Re: Bribery
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:47:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
develop a legible signature, unlike two of his three parents. I know it was
MY stuff, told him I knew it was MY stuff, and offered him (something, can't
remember what) if he'd do it. He was very clear that he could say, no, not
interested, and that would be that. He was willing to do it without the
"bribe," because he knew it mattered to me, but I figured he deserved the
"bribe" anyway.
Julian has a bunch of tasks that are his around the house. These are not
assigned chores or anything -- they are tasks that need to be done, and he
doesn't mind doing them. As a result, he does all the laundry for the family.
He doesn't fold, because he hates that. If we're running out of stuff, we'll
ask him if he'd throw a load in, and he never refuses, even though he knows
he certainly could.
It occurs to me that some of this might be because he's an only child with
three parents. He's never hurting for attention, and sees himself as a
partner in the running of the household. I suspect when there are more kids
or fewer parents, the dynamics change considerably. I dunno.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> I've never heard anybody here suggest paying a child to do something theyI think I mentioned "bribing" Julian. He hated cursive, and I wanted him to
> don't want to, just to get them to do it.
>
> I have heard many people mention paying a child to do something you'd
> willingly pay someone to do anyway!! Why NOT pay your own child for a job
> you're willing to pay for?
> That's hiring someone. Not bribing.
> It's still their choice to accept the job or not. If they don't agree with
> your level of pay, they can refuse it.
>
>
develop a legible signature, unlike two of his three parents. I know it was
MY stuff, told him I knew it was MY stuff, and offered him (something, can't
remember what) if he'd do it. He was very clear that he could say, no, not
interested, and that would be that. He was willing to do it without the
"bribe," because he knew it mattered to me, but I figured he deserved the
"bribe" anyway.
Julian has a bunch of tasks that are his around the house. These are not
assigned chores or anything -- they are tasks that need to be done, and he
doesn't mind doing them. As a result, he does all the laundry for the family.
He doesn't fold, because he hates that. If we're running out of stuff, we'll
ask him if he'd throw a load in, and he never refuses, even though he knows
he certainly could.
It occurs to me that some of this might be because he's an only child with
three parents. He's never hurting for attention, and sees himself as a
partner in the running of the household. I suspect when there are more kids
or fewer parents, the dynamics change considerably. I dunno.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have a Nice Day!
> I've never heard anybody here suggest paying a child to do something theyI offer to pay my kids to do something they dont' necessarily want to do, especially if its something I don't want to do either :o).
> don't want to, just to get them to do it.<<<<
But they have the choice to say no.
Often its the neighbors that will come over and help out, and then I might take them somewhere for a treat.
I figure as long as its mutual consent, and they are free to say no, I don't think it does any harm. And I soooooo appreciate it when they do the dishes <grin> because I HATE doing the dishes!!
They know how much I appreciate it...because nowadays they actually offer with a "price" in mind, and then I'll agree or disagree with the price.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: KathrynJB@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 4:44 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Bribery
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:47:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
> I've never heard anybody here suggest paying a child to do something they
> don't want to, just to get them to do it.
>
> I have heard many people mention paying a child to do something you'd
> willingly pay someone to do anyway!! Why NOT pay your own child for a job
> you're willing to pay for?
> That's hiring someone. Not bribing.
> It's still their choice to accept the job or not. If they don't agree with
> your level of pay, they can refuse it.
>
>
I think I mentioned "bribing" Julian. He hated cursive, and I wanted him to
develop a legible signature, unlike two of his three parents. I know it was
MY stuff, told him I knew it was MY stuff, and offered him (something, can't
remember what) if he'd do it. He was very clear that he could say, no, not
interested, and that would be that. He was willing to do it without the
"bribe," because he knew it mattered to me, but I figured he deserved the
"bribe" anyway.
Julian has a bunch of tasks that are his around the house. These are not
assigned chores or anything -- they are tasks that need to be done, and he
doesn't mind doing them. As a result, he does all the laundry for the family.
He doesn't fold, because he hates that. If we're running out of stuff, we'll
ask him if he'd throw a load in, and he never refuses, even though he knows
he certainly could.
It occurs to me that some of this might be because he's an only child with
three parents. He's never hurting for attention, and sees himself as a
partner in the running of the household. I suspect when there are more kids
or fewer parents, the dynamics change considerably. I dunno.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coyote's corner
Hi,
I suspect you're right. Here. it's Brianna & me. She knows she can say "No" to this or that - but she loves to powwow, she knows I have lots of back trouble. - so she willingly does this or that.
She came in earlier and asked if there was anything she could do.
Janis
I suspect you're right. Here. it's Brianna & me. She knows she can say "No" to this or that - but she loves to powwow, she knows I have lots of back trouble. - so she willingly does this or that.
She came in earlier and asked if there was anything she could do.
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: KathrynJB@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 4:44 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] Re: Bribery
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:47:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
> I've never heard anybody here suggest paying a child to do something they
> don't want to, just to get them to do it.
>
> I have heard many people mention paying a child to do something you'd
> willingly pay someone to do anyway!! Why NOT pay your own child for a job
> you're willing to pay for?
> That's hiring someone. Not bribing.
> It's still their choice to accept the job or not. If they don't agree with
> your level of pay, they can refuse it.
>
>
I think I mentioned "bribing" Julian. He hated cursive, and I wanted him to
develop a legible signature, unlike two of his three parents. I know it was
MY stuff, told him I knew it was MY stuff, and offered him (something, can't
remember what) if he'd do it. He was very clear that he could say, no, not
interested, and that would be that. He was willing to do it without the
"bribe," because he knew it mattered to me, but I figured he deserved the
"bribe" anyway.
Julian has a bunch of tasks that are his around the house. These are not
assigned chores or anything -- they are tasks that need to be done, and he
doesn't mind doing them. As a result, he does all the laundry for the family.
He doesn't fold, because he hates that. If we're running out of stuff, we'll
ask him if he'd throw a load in, and he never refuses, even though he knows
he certainly could.
It occurs to me that some of this might be because he's an only child with
three parents. He's never hurting for attention, and sees himself as a
partner in the running of the household. I suspect when there are more kids
or fewer parents, the dynamics change considerably. I dunno.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
~~~~ Don't forget! If you change topics, change the subject line! ~~~~
If you have questions, concerns or problems with this list, please email the moderator, Joyce Fetteroll (fetteroll@...), or the list owner, Helen Hegener (HEM-Editor@...).
To unsubscribe from this group, click on the following link or address an email to:
[email protected]
Visit the Unschooling website: http://www.unschooling.com
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 5:22:56 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I offer to pay my kids to do something they dont' necessarily want to do,
especially if its something I don't want to do either :o).
But they have the choice to say no. >>
I don't consider that bribery.
I think that is along the lines of hiring help. Something I am very willing
to do!
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<< I offer to pay my kids to do something they dont' necessarily want to do,
especially if its something I don't want to do either :o).
But they have the choice to say no. >>
I don't consider that bribery.
I think that is along the lines of hiring help. Something I am very willing
to do!
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
Stephanie Elms
I have seen bribery mentioned at times and I have gotten more comfortable at using it
*in certain circumstances*. For example, my boys do not like going to the food store
so I usually try to go in the evening when dh is home. Has been working great. Every
once in awhile there is something that I really need and I have to go during the day
In this case I "bribe" them with a donut or cookie from the bakery or we
pick up ice cream on the way home. I have come to see it not as bribery though and
more as appreciating the fact that they are doing something they don't like. I do
not tie it in to how they behave or anything, just more as a "I know that you hate
it so hopefully this will make it more enjoyable for you".
Stephanie E.
*in certain circumstances*. For example, my boys do not like going to the food store
so I usually try to go in the evening when dh is home. Has been working great. Every
once in awhile there is something that I really need and I have to go during the day
In this case I "bribe" them with a donut or cookie from the bakery or we
pick up ice cream on the way home. I have come to see it not as bribery though and
more as appreciating the fact that they are doing something they don't like. I do
not tie it in to how they behave or anything, just more as a "I know that you hate
it so hopefully this will make it more enjoyable for you".
Stephanie E.
>