susan

hi,

in magical child by joseph chilton pearce (i think that's the right
name) he talks about the opportunity children give their parents to
'bond with the different matrixes' meaning (in brief) experiencing life
again as a child. we get to experience childhood again but this time
with our children. we can developing different relationships with the
world around us at the different stages. as much as i believe that
parents need to accept and respect their own authority they must also
acknowledge that their children have a wonderfully fresh (and often very
healing) perspective to share and this, i feel, is well worth
embracing. so i believe that you can discover yourself as you discover
who your kids are. i'm sure it would be nice to have finished 'knowing'
yourself first most of us have not be blessed with this but it's never
too late:) what i've learned to do - after many hours of
'self-flagellation' <g> - is kick back and enjoy where my son and i are
at. this make life much more enjoyable.

-susan

> From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>
> You can tell I'm on a surf-roll :-) I found this quote, from Janusz
> Korczac, 'Be yourself and seek your won path. Know yourself before you
> attempt to get to know children. First and foremost you must realise
> that you too are a child, whom you must first get to know, to bring up
> and to educate'. and almost the first thing I thought was , hmm, it's
> a bit late when one already has children of one's own. Does anyone
> else feel this? I am trying to find out who I am behind the
> 'schooled' me, I guess many of us are. I know in the long run our
> whole family will be better off, but I can't help feeling a little
> guilty about taking time for this while my girls are so little.I want
> to carry on surfing, so I'll keep it short! Comments, please!!Tracy
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>

Tracy Oldfield

You can tell I'm on a surf-roll :-)

I found this quote, from Janusz Korczac, 'Be yourself and seek your won path. Know yourself before you attempt to get to know children. First and foremost you must realise that you too are a child, whom you must first get to know, to bring up and to educate'. and almost the first thing I thought was , hmm, it's a bit late when one already has children of one's own. Does anyone else feel this? I am trying to find out who I am behind the 'schooled' me, I guess many of us are. I know in the long run our whole family will be better off, but I can't help feeling a little guilty about taking time for this while my girls are so little.

I want to carry on surfing, so I'll keep it short! Comments, please!!

Tracy

David Albert

Tracy Oldfield wrote:

> From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>
> You can tell I'm on a surf-roll :-) I found this quote, from Janusz
> Korczac, 'Be yourself and seek your won path. Know yourself before you
> attempt to get to know children. First and foremost you must realise
> that you too are a child, whom you must first get to know, to bring up
> and to educate'. and almost the first thing I thought was , hmm, it's
> a bit late when one already has children of one's own. Does anyone
> else feel this? I am trying to find out who I am behind the
> 'schooled' me, I guess many of us are. I know in the long run our
> whole family will be better off, but I can't help feeling a little
> guilty about taking time for this while my girls are so little.
>
> KORCZAK!!! One of my heroes! Betty Jean Lifton's book "The King of
> Children" is an amazing book about this Polish/Jewish doctor/educator
> who ran the first progressive orphanage in the world, and maintained
> an orphanage inside the Warsaw Ghetto before he was killed. (Three
> times he was given a chance to escape, and thrice refused, preferring
> to go to his death with his children.
>
> I quote his "Rights of Children" in my book -- the first such
> declaration to my knowledge, written 50 years before the adoption of
> the United Nations Declaration of the Rights of Children. Anyhow, I
> highly recommend Lifton's work.
>
> David Albert

--
"If you love being stopped mid-page by powerful observations that strike
your mind like little explosions of light, get this book."--Home
Education Magazine. To read a sample chapter from "And the Skylark
Sings with Me", and to order a signed copy (credit cards accepted),
check out www.skylarksings.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/25/00 5:31:26 PM Central Standard Time,
Tracy@...-online.co.uk writes:

<< I am trying to find out who I am behind the 'schooled' me, >>

Tracy,
I like the way you put that. The school culture is so deeply ingrained in
most of us that I'm not sure I'll ever get through all the layers. I feel
that we are shaped by our culture (including and especially school
experiences) in a very basic way. Everything from how we feel about our
abilities, to how we feel about others, to how we deal with illness and
challenges is molded by school. I think school tends to turn out
extraordinarily shallow people.

KIM

Joshua Heath

Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>

Joshua
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, February 25, 2000 3:30 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself


From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>


You can tell I'm on a surf-roll :-)

I found this quote, from Janusz Korczac, 'Be yourself and seek your won path. Know yourself before you attempt to get to know children. First and foremost you must realise that you too are a child, whom you must first get to know, to bring up and to educate'. and almost the first thing I thought was , hmm, it's a bit late when one already has children of one's own. Does anyone else feel this? I am trying to find out who I am behind the 'schooled' me, I guess many of us are. I know in the long run our whole family will be better off, but I can't help feeling a little guilty about taking time for this while my girls are so little.

I want to carry on surfing, so I'll keep it short! Comments, please!!

Tracy

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[email protected]

Had to post again after I read this, Joshua.
You wrote:
<< But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to
just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with
them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting
patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug> >>

First of all, I don't think that it's only when we have children at a young
age that we have to share our growing with them. In fact, I am now nearing
40 and find that my children often seem to be maturing faster than I am! I
am personally going through a lot of struggles with past issues in my life
and I think it's okay to let children know that adults continue to grow, too.
In fact, I think it's encouraging for them to know that we all keep growing
and learning...I think when you're young, you expect there to be one time
when you "have it all together." As I get older, I realize, that it all
comes in layers instead of all in one piece!

My 13 yo niece made a comment today that she was in the prime of her life and
I just wanted to burst out laughing. Instead I said...it's good that you
think so, my sweet, but just wait until you find out how exciting 40 is!
Everybody laughed, but I meant it very seriously. Every age is meant to be
our prime because that's all we can possibly be at that time, if we're living
to the fullest.

As for your being clear, Joshua, I think you're doing a marvelous job at
that! Don't even worry!

Thanks for your thoughtful posts...
Carol B.

Tracy Oldfield

Thanks Joshua, it was clear enough for me :-) You said you had children young, do you mind asking how young? Some folks idea of young are way different to others, I know!! I struggle here as I have always been a mature, serious (earnest?) type although whether that's me or 'schooled (or perhaps bullied) me' I'm not sure, and I agree with the theory that everyone has an age that fits them, once they reach that age they stay for a while until decrepitude takes over. So it's hard for me to let go and play with my children more, (I used to, though, and do with other folks children, particularly 1yo-ish's, now I think...why has that stopped I wonder? Probably since I started being asked why at every verse-end...) and I sometimes wonder whether I am the right kind of person to be unschooling or even homeschooling, but the alternative is, for me, so abhorrent that I plod on anyway!!

Thanks again
Tracy

From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>

Joshua

Joshua Heath

Tracy, My now wife and I concieved our first child when I was 19 and she was 20. I was all set to go travelling for 6 months to Australia! I relate to your feelings of not being sure you cut it as a homeschooling parent! I feel the same way often myself... Life can just be stressfull and overwhelming at times... and it is hard for me not to get down during these days... it doesnt help when the boys are transitioning into this lifestyle still and being "bored" and argumentative and hyper and agitated. And I too am learning the ropes and don't have a chore system that functions well yet, and am not too good at creating a nice easy rythm in our days... I sure hope to get better and better at these things... but man the thoughts do go through my mind of "maybe this is just not possible for me,"scool wasnt that bad..." But the reality was, it was, and that fact not-withstanding, there are NO real alternatives I can begin to embrace at this point.

Sorry for rambling...
Joshua
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2000 3:48 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself


From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>


Thanks Joshua, it was clear enough for me :-) You said you had children young, do you mind asking how young? Some folks idea of young are way different to others, I know!! I struggle here as I have always been a mature, serious (earnest?) type although whether that's me or 'schooled (or perhaps bullied) me' I'm not sure, and I agree with the theory that everyone has an age that fits them, once they reach that age they stay for a while until decrepitude takes over. So it's hard for me to let go and play with my children more, (I used to, though, and do with other folks children, particularly 1yo-ish's, now I think...why has that stopped I wonder? Probably since I started being asked why at every verse-end...) and I sometimes wonder whether I am the right kind of person to be unschooling or even homeschooling, but the alternative is, for me, so abhorrent that I plod on anyway!!

Thanks again
Tracy

From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>

Joshua

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Tracy Oldfield

That's quite young!! I did it the other way around, got married at 18, had eldest at 21, almost 22 :-) and dh is older than me, but I don't know if it makes much difference. The only thing I can see is that having children when you're that young seems to give people even more of an idea that they can tell you what to do with them <g> I know my father was told when he announced that mum and he were engaged that he was 'nobbut a bairn' himself.

Us young-uns can sit over here and and natter while the fogies do their thing, eh???

Tracy


From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, My now wife and I concieved our first child when I was 19 and she was 20. I was all set to go travelling for 6 months to Australia! I relate to your feelings of not being sure you cut it as a homeschooling parent! I feel the same way often myself... Life can just be stressfull and overwhelming at times... and it is hard for me not to get down during these days... it doesnt help when the boys are transitioning into this lifestyle still and being "bored" and argumentative and hyper and agitated. And I too am learning the ropes and don't have a chore system that functions well yet, and am not too good at creating a nice easy rythm in our days... I sure hope to get better and better at these things... but man the thoughts do go through my mind of "maybe this is just not possible for me,"scool wasnt that bad..." But the reality was, it was, and that fact not-withstanding, there are NO real alternatives I can begin to embrace at this point.

Sorry for rambling...
Joshua
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2000 3:48 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself


From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>


Thanks Joshua, it was clear enough for me :-) You said you had children young, do you mind asking how young? Some folks idea of young are way different to others, I know!! I struggle here as I have always been a mature, serious (earnest?) type although whether that's me or 'schooled (or perhaps bullied) me' I'm not sure, and I agree with the theory that everyone has an age that fits them, once they reach that age they stay for a while until decrepitude takes over. So it's hard for me to let go and play with my children more, (I used to, though, and do with other folks children, particularly 1yo-ish's, now I think...why has that stopped I wonder? Probably since I started being asked why at every verse-end...) and I sometimes wonder whether I am the right kind of person to be unschooling or even homeschooling, but the alternative is, for me, so abhorrent that I plod on anyway!!

Thanks again
Tracy

From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>

Joshua

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Nanci and Thomas Kuykendall

>Us young-uns can sit over here and and natter while the fogies do their thing, eh???
>
>Tracy

I always do get the feeling that people always want to tell me what to do, or do not think I could possible know what I am doing as a parent. Often my views are respected and my authority as a parent not questioned UNTIL people find out my exact chronological age and then suddenly they are looking askance at me, as though they no longer think I am qualified. When they find our we are in a minority religious group and homeschool as well....you can just see "fringe lunatic" in their eyes as they size me up and shake their heads at the fate of my poor children. It sure would be nice to get some POSITIVE reinforcement for a change.

Nanci K.

------------------------------------------------------------
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Joshua Heath

Sure Tracy... by the way, how young are you now?? I know you said how old your daughter(?) is, but I forgot...
Have a great day,
Joshua
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 29, 2000 5:03 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself


From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>


That's quite young!! I did it the other way around, got married at 18, had eldest at 21, almost 22 :-) and dh is older than me, but I don't know if it makes much difference. The only thing I can see is that having children when you're that young seems to give people even more of an idea that they can tell you what to do with them <g> I know my father was told when he announced that mum and he were engaged that he was 'nobbut a bairn' himself.

Us young-uns can sit over here and and natter while the fogies do their thing, eh???

Tracy


From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, My now wife and I concieved our first child when I was 19 and she was 20. I was all set to go travelling for 6 months to Australia! I relate to your feelings of not being sure you cut it as a homeschooling parent! I feel the same way often myself... Life can just be stressfull and overwhelming at times... and it is hard for me not to get down during these days... it doesnt help when the boys are transitioning into this lifestyle still and being "bored" and argumentative and hyper and agitated. And I too am learning the ropes and don't have a chore system that functions well yet, and am not too good at creating a nice easy rythm in our days... I sure hope to get better and better at these things... but man the thoughts do go through my mind of "maybe this is just not possible for me,"scool wasnt that bad..." But the reality was, it was, and that fact not-withstanding, there are NO real alternatives I can begin to embrace at this point.

Sorry for rambling...
Joshua
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 28, 2000 3:48 PM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Being yourself


From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>


Thanks Joshua, it was clear enough for me :-) You said you had children young, do you mind asking how young? Some folks idea of young are way different to others, I know!! I struggle here as I have always been a mature, serious (earnest?) type although whether that's me or 'schooled (or perhaps bullied) me' I'm not sure, and I agree with the theory that everyone has an age that fits them, once they reach that age they stay for a while until decrepitude takes over. So it's hard for me to let go and play with my children more, (I used to, though, and do with other folks children, particularly 1yo-ish's, now I think...why has that stopped I wonder? Probably since I started being asked why at every verse-end...) and I sometimes wonder whether I am the right kind of person to be unschooling or even homeschooling, but the alternative is, for me, so abhorrent that I plod on anyway!!

Thanks again
Tracy

From: "Joshua Heath" <heathfam@...>


Tracy, you have touched upon a theme in my life as well! How to the work of getting to know yourself and still be a functioning parent - ie. not letting it make you self absorbed! - I have thought about it a LOT, and the only conclusion I have reached is to just do my best... By this I mean to STRIVE for aspects such as being loving, being fair, bening encouraging, being fun, being *UP*, laughing amap, being clear, being consistant, etc... realizing I will never be all of these things all the time! In this way I get to begin to connect with my childishness (laughter, being silly, having fun, playing WITH my kids) at the same time as remaining a (semi) responsable adult by striving for fairness, and authourity. I dont think that things allways come in neat, packages in life... which means somtimes we need to improvise and do the best we can! Sure it would be nice if we had all been raised in such a way as to know ourselves real well etc. But in my life at least, (having children at a young age) I have had to just share my own growth with them.... something I hope they will take with them into their own lives.... the STRIVING chuck limiting patterns/beleifs/attitudes.

I wish I could be a little clearer.... oh well <shrug>

Joshua

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