unschooling requires parenting
[email protected]
Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Moms doing what they want
First of all, that is a stupid heading. I don't know who wrote it, but it
didn't help anything.
Nobody was saying "Moms should do what they want."
In a message dated 5/2/03 9:17:47 AM, rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
<<
Saying that both styles we had just discussed on this board were equally
honorable to motherhood. >>
We weren't talking about two styles of parenting. That's the problem.
Under the assumption that unschooling parents are already paying LOTS of
attention to their children and being with them probably more than any other
set of parents whose children are generally heathy and mobile, THEN we were
discussing mothers having their own interests.
Mothers having their own interests was misinterpreted as "doing what they
want" and leaving their children for long stretches.
Get over that. It was false, and it is NOT a dichotomy. There are not "two
ways."
Sandra
First of all, that is a stupid heading. I don't know who wrote it, but it
didn't help anything.
Nobody was saying "Moms should do what they want."
In a message dated 5/2/03 9:17:47 AM, rubyprincesstsg@... writes:
<<
Saying that both styles we had just discussed on this board were equally
honorable to motherhood. >>
We weren't talking about two styles of parenting. That's the problem.
Under the assumption that unschooling parents are already paying LOTS of
attention to their children and being with them probably more than any other
set of parents whose children are generally heathy and mobile, THEN we were
discussing mothers having their own interests.
Mothers having their own interests was misinterpreted as "doing what they
want" and leaving their children for long stretches.
Get over that. It was false, and it is NOT a dichotomy. There are not "two
ways."
Sandra
kayb85
> First of all, that is a stupid heading. I don't know who wrote it,but it
> didn't help anything.I was the one who started that heading. I was reading on digest at
> Nobody was saying "Moms should do what they want."
the time and responding to someone who was responding to Glena in the
math phobia thread. To me it sounded like they were saying that moms
should be doing stuff on their own, away from their kids. I
misunderstood the general idea and I apologize for that heading.
However, I do think that there are still a few who seem to be saying
that there is something wrong with the kids who need their moms for
the majority of the day. And it is a reality that after a day of
taking care of my family's physical/emotional/intellectual needs that
there isn't a whole lot of time leftover for me. If I made more time
for me, I wouldn't be meeting all of their needs. I don't hover and
offer more of me than they want. They really do need me. I also
consider reading and responding to this list a big part of my "me"
time. For example, I got up this morning, ran to the store to pick up
stuff to make food for today, did my 9 year old's hair so that it
looks "just like Lizzie Mcguire", made barbecue (sloppy joes) for my
family and put it in the crock pot, got my boys some breakfast to
eat, and now I'm about to go get dressed to take my daughter and her
friends to the Lizze Mcguire movie and some walk around the mall,
spray bath and body works stuff time. When I get home, we're going
to mcdonalds as a family and by then the boys will really need some
mommy time. I expect to give them a few hours of play time and then
it will be time for bed! Me time? When? My "me" time is right now
and is over in about 5 minutes! I think that's ok. I have two very
young kids and I also have a daughter in the pre-teen age range.
That combination is time consuming. So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool.
Sheila
> In a message dated 5/2/03 9:17:47 AM, rubyprincesstsg@a... writes:equally
>
> <<
> Saying that both styles we had just discussed on this board were
> honorable to motherhood. >>problem.
>
> We weren't talking about two styles of parenting. That's the
>LOTS of
> Under the assumption that unschooling parents are already paying
> attention to their children and being with them probably more thanany other
> set of parents whose children are generally heathy and mobile, THENwe were
> discussing mothers having their own interests.what they
>
> Mothers having their own interests was misinterpreted as "doing
> want" and leaving their children for long stretches.not "two
>
> Get over that. It was false, and it is NOT a dichotomy. There are
> ways."
>
>
>
> Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/2/03 10:15:45 AM, sheran@... writes:
<< However, I do think that there are still a few who seem to be saying
that there is something wrong with the kids who need their moms for
the majority of the day. >>
I don't think there is ANYONE saying that.
<<And it is a reality that after a day of
taking care of my family's physical/emotional/intellectual needs that
there isn't a whole lot of time leftover for me. If I made more time
for me, I wouldn't be meeting all of their needs. >>
People are talking about INTERESTS, not actions.
<<I expect to give them a few hours of play time and then
it will be time for bed! Me time? When? My "me" time is right now
and is over in about 5 minutes! I think that's ok.>>
Mothers of toddlers can go a week without a shower sometimes, if there's not
another adult to spot them. Been there. But do you have any interests you
can discuss with your older child? Have you ever learned anything outside of
school? Are there historical periods or any places in the world you know or
care more about than others? That you care about so much that you read about
them or can tell stories, or would change the channel to see something about?
Greece? Hawaii? The Easter Islands? Do you know enough about opera, maybe
to tell your kids a story? Or skiing? Or fire-breathing?
<<So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool. >>
If they're going to unschool and they are NOT going to pursue any interests,
unschooling is going to be like no learning whatsoever pretty soon.
The mom has to be involved and curious about things besides butt-wiping and
sandwich making, unless the kids are only going to be butt-wipers and
sandwich makers.
I don't think there are really people on this list without interests, so the
only way this conversation can continue is if someone wants to defend having
no interests, and no curiousity, and that's going to be the point at which I
would personally say "Then put your kids in school, because some of the
teachers and other kids DO have interests and passions and hobbies and
collections and stories to tell.
Sandra
<< However, I do think that there are still a few who seem to be saying
that there is something wrong with the kids who need their moms for
the majority of the day. >>
I don't think there is ANYONE saying that.
<<And it is a reality that after a day of
taking care of my family's physical/emotional/intellectual needs that
there isn't a whole lot of time leftover for me. If I made more time
for me, I wouldn't be meeting all of their needs. >>
People are talking about INTERESTS, not actions.
<<I expect to give them a few hours of play time and then
it will be time for bed! Me time? When? My "me" time is right now
and is over in about 5 minutes! I think that's ok.>>
Mothers of toddlers can go a week without a shower sometimes, if there's not
another adult to spot them. Been there. But do you have any interests you
can discuss with your older child? Have you ever learned anything outside of
school? Are there historical periods or any places in the world you know or
care more about than others? That you care about so much that you read about
them or can tell stories, or would change the channel to see something about?
Greece? Hawaii? The Easter Islands? Do you know enough about opera, maybe
to tell your kids a story? Or skiing? Or fire-breathing?
<<So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool. >>
If they're going to unschool and they are NOT going to pursue any interests,
unschooling is going to be like no learning whatsoever pretty soon.
The mom has to be involved and curious about things besides butt-wiping and
sandwich making, unless the kids are only going to be butt-wipers and
sandwich makers.
I don't think there are really people on this list without interests, so the
only way this conversation can continue is if someone wants to defend having
no interests, and no curiousity, and that's going to be the point at which I
would personally say "Then put your kids in school, because some of the
teachers and other kids DO have interests and passions and hobbies and
collections and stories to tell.
Sandra
Mary
From: "kayb85" <sheran@...>
<<I was the one who started that heading. I was reading on digest at
the time and responding to someone who was responding to Glena in the
math phobia thread. To me it sounded like they were saying that moms
should be doing stuff on their own, away from their kids. I
misunderstood the general idea and I apologize for that heading.>>
Oh I don't thing you should apologize at all for a heading. It's not stupid.
<<So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool.>>
I get this, I really do. I have periods like this. Sometimes long periods of
it. From what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are hovering and
smothering. Just taking care of business. And your business is your family
now. I think the important thing is if you do it because your are in a
situation and feel like it's what you "have" to do, OR you really enjoy what
you are doing and see how much of a difference you are making for you
children in them growing up.
For me, I do it because I really enjoy it. I love what I do. Every day I
love it. Sometimes it's trying, but I wouldn't want to be doing anything
else right now. I also know it sometimes gets easier for me to have "me"
time and sometimes harder. As the children get older, I do believe it gets
easier. I'm sure you will see that too. I have general ideas of what I think
I would like to be doing in 5, 10 and even 20 years from now. As much as
they also involve my children, it also involves me doing some things I would
like to and also doing things with just Joe and I. I'm in no hurry though. I
know before I know it, those times will be here. I just enjoy now!
By the way, anytime I fill out any kind of application, for occupation I
always put Mom. Some may have a problem with that but right now, to me, it
says so much about my life. And yes I am more than just a mom, but it
happens to be something I take very seriously. I also get a lot of comments
on that when people read it over. I've always had good responses.
Mary B
<<I was the one who started that heading. I was reading on digest at
the time and responding to someone who was responding to Glena in the
math phobia thread. To me it sounded like they were saying that moms
should be doing stuff on their own, away from their kids. I
misunderstood the general idea and I apologize for that heading.>>
Oh I don't thing you should apologize at all for a heading. It's not stupid.
<<So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool.>>
I get this, I really do. I have periods like this. Sometimes long periods of
it. From what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are hovering and
smothering. Just taking care of business. And your business is your family
now. I think the important thing is if you do it because your are in a
situation and feel like it's what you "have" to do, OR you really enjoy what
you are doing and see how much of a difference you are making for you
children in them growing up.
For me, I do it because I really enjoy it. I love what I do. Every day I
love it. Sometimes it's trying, but I wouldn't want to be doing anything
else right now. I also know it sometimes gets easier for me to have "me"
time and sometimes harder. As the children get older, I do believe it gets
easier. I'm sure you will see that too. I have general ideas of what I think
I would like to be doing in 5, 10 and even 20 years from now. As much as
they also involve my children, it also involves me doing some things I would
like to and also doing things with just Joe and I. I'm in no hurry though. I
know before I know it, those times will be here. I just enjoy now!
By the way, anytime I fill out any kind of application, for occupation I
always put Mom. Some may have a problem with that but right now, to me, it
says so much about my life. And yes I am more than just a mom, but it
happens to be something I take very seriously. I also get a lot of comments
on that when people read it over. I've always had good responses.
Mary B
Kelly Lenhart
>By the way, anytime I fill out any kind of application, for occupation II always wondered why someone would have a problem with listing mom or
>always put Mom. Some may have a problem with that but right now, to me, it
>says so much about my life. And yes I am more than just a mom, but it
>happens to be something I take very seriously. I also get a lot of comments
>on that when people read it over. I've always had good responses.
>Mary B
homemaker as occupation. When I listed secretary or library clerk noone
would assume that was ALL I was.
I'm a mom, a wife, a writer, a community organizer, a person of faith, etc.
I can't be one of those without the other being a part of it.
Kelly
Mary
From: "Kelly Lenhart" <mina@...>
<<I'm a mom, a wife, a writer, a community organizer, a person of faith,
etc.
I can't be one of those without the other being a part of it.>>
And when you think about it, even so much more than that. I read a piece
somewhere about a stay at home mom, not sure if she homeschooled or not, but
it was about her getting upset when people mentioned that she didn't have a
job, she was JUST a mom or housewife. She finally made up an answer when
asked what her occupation was. It was research assistant in the field of
child development and human relations. She would then go on if someone asked
what that entailed giving details about what she did do, referring of course
to her children all the time without them knowing. It was a cute piece.
Unfortunately I never can remember that when the opportunity comes up!
Mary B
<<I'm a mom, a wife, a writer, a community organizer, a person of faith,
etc.
I can't be one of those without the other being a part of it.>>
And when you think about it, even so much more than that. I read a piece
somewhere about a stay at home mom, not sure if she homeschooled or not, but
it was about her getting upset when people mentioned that she didn't have a
job, she was JUST a mom or housewife. She finally made up an answer when
asked what her occupation was. It was research assistant in the field of
child development and human relations. She would then go on if someone asked
what that entailed giving details about what she did do, referring of course
to her children all the time without them knowing. It was a cute piece.
Unfortunately I never can remember that when the opportunity comes up!
Mary B
Kelly Lenhart
>She finally made up an answer whenYES YES YES
>asked what her occupation was. It was research assistant in the field of
>child development and human relations.
>Mary B
I've read that, it's hysterical. We should all have business cards with
that on it. Too funny. Just goes to show how far a buzz word can go!
Kelly
Tim and Maureen
----- Original Message -----
From: kayb85
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 02, 2003 9:07 AM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: unschooling requires parenting
So I get that we should have
interests and find different things interesting, but I also think
that some don't get that some moms really don't have much time to
pursue those interests if they're also going to unschool.
Sheila
I hear you sheila. I really believe that it is possible to hold onto ourselves and give to our kids in the way we do.
I think it is about that we choose.I recognise it is a balancing act but when I had kids that was what I wanted
and personally I get a lot of me time just by being involved with them. When my time comes with less demands
and needs of others I know that like everything else I will be able to fill it with something satisfying as well.But
right now my kids need me the majority of the time in some way.I love it too.
maureen
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Maggy
I did this! I made up business cards and handed them out when I attended my high school reunion.
Maggy
Maggy
----- Original Message -----
From: Kelly Lenhart
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, May 03, 2003 9:37 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: unschooling requires parenting
>She finally made up an answer when
>asked what her occupation was. It was research assistant in the field of
>child development and human relations.
>Mary B
YES YES YES
I've read that, it's hysterical. We should all have business cards with
that on it. Too funny. Just goes to show how far a buzz word can go!
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]