not highly successful (in the
prototypical sense). As a matter of fact, that's kind of what I'm stumbling
over tonight.
I have raised, in her, a totally marvelous, delightful young woman, full of
exceptional but relatively intangible gifts -- a terrific sense of humor, a
wonderful way with people, an open and loving heart, a positive
self-image...you get the idea.
What she's NOT is successful in terms that the world (especially the
perverse, hypocritical, overly competitive world of public high school)
appreciates and recognizes. She is an average student and athlete, has
friends but is not *popular*, has enjoyed high school but has very little to
show for the time she spent there in terms of extracurricular activities, is
healthy and attractive but not glamorous.
I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special
recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
I would never, in a gazillion years, breathe a word of this to either of my
children, but it's there like a cancer, inside me. I wanted a child like
that. I wanted my offspring to be a credit to me. I wanted the applause for
her accomplishments...for me! And I knew, as I sat there, with an awful
feeling of despair, that I'll never get that from either of my children now.
She's done, and her brother's at home -- never to even have a shot at that
sort of acclaim.
Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and
overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves around
me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
shall pass.
Laura B.
Heather Woodward
Laura -
You recognize this in yourself - so as a positive you are not ignoring that you feel this way! And this can be overcome!
The little girl next door who played with us and did all kinds of crafts etc. until school came along gets "reader" of the month and reads with the principal etc. My daughter is able to cheer her on - without the competitive spirit of knowing that far before this she was helping this girl to read. I am very proud of her because , the thought has crossed my mind that my daughter who has been a fabulous reader would surely have been "reader of the month" at least once. But thankfully, she doesn't carry that competitive baggage and just does what she does because she enjoys it - not because someone will recognize her for it.
My personal story is similar to the ones I have heard. I was a very bright student - all honors and everything. I didn't LOVE school - and got by with as little work as possible ( even though my grades were great). I constantly heard all my life how smart I was, and my parents were always so happy with my achievements. I too started college and got married and had three kids in the middle. I continued to go part-time for 7 years and finally graduated. Of course my Father was thrilled thinking I would get on with it and make the "real money" etc. Guess what - I am finding that the journey that I started with my children is far more fulfilling than some big, corporate job with lots of monetary recognition. I do have deep conflicts where in reality I know the time I am taking with my children is the most important - but I constantly feel that nagging feeling of "not living up to my potential" that I heard all my life. I also am finding with the few interviews that I went on that the fact that I have a great grade point average and was recognized as an outstanding scholar - means little in comparison with work experience (or lack thereof). The point is - although I know logically that what I am doing right now is the best thing I can be doing for my children- the praise and recognition I received as a child for good grades, etc. stops once you stop performing in that arena and I often have issues of feeling inadequate for what I think I lack.
So, try and joy in the fact that your daughter is a wonderful person - and that she has so many qualities that are valuable in life. Getting academic, sports or other recognition doesn't do much for you once the moment is gone.
One of the things I found most appealing about unschooling - was letting my children develop whatever talents they have that they want to develop. I will not jump on them and insist they practice the piano or whatever because I see "budding potential". They may hate the piano. The way I see it - if you are doing what you love - that is where you will find the most success and happiness.
I am still trying to figure out what that is for me. It doesn't make any difference if you got great grades - and lack real skills. I am sure I have some - but what they are is difficult to discern. How sad it is that to have gone through years and years of "school" and still not have some concrete skill that is useful! So, I guess I will be using my time now developing whatever it is, I didn't have the time to develop while I was performing academically!
In any case - that type of recognition is so temporary.
"True Success is being able to live your life in your own way" Charles Morley (?)
Heather
You recognize this in yourself - so as a positive you are not ignoring that you feel this way! And this can be overcome!
The little girl next door who played with us and did all kinds of crafts etc. until school came along gets "reader" of the month and reads with the principal etc. My daughter is able to cheer her on - without the competitive spirit of knowing that far before this she was helping this girl to read. I am very proud of her because , the thought has crossed my mind that my daughter who has been a fabulous reader would surely have been "reader of the month" at least once. But thankfully, she doesn't carry that competitive baggage and just does what she does because she enjoys it - not because someone will recognize her for it.
My personal story is similar to the ones I have heard. I was a very bright student - all honors and everything. I didn't LOVE school - and got by with as little work as possible ( even though my grades were great). I constantly heard all my life how smart I was, and my parents were always so happy with my achievements. I too started college and got married and had three kids in the middle. I continued to go part-time for 7 years and finally graduated. Of course my Father was thrilled thinking I would get on with it and make the "real money" etc. Guess what - I am finding that the journey that I started with my children is far more fulfilling than some big, corporate job with lots of monetary recognition. I do have deep conflicts where in reality I know the time I am taking with my children is the most important - but I constantly feel that nagging feeling of "not living up to my potential" that I heard all my life. I also am finding with the few interviews that I went on that the fact that I have a great grade point average and was recognized as an outstanding scholar - means little in comparison with work experience (or lack thereof). The point is - although I know logically that what I am doing right now is the best thing I can be doing for my children- the praise and recognition I received as a child for good grades, etc. stops once you stop performing in that arena and I often have issues of feeling inadequate for what I think I lack.
So, try and joy in the fact that your daughter is a wonderful person - and that she has so many qualities that are valuable in life. Getting academic, sports or other recognition doesn't do much for you once the moment is gone.
One of the things I found most appealing about unschooling - was letting my children develop whatever talents they have that they want to develop. I will not jump on them and insist they practice the piano or whatever because I see "budding potential". They may hate the piano. The way I see it - if you are doing what you love - that is where you will find the most success and happiness.
I am still trying to figure out what that is for me. It doesn't make any difference if you got great grades - and lack real skills. I am sure I have some - but what they are is difficult to discern. How sad it is that to have gone through years and years of "school" and still not have some concrete skill that is useful! So, I guess I will be using my time now developing whatever it is, I didn't have the time to develop while I was performing academically!
In any case - that type of recognition is so temporary.
"True Success is being able to live your life in your own way" Charles Morley (?)
Heather
----- Original Message -----
From: LauraBourdo@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2003 2:15 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Somebody slap me...please!
Backstory (in other words, don't slap me yet):
I'm relatively new to unschooling (2 years), and came into it too late with
my kids to persuade my eldest to leave ps behind. I am therefore in the
peculiar position of living the *educational extremes* -- unschooling my now
almost 15 yo ds, and supporting my 18 yo dd as she finishes her public high
school career. Believe me, it's weird sometimes. Okay. Most of the time.
My heart is really with unschooling, but it didn't fit dd under her
circumstances at the time we made the leap. I have to accept that and not
allow myself to be overcome with regrets. The conflicting emotions, however,
are another story entirely...
My little problem:
I went tonight to dd's annual sports awards banquet. She's a 4 year
basketball letterman -- enthusiastic if not highly successful (in the
prototypical sense). As a matter of fact, that's kind of what I'm stumbling
over tonight.
I have raised, in her, a totally marvelous, delightful young woman, full of
exceptional but relatively intangible gifts -- a terrific sense of humor, a
wonderful way with people, an open and loving heart, a positive
self-image...you get the idea.
What she's NOT is successful in terms that the world (especially the
perverse, hypocritical, overly competitive world of public high school)
appreciates and recognizes. She is an average student and athlete, has
friends but is not *popular*, has enjoyed high school but has very little to
show for the time she spent there in terms of extracurricular activities, is
healthy and attractive but not glamorous.
I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special
recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
I would never, in a gazillion years, breathe a word of this to either of my
children, but it's there like a cancer, inside me. I wanted a child like
that. I wanted my offspring to be a credit to me. I wanted the applause for
her accomplishments...for me! And I knew, as I sat there, with an awful
feeling of despair, that I'll never get that from either of my children now.
She's done, and her brother's at home -- never to even have a shot at that
sort of acclaim.
Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and
overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves around
me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
shall pass.
Laura B.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5-8-2003 12:16:26 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
LauraBourdo@... writes:
in either of those. Kudos for not putting this on your kids and for keeping
your feelings to yourself. Your kids are a credit to you by *being who they
are* and for you allowing them such privilege! As an unschooler, I find my
*credit* coming to me in amazing ways ~ seeing my child be kind, just
because; seeing the *lightbulb* go on during a discussion of an *adult*
topic; hearing wisdom pour forth from tiny mouths that would have been
squelched by a teacher.
I also struggle with the things I missed in school. If my children were
guaranteed the *ultimate* (in my mind) school experience (honor roll,
cheerleader, letters for sports, musician, prom queen/king, etc...) I really
doubt I would send them still ~ at 35, those things seem so moot compared to
what I have learned by *not* having those things (does that even make
sense?!). I've lead and continue to lead a life that is full and richer than
I could have imagined ...
Be kind to yourself, enjoy your life, love your children...
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LauraBourdo@... writes:
> Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and{{{{{Laura B.}}}}} You're human, and you were *schooled* ~ there is NO shame
> overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
>
> So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
> perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves
> around
> me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
>
> Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
> capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
>
> shall pass.
>
in either of those. Kudos for not putting this on your kids and for keeping
your feelings to yourself. Your kids are a credit to you by *being who they
are* and for you allowing them such privilege! As an unschooler, I find my
*credit* coming to me in amazing ways ~ seeing my child be kind, just
because; seeing the *lightbulb* go on during a discussion of an *adult*
topic; hearing wisdom pour forth from tiny mouths that would have been
squelched by a teacher.
I also struggle with the things I missed in school. If my children were
guaranteed the *ultimate* (in my mind) school experience (honor roll,
cheerleader, letters for sports, musician, prom queen/king, etc...) I really
doubt I would send them still ~ at 35, those things seem so moot compared to
what I have learned by *not* having those things (does that even make
sense?!). I've lead and continue to lead a life that is full and richer than
I could have imagined ...
Be kind to yourself, enjoy your life, love your children...
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma2kids
>>Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocriticaland overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.>>
Don't take it so hard. I'm very impressed that you have this level of
self-awareness to know what was going on inside your head. Lots of
parents would just bemoan the fact that their kids had "let them
down" or weren't "working up to their potential."
>>So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me.>>::SLAP!:: There. <g> Now let go of the guilt and use the experience
to learn and grow in understanding of yourself and your kids.
>>I need to regain my perspective. The tentacles of a twisted worldare wrapping themselves around me and I'm having a hard time
breathing...>>
With your gift for the written word, I don't think you really need
your kids' help in getting a self esteem boost for yourself. Keep
writing! Speaking of poetic wisdom....
>>Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I knowyou're capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and
that this, too, shall pass.>>
If it helps, studies have shown that the high achieving, award
winning A students are usually not the most succssful later on in
life. It's the solid B/C average students that seem to be able to get
over the high school "experience" easier and find their path in life.
You're doing the right thing.
Life is good.
~Mary
>
> Laura B.
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/8/03 1:00:48 PM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< If it helps, studies have shown that the high achieving, award
winning A students are usually not the most succssful later on in
life. It's the solid B/C average students that seem to be able to get
over the high school "experience" easier and find their path in life. >>
AHA! But they don't tell the kids in school that, do they?
<g>
I figured out when I was in my 20's that my cousin Nada (about my age, same
grade, grew up with our family, shared a room with me until we were 14) who
was ALWAYS a B/C student (AND was inducted into the national honor society in
high school even though she was also using drugs AND she was having sex which
I, good girl, was NOT and not for lack of opportunity rant rant rant, but I'm
over it now) was smarter than I was at being in the world, taking care of her
car, buying groceries, paying bills, cooking, cleaning, entertaining--all the
things that really matter for adults, Nada could do way better than I
could!!!
Was that fair!?
Was that right!?
No longer could I just whip out a "blacken the dots" standardized test and
reap the praise and glory of all around. No longer could I do a good
termpaper and get a paycheck (report card). REAL life paychecks came harder,
and in my case had often involved donuts, making drinks from a recipe book
(because I could never learn the drink recipes by memory) and serving more
sopaipillas to table 28, until I got my REAL job, teaching Jr. High.
WHAT!?
More people needed enchiladas than needed Jr. High, but I didn't know that at
the time!!!
So yeah, rejoice at happy, average kids. They'll be happy above-average
adults!!
Sandra
<< If it helps, studies have shown that the high achieving, award
winning A students are usually not the most succssful later on in
life. It's the solid B/C average students that seem to be able to get
over the high school "experience" easier and find their path in life. >>
AHA! But they don't tell the kids in school that, do they?
<g>
I figured out when I was in my 20's that my cousin Nada (about my age, same
grade, grew up with our family, shared a room with me until we were 14) who
was ALWAYS a B/C student (AND was inducted into the national honor society in
high school even though she was also using drugs AND she was having sex which
I, good girl, was NOT and not for lack of opportunity rant rant rant, but I'm
over it now) was smarter than I was at being in the world, taking care of her
car, buying groceries, paying bills, cooking, cleaning, entertaining--all the
things that really matter for adults, Nada could do way better than I
could!!!
Was that fair!?
Was that right!?
No longer could I just whip out a "blacken the dots" standardized test and
reap the praise and glory of all around. No longer could I do a good
termpaper and get a paycheck (report card). REAL life paychecks came harder,
and in my case had often involved donuts, making drinks from a recipe book
(because I could never learn the drink recipes by memory) and serving more
sopaipillas to table 28, until I got my REAL job, teaching Jr. High.
WHAT!?
More people needed enchiladas than needed Jr. High, but I didn't know that at
the time!!!
So yeah, rejoice at happy, average kids. They'll be happy above-average
adults!!
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 05/08/2003 2:00:14 PM Central Daylight Time,
zenmomma@... writes:
Thank you, Mary, I needed that. And thanks for your kind words -- you were
one of the list members I was especially hoping to hear from.
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma@... writes:
>LOL
> ::SLAP!:: There. <g> Now let go of the guilt and use the experience
> to learn and grow in understanding of yourself and your kids.
>
>
Thank you, Mary, I needed that. And thanks for your kind words -- you were
one of the list members I was especially hoping to hear from.
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 05/08/2003 12:27:21 PM Central Daylight Time,
HaHaMommy@... writes:
Thanks for the hug.
What I've excerpted above -- it does have to be a conscious decision on our
parts, doesn't it? I agree with the last part of your statement here, even
as I said in another post that I don't have much to show for my life at 42.
I really do -- they're just intangibles, mostly. And subtle things. Our
society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though...
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
HaHaMommy@... writes:
> I also struggle with the things I missed in school. If my children wereHi Diana --
> guaranteed the *ultimate* (in my mind) school experience (honor roll,
> cheerleader, letters for sports, musician, prom queen/king, etc...) I
> really
> doubt I would send them still ~ at 35, those things seem so moot compared
> to
> what I have learned by *not* having those things (does that even make
> sense?!). I've lead and continue to lead a life that is full and richer
> than
> I could have imagined ...
>
Thanks for the hug.
What I've excerpted above -- it does have to be a conscious decision on our
parts, doesn't it? I agree with the last part of your statement here, even
as I said in another post that I don't have much to show for my life at 42.
I really do -- they're just intangibles, mostly. And subtle things. Our
society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though...
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 05/08/2003 10:07:34 AM Central Daylight Time,
bacwoodz@... writes:
Praise and recognition. That's it. Why do we miss it so much? And how can
we satisfy that human part of ourselves in more healthy, wholistic ways?
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bacwoodz@... writes:
> The point is - although I know logically that what I am doing right now isHeather --
> the best thing I can be doing for my children- the praise and recognition I
> received as a child for good grades, etc. stops once you stop performing in
> that arena and I often have issues of feeling inadequate for what I think I
> lack.
>
>
Praise and recognition. That's it. Why do we miss it so much? And how can
we satisfy that human part of ourselves in more healthy, wholistic ways?
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma2kids
>> LOLThank you, Mary, I needed that. And thanks for your kind words --
>
you were one of the list members I was especially hoping to hear
from.>>
Well thanks. :o) I'm glad you took my slap in the right way. Everyone
else was giving hugs, I was starting to feel like I was too rough on
you. ;o)
I once asked Sandra to slap me around about something and she
refused! All she would give me was an offer for a sympathetic ear, a
cup of tea and a sandwich. So much for her reputation as a hard-ass.
<g> (Hi Sandra) I just figure if you ask for a slap, I'll give you a
slap. But only the cyber/silly version.
Glad you're feeling better. FWIW I was thinking more about what you
wrote. I know that I've had those feelings creep up from time to time
about other stuff. Like when people post about karate and I think
about Conor's disastrous attempts at the dojo. Or how proud I was at
Casey's talent in gymnastics only to have her break my proud mama's
heart and quit because they were putting too much pressure on her. So
I can't claim brown belt or level 5/6 gymnast's mother status.
I think these thoughts do catch us from time to time. The trick is to
just observe them for what they are-thoughts. They don't define us or
our children. Being aware of them makes it that much easier to watch
them come and watch them go. No need to hold on to them.
Life is good.
~Mary
[email protected]
In a message dated 5-8-2003 2:14:36 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
LauraBourdo@... writes:
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LauraBourdo@... writes:
> Ourand the change begins with us, unschooling families ...
> society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 05/08/2003 4:52:57 PM Central Daylight Time,
HaHaMommy@... writes:
these years...
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
HaHaMommy@... writes:
> > OurI think you're right. :-) Funny -- to be on the cutting edge now, after all
> > society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though
>
> and the change begins with us, unschooling families ...
>
> diana,
>
these years...
Laura B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sablehs
<<< From: "zenmomma2kids" <zenmomma@...>
I think these thoughts do catch us from time to time. The trick is to
just observe them for what they are-thoughts. They don't define us or
our children. Being aware of them makes it that much easier to watch
them come and watch them go. No need to hold on to them.
Life is good.
~Mary >>>
Very true Mary I agree . And what is this about Sandra being a hard ass??? I rather like that about her. <eg>Tracy
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think these thoughts do catch us from time to time. The trick is to
just observe them for what they are-thoughts. They don't define us or
our children. Being aware of them makes it that much easier to watch
them come and watch them go. No need to hold on to them.
Life is good.
~Mary >>>
Very true Mary I agree . And what is this about Sandra being a hard ass??? I rather like that about her. <eg>Tracy
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/8/03 3:03:19 PM, zenmomma@... writes:
<< I know that I've had those feelings creep up from time to time
about other stuff. Like when people post about karate and I think
about Conor's disastrous attempts at the dojo. Or how proud I was at
Casey's talent in gymnastics only to have her break my proud mama's
heart and quit because they were putting too much pressure on her. So
I can't claim brown belt or level 5/6 gymnast's mother status.
The other day a homeschooling mom considering convertion to unschoolerism
spent most of the day with us. She was out smoking a cigarette and Marty was
out chatting with her. I went out just as Marty was telling her that I made
him finish all the skating classes (to level six) before I would let him play
hockey when he was eight.
I'm guessing she had asked whether I ever made him do anything, from the tone
of it and what parts she was paying most attention to.
That was five years ago. Holly and Marty went to take a Snowplow Sam course
through continuuing education, and they both had fun, but Holly didn't have
as much fun as Marty did. I think she went to level two of the regular
classes. Maybe three. But Marty said "HOCKEY!" And it being the desert
here, and me knowing it wasn't going to be easy for him to practice between
times, and me being kinda cowardly about jockitunal endeavors, I said I
wanted him to finish the skating lessons so he would be really good at it and
not get hurt.
So when I heard him telling our friend this story, I said "I probably
wouldn't do that now."
And it was true, but I hadn't thought of that story in terms of "what would I
do now" since then (ever, I mean).
Partly, honestly, it was because he was male and young and cute, and in a
school/rink full of mostly female skaters, being a quick study had made him
the teacher's favorite, and he could have been a skating partner for every
ice dancer and gymnastic skater-chick on our side of town in a heartbeat. I
was hoping he would want to go into the next level of lessons, ice dance.
I asked him the important questions: Don't you want a chance to be a
chipmunk in some Disney on Ice show? He said no, he wanted to play hockey.
Now when they go skating he's the patient coach of little kids who haven't
skated much or at all, he's the encourager of frustrated beginners who fall
down, he's the clown and the chaser and the on-ice host of whatever skating
group might be there that day, and that's nice too.
Sandra
<< I know that I've had those feelings creep up from time to time
about other stuff. Like when people post about karate and I think
about Conor's disastrous attempts at the dojo. Or how proud I was at
Casey's talent in gymnastics only to have her break my proud mama's
heart and quit because they were putting too much pressure on her. So
I can't claim brown belt or level 5/6 gymnast's mother status.
>>OOOOh....
The other day a homeschooling mom considering convertion to unschoolerism
spent most of the day with us. She was out smoking a cigarette and Marty was
out chatting with her. I went out just as Marty was telling her that I made
him finish all the skating classes (to level six) before I would let him play
hockey when he was eight.
I'm guessing she had asked whether I ever made him do anything, from the tone
of it and what parts she was paying most attention to.
That was five years ago. Holly and Marty went to take a Snowplow Sam course
through continuuing education, and they both had fun, but Holly didn't have
as much fun as Marty did. I think she went to level two of the regular
classes. Maybe three. But Marty said "HOCKEY!" And it being the desert
here, and me knowing it wasn't going to be easy for him to practice between
times, and me being kinda cowardly about jockitunal endeavors, I said I
wanted him to finish the skating lessons so he would be really good at it and
not get hurt.
So when I heard him telling our friend this story, I said "I probably
wouldn't do that now."
And it was true, but I hadn't thought of that story in terms of "what would I
do now" since then (ever, I mean).
Partly, honestly, it was because he was male and young and cute, and in a
school/rink full of mostly female skaters, being a quick study had made him
the teacher's favorite, and he could have been a skating partner for every
ice dancer and gymnastic skater-chick on our side of town in a heartbeat. I
was hoping he would want to go into the next level of lessons, ice dance.
I asked him the important questions: Don't you want a chance to be a
chipmunk in some Disney on Ice show? He said no, he wanted to play hockey.
Now when they go skating he's the patient coach of little kids who haven't
skated much or at all, he's the encourager of frustrated beginners who fall
down, he's the clown and the chaser and the on-ice host of whatever skating
group might be there that day, and that's nice too.
Sandra
Mabeline Potillo
This, too, shall pass.
LauraBourdo@... wrote:Backstory (in other words, don't slap me yet):
I'm relatively new to unschooling (2 years), and came into it too late with
my kids to persuade my eldest to leave ps behind. I am therefore in the
peculiar position of living the *educational extremes* -- unschooling my now
almost 15 yo ds, and supporting my 18 yo dd as she finishes her public high
school career. Believe me, it's weird sometimes. Okay. Most of the time.
My heart is really with unschooling, but it didn't fit dd under her
circumstances at the time we made the leap. I have to accept that and not
allow myself to be overcome with regrets. The conflicting emotions, however,
are another story entirely...
My little problem:
I went tonight to dd's annual sports awards banquet. She's a 4 year
basketball letterman -- enthusiastic if not highly successful (in the
prototypical sense). As a matter of fact, that's kind of what I'm stumbling
over tonight.
I have raised, in her, a totally marvelous, delightful young woman, full of
exceptional but relatively intangible gifts -- a terrific sense of humor, a
wonderful way with people, an open and loving heart, a positive
self-image...you get the idea.
What she's NOT is successful in terms that the world (especially the
perverse, hypocritical, overly competitive world of public high school)
appreciates and recognizes. She is an average student and athlete, has
friends but is not *popular*, has enjoyed high school but has very little to
show for the time she spent there in terms of extracurricular activities, is
healthy and attractive but not glamorous.
I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special
recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
I would never, in a gazillion years, breathe a word of this to either of my
children, but it's there like a cancer, inside me. I wanted a child like
that. I wanted my offspring to be a credit to me. I wanted the applause for
her accomplishments...for me! And I knew, as I sat there, with an awful
feeling of despair, that I'll never get that from either of my children now.
She's done, and her brother's at home -- never to even have a shot at that
sort of acclaim.
Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and
overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves around
me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
shall pass.
Laura B.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
LauraBourdo@... wrote:Backstory (in other words, don't slap me yet):
I'm relatively new to unschooling (2 years), and came into it too late with
my kids to persuade my eldest to leave ps behind. I am therefore in the
peculiar position of living the *educational extremes* -- unschooling my now
almost 15 yo ds, and supporting my 18 yo dd as she finishes her public high
school career. Believe me, it's weird sometimes. Okay. Most of the time.
My heart is really with unschooling, but it didn't fit dd under her
circumstances at the time we made the leap. I have to accept that and not
allow myself to be overcome with regrets. The conflicting emotions, however,
are another story entirely...
My little problem:
I went tonight to dd's annual sports awards banquet. She's a 4 year
basketball letterman -- enthusiastic if not highly successful (in the
prototypical sense). As a matter of fact, that's kind of what I'm stumbling
over tonight.
I have raised, in her, a totally marvelous, delightful young woman, full of
exceptional but relatively intangible gifts -- a terrific sense of humor, a
wonderful way with people, an open and loving heart, a positive
self-image...you get the idea.
What she's NOT is successful in terms that the world (especially the
perverse, hypocritical, overly competitive world of public high school)
appreciates and recognizes. She is an average student and athlete, has
friends but is not *popular*, has enjoyed high school but has very little to
show for the time she spent there in terms of extracurricular activities, is
healthy and attractive but not glamorous.
I sat there tonight and listened as all of these kids were getting special
recognition for exceptional, tangible gifts and skills -- records broken,
scholarships and leadership awards given -- and felt this awful feeling of
jealousy creep up my spine. Gag!
I would never, in a gazillion years, breathe a word of this to either of my
children, but it's there like a cancer, inside me. I wanted a child like
that. I wanted my offspring to be a credit to me. I wanted the applause for
her accomplishments...for me! And I knew, as I sat there, with an awful
feeling of despair, that I'll never get that from either of my children now.
She's done, and her brother's at home -- never to even have a shot at that
sort of acclaim.
Now tell me...how sick is THAT? Who's being perverse, hypocritical and
overly competitive now? I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, somebody -- please slap some sense back into me. I need to regain my
perspective. The tentacles of a twisted world are wrapping themselves around
me and I'm having a hard time breathing...
Tell me, please, with all of the poetic wisdom of which I know you're
capable, that we really are doing the right thing here, and that this, too,
shall pass.
Laura B.
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
zenmomma2kids
>> And what is this about Sandra being a hard ass??? I rather likethat about her.>>
Now did I say it was a bad thing? After all, I did ask her to slap me
upside the head. ;o)
Life is good.
~Mary
sablehs
--- In [email protected], "zenmomma2kids"
<zenmomma@h...> wrote:
I'd give you a little more.
If you need me to take out my wet noodle on ya, just ask. <eg>
Tracy
<zenmomma@h...> wrote:
> >> And what is this about Sandra being a hard ass??? I rather likeme
> that about her.>>
>
> Now did I say it was a bad thing? After all, I did ask her to slap
> upside the head. ;o)I knew that, like me you are a gluten for punishment. I just thought
>
I'd give you a little more.
If you need me to take out my wet noodle on ya, just ask. <eg>
Tracy
sorcha_aisling
>>> Don't you want a chance to be aI can't stop laughing over this one. "But honey, don't you want to
> chipmunk in some Disney on Ice show? <<<
be a chipmunk on ice? It would be soooo cute!" Like in a Christmas
story where Ralphie wants a beebee gun and he has to wear the bunny
pajamas.
Sorcha
jmcseals SEALS
<<<*snip* I said in another post that I don't have much to show for my life
at 42.
I really do -- they're just intangibles, mostly. And subtle things. Our
society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though..>>>
Hey, if you need a cheerleader, I'll grab my pom-poms! And you won't even
have to have mom and dad pay for some silly trophy to gather dust bunnies in
the attic! Go grab your tangible children and give them a big old hug, K??
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
at 42.
I really do -- they're just intangibles, mostly. And subtle things. Our
society only embraces and applauds the obvious and dramatic, though..>>>
Hey, if you need a cheerleader, I'll grab my pom-poms! And you won't even
have to have mom and dad pay for some silly trophy to gather dust bunnies in
the attic! Go grab your tangible children and give them a big old hug, K??
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephanie Elms
>Yeah, I had to catch myself when my 6 yo told me he did not want me to sign him
> I think these thoughts do catch us from time to time. The trick is to
> just observe them for what they are-thoughts. They don't define us or
> our children. Being aware of them makes it that much easier to watch
> them come and watch them go. No need to hold on to them.
up again for a homeschoolers swim/gym class. He loves it but said that he wanted to
take a break and go back in the fall. My first reaction was to convince him to keep
going...after all, he does love it, it is a great outlet for his energy plus it
helps give me something to tell my dad that we are doing (and helps me feel like
we are doing something too - ouch!). Basically I realized
that my reasons for wanting him to stay were mostly for me. In talking with him,
he just said that that 2 days/week was too much and wanted to take a break. Seems pretty
smart for a 6 yo. And now it has actually freed us up to do other things, so all in all
a good decision even if it was not the one I would have made. :o)
Stephanie E.