Moms doing what they want
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 1:35:27 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all
the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own. >>
This really bothered me.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole being.
My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of who
I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I love
how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about things.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<< After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all
the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own. >>
This really bothered me.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole being.
My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of who
I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I love
how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about things.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
jmcseals SEALS
I must agree with Ren. This isn't even healthy! I don't want this to come
across rude, but you need to either let go or get someone else involved!
What needs are you having to meet for your husband that he can't meet for
himself? And the pets? Do the kids not enjoy caring for them? If you are
the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
You might stop and think about what messages you are sending to your
children.
Just a thought,
Jennifer
<< After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all
the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
across rude, but you need to either let go or get someone else involved!
What needs are you having to meet for your husband that he can't meet for
himself? And the pets? Do the kids not enjoy caring for them? If you are
the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
You might stop and think about what messages you are sending to your
children.
Just a thought,
Jennifer
<< After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all
the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
>>This really bothered me.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I would think she has things she does for herself.
I could relate to her post in part. Especially during the winter months here
in Maine. But there are things I do for me. I use my computer,sew,read,
snowmobile and visit with friends. Heck I might even go to Goodwill and find
some treasures that's an adventure sometimes. But I will say that at times I
get in a rut and we just lay around and I might even take a nap. It took a
while for me to be ok with all the lego's,Thomas Trains, blocks, movies games
every where. Not that I frantically cleaned them up cuz I dont.
Picking up little toys is not my favorite thing to do I would just assume
leave them out to come and play any time they wish. I think my biggest
concern was that my husband would come home to a mess. He says as long as the
kids are happy he is fine with it.
My son makes his own lunches just because he likes to. My 3yr old daughter
helps with the laundry she insists that she help. Sweet the more the merrier.
A few years ago I was feeling like that so I opened my own. Com and it was
very successful for quite some time. I even opened a store in the next town.
That in itself was a huge confidence boost for me. I have since closed the
business after a horrible week for sales in Sept 2001. Maybe someday I will
open again or not who knows. I do know that my son misses it. He loved the
business, shipping boxes, faxing orders and the customers loved talking to
him. The fact that we un/homeschooled our customers loved.
To the Mommy that posted this original email do you have hobbies or
interests?
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:08:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
I could relate to her post in part. Especially during the winter months here
in Maine. But there are things I do for me. I use my computer,sew,read,
snowmobile and visit with friends. Heck I might even go to Goodwill and find
some treasures that's an adventure sometimes. But I will say that at times I
get in a rut and we just lay around and I might even take a nap. It took a
while for me to be ok with all the lego's,Thomas Trains, blocks, movies games
every where. Not that I frantically cleaned them up cuz I dont.
Picking up little toys is not my favorite thing to do I would just assume
leave them out to come and play any time they wish. I think my biggest
concern was that my husband would come home to a mess. He says as long as the
kids are happy he is fine with it.
My son makes his own lunches just because he likes to. My 3yr old daughter
helps with the laundry she insists that she help. Sweet the more the merrier.
A few years ago I was feeling like that so I opened my own. Com and it was
very successful for quite some time. I even opened a store in the next town.
That in itself was a huge confidence boost for me. I have since closed the
business after a horrible week for sales in Sept 2001. Maybe someday I will
open again or not who knows. I do know that my son misses it. He loved the
business, shipping boxes, faxing orders and the customers loved talking to
him. The fact that we un/homeschooled our customers loved.
To the Mommy that posted this original email do you have hobbies or
interests?
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:08:21 PM Eastern Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
> In a message dated 4/30/03 1:35:27 PM Central Daylight Time,[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> [email protected] writes:
>
> << After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all
>
> the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
> have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
> desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own. >
> >
>
> This really bothered me.
> Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
>
> I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
> I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole
> being.
> My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of
> who
> I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I
> love
> how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about
> things.
>
> Ren
> "They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
> spoon;
> And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
> moon."
> --The Owl and the Pussycat
> Edward Lear
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/2003 3:47:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
homeschooling, and her objection wasn't the typical "What about
socialization?" Her problem was that she thought it required that one parent
sacrifice herself/himself for the children. Now that's not true for most of
us, but that post kind of looks like it.
One of the joys, I think about Unschooling vs. School-at-Home is just the
time and energy saved, not forcing kids to sit down and "do" school. It's
much easier when kids are doing what they want.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> << After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure allI agree.... I remember Marilyn vos Savant had real issues with the idea of
> the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I
> have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
> desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own. >
> >
>
> This really bothered me.
> Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
>
> I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
> I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole
> being.
> My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of
> who
> I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I
> love
> how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about
> things.
>
homeschooling, and her objection wasn't the typical "What about
socialization?" Her problem was that she thought it required that one parent
sacrifice herself/himself for the children. Now that's not true for most of
us, but that post kind of looks like it.
One of the joys, I think about Unschooling vs. School-at-Home is just the
time and energy saved, not forcing kids to sit down and "do" school. It's
much easier when kids are doing what they want.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 2:45:30 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<<
I have a feeling that those mom's who do little for themselves here
have small kiddies at home still - (under 10?). Please, those of you
who say you don't have time or "desire" to take time out for
yourselves - DO IT! >>
I have a 2, 5, almost 10 and 13 y.o.
I don't necessarily need time away from them, I have moments through the day
where they're doing their own thing and I get to take a breather.
My passions are something I can do with my children. Not that they are into
the same things, but they are present for so much.
Having passions and interests does not mean we have to "get away" necessarily.
It can be something you're doing at the kitchen table, something you are
researching, something in your back yard. And while they may not have the
same intense passion, they get to be a part of your world. Watching you,
listening to you, being a part of it in some way.
THIS is what unschooling is about.
Bringing children into regular life, into many adult worlds. Children can do
so much more than we give them credit for.
My two year old cuts stuff up in the kitchen, pours, stirs and helps me cook.
There are so many ways we can have them there, WITH us as we pursue our own
interests.
Sometimes an interest may take you away for a short time, THAT is ok.
I'd hate to think that a child only has an example of someone being the giver
as a Mom and not a whole person, with loves and desires of her own.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<<
I have a feeling that those mom's who do little for themselves here
have small kiddies at home still - (under 10?). Please, those of you
who say you don't have time or "desire" to take time out for
yourselves - DO IT! >>
I have a 2, 5, almost 10 and 13 y.o.
I don't necessarily need time away from them, I have moments through the day
where they're doing their own thing and I get to take a breather.
My passions are something I can do with my children. Not that they are into
the same things, but they are present for so much.
Having passions and interests does not mean we have to "get away" necessarily.
It can be something you're doing at the kitchen table, something you are
researching, something in your back yard. And while they may not have the
same intense passion, they get to be a part of your world. Watching you,
listening to you, being a part of it in some way.
THIS is what unschooling is about.
Bringing children into regular life, into many adult worlds. Children can do
so much more than we give them credit for.
My two year old cuts stuff up in the kitchen, pours, stirs and helps me cook.
There are so many ways we can have them there, WITH us as we pursue our own
interests.
Sometimes an interest may take you away for a short time, THAT is ok.
I'd hate to think that a child only has an example of someone being the giver
as a Mom and not a whole person, with loves and desires of her own.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
Mary
From: <starsuncloud@...>
<< This really bothered me.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole
being.
My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of
who
I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I
love
how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about
things.>>
Sorry I don't fit the unschooling mom profile. It's me. That's who I am. It
works wonderfully for me, my husband and our children. We do unschool and I
do believe I am a very good example of that. Doing what makes ME happy. My
desires make a lot of women uncomfortable. I'm really quite okay with that.
Mary B
<< This really bothered me.
Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a whole
being.
My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best part of
who
I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and passions. I
love
how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited about
things.>>
Sorry I don't fit the unschooling mom profile. It's me. That's who I am. It
works wonderfully for me, my husband and our children. We do unschool and I
do believe I am a very good example of that. Doing what makes ME happy. My
desires make a lot of women uncomfortable. I'm really quite okay with that.
Mary B
Mary
From: "jmcseals SEALS" <jmcseals@...>
<< I must agree with Ren. This isn't even healthy! I don't want this to
come
across rude, but you need to either let go or get someone else involved!
What needs are you having to meet for your husband that he can't meet for
himself? And the pets? Do the kids not enjoy caring for them? If you are
the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
You might stop and think about what messages you are sending to your
children.>>
That's just darn right rude for someone to comment that me making my family
a priority is unhealthy and not a good unschooling example to set for my
children. I happen to love what I do. And you know what?? I love it all the
time. Maybe you should think about passing such a judgement on me.
Mary B
<< I must agree with Ren. This isn't even healthy! I don't want this to
come
across rude, but you need to either let go or get someone else involved!
What needs are you having to meet for your husband that he can't meet for
himself? And the pets? Do the kids not enjoy caring for them? If you are
the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
You might stop and think about what messages you are sending to your
children.>>
That's just darn right rude for someone to comment that me making my family
a priority is unhealthy and not a good unschooling example to set for my
children. I happen to love what I do. And you know what?? I love it all the
time. Maybe you should think about passing such a judgement on me.
Mary B
Mary
From: <HMSL2@...>
<<To the Mommy that posted this original email do you have hobbies or
interests?>.
Well considering the judgements already made, this is probably not a wise
thing to do if you were talking to me. But since I don't lack self
confidence in knowing how fantastic I am, here goes.
I have no hobbies. At least not like collecting anything or creating
something regularly. I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.
Mary B
<<To the Mommy that posted this original email do you have hobbies or
interests?>.
Well considering the judgements already made, this is probably not a wise
thing to do if you were talking to me. But since I don't lack self
confidence in knowing how fantastic I am, here goes.
I have no hobbies. At least not like collecting anything or creating
something regularly. I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.
Mary B
Mary
From: <KathrynJB@...>
<< I agree.... I remember Marilyn vos Savant had real issues with the idea
of
homeschooling, and her objection wasn't the typical "What about
socialization?" Her problem was that she thought it required that one
parent
sacrifice herself/himself for the children. Now that's not true for most of
us, but that post kind of looks like it.
One of the joys, I think about Unschooling vs. School-at-Home is just the
time and energy saved, not forcing kids to sit down and "do" school. It's
much easier when kids are doing what they want.>>
I don't think I sacrifice myself. I'm sure some people wouldn't see it that
way. I do. My kids are doing what they want and so am I.
Mary B
<< I agree.... I remember Marilyn vos Savant had real issues with the idea
of
homeschooling, and her objection wasn't the typical "What about
socialization?" Her problem was that she thought it required that one
parent
sacrifice herself/himself for the children. Now that's not true for most of
us, but that post kind of looks like it.
One of the joys, I think about Unschooling vs. School-at-Home is just the
time and energy saved, not forcing kids to sit down and "do" school. It's
much easier when kids are doing what they want.>>
I don't think I sacrifice myself. I'm sure some people wouldn't see it that
way. I do. My kids are doing what they want and so am I.
Mary B
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 5:16:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time, jmcseals@...
writes:
She does everything for all members of her family except herself. She saw it
as selfless, the "motherly" thing to do, a noble sacrifice. Now that the
youngest is older and almost ready to get out on her own she is left with
nothing. Her husband has always wanted to do for himself and she threw
herself totally into the kids. Now she has no hobbies, no friends and no
life, she has lost all touch with what passions she had. I am not sure what
will happen when the youngest is out all together. Even her older children
will tell you that she is always in their life, even now, in an unhealthy
way.
I worry for her.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> If you areMy sister in law is one of those "everything for the family" type of people.
> the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
> allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
> unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
>
>
She does everything for all members of her family except herself. She saw it
as selfless, the "motherly" thing to do, a noble sacrifice. Now that the
youngest is older and almost ready to get out on her own she is left with
nothing. Her husband has always wanted to do for himself and she threw
herself totally into the kids. Now she has no hobbies, no friends and no
life, she has lost all touch with what passions she had. I am not sure what
will happen when the youngest is out all together. Even her older children
will tell you that she is always in their life, even now, in an unhealthy
way.
I worry for her.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/2003 7:19:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
genant2@... writes:
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
genant2@... writes:
> Her husband has always wanted to do for himself and she threwMY mother. To a "T".
> herself totally into the kids. Now she has no hobbies, no friends and no
> life, she has lost all touch with what passions she had. I am not sure
> what
> will happen when the youngest is out all together. Even her older children
>
> will tell you that she is always in their life, even now, in an unhealthy
> way.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi
Hear, hear, Mary B...
I read these posts and see many people finding many different ways of
being. Life is what it is for each one of you. Can't Mary's and
Sheila's and Regina's way of being, be okay? I was very surprised to
see the comments about "how dry and empty" or whatever. I thought
that's what it's all about: living your life as it is, and being
happy in it. Who are we to say someone else's life isn't full and
satisfying and contented and happy?
MAN!
HEidiC
--- In [email protected], "Mary" <mummy124@b...>
wrote:
I read these posts and see many people finding many different ways of
being. Life is what it is for each one of you. Can't Mary's and
Sheila's and Regina's way of being, be okay? I was very surprised to
see the comments about "how dry and empty" or whatever. I thought
that's what it's all about: living your life as it is, and being
happy in it. Who are we to say someone else's life isn't full and
satisfying and contented and happy?
MAN!
HEidiC
--- In [email protected], "Mary" <mummy124@b...>
wrote:
> From: <starsuncloud@c...>whole
>
> << This really bothered me.
> Not the best example for unschooling kids to follow.
>
> I am an individual, with needs and interests of my OWN.
> I am not a cyborg that only needs to be part of a whole....I AM a
> being.part of
> My interests are important. I would be withholding the very best
> whopassions. I
> I am if my kids didn't see my pursuing my own interests and
> loveabout
> how my passions bring our worlds together and get them excited
> things.>>I am. It
>
>
> Sorry I don't fit the unschooling mom profile. It's me. That's who
> works wonderfully for me, my husband and our children. We dounschool and I
> do believe I am a very good example of that. Doing what makes MEhappy. My
> desires make a lot of women uncomfortable. I'm really quite okaywith that.
>
> Mary B
jmcseals SEALS
Great!! See, this is what we were talking about! Nothing wrong with having
your children or hubby around while you enjoy your own interests! It just
sounded like you had NO intersts other than your kids and hubby!
It's all clear now!
Jennifer, who wasn't trying to judge, just misunderstood. :)
Well considering the judgements already made, this is probably not a wise
thing to do if you were talking to me. But since I don't lack self
confidence in knowing how fantastic I am, here goes.
I have no hobbies. At least not like collecting anything or creating
something regularly. I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
your children or hubby around while you enjoy your own interests! It just
sounded like you had NO intersts other than your kids and hubby!
It's all clear now!
Jennifer, who wasn't trying to judge, just misunderstood. :)
Well considering the judgements already made, this is probably not a wise
thing to do if you were talking to me. But since I don't lack self
confidence in knowing how fantastic I am, here goes.
I have no hobbies. At least not like collecting anything or creating
something regularly. I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 7:40:55 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< I still agree with Sorcha (? - not sure now) that your children need to
see
you living your own life. Not separate from them, alongside them. From
what you have written, it *sounds* like your children and your husband are
your entire life. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it puts an
awful lot of pressure and responsibility onto them that may not be apparent
now. >>
I really like this.
Because all of my interests swirl around and involve my children in SOME way.
If your whole life is so focused on them, what happens when they leave and
you and your dh have no common interests to pursue together?
Dh and I enjoy triathlon and bike riding together. It's something we do on
our own, but the boys were present at our first competition.
They know about the kids triathlon offerings, but aren't interested as of
now.
But we talk with them about it, they see us training and very often, they
come to the track with us to run or hang out and play.
I study for falconry on my own, but I get excited and share information with
them.
I show them bird cams all over the country and I often see hawks (and now
they do) to point out here locally.
I'll be going to massage therapy school in Jan. Massage is something we've
always shared as a family. Mark often pays the kids to rub his feet or
shoulders after a hard day of work. I massage the kids, I tell them different
reflexology points and they pick it up by MY love for the art of massage.
I share some of my writings with them, as interest allows. I share what I
write here and at the message boards when they ask. I read articles or
stories to them to get their opinions. Sometimes I ask for their input or
opinion on a topic.
I use my herbs in cooking, I medicate my children with herbs...yet another
passion that is automatically a part of their lives. They ask me frequently
what herb would be useful for this or that, or if we could grow a specific
one.
Because I enjoy building and gardening, I have built them each their own
garden bed.
I offered it to them and if they didn't want to garden, I would have used the
bed for my own seeds. They all took me up on the offer and will each be
growing their own mini-garden!
Because of my interest in Medieval times, I took the kids to an SCA event.
They LOVED it, and now we meet up with the local group occasionally and go to
the local events. This is an example of our interests overlapping, there's
something for each of us in the SCA!
As I pursue my art, the kids get really excited about all the materials and
possibilities.
They know quality materials from the cheap and aren't so easily satisfied by
the kids art supplies many stores carry.
Jared appreciates the professional colored pencils and we are currently
trying to add professional grade oil pastels and pens to our collection.
And then, there are those things I was never remotely interested in, that I
am learning about. Electricity, guitar, Japanese anime etc...
I try to get interested in their interests, because it IS cool to learn new
things.
They've taught me a LOT. But that curiosity to learn new things is VITAL in
my opinion, to helping our children be life long learners and seekers.
This is just a sampling of how a mothers interests can swirl and flow through
the family and not take time away from them at all. On the contrary, it
enhances our life immensely!
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<< I still agree with Sorcha (? - not sure now) that your children need to
see
you living your own life. Not separate from them, alongside them. From
what you have written, it *sounds* like your children and your husband are
your entire life. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it puts an
awful lot of pressure and responsibility onto them that may not be apparent
now. >>
I really like this.
Because all of my interests swirl around and involve my children in SOME way.
If your whole life is so focused on them, what happens when they leave and
you and your dh have no common interests to pursue together?
Dh and I enjoy triathlon and bike riding together. It's something we do on
our own, but the boys were present at our first competition.
They know about the kids triathlon offerings, but aren't interested as of
now.
But we talk with them about it, they see us training and very often, they
come to the track with us to run or hang out and play.
I study for falconry on my own, but I get excited and share information with
them.
I show them bird cams all over the country and I often see hawks (and now
they do) to point out here locally.
I'll be going to massage therapy school in Jan. Massage is something we've
always shared as a family. Mark often pays the kids to rub his feet or
shoulders after a hard day of work. I massage the kids, I tell them different
reflexology points and they pick it up by MY love for the art of massage.
I share some of my writings with them, as interest allows. I share what I
write here and at the message boards when they ask. I read articles or
stories to them to get their opinions. Sometimes I ask for their input or
opinion on a topic.
I use my herbs in cooking, I medicate my children with herbs...yet another
passion that is automatically a part of their lives. They ask me frequently
what herb would be useful for this or that, or if we could grow a specific
one.
Because I enjoy building and gardening, I have built them each their own
garden bed.
I offered it to them and if they didn't want to garden, I would have used the
bed for my own seeds. They all took me up on the offer and will each be
growing their own mini-garden!
Because of my interest in Medieval times, I took the kids to an SCA event.
They LOVED it, and now we meet up with the local group occasionally and go to
the local events. This is an example of our interests overlapping, there's
something for each of us in the SCA!
As I pursue my art, the kids get really excited about all the materials and
possibilities.
They know quality materials from the cheap and aren't so easily satisfied by
the kids art supplies many stores carry.
Jared appreciates the professional colored pencils and we are currently
trying to add professional grade oil pastels and pens to our collection.
And then, there are those things I was never remotely interested in, that I
am learning about. Electricity, guitar, Japanese anime etc...
I try to get interested in their interests, because it IS cool to learn new
things.
They've taught me a LOT. But that curiosity to learn new things is VITAL in
my opinion, to helping our children be life long learners and seekers.
This is just a sampling of how a mothers interests can swirl and flow through
the family and not take time away from them at all. On the contrary, it
enhances our life immensely!
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
jmcseals SEALS
***I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.***
Heck, I can relate to THAT! Just about the only time I ever get out without
*someone* in my family is to go grocery shopping. That's my regular out of
the house experience.
Jennifer, who heard on the radio last week that Jimmy Buffet was in town and
got dressed and dashed out the door to grab girlfriend and hit the show.
Spur of the moment. We had a BLAST!!!!!
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE*
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
without my children and husband, then no, I have none.***
Heck, I can relate to THAT! Just about the only time I ever get out without
*someone* in my family is to go grocery shopping. That's my regular out of
the house experience.
Jennifer, who heard on the radio last week that Jimmy Buffet was in town and
got dressed and dashed out the door to grab girlfriend and hit the show.
Spur of the moment. We had a BLAST!!!!!
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sorcha_aisling
Mary B,
I'm not sure I understand why you identified as someone who, like
(was it Sheila?), can't find any time for herself. Didn't you then
go on to say that you get two hours (midnight til two AM) to yourself
each day? So you do have a healthy amount of time to nourish and
restore yourself.
I don't have *outside* interests, but I was the one who posted about
living alongside your children. I don't leave them with sitters, nor
do I want to go to the mall. But I don't sit on the floor playing
with toys all day. If you're taking time for yourself on a daily
basis and you're happy, that's great. The original post was someone
saying if she had her own interests, she'd be neglecting her kids.
And I really object to that idea.
Sorcha
I'm not sure I understand why you identified as someone who, like
(was it Sheila?), can't find any time for herself. Didn't you then
go on to say that you get two hours (midnight til two AM) to yourself
each day? So you do have a healthy amount of time to nourish and
restore yourself.
I don't have *outside* interests, but I was the one who posted about
living alongside your children. I don't leave them with sitters, nor
do I want to go to the mall. But I don't sit on the floor playing
with toys all day. If you're taking time for yourself on a daily
basis and you're happy, that's great. The original post was someone
saying if she had her own interests, she'd be neglecting her kids.
And I really object to that idea.
Sorcha
jmcseals SEALS
I don't agree that by making your family a priority is unhealthy nor a good
unschooling example. My family is a priority for me too! My comments had
nothing to do with that. It was about you saying you had no interests of
your own. You should also know that I wasn't passing judgement, just
offering my opinion and suggesting an alternative way to view the situation
you originally described.
I am glad you are happy with what you do! Honestly! It shouldn't be any
other way! This comment is a little late coming, but you have posted (after
this) that you in fact DO have interests of your own. In your initial
postings, it seemed quite clear to the contrary.
Jennifer
That's just darn right rude for someone to comment that me making my family
a priority is unhealthy and not a good unschooling example to set for my
children. I happen to love what I do. And you know what?? I love it all the
time. Maybe you should think about passing such a judgement on me.
Mary B
_________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unschooling example. My family is a priority for me too! My comments had
nothing to do with that. It was about you saying you had no interests of
your own. You should also know that I wasn't passing judgement, just
offering my opinion and suggesting an alternative way to view the situation
you originally described.
I am glad you are happy with what you do! Honestly! It shouldn't be any
other way! This comment is a little late coming, but you have posted (after
this) that you in fact DO have interests of your own. In your initial
postings, it seemed quite clear to the contrary.
Jennifer
That's just darn right rude for someone to comment that me making my family
a priority is unhealthy and not a good unschooling example to set for my
children. I happen to love what I do. And you know what?? I love it all the
time. Maybe you should think about passing such a judgement on me.
Mary B
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
If you have interests that all that matters.
You sound like a great Mom and a strong Woman!
Laura D
You sound like a great Mom and a strong Woman!
Laura D
> From: <HMSL2@...>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> <<To the Mommy that posted this original email do you have hobbies or
> interests?>.
>
> Well considering the judgements already made, this is probably not a wise
> thing to do if you were talking to me. But since I don't lack self
> confidence in knowing how fantastic I am, here goes.
> I have no hobbies. At least not like collecting anything or creating
> something regularly. I have tons of interests other than my family. But if
> you mean an interest by something I regularly do outside of the house
> without my children and husband, then no, I have none.
>
> Mary B
>
kayb85
> I'm not sure I understand why you identified as someone who, likeIt's not that I can't find ANY time for myself. I wouldn't be
> (was it Sheila?), can't find any time for herself.
posting here if I couldn't find any time for myself. This is my "me"
time. I used to get down about it and did feel like I was
sacrificing myself, but lately I've really changed my perspective on
it and realized how much joy there is in doing stuff with my favorite
people in the whole world--my kids!
As I often do, I sat down with my kids to plan our day tomorrow.
Here is what we're doing:
-Going to the eye doctor to see if dd can find any frames she likes
-Going to an ice cream shoppe to use a free banana split coupon I have
-Stopping at the post office to mail something to a friend
-doing a craft project with my daughter
-building train track with my boys
-painting our livingroom wall
-making spaghetti for supper
Throughout the course of the day I will check this list and my other
favorite message board as much as time will allow. I might get 2
hours online or I might get 10 minutes depending on how much my kids
are needing me. I will also read in bed for a few minutes before I
turn my light out. And the post office trip is for me.
It sounds like a fun day to me, and I'm looking forward to it! Does
it sound unhealthy to you?
I know that when I don't give my kids enough mommy time--playing with
them a lot through the day--their behavior is TERRIBLE! The more
mommy time they get, the better the behavior. I don't expect them to
be asking me to play Thomas the tank engine with them when they're
16. I'm going to enjoy it now while they still do!
Sheila
Didn't you then
> go on to say that you get two hours (midnight til two AM) toyourself
> each day? So you do have a healthy amount of time to nourish andabout
> restore yourself.
>
> I don't have *outside* interests, but I was the one who posted
> living alongside your children. I don't leave them with sitters,nor
> do I want to go to the mall. But I don't sit on the floor playingsomeone
> with toys all day. If you're taking time for yourself on a daily
> basis and you're happy, that's great. The original post was
> saying if she had her own interests, she'd be neglecting her kids.
> And I really object to that idea.
>
> Sorcha
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/2003 4:15:55 PM Central Daylight Time,
jmcseals@... writes:
if they didn't get it done.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jmcseals@... writes:
> I must agree with Ren. This isn't even healthy! I don't want this to comeSome people just like being in control, and can't imagine anything would work
> across rude, but you need to either let go or get someone else involved!
> What needs are you having to meet for your husband that he can't meet for
> himself? And the pets? Do the kids not enjoy caring for them? If you are
>
> the only one involved with the pets, perhaps finding them another home may
> allow you the freedom to FIND interests of your own. It is just downright
> unhealthy for anyone not to want to have friends or personal interests.
>
if they didn't get it done.
Tuck
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
I have read most of the "Moms doing what they want" posts.. I havent read
them all. But, I do see the clear contradications in them. Honestly, its
been too confusing for me to really sort it all out and understand what some
folks are trying to say. When the thread first started with Glena, folks
responded to her "ways" of doing things for her children as for herself and
not for her children. THEN, it became.. "oh you do too much for your
children" And then of course the debates over who does too much and who
does too little for themselves. The advice on this list has spanned from
Parents need to cater to childrens every request and ignore thier own
feelings and needs, to advising others that they do too much for thier
children and they need to let thier children take care of themselves.
In reality, parenting is very much a balancing act between ourselves, our
children, and our "outside" committments and interests. I do alot for
myself, I do alot for my children. I do alot for my extended family, church,
and friends. But I know I can't please all the people all of the time.
I think it helps to keep in perspective that no matter what you do, somebody
will not like the way you do things.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
them all. But, I do see the clear contradications in them. Honestly, its
been too confusing for me to really sort it all out and understand what some
folks are trying to say. When the thread first started with Glena, folks
responded to her "ways" of doing things for her children as for herself and
not for her children. THEN, it became.. "oh you do too much for your
children" And then of course the debates over who does too much and who
does too little for themselves. The advice on this list has spanned from
Parents need to cater to childrens every request and ignore thier own
feelings and needs, to advising others that they do too much for thier
children and they need to let thier children take care of themselves.
In reality, parenting is very much a balancing act between ourselves, our
children, and our "outside" committments and interests. I do alot for
myself, I do alot for my children. I do alot for my extended family, church,
and friends. But I know I can't please all the people all of the time.
I think it helps to keep in perspective that no matter what you do, somebody
will not like the way you do things.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: "sorcha_aisling" <sorcha-aisling@...>
<< I'm not sure I understand why you identified as someone who, like
(was it Sheila?), can't find any time for herself. Didn't you then
go on to say that you get two hours (midnight til two AM) to yourself
each day? So you do have a healthy amount of time to nourish and
restore yourself.>>
I'm not sure why either. I just mentioned that I don't have a desire to go
out with friends (sans children) or have a sole interest of my own. Meaning
without my children or husband. And I don't. I don't go out doing anything
without my husband or at least one of my children except for an occasional
grocery store or Target or Walmart visit. Oh, wait, I have an appt. with my
midwife in a couple of weeks. I'll be doing that alone! And yes I did state
that I have plenty of alone time every day. Next thing I know I'm a bad
example, it's unhealthy, I need outside help and for heavens sake someone
even suggested I get rid of my pets!!! It's all darn right silly. I wasn't
complaining in the least.
Mary B
<< I'm not sure I understand why you identified as someone who, like
(was it Sheila?), can't find any time for herself. Didn't you then
go on to say that you get two hours (midnight til two AM) to yourself
each day? So you do have a healthy amount of time to nourish and
restore yourself.>>
I'm not sure why either. I just mentioned that I don't have a desire to go
out with friends (sans children) or have a sole interest of my own. Meaning
without my children or husband. And I don't. I don't go out doing anything
without my husband or at least one of my children except for an occasional
grocery store or Target or Walmart visit. Oh, wait, I have an appt. with my
midwife in a couple of weeks. I'll be doing that alone! And yes I did state
that I have plenty of alone time every day. Next thing I know I'm a bad
example, it's unhealthy, I need outside help and for heavens sake someone
even suggested I get rid of my pets!!! It's all darn right silly. I wasn't
complaining in the least.
Mary B
Mary
From: "kayb85" <sheran@...>
<< It sounds like a fun day to me, and I'm looking forward to it! Does
it sound unhealthy to you? >>
Sounds like a fun day to me. Well all except the painting part!! I knew what
you meant about following your desires. I think your family days sound
wonderful and kudos for you for being the kind of mom your kids will never
be bored with!!
Mary B
<< It sounds like a fun day to me, and I'm looking forward to it! Does
it sound unhealthy to you? >>
Sounds like a fun day to me. Well all except the painting part!! I knew what
you meant about following your desires. I think your family days sound
wonderful and kudos for you for being the kind of mom your kids will never
be bored with!!
Mary B
Fetteroll
on 4/30/03 11:10 PM, grlynbl@... at grlynbl@... wrote:
variety context in order to deduce principles rather than pull out rules.
our principles are, what our goals are, the balance point is going to be
different. The balance points of those whose priority is for their child to
have "everything they need to know" or to love and obey God or grow up as a
whole person are going to be all different.
Joyce
> The advice on this list has spanned fromWhich is why people should be reading lots of unschooling advice in a
> Parents need to cater to childrens every request and ignore thier own
> feelings and needs, to advising others that they do too much for thier
> children and they need to let thier children take care of themselves.
variety context in order to deduce principles rather than pull out rules.
> In reality, parenting is very much a balancing act between ourselves, ourYes. Principles can be used to guide the balance, though. Depending on what
> children, and our "outside" committments and interests.
our principles are, what our goals are, the balance point is going to be
different. The balance points of those whose priority is for their child to
have "everything they need to know" or to love and obey God or grow up as a
whole person are going to be all different.
Joyce
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 5:19:59 PM, genant2@... writes:
<< My sister in law is one of those "everything for the family" type of
people.
She does everything for all members of her family except herself. She saw it
as selfless, the "motherly" thing to do, a noble sacrifice. Now that the
youngest is older and almost ready to get out on her own she is left with
nothing. Her husband has always wanted to do for himself and she threw
herself totally into the kids. Now she has no hobbies, no friends and no
life, she has lost all touch with what passions she had. I am not sure what
will happen when the youngest is out all together. Even her older children
will tell you that she is always in their life, even now, in an unhealthy
way. >>
Could she have been a good unschooling mom?
Now that we're talking about someone who's not even here and probably not a
homeschooler anyway, do you think that kind of focus (Pam G., since you know
her) would have kept her from having an unschooling atmosphere?
Maybe we're wrong to some extent. Did that mom at least have intellectual or
artistic leanings of some sort?
Sandra
<< My sister in law is one of those "everything for the family" type of
people.
She does everything for all members of her family except herself. She saw it
as selfless, the "motherly" thing to do, a noble sacrifice. Now that the
youngest is older and almost ready to get out on her own she is left with
nothing. Her husband has always wanted to do for himself and she threw
herself totally into the kids. Now she has no hobbies, no friends and no
life, she has lost all touch with what passions she had. I am not sure what
will happen when the youngest is out all together. Even her older children
will tell you that she is always in their life, even now, in an unhealthy
way. >>
Could she have been a good unschooling mom?
Now that we're talking about someone who's not even here and probably not a
homeschooler anyway, do you think that kind of focus (Pam G., since you know
her) would have kept her from having an unschooling atmosphere?
Maybe we're wrong to some extent. Did that mom at least have intellectual or
artistic leanings of some sort?
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/1/03 6:10:11 AM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Of course you can't. That mom would be dead!! >>
No, she'd be out of touch with herself.
Your words were that you had NO interests of your own, outside of your family.
That's what we were basing the comments on. That's all.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<< Of course you can't. That mom would be dead!! >>
No, she'd be out of touch with herself.
Your words were that you had NO interests of your own, outside of your family.
That's what we were basing the comments on. That's all.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
Tia Leschke
> > The advice on this list has spanned fromNow *there's* a "rule" that ought to be enshrined somewhere. <g>
> > Parents need to cater to childrens every request and ignore thier own
> > feelings and needs, to advising others that they do too much for thier
> > children and they need to let thier children take care of themselves.
>
> Which is why people should be reading lots of unschooling advice in a
> variety context in order to deduce principles rather than pull out rules.
Tia
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
saftety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin
leschke@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/1/03 12:52:15 PM Central Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
<< Who said "doing what they want"? Did that phrase come from someone
defending
not having hobbies? The topic is wrong and flawed. Moms should live
interesting, full, whole, real lives. Shouldn't everyone want that? (I
think that's the argument from the side of those who are saying "You SHOULD
have a life.") >>
Yeah, the topic morphed into things I DON'T agree with.
Like if a person doesn't have a need for outside friends there is something
wrong.
My dh is an introvert, he's perfectly happy hanging with just us and our BIL
as his social group. He does not attend parties with me, but that does not
keep my extrovert self from meeting my own needs and going by myself!!
I don't think unschooling works well with a Mom that has none of her own
interests.
Her interests can easily include her children and dh and not take her away
from them. But a person with NO interests or hobbies of her own is not going
to have a swirly, bubbling flow of information coming through the house the
same as someone who does.
This does NOT go hand in hand with leaving children home or not making them a
priority.
It's not one or the other.
I have tons of interests and hobbies, but I don't choose to spend time away
from my family much (work only for the most part) and I don't put their needs
below my own.
My toddler gets his needs met quickly, even if I have to walk away from
something I consider important.
My 13 y.o. can understand "let me finish this first, I'll be right there"
unless it's urgent.
A person with young children is going to naturally be much more likely to put
her own interests aside for the sake of the children.
But children develop their own interests and don't need constant attention
(that would be hovering) as they get older, so Mom should have time for
things she dearly loves too!!
And even with toddlers, I seem to be able to include them in my passions in
some way.
Jalen is ultra happy out in the garden with me.
He digs in the dirt while I work.
He scoops and pours while I build.
There are so many things we can do side by side.
It makes me wonder about school damage when someone says "I have NO interests
of my own".
There is some healing that needs to take place in that case, I truly believe
that.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
[email protected] writes:
<< Who said "doing what they want"? Did that phrase come from someone
defending
not having hobbies? The topic is wrong and flawed. Moms should live
interesting, full, whole, real lives. Shouldn't everyone want that? (I
think that's the argument from the side of those who are saying "You SHOULD
have a life.") >>
Yeah, the topic morphed into things I DON'T agree with.
Like if a person doesn't have a need for outside friends there is something
wrong.
My dh is an introvert, he's perfectly happy hanging with just us and our BIL
as his social group. He does not attend parties with me, but that does not
keep my extrovert self from meeting my own needs and going by myself!!
I don't think unschooling works well with a Mom that has none of her own
interests.
Her interests can easily include her children and dh and not take her away
from them. But a person with NO interests or hobbies of her own is not going
to have a swirly, bubbling flow of information coming through the house the
same as someone who does.
This does NOT go hand in hand with leaving children home or not making them a
priority.
It's not one or the other.
I have tons of interests and hobbies, but I don't choose to spend time away
from my family much (work only for the most part) and I don't put their needs
below my own.
My toddler gets his needs met quickly, even if I have to walk away from
something I consider important.
My 13 y.o. can understand "let me finish this first, I'll be right there"
unless it's urgent.
A person with young children is going to naturally be much more likely to put
her own interests aside for the sake of the children.
But children develop their own interests and don't need constant attention
(that would be hovering) as they get older, so Mom should have time for
things she dearly loves too!!
And even with toddlers, I seem to be able to include them in my passions in
some way.
Jalen is ultra happy out in the garden with me.
He digs in the dirt while I work.
He scoops and pours while I build.
There are so many things we can do side by side.
It makes me wonder about school damage when someone says "I have NO interests
of my own".
There is some healing that needs to take place in that case, I truly believe
that.
Ren
"They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible
spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the
moon."
--The Owl and the Pussycat
Edward Lear
Mary
From: <starsuncloud@...>
<<Your words were that you had NO interests of your own, outside of your
family.
That's what we were basing the comments on. That's all.>>
Those weren't my words. My words were that I have "no interests solely my
own." And that was clarified to mean most of what I do is done with my
husband or child/children. Big difference from me having "no" interests.
That's what the comments "should" be based on and weren't. There was plenty
of me alone time in my first post. A few seem to have skimmed right over
those parts.
Mary B
<<Your words were that you had NO interests of your own, outside of your
family.
That's what we were basing the comments on. That's all.>>
Those weren't my words. My words were that I have "no interests solely my
own." And that was clarified to mean most of what I do is done with my
husband or child/children. Big difference from me having "no" interests.
That's what the comments "should" be based on and weren't. There was plenty
of me alone time in my first post. A few seem to have skimmed right over
those parts.
Mary B
jmcseals SEALS
Interests, passions, creative outlets, whatever you want to call them, are
different from alone time. You can certainly be alone while you do them,
though, or with a crowd of hundreds/thousands!!
Jennifer
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different from alone time. You can certainly be alone while you do them,
though, or with a crowd of hundreds/thousands!!
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN 8.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]