[email protected]

This group permeates every other online community I frequent. I see so many
non-homeschooling parents with such opposite views on some things, and they
all see loving and caring and level-headed, but so wrong compared to the
experience I have here.

They were discussing whether children should be forced to go to a disliked
grandmother's funeral, just to show respect and honor their dad. I said it
should be their choice. They were talking about bicycle helmets and whether
they should be enforced. I don't enforce them, but now i wonder if I should.
I think it's foolish to ride a motorcycle without one, so why shouldn't I
insist my children wear one. There were of course personal tales of biking
tragedies of helmetless riders. It got me thinking, I make my children wear
seatbelts for their safety, or ride in carseats, so what is different about
helmets and what would unschoolers do?

WWUD? LOL

I thought we had talked about helmets here before, and why some here don't
enforce them. But do they enforce seatbelts and carseats? Where do you draw
the line?

My biggest WWUD issue is about my daughter cleaning her room. I am *really*
trying to let it go. I *hate* when she leaves her room trashed for a long
time, and have tried saying if you want to do this, your room better be
clean. Instead of just making her go in and do it. At one point she lied
about her room being clean when asked(a red flag, which made me consider
whether it wasn't another form of my asserting my needs on her and
threatening her for my own comfort) because she wanted to do something else
instead.

So I told her that from now on, I won't nag her at all. I had stopped nagging
a bit, without telling her why, and she would take care of it more on her
own, but if it got to a certain point the battle would begin.

This time I told her I am not going to engage in it anymore. So of course she
let her room get totally trashed. I started getting impatient waiting for her
to take responsibility. I told her to keep the door shut, and she is so
forgetful, she doesn't. The younger brother and sister get in there, and i
have to go and retrieve bath towels before they get ruined with mildew, and
one of my antique-ish books got ruined, and I got upset and went back on my
word. I bitched her out and demanded she clean it. Over a book and towels
that really shouldn't matter. UGH!

Her dad stepped in (to referee between our two bullheaded personalities) and
threatened to spank her if it wasn't done by a certain time.....oh no......we
had said no more spanking a few weeks ago.....

I didn't say anything, I should have. I wasn't going to let him spank her,
but I shouldn't even let that threat weigh on her. I think I have a bruise
from smacking my forehead.

So again, if you have even read this ridiculously long post, I am looking for
WWUD concerning keeping kids bedrooms clean.

I am really dumb, because she was telling me(before the blowup) how great it
was that it was her room, and she didn't like the pressure of keeping it
spotless, and she liked it a little messy. And that she loved it being her
choice and responsibility. I didn't want spotless, I can live a bit of mess.

This got way out of control, and I reacted. I didn't trust. I didn't let her
de-roomclean long enough. I know she eventually would have cleaned it up
herself. She did, but only after her dad threatened. And she did a great job,
and was proud, so the end result was seemingly good. At what cost? I have let
whole days go while she moped in her room, waiting for her to just do it.
What a waste, I know that doesn't work.

Maybe I should offer to help? A lot of times in the past she would just cry
and say she can't, and she needed help. She is used to me saying no. And I
have helped before, but then i take over and organize things to my liking,
and she doesn't want that either.

Middle ground, oh middle ground, where are you middle ground?

I don't want to be dependant on the opinions of unschoolers for every
parenting concern, but some insight would be appreciated, until I can start
doing things that work like I was born with the knowledge, without second
guessing and re-living past mistakes.

Ang


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Heidi

Hi Ang

I have several thoughts on this post.

1) bicycle helmets. You heard horror stories about accidents without
them? I have a "near-horror story" about an accident wherein a helmet
saved my 10 yo boy's life. If he had not had a helmet on his head
when he went off the road and out of control down a trackless
hillside, when he impacted the tree, we could have been making
decisions about organ donation, instead of taking him to Immediate
Care and having him bandaged and x-rayed. I INSIST on them, though no
one else out here in our rural area has them. But...no one out here
wears seatbelts either. we do. This is one hill I am more than
willing to battle over.

2) cleaning their rooms. We have family chores, and one of the kids'
daily chores is make your beds, pick up dirty clothes from the floor,
toss accumulated trash in your room. So, I can't say they've ever
gotten really bad, though there's always a bit of clutter. When
Katie's room gets really bad (Robby's never does) I go in and sit on
the bed and say "that goes there" "put that in the garbage" "put that
in the dirty clothes pile by the door" etc. She's getting to where
she knows a bit about organizing "a clean up" and she doesn't balk
even a littel bit about doing it, if I'm in there with her. It's when
I say "Go clean your room!" and not go in to talk to her, that she
puts up a fuss.

If we ever take the step of not making them clean their rooms as a
daily thing, and their rooms get trashed :\ I would say "Keep it how
you want it, but don't take anything that belongs to me or other
family members, (book) or that belongs to the household (towel) in
there." If she likes her room messy, that's okay, but when her messy
infringes on other people's property, in our home, it wouldn't be
okay. Oh, laundry. Does your daughter manage to get her dirty clothes
to the laundry room? That'd be another thing: keep your room how you
want, but I'm not going in, so if you want clean clothes, get them to
the laundry room or let me know you're doing a load and I'll get my
laundry out of the way.

3) second-guessing! L I am absorbing this board and many articles, so
I can get over the second-guessing stage, myself.

peace, HeidiC

--- In [email protected], unolist@a... wrote:
> This group permeates every other online community I frequent. I see
so many
> non-homeschooling parents with such opposite views on some things,
and they
> all see loving and caring and level-headed, but so wrong compared
to the
> experience I have here.
They were talking about bicycle helmets and whether
> they should be enforced. I don't enforce them, but now i wonder if
I should.
> WWUD? LOL
>
> My biggest WWUD issue is about my daughter cleaning her room. I am
*really*
> trying to let it go. I *hate* when she leaves her room trashed for
a long
> time,

MARK and JULIE SOLICH

> So again, if you have even read this ridiculously long post, I am looking
for
> WWUD concerning keeping kids bedrooms clean.

> Ang


I find this a difficult area too. We have to keep the floor areas in our
house relatively clean and clear as at certain times of the year we face the
possibility of dugite hatchlings (venomous snakes) coming into the house.
Not pleasant! They are so hard to see even when the floor is debris free.

I still lose my temper far too frequently but things are getting better. I
find what works best is getting in there with them and helping them. I think
you need to choose the time carefully too. I try to mention it the night
before and then wait for a time when they seem to be at a loose end.

One thing that works everytime is putting a cake/muffins in the oven,
putting the kettle on and suggesting we clean up a bit before morning tea!

We sat down and talked about the concerns I had awhile ago ie, snakes, a big
spider that I nearly picked up when I was cleaning, fire hazards and also
how much dad hates treading on Lego in the middle of the night! Things have
been a bit better since then, I guess they can see where I am coming from.

And I am trying to be more patient. What looks like a huge mess to me can
actually be an important part of their game.

I'm reminding myself every day that life is messy. I should say that Miss
Frizzle reminds me everyday, as the kids are still enthralled with the Magic
School Bus series so it's what I wake up to every morning!

Probably haven't helped but I am thinking of you1

Julie


>
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>

Kelly Lenhart

>The younger brother and sister get in there, and i
>have to go and retrieve bath towels before they get ruined with mildew, and
>one of my antique-ish books got ruined, and I got upset and went back on my
>word. I bitched her out and demanded she clean it. Over a book and towels
>that really shouldn't matter. UGH!
>Middle ground, oh middle ground, where are you middle ground?
>
>Ang

But the book mattered to YOU. And the mildewed towels makes extra work for
you.

I think having her room a mess is no big deal-----so long as it doesn't
impact on anyone else. It's not unreasonable to say, "Hey, I know you are
tired of hearing this, but could you at least meet me half way? How you
treat your things is not the issue here. How you treat family things
(towels) and other people's things (mom's book) is."

Make it as clear as you can that you aren't asking her to clean, as such,
because it sounds like that's not the issue. It's respect for other's
belongings. Forcing yourself to make it clear to HER also helps make it
clear to you and step dad, too. At least that's what I've found happens
with me. The more I strive to be specific about what I'm asking (respect
other's things) the more *I* remember not to stress about the general
(mess.)

Kelly

Kelly Lenhart

> I would say "Keep it how
>you want it, but don't take anything that belongs to me or other
>family members, (book) or that belongs to the household (towel) in
>there."

Cool, that's what I said, maybe I'm getting this!!! -grin-

>Oh, laundry. Does your daughter manage to get her dirty clothes
>to the laundry room? That'd be another thing: keep your room how you
>want, but I'm not going in, so if you want clean clothes, get them to
>the laundry room or let me know you're doing a load and I'll get my
>laundry out of the way.

Another good point. Either have the laundry in a basket near the door so I
can grab it or bring it down. BTW, can I tell this to dh, too????? -evil,
evil, grin-

Kelly

Betjeman and Barton Tea Merchants

I agree with Kelly's post (below). You might want to have a few specific rules - ie no food or drink containers in her room, no wet towels, respect other people's things, and (because of the younger ones) leave the door shut.

Other than that let her leave it a mess until she feels like cleaning up.

Good luck!

Karen



>
>Ang

But the book mattered to YOU. And the mildewed towels makes extra work for
you.

I think having her room a mess is no big deal-----so long as it doesn't
impact on anyone else. It's not unreasonable to say, "Hey, I know you are
tired of hearing this, but could you at least meet me half way? How you
treat your things is not the issue here. How you treat family things
(towels) and other people's things (mom's book) is."

Make it as clear as you can that you aren't asking her to clean, as such,
because it sounds like that's not the issue. It's respect for other's
belongings. Forcing yourself to make it clear to HER also helps make it
clear to you and step dad, too. At least that's what I've found happens
with me. The more I strive to be specific about what I'm asking (respect
other's things) the more *I* remember not to stress about the general
(mess.)




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 10:44:44 AM Eastern Daylight Time, mina@...
writes:

> BTW, can I tell this to dh, too????? -evil

YES....
I tell Jackson that if he can't hit the laundry basket that is sitting right
beside his closet door then it doesn't get washed by me. I won't pick up his
things off the floor. It works here. I am more than happy to wash his
clothes with mine if they are in the basket.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Clevenger

> From: unolist@...
>It got me thinking, I make my children wear
> seatbelts for their safety, or ride in carseats, so what is different
about
> helmets and what would unschoolers do?
> I thought we had talked about helmets here before, and why some here don't
> enforce them. But do they enforce seatbelts and carseats? Where do you
draw
> the line?

We do wear helmets and so do the kids. It's the law here, same as seatbelts
and carseats. But we would do it anyways. We ride our bikes a lot for
transportation, so we're in bike lanes right next to car traffic. We ride
almost every day. If it was just the kids riding around the cul-de-sac or
park it might be different. DH and I both bike and both wear helmets, the
kids come to our triathlons and see all the riders wearing helmets, I
explained *why* I choose to wear a helmet and they always have just done it.
They loved picking out their own helmets, and my daughter actually went
through a phase where she wore hers all the time. They see other people
riding without helmets and comment on it.
I dunno, it just makes sense to me to keep my head as safe as possible -
then again I got in a bad bike wreck last summer and was very glad to have
my helmet on since my head hit the pavement with a big thud. Helmets now are
so much more comfortable too. We made sure to get the kids the newer style
with plenty of ventilation and the soft harness that sits on your head. They
are *way* better than they were even a few years ago, and if the harness is
adjusted correctly they don't fall over your eyes and don't restrict
visibility at all.

> My biggest WWUD issue is about my daughter cleaning her room.

Well, here's what we do. The kids don't have to clean up their room,
although I personally won't walk in there if I can't get across the floor
without stepping on something. So they clean enough to at least leave a path
to their beds, LOL. But I would draw the line at clothes or towels or books
getting ruined in there. Sometimes if it makes me crazy enough, I'll go in
and help them clean and re-organize stuff. I bought them bins to keep stuff
organized, ha ha. If they are constantly missing toys and asking me to come
help them find them, I'll remind them that the purpose of the bins was to
help them not lose things. Like if the little horses go back into their bin
at the end of the day, my daughter won't have to run around the whole house
in a panic trying to find the one she wants to play with. My son is starting
to get this. He's lost the parts to some of his Bionicles despite having a
bin with a lid to keep them in. So he's paying a lot more attention to that
now as he likes to be able to rebuild them sometimes after using the pieces
in something else. He keeps all the instruction sheets in one place now too!

Also, when we have friends over to play, before they go we usually ask
everyone to do a "Five minute Room Rescue" (thank you Flylady!). Like
yesterday, the kids had the living room completely covered in stuff, you
couldn't see an inch of floor! so they all pitched in and cleaned up that
one room before they left. I love a lot of Flylady's techniques, like the
room rescue. They work well for kids too because they know it's only for a
few minutes, we set the timer and it's like a race to see what we can get
done. If we all pitch in, then a room can be pretty reasonable in five
minutes or less. We also do the "28 fling boogie" and the kids like that
one. It's almost like a treasure hunt to see if we can find 28 things that
need throwing away.

Blue Skies!
-Robin-

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 8:29:44 AM, bunsofaluminum60@... writes:

<< That'd be another thing: keep your room how you

want, but I'm not going in, so if you want clean clothes, get them to

the laundry room or let me know you're doing a load and I'll get my

laundry out of the way. >>

That seems like a punishment. If you were to switch from chores to a "keep
your room however" plan, to say "I'll never come in" seems like banishment
from the fellowship of mankind or something.

Sandra

Heidi

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 5/1/03 8:29:44 AM, bunsofaluminum60@h... writes:
>
> << That'd be another thing: keep your room how you
>
> want, but I'm not going in, so if you want clean clothes, get them
to
>
> the laundry room or let me know you're doing a load and I'll get my
>
> laundry out of the way. >>
>
> That seems like a punishment. If you were to switch from chores
to a "keep
> your room however" plan, to say "I'll never come in" seems like
banishment
> from the fellowship of mankind or something.
>
> Sandra

Okay, let's see here. A good amendment would be: "Keep your room how
you want it, but i'm not going to search around in it for your dirty
laundry..." and so forth.

Better? ;)

HeidiC

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 8:54:45 AM, genant2@... writes:

<< I tell Jackson that if he can't hit the laundry basket that is sitting
right
beside his closet door then it doesn't get washed by me. I won't pick up his
things off the floor. It works here. I am more than happy to wash his
clothes with mine if they are in the basket. >>

I'll pick up my husband's clothes and he'll pick mine up. We throw them
toward the basket, but some miss.

Maybe you could just say when it's nearly time "Could you take the laundry
basket to the machine, please?" and then he'll pick up what's not in the
basket. Unless you have had a rule about not picking up what's in the basket.

My "rules" about clothes involve the knowledge that people have favorites and
it's good to make them available without too much wait, and that leaving
clothes dirty doesn't make them last as long as getting them clean.

Do clothes exist for the purpose of controlling or training other people?
Are they exercises in rules-following? Are they tools in the struggle for
supremacy?

No, they're clothes. They cost money, people need to wear them, and picking
them up is less work than trying to figure out how to make others pick them
up, and then trying to figure out how to retore the loving and trusting
relationship which clothes wars might have damaged.

When a husband dies, how many wives would LOVE to have the opportunity to
pick up his dirty clothes, and maybe smell them, even?

Being cold and rules-bound isn't a step on the path to close and loving
relationships.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 10:30:22 AM, bunsofaluminum60@... writes:

<< Okay, let's see here. A good amendment would be: "Keep your room how

you want it, but i'm not going to search around in it for your dirty

laundry..." and so forth.


Better? ;) >>

Yes! Thanks! <bwg>

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/2003 12:37:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> When a husband dies, how many wives would LOVE to have the opportunity to
> pick up his dirty clothes, and maybe smell them, even?
>
> Being cold and rules-bound isn't a step on the path to close and loving
> relationships.
>
>
Sandra, I think that is the concept that I use when doing kind things for my
children. I have a son that died. In this life there is nothing that I
personally can do for him any longer. The small things that I do for my
children reflect that while we have them with us, why not?

Your entire perspective on life changes when a child dies. It's not the way
it's supposed to be, children bury their parents, not the other way around,
it changes one, you can be bitter and cold because something so horrible
happened (and I was for a while) or you can figure out a way to live
differently and better and more loving and more kind to those you might not
see in this life tomorrow.

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tia Leschke

> I find this a difficult area too. We have to keep the floor areas in our
> house relatively clean and clear as at certain times of the year we face
the
> possibility of dugite hatchlings (venomous snakes) coming into the house.
> Not pleasant! They are so hard to see even when the floor is debris free.

Oh yikes! That would be my worst nightmare. Where did you say you live, so
I'll never go there? <g>
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

Kelly Lenhart

>I'll pick up my husband's clothes and he'll pick mine up. We throw them
>toward the basket, but some miss.
>Sandra

There is a difference between the stuff around the basket and hanging out of
the basket and the stuff laying on the floor by his side of the bed, the
stuff on the banister outside the bathroom, the stuff on the bedroom door,
the stuff...you get the point.

I think it's a reasonable natural consequence, frankly. Put your laundry
where laundry goes and I'll get it during the normal course. Put it
somewhere else and I'll get to it when I can. But since it's extra work, it
may have to wait. THat's all.

Kelly

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 3:15:53 PM, mina@... writes:

<< There is a difference between the stuff around the basket and hanging out
of

the basket and the stuff laying on the floor by his side of the bed, the

stuff on the banister outside the bathroom, the stuff on the bedroom door,

the stuff...you get the point. >>

Not enough difference to fight about.

<<I think it's a reasonable natural consequence, frankly. Put your laundry

where laundry goes and I'll get it during the normal course. Put it

somewhere else and I'll get to it when I can. But since it's extra work, it

may have to wait. THat's all.>>

If my husband and I both worked outside the home, I might think being
inflexible about taking care of his stuff was reasonable. It wouldn't make
me a nicer person, but it would seem sensible on some level. Sometimes even
now, even though I'm not on a set schedule and I'm home a lot, he will do a
load of my laundry. Many more times, I do his, so he will have clothes to
wear to work where he makes the money that pays for the house payment,
utilities, and groceries (he just pulled in; has shopped for groceries!), and
his knock-around favorite clothes so he can work in the yard.

I'm going to help bring in the groceries I helped pay for by washing clothes
and taking care of kids.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5-1-2003 2:35:41 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
rubyprincesstsg@... writes:

> Your entire perspective on life changes when a child dies. It's not the way
>
> it's supposed to be, children bury their parents, not the other way around,
>
> it changes one, you can be bitter and cold because something so horrible
> happened (and I was for a while) or you can figure out a way to live
> differently and better and more loving and more kind to those you might not
>
> see in this life tomorrow.
>

ITA Glena :) Mitch and I scoffed at those who told us we needed *couple
time* and to ditch our kids on a regular basis ... we always felt we would
have plenty of *couple time* when our children were gone from our nest.
Though I'm saddened by loosing him, I don't regret ~ for one moment ~ the
time we spent together as a family. My children are richer for us having
focused on them.

That said, as a single mom, it's a tougher juggling act to meet the needs of
my little ones and search for ways to ensure MY needs are being met. Two
years now, and I'm just beginning to be VERY vocal about my needs, i.e.
needing someone to take my kids shopping for mother's day and my birthday [NO
ONE volunteered to take my kids Christmas shopping to get a gift for me].

Luckily, the discussion of your post has opened my eyes to how incredibly
rich my life is ~ I do pursue my own interests, they are merely adapted to be
family-friendly or they're not high on my priority list. If I do want to do
something on my own, it has to be incredibly inticing to warrant the expense
of a sitter :)

diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
“I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly
losing it's understanding of being human" John Trudell


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 12:38:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> No, they're clothes. They cost money, people need to wear them, and picking
>
> them up is less work than trying to figure out how to make others pick them
>
> up, and then trying to figure out how to retore the loving and trusting
> relationship which clothes wars might have damaged.
>
>

We have no clothes wars here. No damaged relationships. He is a terminal
slob. And he freely admits it. I don't punish or control him. I don't
continually say that he needs to get the clothes in the basket or they don't
get washed. It isn't that his clothes miss the basket. He doesn't even try
for the basket. And that is fine with me. He stacks his clean clothes up on
the floor with the dirty ones. Also fine with me. I am simply not going to go
through the clothes to find the dirty ones. Like the poster that said that
the wet towels were in the messy room. If he wants to keep his clothes that
way it is fine with me, I am just not going to go get into his clothes. And
that is fine with him. Every other week or so he goes sniffing around to
find the dirty ones and they make it to the basket and they get washed.

I do pick up my boys clothes. Although they are pretty good about getting
them in the basket. And I do remind them that it is easier for me if the
clothes are put in the basket and not hid behind a chair somewhere.
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

sorcha_aisling

My boys share a room and I let them keep it anyway they want, but
each morning while they're sleeping I tiptoe in there and pick up
empty cups or wrappers from Nutrigrain bars, or towels, etc. A few
times a year, like before birthdays or Christmas, I go in and
thoroughly clean and put things in the plastic bins they're supposed
to be in and see if anything is broken or outgrown. That also gives
me a good idea what they already have before I go shopping. And they
love walking into a completely clean room and being able to see
everything in it's place. If they were teenagers, I'd ask them if
there was anything they didn't want me to see, and they could put it
somewhere else first (with my parents, my dad was the type that you
could leave an open diary on the kitchen table and he wouldn't read
it because it wasn't his, but my mom would go through the trash and
pull out notebooks or old papers and read them and then yell at me --
they were often rants about her).

Sorcha

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/1/03 12:38:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> Being cold and rules-bound isn't a step on the path to close and loving
> relationships.
>
>

We have a very close and loving relationship. I think of it this way. He
chooses to pile all his clothes up together and that is fine. I don't tell
him how to keep his things. I can't control him or the choices he makes. He
could do his own clothes. When he gets a pile put them in the laundry. But
he doesn't and doesn't want to. I have never seen the man do laundry. It
isn't a rule it is a choice. If he did the laundry I wouldn't expect him to
go into my closet or near my closet and try to decipher what is clean and
what needs washing. I have gardening clothes that get worn a couple of times
before I wash them. Wouldn't expect him to try to figure that out. And if
he ever said could you wash these pants or this shirt for me I would gladly
do it. Anyway enough about our laundry. LOL
Pam G.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betsy

**We have no clothes wars here.**


I know I'm reading too fast, because I first read this as "we have no
clothes here." Had to shake my head and slow down and squint a little.
<g>

Betsy

MARK and JULIE SOLICH

>
> > I find this a difficult area too. We have to keep the floor areas in
our
> > house relatively clean and clear as at certain times of the year we face
> the
> > possibility of dugite hatchlings (venomous snakes) coming into the
house.
> > Not pleasant! They are so hard to see even when the floor is debris
free.
>
> Oh yikes! That would be my worst nightmare. Where did you say you live,
so
> I'll never go there? <g>
> Tia

I live in a small country town in Western Australia. We have about 4
different species of venomous snakes in our area and three of those happen
to be in the top ten of world's most venomous snakes. Lucky huh?

We've only had one in the house so far and I was the one who fell over it
which was good. My daughter at the time was 2 yrs and it could have easily
been her.

julie


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Mary

From: <genant2@...>

<<We have no clothes wars here. No damaged relationships. He is a terminal
slob. And he freely admits it. I don't punish or control him. I don't
continually say that he needs to get the clothes in the basket or they don't
get washed. It isn't that his clothes miss the basket. He doesn't even try
for the basket. And that is fine with me. He stacks his clean clothes up
on
the floor with the dirty ones. Also fine with me. I am simply not going to
go
through the clothes to find the dirty ones.>>


All my kids have laundry baskets in their rooms. All their dirty clothes go
there and every day or so I go collecting for loads to do. In our bedroom
(hubby and me) I have one of those 3 section laundry nets and also 3 more
laundry baskets. I color coordinate my laundry when I wash. Different
baskets help. It's a running joke, that no matter where in the room I place
the baskets, my husband just can't get the clothes all the way inside!! I
mean they are open laundry baskets and about 6 feet away from his side of
the bed. I still find clothes hanging over the side and sometimes just right
beside but not in the basket. Mind you this is a former sports playing guy
here who can shoot baskets!!!! I tell him if I placed the basket next to his
bed so he would have to step in it he still wouldn't have the clothes
inside. He also can't seem to figure out which basket has what color clothes
in it. I still find a red shirt right on top of the black clothes. And he's
not color blind. It's a long standing joke with us all now. Not upsetting,
just so darn funny.

Mary B

Mary

From: "sorcha_aisling" <sorcha-aisling@...>


<<My boys share a room and I let them keep it anyway they want, but
each morning while they're sleeping I tiptoe in there and pick up
empty cups or wrappers from Nutrigrain bars, or towels, etc>>


That's one thing I am careful about. Not letting the kids eat in their
rooms. Down here, anytime of the year I can have ant problems. It's much
easier to keep track of certain parts of the house and crumbs and sticky
wrappers than in all the rooms. Tara found that out the hard way!

Mary B

Kelly Lenhart

>If my husband and I both worked outside the home, I might think being
>inflexible about taking care of his stuff was reasonable. Sandra

And I think you are making a mistake in thinking that because I prioritze
what gets done based on how much effort it is going to take and if that
extra work is going to keep me from doing something else (like making him a
great dinner, getting to the grocery store, playing with the kids, etc) that
I'm being "inflexible." I'm talking about how I make my decisions about
what gets done. Picking up his clothes from all over the house takes more
time than just grabbing the basket. And as such, it might not get done.
Heck, it CAN'T get done unless I empty what IS in the basket. It might get
done, if it's a slow day and I get a bug to do laundry (yeah, that'll
happen -sigh- I hate doing laundry.) And it will get done if he asks me to
take care of it. But in the normal course, no. That's a natural consequence
of scattering his laundry.

Kelly

Mary

From: "Kelly Lenhart" <mina@...>

<<It might get done, if it's a slow day and I get a bug to do laundry (yeah,
that'll
happen -sigh- I hate doing laundry>>


You wouldn't happen to like to strip beds and remake them do you???? I was
hoping maybe we could swap. I don't mind laundry but I hate when the beds
are calling to be redone!

Mary B

Rebecca DeLong

SandraDodd@... wrote:


<<<My "rules" about clothes involve the knowledge that people have favorites and
it's good to make them available without too much wait, and that leaving
clothes dirty doesn't make them last as long as getting them clean.>>>

Our only "rule" about clothes is that we ask Jaiden to not leave his dirty underware on the livingroom floor. If he forgets one of us (Jason or me) will toss them in the basket, and ask him to try to remember next time.

Rebecca




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Lenhart

I won't say I "like" stripping beds, but over carting laundry around and
doing it??? I'd learn hospital corners for that deal.

Kelly

<<It might get done, if it's a slow day and I get a bug to do laundry (yeah,
that'll
happen -sigh- I hate doing laundry>>


>You wouldn't happen to like to strip beds and remake them do you???? I was
>hoping maybe we could swap. I don't mind laundry but I hate when the beds
>are calling to be redone!
>Mary B

Tia Leschke

> I live in a small country town in Western Australia. We have about 4
> different species of venomous snakes in our area and three of those happen
> to be in the top ten of world's most venomous snakes. Lucky huh?

Oh ick! Well, Australia has never been on my list of places I wanted to go,
but my husband would like to.
>
> We've only had one in the house so far and I was the one who fell over it
> which was good. My daughter at the time was 2 yrs and it could have easily
> been her.

Oh that just gives me the shakes thinking about it.
Tia

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...

zenmomma2kids

--- In [email protected], unolist@a... wrote:
>> Maybe I should offer to help? A lot of times in the past she would
just cry and say she can't, and she needed help. She is used to me
saying no. And I have helped before, but then i take over and
organize things to my liking, and she doesn't want that either.
>
> Middle ground, oh middle ground, where are you middle ground?>>

Here's the deal I've made with my kids. They keep their rooms the way
they like them. If it gets too uncomfortably messy *for me* I go in
and clean it. I don't mind. It usually just takes a short time to get
things back to an acceptable level of clutter. They don't mind,
they're usually happy to have it picked up. Lots of times they help
me. I'm respectful of their things and don't remove or reorganize
without permission.

The cool thing is that since I'm not always on them about cleaning
up, they come through when I really *need* their help. Our house is
on the market right now and that means a level of clean that we don't
usually maintain every day. <g> The kids are being great at speed
cleaning before a showing and keeping their space relatively picked
up on a daily basis. There's a reason I'm asking for a particular
level of clean. They understand it and are fine with pitching to help
the family reach our goal.

Life is good.
~Mary