scared of freedom
Kelly Lenhart
<drat, I deleted the message I was replying to. Anyway, the point was that
many don't unschool because they are afraid of the freedom of it.>
None of us give our children "true" freedom. Anymore than any of us
actually have "true" freedom. (Just ask me about what I've gone through
last month to get a car in PA. And having that vehicle by the end of this
week is giving me a sense of freedom I can't discribe.) We are subject to
laws, to nature, to our earlier choices, etc.
My two year old would love to play in the back yard all by himself. Only
there is no fence and it's not safe. Not for a second. Now, I can sit in
an out of the way place in the yard and when he looks like he's headed out I
can go with him or entice him back in gently. But that's an illusion of
freedom.
Not that I'm knocking that. That illusion is what is going to give him the
belief later in life that he CAN do things all by him self. The trust in me
and my company and guidance will allow him to trust me later when I tell him
about my own life. And about why I make certain choices and hope he will
make similar ones.
I don't think it's the fear of freedom that makes some people scared to
unschool. It's the fear of the greater responsibility that does it. It
takes less to hand over schooling to someone else than it does to take it on
ourselves. It takes less to follow someone else's structure at home than to
trust our kids to know what they need. It's scary to take on all that
responsibility.
And we've been told our whole lives that we CAN'T take on that
responsibility. That specially trained people in an institution have to do
it.
I know that one of the things that was keeping me from "starting"
unschooling when I joined the list was the fear that I wasn't up to that
responsibility. From reading the list and really, really watching my son
I'm learning to trust that I CAN do it. I'm not there yet, but every day I
see myself trusting him more and more and giving my son more and more
chances to make his own choices.
Still--it's a big job. And it's a freedom with a price, just like any other
freedom.
Kelly
many don't unschool because they are afraid of the freedom of it.>
None of us give our children "true" freedom. Anymore than any of us
actually have "true" freedom. (Just ask me about what I've gone through
last month to get a car in PA. And having that vehicle by the end of this
week is giving me a sense of freedom I can't discribe.) We are subject to
laws, to nature, to our earlier choices, etc.
My two year old would love to play in the back yard all by himself. Only
there is no fence and it's not safe. Not for a second. Now, I can sit in
an out of the way place in the yard and when he looks like he's headed out I
can go with him or entice him back in gently. But that's an illusion of
freedom.
Not that I'm knocking that. That illusion is what is going to give him the
belief later in life that he CAN do things all by him self. The trust in me
and my company and guidance will allow him to trust me later when I tell him
about my own life. And about why I make certain choices and hope he will
make similar ones.
I don't think it's the fear of freedom that makes some people scared to
unschool. It's the fear of the greater responsibility that does it. It
takes less to hand over schooling to someone else than it does to take it on
ourselves. It takes less to follow someone else's structure at home than to
trust our kids to know what they need. It's scary to take on all that
responsibility.
And we've been told our whole lives that we CAN'T take on that
responsibility. That specially trained people in an institution have to do
it.
I know that one of the things that was keeping me from "starting"
unschooling when I joined the list was the fear that I wasn't up to that
responsibility. From reading the list and really, really watching my son
I'm learning to trust that I CAN do it. I'm not there yet, but every day I
see myself trusting him more and more and giving my son more and more
chances to make his own choices.
Still--it's a big job. And it's a freedom with a price, just like any other
freedom.
Kelly
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/7/03 5:58:15 PM, mina@... writes:
<< None of us give our children "true" freedom. Anymore than any of us
actually have "true" freedom. >>
Relative to the other homeschooling families around here, my kids have a lot
of freedom.
Holly has a lot of free time this week, and really wanted to play with a
friend of hers, who is grounded. She doesn't know why. I'm sure it's
something lame. She said she couldn't explain because she was grounded from
using the phone. So they let her (or make her) answer the phone but won't
let her talk on it.
That's not freedom.
I'm guessing she's grounded for something chores or "school" (they
homeschool) related.
Holly had free time because she was free to take a month off from fiddle
lessons, and because the modelling class she just finished (which she took
because she just wanted to, and stayed for a few extra weeks to graduate with
a batch of kids who liked her) is over now. That was freedom, for Holly, to
make her own decisions about her schedule.
My boys are free to come and go, to sleep or stay up. Kirby was offered
extra hours at work today. He was free to say "only if it gets really busy,
but I'll come up there and play and be there just in case."
That, on a "school day" for most of the world, is a lot of freedom.
Sandra
<< None of us give our children "true" freedom. Anymore than any of us
actually have "true" freedom. >>
Relative to the other homeschooling families around here, my kids have a lot
of freedom.
Holly has a lot of free time this week, and really wanted to play with a
friend of hers, who is grounded. She doesn't know why. I'm sure it's
something lame. She said she couldn't explain because she was grounded from
using the phone. So they let her (or make her) answer the phone but won't
let her talk on it.
That's not freedom.
I'm guessing she's grounded for something chores or "school" (they
homeschool) related.
Holly had free time because she was free to take a month off from fiddle
lessons, and because the modelling class she just finished (which she took
because she just wanted to, and stayed for a few extra weeks to graduate with
a batch of kids who liked her) is over now. That was freedom, for Holly, to
make her own decisions about her schedule.
My boys are free to come and go, to sleep or stay up. Kirby was offered
extra hours at work today. He was free to say "only if it gets really busy,
but I'll come up there and play and be there just in case."
That, on a "school day" for most of the world, is a lot of freedom.
Sandra
Have a Nice Day!
Relative to the other homeschooling families around here,<<<<<
Therein lies the key to "defining" freedom I think. Any freedom we have is relative to others' experience.
We have "more" freedom than most people but we have "less" freedom than we might have in an ideal world.
Kristen
Therein lies the key to "defining" freedom I think. Any freedom we have is relative to others' experience.
We have "more" freedom than most people but we have "less" freedom than we might have in an ideal world.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2003 9:13 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] scared of freedom
In a message dated 5/7/03 5:58:15 PM, mina@... writes:
<< None of us give our children "true" freedom. Anymore than any of us
actually have "true" freedom. >>
my kids have a lot
of freedom.
Holly has a lot of free time this week, and really wanted to play with a
friend of hers, who is grounded. She doesn't know why. I'm sure it's
something lame. She said she couldn't explain because she was grounded from
using the phone. So they let her (or make her) answer the phone but won't
let her talk on it.
That's not freedom.
I'm guessing she's grounded for something chores or "school" (they
homeschool) related.
Holly had free time because she was free to take a month off from fiddle
lessons, and because the modelling class she just finished (which she took
because she just wanted to, and stayed for a few extra weeks to graduate with
a batch of kids who liked her) is over now. That was freedom, for Holly, to
make her own decisions about her schedule.
My boys are free to come and go, to sleep or stay up. Kirby was offered
extra hours at work today. He was free to say "only if it gets really busy,
but I'll come up there and play and be there just in case."
That, on a "school day" for most of the world, is a lot of freedom.
Sandra
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