Re: estranged from parents
susan
hi sus,
we live in c.tx, my dh's parents are in n.ca and mine are in e.pa - it's a
good 3 to 4 day drive to either set of grandparents. my dh and i were in
n.ca when we got together and moved to tx about a year later. when i first
got pregnant i literally freaked out because i thought my dh's parent would
try and take my son because i'm so different from them. it was a lot of
stress but now that we've moved, (it's been nearly 5 years though i still
love and miss n.ca), - which did not go over big at all - , things are much
better and we have a lot more privacy to make our way without constant
scrutiny (dh family are all big ps supports - ex teaches and all:), which
i personally love:) i highly recommend, if your family is not supportive,
creating large and inconvenient distances, even if it's to the farthest
corner of the state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of
mind has some truth to it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
we live in c.tx, my dh's parents are in n.ca and mine are in e.pa - it's a
good 3 to 4 day drive to either set of grandparents. my dh and i were in
n.ca when we got together and moved to tx about a year later. when i first
got pregnant i literally freaked out because i thought my dh's parent would
try and take my son because i'm so different from them. it was a lot of
stress but now that we've moved, (it's been nearly 5 years though i still
love and miss n.ca), - which did not go over big at all - , things are much
better and we have a lot more privacy to make our way without constant
scrutiny (dh family are all big ps supports - ex teaches and all:), which
i personally love:) i highly recommend, if your family is not supportive,
creating large and inconvenient distances, even if it's to the farthest
corner of the state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of
mind has some truth to it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
[email protected]
Hello everyone,
I've been lurking on this list for months and felt that it's time for an
intro. I'm Susan too, single mom to 4 yr. old Matthew, who has been
diagnosed as ADHD. I am self employed, work from home also. Marcie's
post really hit home for me , I too have a very controlling mother. Last
year my mother took me to court to obtain her "grandparents rights". She
has turned most of my family against me because I choose to raise my son
with very different religious beliefs than theirs.I try not to worry
about what the future may hold for me and my child, but I can see my
mother taking me back to court to force me to put my son in school once
she finds out that I'm homeschooling. Marcie commented that the distance
helps, and I've been wanting to move away for this very reason, but my
son's father will not let me leave the state with my minor child.
Leaving my son behind would never be an option.
Being on this list, hearing others difficulties, and how they cope,
really helps alot. Thanks for all your experience, strength, and
insight.
Sincerely, Sus
I've been lurking on this list for months and felt that it's time for an
intro. I'm Susan too, single mom to 4 yr. old Matthew, who has been
diagnosed as ADHD. I am self employed, work from home also. Marcie's
post really hit home for me , I too have a very controlling mother. Last
year my mother took me to court to obtain her "grandparents rights". She
has turned most of my family against me because I choose to raise my son
with very different religious beliefs than theirs.I try not to worry
about what the future may hold for me and my child, but I can see my
mother taking me back to court to force me to put my son in school once
she finds out that I'm homeschooling. Marcie commented that the distance
helps, and I've been wanting to move away for this very reason, but my
son's father will not let me leave the state with my minor child.
Leaving my son behind would never be an option.
Being on this list, hearing others difficulties, and how they cope,
really helps alot. Thanks for all your experience, strength, and
insight.
Sincerely, Sus
Ron and Stephanie
Sus-
What state are you in? This helps much. I also know how hard it is to have a
mom from he**, as well as an ex (husband/boyfriend) that will put up a fight
if I move. My mom lives 1600 miles from my home. I live in Michigan, but am
moving with my husband to Kansas. I have not told the court yet. have you
considered talking to your court worker (for your son's case - In Michigan
it is Friend of the Court) about wanting to move, and what it would take to
be able to move? I have a home purchased and I talked to the worker. I am
with the understanding that a custodial parent can move, but must notify the
state and non custodial parent. It is worth checking. Now on to your mother.
I do not know enough about grandparents rights, but I know that as long as
you are schooling your child, there really is not much she can do. I would
find a support system to talk to and find out all the little things for that
too. AND take notes! LOTS OF THEM! Your best defense is a great offense.
Being prepared makes you one up. I hope that you can finally get away!
Blessings and prayers
Stephanie
What state are you in? This helps much. I also know how hard it is to have a
mom from he**, as well as an ex (husband/boyfriend) that will put up a fight
if I move. My mom lives 1600 miles from my home. I live in Michigan, but am
moving with my husband to Kansas. I have not told the court yet. have you
considered talking to your court worker (for your son's case - In Michigan
it is Friend of the Court) about wanting to move, and what it would take to
be able to move? I have a home purchased and I talked to the worker. I am
with the understanding that a custodial parent can move, but must notify the
state and non custodial parent. It is worth checking. Now on to your mother.
I do not know enough about grandparents rights, but I know that as long as
you are schooling your child, there really is not much she can do. I would
find a support system to talk to and find out all the little things for that
too. AND take notes! LOTS OF THEM! Your best defense is a great offense.
Being prepared makes you one up. I hope that you can finally get away!
Blessings and prayers
Stephanie
[email protected]
Susan, I will pray for strength and courage for you. Please e-mail me
sometime if you'd like to chat.
It's interesting to me that when we open up to each other that we often find
shared experiences.
Marcie
sometime if you'd like to chat.
It's interesting to me that when we open up to each other that we often find
shared experiences.
Marcie
Tom & Nanci Kuykendall
>....i highly recommend, if your family is not supportive, creating largeand inconvenient distances, even if it's >to the farthest corner of the
state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of mind has some
truth to >it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
I totally agree. This is absolutely true. We are so much happier living
two states away from my family. It is close enough that the Grandparents
can visit a couple of times a year when the weather is good for driving,
but far enough that they are not all preoccupied with every little aspect
of our lives and are not coming over all the time.
Nanci K.
[email protected]
Thanks for all the input. I believe Stephanie asked what state I'm in.
I'm in IL, about 15 min. from St. Louis.Locally we have a "grandparents
rights" case spread all over the news.I've been following it closely.
Right now I'm just working on the financial end of it , getting ready to
go back to court. As far as my son's father goes, we are trying to work
things out between us , and if we were to marry, my mother wouldn't
have any rights.
I know I brought a lot of this on myself. When I got pregnant, I allowed
my mother back into my life. Big mistake !! I was suffering from
depression, and she was a big help to me. unfortunately, I allowed her
to manipulate me . When I finally started to feel like my old self
again, I asked her repeatedly to back off, but finally had to end all
contact. I know the only way to get this woman out of my life is to
move away.
Sorry this is so long, but it feels good just to get this off my chest
(now if I could only get her off my back !) Thanks for letting me vent.
Sus
I'm in IL, about 15 min. from St. Louis.Locally we have a "grandparents
rights" case spread all over the news.I've been following it closely.
Right now I'm just working on the financial end of it , getting ready to
go back to court. As far as my son's father goes, we are trying to work
things out between us , and if we were to marry, my mother wouldn't
have any rights.
I know I brought a lot of this on myself. When I got pregnant, I allowed
my mother back into my life. Big mistake !! I was suffering from
depression, and she was a big help to me. unfortunately, I allowed her
to manipulate me . When I finally started to feel like my old self
again, I asked her repeatedly to back off, but finally had to end all
contact. I know the only way to get this woman out of my life is to
move away.
Sorry this is so long, but it feels good just to get this off my chest
(now if I could only get her off my back !) Thanks for letting me vent.
Sus
Tracy Oldfield
hmmm. I live in the same village as my mum, and the next-but-one village from dh's parents. Today, we walked to the library, the park, my mum's for lunch, the 'swings-and-slides,' and home. The girls are very tired :-) It's nice to have this convenience, and when we lived in the next village from here, 3 from the in-laws, I said it was good that we were close enough to visit without having to stay the night :-) But I still find my mum's attitudes drive me nuts. She's relaxed about some things, house-type stuff, but then she's drilling my kids in competitiveness, choosing teams when there are game programmes on the telly and putting down whoever chose the losing team, can you credit? She doesn't mind that my kids don't ask or say please, but then she acts like a martyr while she's doing stuff. She laughs when I try to tell them what I expect, and she tells me things I don't need them to hear, while they are there, like how they behaved, or whether they used the toilet! This seems linked with the thread on balance to me, the trust and understanding are there with her, but not the authority, or so it seems to me. It's really frustrating, but I can't find the words to tell her, and I don't want to while the girls are there, and we never seem to see each other when they are not.
Moving isn't an option for us, we have a successful business with a lot of local clients, and we just moved last year anyhow. This situation is nothing like being under threat of court orders, The best of luck with that, and if you can't move out of the state, I'd move as far as possible inside the state :-)
Tracy
From: Tom & Nanci Kuykendall <tn-k4of5@...>
state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of mind has some
truth to >it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
I totally agree. This is absolutely true. We are so much happier living
two states away from my family. It is close enough that the Grandparents
can visit a couple of times a year when the weather is good for driving,
but far enough that they are not all preoccupied with every little aspect
of our lives and are not coming over all the time.
Nanci K.
Moving isn't an option for us, we have a successful business with a lot of local clients, and we just moved last year anyhow. This situation is nothing like being under threat of court orders, The best of luck with that, and if you can't move out of the state, I'd move as far as possible inside the state :-)
Tracy
From: Tom & Nanci Kuykendall <tn-k4of5@...>
>....i highly recommend, if your family is not supportive, creating largeand inconvenient distances, even if it's >to the farthest corner of the
state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of mind has some
truth to >it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
I totally agree. This is absolutely true. We are so much happier living
two states away from my family. It is close enough that the Grandparents
can visit a couple of times a year when the weather is good for driving,
but far enough that they are not all preoccupied with every little aspect
of our lives and are not coming over all the time.
Nanci K.
Debra Bures
we live over the stream and through the woods from my in-laws--a definite mixed blessing. We've had to be very clear in setting boundaries, and clear with the kids. We've had the kids drilled in what they're learning, subtle and not-so-subtle sabotaging our homeschooling.Whenever I tell them about something our kids are doing, they always talk about the other grandkids, whom they seldom see and seldom speak to. But we do the best we can and carry on.
Debra
Debra
----- Original Message -----
From: Tracy Oldfield
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 23, 2000 11:13 AM
Subject: Re: [Unschooling-dotcom] estranged from parents
From: "Tracy Oldfield" <Tracy@...-online.co.uk>
hmmm. I live in the same village as my mum, and the next-but-one village from dh's parents. Today, we walked to the library, the park, my mum's for lunch, the 'swings-and-slides,' and home. The girls are very tired :-) It's nice to have this convenience, and when we lived in the next village from here, 3 from the in-laws, I said it was good that we were close enough to visit without having to stay the night :-) But I still find my mum's attitudes drive me nuts. She's relaxed about some things, house-type stuff, but then she's drilling my kids in competitiveness, choosing teams when there are game programmes on the telly and putting down whoever chose the losing team, can you credit? She doesn't mind that my kids don't ask or say please, but then she acts like a martyr while she's doing stuff. She laughs when I try to tell them what I expect, and she tells me things I don't need them to hear, while they are there, like how they behaved, or whether they used the toilet! This seems linked with the thread on balance to me, the trust and understanding are there with her, but not the authority, or so it seems to me. It's really frustrating, but I can't find the words to tell her, and I don't want to while the girls are there, and we never seem to see each other when they are not.
Moving isn't an option for us, we have a successful business with a lot of local clients, and we just moved last year anyhow. This situation is nothing like being under threat of court orders, The best of luck with that, and if you can't move out of the state, I'd move as far as possible inside the state :-)
Tracy
From: Tom & Nanci Kuykendall <tn-k4of5@...>
>....i highly recommend, if your family is not supportive, creating large
and inconvenient distances, even if it's >to the farthest corner of the
state you live in, because it seems that out of site out of mind has some
truth to >it. jmo.
best of luck,
austin,tx
I totally agree. This is absolutely true. We are so much happier living
two states away from my family. It is close enough that the Grandparents
can visit a couple of times a year when the weather is good for driving,
but far enough that they are not all preoccupied with every little aspect
of our lives and are not coming over all the time.
Nanci K.
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