The Worst
[email protected]
I wrote this for my other list, and never sent it. Since someone brought up
interfering family and there was concern about slacking on posts, I'll go
ahead and share it.
I wrote this because my public schooling brother and his wife had subscribed
to my Ohio unschooling email list. The wife introduced herself, asked some
questions, was very honest that she was happy with her school situation, but
could see it changing for the worse. Wanted to see what it was all about. She
was greeted with open arms. I didn't tell anyone she was my SIL, I didn't
want to make her uncomfortable.
A small span of time went by and my brother came on and attacked one of the
posters, making rude remarks that I knew were directed at me, but told the
poster he only wanted her to respond. I was so upset, I felt so awful that he
did that. I was up at 4am typing the email that follows, and trying to come
up with some kind of apology to the poster, when my SIL got on and posted
that my brother didn't know she subscribed. He thought I was just sending
this stuff to him? Did he think I was trying to convert him? Who knows.
SIL apologized for the disruption, but refused to apologize for his
statements because he had a right to them. It was a mess. I felt so betrayed,
and so mad that he would take it out on someone so nice. I know he probably
wanted a reaction from me, and I refused. I still think I need to take the
attacked poster out to dinner to make up for it somehow(are you reading this?
I'm serious.)
It all got resolved, an explanation went out and a warning that any other
disruptions would have them moderated or banned.
They never said a word to me in person. The next time I saw them was Easter
weekend at my house, a few days after the incident, and they pretended
nothing happened. It was bizarre.
They are still subscribed. SIL did email me privately recently and ask to
borrow any of my John Taylor Gatto books, so I am still hoping that something
good will come of the whole ordeal. But the trust is not wholly there.
Well, here was my vent that never got sent, I hope this isn't inappropriate
or bringing up bad feelings to anyone on the other list. It was my way of
addressing the issue and explaining to the list that they were related to me,
without personally responding to the mean post. After she
apologized/explained, I thought this was a little off the mark, but then
again......
Maybe sharing it here can help me better learn how to deal with family
members that pull these type of self-righteous stunts. I have a doozie of an
unsupportive family member, that showed himself a jerk more than I could have
ever complained about him.
"Subject: The Worst
What is the worst thing a non-unschooling-supportive relative of yours has
done?
Mine would have to be the time my brother subscribed to an email list that I
started for supporting fellow unschoolers and just as I was watching it grow
into a safe, comfortable place to be ourselves, but still take the time out
to kindly explain to those wanting to know what it is about, charged in with
a personal agenda to disrupt and inflame the participants. I can't really
understand why he would do something so mean-spirited, other than for sheer
entertainment.
I mean, no one has ever told him that his choice to school his kids was wrong
or not to be respected, if so, I would think he dealt with it maturely
instead of attacking unsuspecting people about the way they live their lives
in a place that encourages them to.
This would be by far the most shocking, damaging, and hurtful thing anyone
has ever done to me personally because they disagreed with my parenting
style. A parenting style that I celebrate and love to share about, but have
never insisted be the only way or better than someone else's.
To sit back with a closed mind and wait for one remark to jump in on and spew
forth a diatribe insulting a whole group of people, while singling out one he
doesn't know. A group of people who signed up for a list that specifically
stated for support, and disruptions wouldn't be tolerated. I can't imagine
what good that would do for anyone, especially his sister who wants nothing
but the best for him and his family, regardless of the life they choose to
lead.
Yep, that is by far the worst."
Does anyone else here want to share their worst experience with a family
member against homeschooling? Or how you deal with such things? Are you
gracious, and try not to sink to the level of attack, or just let them have
it? Do you wait for results to speak for themselves, or secretly make a
dartboard out of their picture?
Ang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
interfering family and there was concern about slacking on posts, I'll go
ahead and share it.
I wrote this because my public schooling brother and his wife had subscribed
to my Ohio unschooling email list. The wife introduced herself, asked some
questions, was very honest that she was happy with her school situation, but
could see it changing for the worse. Wanted to see what it was all about. She
was greeted with open arms. I didn't tell anyone she was my SIL, I didn't
want to make her uncomfortable.
A small span of time went by and my brother came on and attacked one of the
posters, making rude remarks that I knew were directed at me, but told the
poster he only wanted her to respond. I was so upset, I felt so awful that he
did that. I was up at 4am typing the email that follows, and trying to come
up with some kind of apology to the poster, when my SIL got on and posted
that my brother didn't know she subscribed. He thought I was just sending
this stuff to him? Did he think I was trying to convert him? Who knows.
SIL apologized for the disruption, but refused to apologize for his
statements because he had a right to them. It was a mess. I felt so betrayed,
and so mad that he would take it out on someone so nice. I know he probably
wanted a reaction from me, and I refused. I still think I need to take the
attacked poster out to dinner to make up for it somehow(are you reading this?
I'm serious.)
It all got resolved, an explanation went out and a warning that any other
disruptions would have them moderated or banned.
They never said a word to me in person. The next time I saw them was Easter
weekend at my house, a few days after the incident, and they pretended
nothing happened. It was bizarre.
They are still subscribed. SIL did email me privately recently and ask to
borrow any of my John Taylor Gatto books, so I am still hoping that something
good will come of the whole ordeal. But the trust is not wholly there.
Well, here was my vent that never got sent, I hope this isn't inappropriate
or bringing up bad feelings to anyone on the other list. It was my way of
addressing the issue and explaining to the list that they were related to me,
without personally responding to the mean post. After she
apologized/explained, I thought this was a little off the mark, but then
again......
Maybe sharing it here can help me better learn how to deal with family
members that pull these type of self-righteous stunts. I have a doozie of an
unsupportive family member, that showed himself a jerk more than I could have
ever complained about him.
"Subject: The Worst
What is the worst thing a non-unschooling-supportive relative of yours has
done?
Mine would have to be the time my brother subscribed to an email list that I
started for supporting fellow unschoolers and just as I was watching it grow
into a safe, comfortable place to be ourselves, but still take the time out
to kindly explain to those wanting to know what it is about, charged in with
a personal agenda to disrupt and inflame the participants. I can't really
understand why he would do something so mean-spirited, other than for sheer
entertainment.
I mean, no one has ever told him that his choice to school his kids was wrong
or not to be respected, if so, I would think he dealt with it maturely
instead of attacking unsuspecting people about the way they live their lives
in a place that encourages them to.
This would be by far the most shocking, damaging, and hurtful thing anyone
has ever done to me personally because they disagreed with my parenting
style. A parenting style that I celebrate and love to share about, but have
never insisted be the only way or better than someone else's.
To sit back with a closed mind and wait for one remark to jump in on and spew
forth a diatribe insulting a whole group of people, while singling out one he
doesn't know. A group of people who signed up for a list that specifically
stated for support, and disruptions wouldn't be tolerated. I can't imagine
what good that would do for anyone, especially his sister who wants nothing
but the best for him and his family, regardless of the life they choose to
lead.
Yep, that is by far the worst."
Does anyone else here want to share their worst experience with a family
member against homeschooling? Or how you deal with such things? Are you
gracious, and try not to sink to the level of attack, or just let them have
it? Do you wait for results to speak for themselves, or secretly make a
dartboard out of their picture?
Ang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/6/2003 2:51:37 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
unolist@... writes:
it was a really low thing for them to do. I am very new to this list and
have not even brought my kids home yet (they will not be returning after the
end of the school year). I have learned so much from you ladies in this
short period of time. I joined just to see what I could learn about
different styles of homeschooling and the longer I stick around, I think that
unschooling may be just what our family needs!
I hate to hear stories of unsupportive relatives, friends, etc. but I am sure
hoping for some good ideas on how to deal with them since I can already tell
I will have to deal with my family and the inlaws... and who knows who
else!!! I am really grateful I found this list from the get go and look
forward to what I can learn from all of you!
Michelle
Emmett, Idaho
Proud Mom of:
Emily-7
Cassidy-5
Maria Rose-3
Ethan-1 1/2
&
"Angel" Kyle John
3/3/95-3/12/95
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unolist@... writes:
> Does anyone else here want to share their worst experience with a familyThanks for sharing that with us... I am sorry they did that to you. I think
> member against homeschooling? Or how you deal with such things? Are you
> gracious, and try not to sink to the level of attack, or just let them have
> it? Do you wait for results to speak for themselves, or secretly make a
> dartboard out of their picture?
>
it was a really low thing for them to do. I am very new to this list and
have not even brought my kids home yet (they will not be returning after the
end of the school year). I have learned so much from you ladies in this
short period of time. I joined just to see what I could learn about
different styles of homeschooling and the longer I stick around, I think that
unschooling may be just what our family needs!
I hate to hear stories of unsupportive relatives, friends, etc. but I am sure
hoping for some good ideas on how to deal with them since I can already tell
I will have to deal with my family and the inlaws... and who knows who
else!!! I am really grateful I found this list from the get go and look
forward to what I can learn from all of you!
Michelle
Emmett, Idaho
Proud Mom of:
Emily-7
Cassidy-5
Maria Rose-3
Ethan-1 1/2
&
"Angel" Kyle John
3/3/95-3/12/95
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hey Ang, thanks for sharing!!
I am regularly amazed at where my critics hide, as well as where my fans hide
:) My sister-in-law (same family, married to a different brother) refused to
breastfeed and had her boys circ'd to separate herself from me (poor babies
... different soapbox, er, thread). Suddenly, two years later, she confesses
she feels that what she does with her boys is *homeschooling* and I
completely agree and give her kudos (big change from the girl we met 6 years
ago who never wanted kids, let alone stay home to parent them!). I begin to
explain unschooling philosophy and she's on board! She is really excited by
and for me! On the other hand, her MIL, who was my biggest AP supporter, has
real issues with *teaching* or lack thereof... I was ready for a fight with
my MIL, on our vacation to California in March, but her only issue with me
was my 4 year old son's longish hair. At least she is far enough removed to
see that the *end* does justify the *means.*
I also find that my biggest critics (aside from those in the educational
field without children of their own) are those parents whose children would
be better off without being pigeonholed by the system. Said parents tell me o
ne minute every little *fun* thing my kids are missing, and complaining the
next about all the horrible things the kids suffer thru to *earn* the fun ~
NO thanks.
The only suffering my kids do is the suffering that comes with me being their
mom (hey, I'm single and a bit *unbalanced* without my hubby, okay I confess,
I'm a freak!) but the fun is ever-present, not earned!
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I am regularly amazed at where my critics hide, as well as where my fans hide
:) My sister-in-law (same family, married to a different brother) refused to
breastfeed and had her boys circ'd to separate herself from me (poor babies
... different soapbox, er, thread). Suddenly, two years later, she confesses
she feels that what she does with her boys is *homeschooling* and I
completely agree and give her kudos (big change from the girl we met 6 years
ago who never wanted kids, let alone stay home to parent them!). I begin to
explain unschooling philosophy and she's on board! She is really excited by
and for me! On the other hand, her MIL, who was my biggest AP supporter, has
real issues with *teaching* or lack thereof... I was ready for a fight with
my MIL, on our vacation to California in March, but her only issue with me
was my 4 year old son's longish hair. At least she is far enough removed to
see that the *end* does justify the *means.*
I also find that my biggest critics (aside from those in the educational
field without children of their own) are those parents whose children would
be better off without being pigeonholed by the system. Said parents tell me o
ne minute every little *fun* thing my kids are missing, and complaining the
next about all the horrible things the kids suffer thru to *earn* the fun ~
NO thanks.
The only suffering my kids do is the suffering that comes with me being their
mom (hey, I'm single and a bit *unbalanced* without my hubby, okay I confess,
I'm a freak!) but the fun is ever-present, not earned!
diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Olga
I think your ignoring him was the best thing. It takes all the power
away. Me and my mother have always had problems but this past
Christmas we had a blow out and we have not spoken since. She sent
me an Easter cards for the kids addressed formally. I ripped it up
because I knew there would be something nasty insede. The second
side had a note to me. I didn't see it but saw the first line was
the beginning of an attack. The hardest thing was not to read it,
but in the long run it took her power to upset me away. I have been
happier about my decision since. So although it is off the topic, I
think it is wasy to get caught up in a "game" of some sorts. Each
trying to have the last word, etc. This ended it for me and weather
she thinks I read it or not does not matter.
I think if he shows anger about it and it will just be an arguement
do not let him upset you. You keep your power all to yourself! If
he sees it does not bother you, what will he get out of it! Good
luck!
Olga :)
away. Me and my mother have always had problems but this past
Christmas we had a blow out and we have not spoken since. She sent
me an Easter cards for the kids addressed formally. I ripped it up
because I knew there would be something nasty insede. The second
side had a note to me. I didn't see it but saw the first line was
the beginning of an attack. The hardest thing was not to read it,
but in the long run it took her power to upset me away. I have been
happier about my decision since. So although it is off the topic, I
think it is wasy to get caught up in a "game" of some sorts. Each
trying to have the last word, etc. This ended it for me and weather
she thinks I read it or not does not matter.
I think if he shows anger about it and it will just be an arguement
do not let him upset you. You keep your power all to yourself! If
he sees it does not bother you, what will he get out of it! Good
luck!
Olga :)
--- In [email protected], unolist@a... wrote:
> I wrote this for my other list, and never sent it. Since someone
brought up
> interfering family and there was concern about slacking on posts,
I'll go
> ahead and share it.
>
> I wrote this because my public schooling brother and his wife had
subscribed
> to my Ohio unschooling email list. The wife introduced herself,
asked some
> questions, was very honest that she was happy with her school
situation, but
> could see it changing for the worse. Wanted to see what it was all
about. She
> was greeted with open arms. I didn't tell anyone she was my SIL, I
didn't
> want to make her uncomfortable.
>
> A small span of time went by and my brother came on and attacked
one of the
> posters, making rude remarks that I knew were directed at me, but
told the
> poster he only wanted her to respond. I was so upset, I felt so
awful that he
> did that. I was up at 4am typing the email that follows, and trying
to come
> up with some kind of apology to the poster, when my SIL got on and
posted
> that my brother didn't know she subscribed. He thought I was just
sending
> this stuff to him? Did he think I was trying to convert him? Who
knows.
>
> SIL apologized for the disruption, but refused to apologize for his
> statements because he had a right to them. It was a mess. I felt so
betrayed,
> and so mad that he would take it out on someone so nice. I know he
probably
> wanted a reaction from me, and I refused. I still think I need to
take the
> attacked poster out to dinner to make up for it somehow(are you
reading this?
> I'm serious.)
>
> It all got resolved, an explanation went out and a warning that any
other
> disruptions would have them moderated or banned.
> They never said a word to me in person. The next time I saw them
was Easter
> weekend at my house, a few days after the incident, and they
pretended
> nothing happened. It was bizarre.
>
> They are still subscribed. SIL did email me privately recently and
ask to
> borrow any of my John Taylor Gatto books, so I am still hoping that
something
> good will come of the whole ordeal. But the trust is not wholly
there.
>
> Well, here was my vent that never got sent, I hope this isn't
inappropriate
> or bringing up bad feelings to anyone on the other list. It was my
way of
> addressing the issue and explaining to the list that they were
related to me,
> without personally responding to the mean post. After she
> apologized/explained, I thought this was a little off the mark, but
then
> again......
>
> Maybe sharing it here can help me better learn how to deal with
family
> members that pull these type of self-righteous stunts. I have a
doozie of an
> unsupportive family member, that showed himself a jerk more than I
could have
> ever complained about him.
>
> "Subject: The Worst
>
> What is the worst thing a non-unschooling-supportive relative of
yours has
> done?
>
> Mine would have to be the time my brother subscribed to an email
list that I
> started for supporting fellow unschoolers and just as I was
watching it grow
> into a safe, comfortable place to be ourselves, but still take the
time out
> to kindly explain to those wanting to know what it is about,
charged in with
> a personal agenda to disrupt and inflame the participants. I can't
really
> understand why he would do something so mean-spirited, other than
for sheer
> entertainment.
>
> I mean, no one has ever told him that his choice to school his kids
was wrong
> or not to be respected, if so, I would think he dealt with it
maturely
> instead of attacking unsuspecting people about the way they live
their lives
> in a place that encourages them to.
>
> This would be by far the most shocking, damaging, and hurtful thing
anyone
> has ever done to me personally because they disagreed with my
parenting
> style. A parenting style that I celebrate and love to share about,
but have
> never insisted be the only way or better than someone else's.
>
> To sit back with a closed mind and wait for one remark to jump in
on and spew
> forth a diatribe insulting a whole group of people, while singling
out one he
> doesn't know. A group of people who signed up for a list that
specifically
> stated for support, and disruptions wouldn't be tolerated. I can't
imagine
> what good that would do for anyone, especially his sister who wants
nothing
> but the best for him and his family, regardless of the life they
choose to
> lead.
>
> Yep, that is by far the worst."
>
>
>
> Does anyone else here want to share their worst experience with a
family
> member against homeschooling? Or how you deal with such things? Are
you
> gracious, and try not to sink to the level of attack, or just let
them have
> it? Do you wait for results to speak for themselves, or secretly
make a
> dartboard out of their picture?
>
> Ang
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
my worst experience is actually my daughters. her bio dad is strongly against
homeschooling and tries to brib her back into school every other weekend!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
homeschooling and tries to brib her back into school every other weekend!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betsy
**I hate to hear stories of unsupportive relatives, friends, etc. but I
am sure hoping for some good ideas on how to deal with them since I can
already tell I will have to deal with my family and the inlaws... and
who knows who else!!!**
One great source of information about this is the unschooling.com
message boards. Go to http://www.unschooling.com and select message
boards (on the left) and scroll down to "Dealing with Reluctance".
There are stories there about how to cope if your husband opposes
homeschooling, if your kids don't want to do it, or if your relatives
give you grief about it.
Betsy
am sure hoping for some good ideas on how to deal with them since I can
already tell I will have to deal with my family and the inlaws... and
who knows who else!!!**
One great source of information about this is the unschooling.com
message boards. Go to http://www.unschooling.com and select message
boards (on the left) and scroll down to "Dealing with Reluctance".
There are stories there about how to cope if your husband opposes
homeschooling, if your kids don't want to do it, or if your relatives
give you grief about it.
Betsy