moms doing what they want
Sheila
"I think to unschool effectively means that we parents have to have lives
and
interests. We have to have a passion for learning stuff, to like to do
stuff.
We CAN'T just do it for the kids. Then it becomes a sacrifice, which IS
about
us. Kids don't want us to sacrifice ourselves...that's leads to guilt. "
The most I have time to do something of interest to myself is reading this
and one other list. I usually feel guilty about the time spent doing that,
because while I'm doing it the kids are feeling neglected or the house is
being trashed. I often can't read all the posts and have to skip a whole
bunch of them because I don't have time to both unschool my kids and read
about unschooling. How in the world would I have time to pursue my own
interests? Today I have to go to the grocery store, make sandwiches for my
9 year old daughter's tea party she's having with friends, help my 5 year
old son look for a set of blocks he wants to find, make supper, take dd to
soccer practice. There won't be much time leftover. I have 10 more minutes
to read this list and then that's IT. And even as I'm writing this, my 3
year old just started saying, "Mommy, come play Thomas with me". There is
no time for interests of my own. Unless you count watching my kids learn
and grow as my passion. And it really is! It's one of the most fascinating
things I can think to do.
I sometimes read interesting books and magazines (mostly about unschooling
or parenting). Sometimes I'll research a little bit about traditions and
why people do the things they do. That's about the extent of it.
You said:
"So, reading the above... I was a bit baffled. Sure, there's nothing wrong
with buying the brand of toilet paper your family likes -- but why are you
the only one who replaces the roll? "
Maybe she's the only one who will? Maybe the kids don't want to?
"It's not that it isn't fine for you to have a couple of "Lovey Nurturey"
things you do for your family, but the impression I get is that these are
just the tip of the iceberg. I think the first thing you need to do is to
Get
a Life."
Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?
"What
have YOU always wanted to learn or do? What are YOUR dreams? "
I've always wanted to be a mommy, ever since I've been little. I used to
have 14 dolls and each had a name. I always told my mom that I would have
14 kids when I got big and that I would name them the same name as my dolls.
I dreamed about being a real mommy. I met my husband when I was 15 and as
soon as I met him, I dreamed about becoming his wife. He became my passion
and at 18 I married him. So my passion is my husband and kids.
"So, I think maybe you DO need to do stuff that's about YOU, but not having
to
do with your kids."
You must be talking to parents of older kids here. It must be that older
kids require a whole lot less of your time. Because I don't have time to do
stuff that's about me, except right now and what I'm doing is talking about
my kids! lol And I'm not a keep the house spotless fanatic. Far from it!
Just playing with my kids and keeping them fed requires me to busy with them
24/7. If I pursued my own interests, I would be neglecting my kids.
Sheila
and
interests. We have to have a passion for learning stuff, to like to do
stuff.
We CAN'T just do it for the kids. Then it becomes a sacrifice, which IS
about
us. Kids don't want us to sacrifice ourselves...that's leads to guilt. "
The most I have time to do something of interest to myself is reading this
and one other list. I usually feel guilty about the time spent doing that,
because while I'm doing it the kids are feeling neglected or the house is
being trashed. I often can't read all the posts and have to skip a whole
bunch of them because I don't have time to both unschool my kids and read
about unschooling. How in the world would I have time to pursue my own
interests? Today I have to go to the grocery store, make sandwiches for my
9 year old daughter's tea party she's having with friends, help my 5 year
old son look for a set of blocks he wants to find, make supper, take dd to
soccer practice. There won't be much time leftover. I have 10 more minutes
to read this list and then that's IT. And even as I'm writing this, my 3
year old just started saying, "Mommy, come play Thomas with me". There is
no time for interests of my own. Unless you count watching my kids learn
and grow as my passion. And it really is! It's one of the most fascinating
things I can think to do.
I sometimes read interesting books and magazines (mostly about unschooling
or parenting). Sometimes I'll research a little bit about traditions and
why people do the things they do. That's about the extent of it.
You said:
"So, reading the above... I was a bit baffled. Sure, there's nothing wrong
with buying the brand of toilet paper your family likes -- but why are you
the only one who replaces the roll? "
Maybe she's the only one who will? Maybe the kids don't want to?
"It's not that it isn't fine for you to have a couple of "Lovey Nurturey"
things you do for your family, but the impression I get is that these are
just the tip of the iceberg. I think the first thing you need to do is to
Get
a Life."
Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?
"What
have YOU always wanted to learn or do? What are YOUR dreams? "
I've always wanted to be a mommy, ever since I've been little. I used to
have 14 dolls and each had a name. I always told my mom that I would have
14 kids when I got big and that I would name them the same name as my dolls.
I dreamed about being a real mommy. I met my husband when I was 15 and as
soon as I met him, I dreamed about becoming his wife. He became my passion
and at 18 I married him. So my passion is my husband and kids.
"So, I think maybe you DO need to do stuff that's about YOU, but not having
to
do with your kids."
You must be talking to parents of older kids here. It must be that older
kids require a whole lot less of your time. Because I don't have time to do
stuff that's about me, except right now and what I'm doing is talking about
my kids! lol And I'm not a keep the house spotless fanatic. Far from it!
Just playing with my kids and keeping them fed requires me to busy with them
24/7. If I pursued my own interests, I would be neglecting my kids.
Sheila
[email protected]
-=-Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?-=-
Sure. But part of the nurturing unschoolers need is intellectual nurturing.
An unschooling family in which the mom isn't interested in anything but
housework is at a disadvantage. And if taking care of kids is seen in the
housework category (keep them clean and cleaned up after), things will bog
down.
When my kids were all little I went weeks without doing anything that wasn't
kid-related sometimes, but it was still colored toward things I enjoyed.
Music. Games. Going out to parks and showing them things I thought were
cool. Showing them movies I liked too, and learning to like Power Rangers
and Ninja Turtles (modern equivalents abound, but I don't know much about
them <g>).
As they get older they want to know more about the width and breadth and
depth of the world and it's good when moms don't just say "Would you like a
sandwich instead?" or "I don't know."
Some moms see being with their kids as drudgery or as sacrifice. I saw it as
learning something new and fascinating, as trying to figure out how kids saw
the world as they were learning to talk, and how they figured out math and
geography (what direction things were from our house) and I loved their early
theories on how big the world is. ("There must be thousands of people in
the world!")
So lots of it's in how things are defined in our own heads, and that can be a
part of deschooling ourselves. It was gradual (though speedily gradual,
compared to some, it seems) that I came to see non-academic stuff as just as
valuable, and eventually as just as "academic" as the obviously school-style
stuff. But learning that was something I had chosen to do, because school
was just a few blocks away and I did have a choice. So I chose to homeschool
and unschool.
When my kids were little I chose to organize and maintain a weekly playgroup.
It wasn't just for me, it was community service, and network-creation, and
something for the kids to look foward to and a place to use balls and
jumpropes that took more than two kids.
When that's not enough, the mom needs to be at least mentally ready to widen
and branch out.
It seems the only time anyone says a mom needs to have her own interests is
right after a mom says she can't see her kids getting interested in anything,
but then she herself isn't interested in anything, and so someone will say
"Get interested in things."
To talk about Power Rangers I shared some of what I knew about Japan and
movie making and costuming and traditions about folklore, storytelling and
space fantasy. Monsters from space. (Eddie Izzard talks about monsters from
space, how long we've been ready for them, and that's a Power Rangers tie in.
And I've been reading to Holly from a series of books called The Children's
Hour, which I got when I was tiny, published in 1954, and we're on the
Science Fiction and Space Flight stuff. VERY crude. But monsters on Mars
features.)
If all I wanted to do was travel to the north pole or sky dive, I could be
miserable, or I could just go do it and not care if my kids were miserable.
But within my choice to be with my kids I can still choose what music to
listen to, what trips to go on when Keith says "in-laws or camping?" and I
can go out with friends and we choose each time from thousands of choices,
whether to go bowling or to an art flick or to a concert or shop or just go
park out on the mesa and watch the sun set and catch up with each other's
lives. For a while a friend and I was going to one of the pottery painting
places and doing home-stuff. A teapot as a joint gift for a friend.
Switchplates with indicators, for my house, of which thing they turned on.
Weird combos. And we talked.
Moms can trade with other families, or leave kids with dads, and go. An
hour, a half an hour, might be all it takes to reconnect with an interest the
kids don't share (yet).
Sandra
Sure. But part of the nurturing unschoolers need is intellectual nurturing.
An unschooling family in which the mom isn't interested in anything but
housework is at a disadvantage. And if taking care of kids is seen in the
housework category (keep them clean and cleaned up after), things will bog
down.
When my kids were all little I went weeks without doing anything that wasn't
kid-related sometimes, but it was still colored toward things I enjoyed.
Music. Games. Going out to parks and showing them things I thought were
cool. Showing them movies I liked too, and learning to like Power Rangers
and Ninja Turtles (modern equivalents abound, but I don't know much about
them <g>).
As they get older they want to know more about the width and breadth and
depth of the world and it's good when moms don't just say "Would you like a
sandwich instead?" or "I don't know."
Some moms see being with their kids as drudgery or as sacrifice. I saw it as
learning something new and fascinating, as trying to figure out how kids saw
the world as they were learning to talk, and how they figured out math and
geography (what direction things were from our house) and I loved their early
theories on how big the world is. ("There must be thousands of people in
the world!")
So lots of it's in how things are defined in our own heads, and that can be a
part of deschooling ourselves. It was gradual (though speedily gradual,
compared to some, it seems) that I came to see non-academic stuff as just as
valuable, and eventually as just as "academic" as the obviously school-style
stuff. But learning that was something I had chosen to do, because school
was just a few blocks away and I did have a choice. So I chose to homeschool
and unschool.
When my kids were little I chose to organize and maintain a weekly playgroup.
It wasn't just for me, it was community service, and network-creation, and
something for the kids to look foward to and a place to use balls and
jumpropes that took more than two kids.
When that's not enough, the mom needs to be at least mentally ready to widen
and branch out.
It seems the only time anyone says a mom needs to have her own interests is
right after a mom says she can't see her kids getting interested in anything,
but then she herself isn't interested in anything, and so someone will say
"Get interested in things."
To talk about Power Rangers I shared some of what I knew about Japan and
movie making and costuming and traditions about folklore, storytelling and
space fantasy. Monsters from space. (Eddie Izzard talks about monsters from
space, how long we've been ready for them, and that's a Power Rangers tie in.
And I've been reading to Holly from a series of books called The Children's
Hour, which I got when I was tiny, published in 1954, and we're on the
Science Fiction and Space Flight stuff. VERY crude. But monsters on Mars
features.)
If all I wanted to do was travel to the north pole or sky dive, I could be
miserable, or I could just go do it and not care if my kids were miserable.
But within my choice to be with my kids I can still choose what music to
listen to, what trips to go on when Keith says "in-laws or camping?" and I
can go out with friends and we choose each time from thousands of choices,
whether to go bowling or to an art flick or to a concert or shop or just go
park out on the mesa and watch the sun set and catch up with each other's
lives. For a while a friend and I was going to one of the pottery painting
places and doing home-stuff. A teapot as a joint gift for a friend.
Switchplates with indicators, for my house, of which thing they turned on.
Weird combos. And we talked.
Moms can trade with other families, or leave kids with dads, and go. An
hour, a half an hour, might be all it takes to reconnect with an interest the
kids don't share (yet).
Sandra
jmcseals SEALS
Hi Sheila,
I may, or may not!, be the perfect person to answer your question. I have
seven children, 12, 6, 5, 4, 2, 1, and 7 months. It takes me about 3 hours,
off and on just to read all the mail from this list, not to mention the few
others I'm on! I also heavily pursue MY interests and I don't feel my
children are the slightest neglected!
I think the first trick is having a childproof home. Read that SAFE!
I make sure nothing is within reach that may harm my children or make my
life difficult. I keep a safety lock on the fridge so my 2 yr old doesn't
empty it out on the floor. My older children can all open it (4 and up) if
they need something. Last night, I left it unlocked and Ethan (2) dumped 5
little tubs of yogurt on the kitchen floor. It took about 5 minutes to
clean it up, throw away the trash and spot mop the floor. No big deal.
I've been up since about 7:30 this morning. It's 10:45 now. I nursed the
baby, had a potty break and sat all the kids down for breakfast. While they
ate, I threw a load of laundry in the wash, put the wet ones in the dryer,
cleaned up Ethan's mess, checked a portion of my email and kissed hubby off
to work.
Once the kids finished breaskfast, the little ones (1,2, and 4) went into
the bathtub while I cleaned the bathroom and got dressed. The baby played
in the living room floor while her big sisters watched tv. Once the little
ones got out of the tub, I got them dressed and they headed outside to play.
Baby nursed again and I read for about 15 minutes (one of my passions.) I
put her in the sling, pulled out dinner to thaw, set out the side dishes and
started a load of dishes in the dishwasher. My 1 yr old came in and helped
me empty the dryer...HIS passion <bg>. The girls came in to help me fold
and my oldest daughter threw the wet clothes into the dryer and started a
new load. After folding laundry, we read a book together while baby nursed
again.
The kids have come in and are playing in the playroom. I'm back checking
email again. We have rehearsals for the talent show our local support group
is putting on at 1 this afternoon. I guess after checking email, I'll get
the kids ready to go (all their clothes, shoes, socks, bows, etc. were laid
out last night after they went to bed) make any last minute wardrobe
changes...bound to happen with my 6 yr old!...and the kids will most likely
keep playing in or outside. All this time, the baby is in the sling,
playing happily on the floor or following me around in her carseat since she
likes to sit up but hasn't yet mastered it completely on her own. I think I
may use the remainder of that time to pack lunches for the park and convert
a regular bra I bought last night into a nursing bra.
I realize this is long, but I just wanted to give you a taste of my short
morning. I've had plenty of time to pursue my interests but I do it in
spurts. I also clean and do just about everything else in spurts. If I
didn't plan ahead it would take me 2 hours to get the kids dressed and ready
to go. Instead,I spend about 15 minutes after they head to bed to find
everything we will need for the next day. I HIGHLY recommend FlyLady to
help you get organized. It's for your home, but somehow it clears up your
head, too!
I also don't spend all day hovering over my kids. I'm not saying you do,
but it sounds like you feel very taxed. One thing that helps is to allow
the kids to be independant. Kids love to do things for themselves.
Sometimes, it's hard to let them make their own lunch, for example. You
fear the mess, etc. Really, it doesn't take long to clean up any messes
they might not be able to do themselves. When my kids want to make
themselves lunch (usually a pb&j and fruit) I help them get what they need
and give them a wet wash cloth. They are very good about wiping up any
spills and feel so proud when they *cook* all by themselves :)
Just relax and let your kids take up a litle slack where they might enjoy
doing so. It also helps to accept the fact that most home/unschoolers
*don't* have a clean house. Strive for picked up and clean at night or on
the weekends. Or in Spurts! It is possible!!!
Hope this blabber helped in some way! <bwg>
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I may, or may not!, be the perfect person to answer your question. I have
seven children, 12, 6, 5, 4, 2, 1, and 7 months. It takes me about 3 hours,
off and on just to read all the mail from this list, not to mention the few
others I'm on! I also heavily pursue MY interests and I don't feel my
children are the slightest neglected!
I think the first trick is having a childproof home. Read that SAFE!
I make sure nothing is within reach that may harm my children or make my
life difficult. I keep a safety lock on the fridge so my 2 yr old doesn't
empty it out on the floor. My older children can all open it (4 and up) if
they need something. Last night, I left it unlocked and Ethan (2) dumped 5
little tubs of yogurt on the kitchen floor. It took about 5 minutes to
clean it up, throw away the trash and spot mop the floor. No big deal.
I've been up since about 7:30 this morning. It's 10:45 now. I nursed the
baby, had a potty break and sat all the kids down for breakfast. While they
ate, I threw a load of laundry in the wash, put the wet ones in the dryer,
cleaned up Ethan's mess, checked a portion of my email and kissed hubby off
to work.
Once the kids finished breaskfast, the little ones (1,2, and 4) went into
the bathtub while I cleaned the bathroom and got dressed. The baby played
in the living room floor while her big sisters watched tv. Once the little
ones got out of the tub, I got them dressed and they headed outside to play.
Baby nursed again and I read for about 15 minutes (one of my passions.) I
put her in the sling, pulled out dinner to thaw, set out the side dishes and
started a load of dishes in the dishwasher. My 1 yr old came in and helped
me empty the dryer...HIS passion <bg>. The girls came in to help me fold
and my oldest daughter threw the wet clothes into the dryer and started a
new load. After folding laundry, we read a book together while baby nursed
again.
The kids have come in and are playing in the playroom. I'm back checking
email again. We have rehearsals for the talent show our local support group
is putting on at 1 this afternoon. I guess after checking email, I'll get
the kids ready to go (all their clothes, shoes, socks, bows, etc. were laid
out last night after they went to bed) make any last minute wardrobe
changes...bound to happen with my 6 yr old!...and the kids will most likely
keep playing in or outside. All this time, the baby is in the sling,
playing happily on the floor or following me around in her carseat since she
likes to sit up but hasn't yet mastered it completely on her own. I think I
may use the remainder of that time to pack lunches for the park and convert
a regular bra I bought last night into a nursing bra.
I realize this is long, but I just wanted to give you a taste of my short
morning. I've had plenty of time to pursue my interests but I do it in
spurts. I also clean and do just about everything else in spurts. If I
didn't plan ahead it would take me 2 hours to get the kids dressed and ready
to go. Instead,I spend about 15 minutes after they head to bed to find
everything we will need for the next day. I HIGHLY recommend FlyLady to
help you get organized. It's for your home, but somehow it clears up your
head, too!
I also don't spend all day hovering over my kids. I'm not saying you do,
but it sounds like you feel very taxed. One thing that helps is to allow
the kids to be independant. Kids love to do things for themselves.
Sometimes, it's hard to let them make their own lunch, for example. You
fear the mess, etc. Really, it doesn't take long to clean up any messes
they might not be able to do themselves. When my kids want to make
themselves lunch (usually a pb&j and fruit) I help them get what they need
and give them a wet wash cloth. They are very good about wiping up any
spills and feel so proud when they *cook* all by themselves :)
Just relax and let your kids take up a litle slack where they might enjoy
doing so. It also helps to accept the fact that most home/unschoolers
*don't* have a clean house. Strive for picked up and clean at night or on
the weekends. Or in Spurts! It is possible!!!
Hope this blabber helped in some way! <bwg>
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 with e-mail virus protection service: 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Mary,
Well all in all you are very busy.
And doing everything you do during the day,
and spending hours past mid-night, to have time
to yourself, at least you are getting that.
I often find myself, turing down invites when I should
just break out of my habits and do them. I have found out
that too much time devoted to the daily rituals, can turn
on me if I sometimes are not more outgoing. Cabin fever
in the fall and winter time, can really take its toll.
I am also very devoted to my family. Some others may have
their own description of what I am doing and think I am
just passing the buck, and too lazy to get a job.
Hopefully, it will all pan out in the end. My Mom was
there for us, and those are my intentions.
Linda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Well all in all you are very busy.
And doing everything you do during the day,
and spending hours past mid-night, to have time
to yourself, at least you are getting that.
I often find myself, turing down invites when I should
just break out of my habits and do them. I have found out
that too much time devoted to the daily rituals, can turn
on me if I sometimes are not more outgoing. Cabin fever
in the fall and winter time, can really take its toll.
I am also very devoted to my family. Some others may have
their own description of what I am doing and think I am
just passing the buck, and too lazy to get a job.
Hopefully, it will all pan out in the end. My Mom was
there for us, and those are my intentions.
Linda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Wow,
You just explained my life!
I even took my kids to our anniversary dinner at Bugaboo Creek! I too stay up
until 1-2am reading posts. My trips to Walmart always are with my son. I do
feel I spent too much time on this computer but my love for this has rubbed
off on my son. How sweet it is!
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 12:11:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
You just explained my life!
I even took my kids to our anniversary dinner at Bugaboo Creek! I too stay up
until 1-2am reading posts. My trips to Walmart always are with my son. I do
feel I spent too much time on this computer but my love for this has rubbed
off on my son. How sweet it is!
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 12:11:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
> Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take
> care of my family. That's really what I do.
>
> After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the
> pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have
> no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
> desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
>
> I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night
> out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my
> children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery
> store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do
> dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's
> actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty
> much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my
> children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that
> would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not
> my idea of fun.
>
> The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was
> in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went
> to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away
> from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with
> others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read
> when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their
> hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to
> read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm
> searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but
> mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with
> my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the
> children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact.
> Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the
> weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
>
> I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my
> husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang
> around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already
> with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at
> all as to how I parent.
>
> Mary B
regina hogan
Sheila <sheran@...> wrote:
The most I have time to do something of interest to myself is reading this
and one other list. I usually feel guilty about the time spent doing that,
because while I'm doing it the kids are feeling neglected or the house is
being trashed. I often can't read all the posts and have to skip a whole
bunch of them because I don't have time to both unschool my kids and read
about unschooling. How in the world would I have time to pursue my own
interests?
****i also have that problem with time and would lover to figure away to have more for myself and my kids are all teens not little,,lol
You said:
"So, reading the above... I was a bit baffled. Sure, there's nothing wrong
with buying the brand of toilet paper your family likes -- but why are you
the only one who replaces the roll? "
Maybe she's the only one who will? Maybe the kids don't want to?
****i see nothing wrong with the issue ,,i do it also and yes my kids do not wont to,,..lol
Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?
*****i my opion its the best life amother can have.
"What
have YOU always wanted to learn or do? What are YOUR dreams? "
I've always wanted to be a mommy, ever since
"So, I think maybe you DO need to do stuff here. It must be that older
kids require a whole lot less of your time. *****my kids are all teens and they take up all my time,,lol
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/red2mickey/countrysidehomeschool.html
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The most I have time to do something of interest to myself is reading this
and one other list. I usually feel guilty about the time spent doing that,
because while I'm doing it the kids are feeling neglected or the house is
being trashed. I often can't read all the posts and have to skip a whole
bunch of them because I don't have time to both unschool my kids and read
about unschooling. How in the world would I have time to pursue my own
interests?
****i also have that problem with time and would lover to figure away to have more for myself and my kids are all teens not little,,lol
You said:
"So, reading the above... I was a bit baffled. Sure, there's nothing wrong
with buying the brand of toilet paper your family likes -- but why are you
the only one who replaces the roll? "
Maybe she's the only one who will? Maybe the kids don't want to?
****i see nothing wrong with the issue ,,i do it also and yes my kids do not wont to,,..lol
Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?
*****i my opion its the best life amother can have.
"What
have YOU always wanted to learn or do? What are YOUR dreams? "
I've always wanted to be a mommy, ever since
"So, I think maybe you DO need to do stuff here. It must be that older
kids require a whole lot less of your time. *****my kids are all teens and they take up all my time,,lol
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/red2mickey/countrysidehomeschool.html
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 1:24:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time, HMSL2@...
writes:
my entire life. We coexist. I am always there for them, when they have a
question or a suggestion of something fun I hadn't thought of I drop what I
am doing and we go, but I have time to quilt, read, play, bake, write etc.
Sometimes they will come up and ask what I am doing and I explain and ask if
they want to help.
They play by themselves a lot. And sometimes they don't want me there
playing with them. They have something in mind and don't want my "help." My
youngest can be on the computer playing some sort of game and get frustrated
and I ask if he wants some help. He often says no. Just because we spend
all day together doesn't mean I am totally wrapped in what they are doing.
They have their own lives.
That may have sounded like I was criticizing you or saying you are a "bad
parent," that was not my intent at all. I just wanted to say that just
because we are together all day doesn't mean that we do everything together
all day.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> You just explained my life!I am with my boys all the time, we do not use baby-sitters, but that is not
> I even took my kids to our anniversary dinner at Bugaboo Creek! I too stay
> up
> until 1-2am reading posts. My trips to Walmart always are with my son.
my entire life. We coexist. I am always there for them, when they have a
question or a suggestion of something fun I hadn't thought of I drop what I
am doing and we go, but I have time to quilt, read, play, bake, write etc.
Sometimes they will come up and ask what I am doing and I explain and ask if
they want to help.
They play by themselves a lot. And sometimes they don't want me there
playing with them. They have something in mind and don't want my "help." My
youngest can be on the computer playing some sort of game and get frustrated
and I ask if he wants some help. He often says no. Just because we spend
all day together doesn't mean I am totally wrapped in what they are doing.
They have their own lives.
That may have sounded like I was criticizing you or saying you are a "bad
parent," that was not my intent at all. I just wanted to say that just
because we are together all day doesn't mean that we do everything together
all day.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
regina hogan
i like your post,its is true from the heart and i appaulled you for it,,i live pretty much the same way and i also am totally happy with my life and the way thing go here,,my spare time(1-3)in the morning i spend writting a book and hopeing to publish soon..
Mary <mummy124@...> wrote:Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary <mummy124@...> wrote:Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/red2mickey/countrysidehomeschool.html
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coyote's corner
I'll bet it caught your eye!!
How sad and empty!
Janis
How sad and empty!
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Mary
To: Unschooling list
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 12:07 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] moms doing what they want
Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melinda
I have a feeling that those mom's who do little for themselves here
have small kiddies at home still - (under 10?). Please, those of you
who say you don't have time or "desire" to take time out for
yourselves - DO IT! If nothing more than letting your hubby stay with
the kids while you go roam around the mall or take a walk outside or a
bubble bath with a good book or magazine. I was like you when my
babies were littler (they are now 14, 12, and 10). I was a SAHM and
went to college - carried a 4.0 with a full courseload, and basically
was raising them by myself because daddy worked about 80 hours a week.
I did nothing 'for myself' either - although the classes at college I
ADORED, it was still "work". We never got a sitter - ok, once, in 4
years, on our anniversary when my MIL physically came and MADE us
leave the house without the kids...LOL
At the time I thought I was doing the best for my kids - being there
for them 24/7/365 - always, forever, and no butts about it! But,
looking back - I see that I probably hindered their growth (not to
mention my own) more than I'll ever know. They are now pretty
independent and I have plenty of time to do things for "me" (reading,
walking, surfing the Net, etc) but I see sometimes how I "smothered"
them - for lack of a better term - and my constant catering to them
did them more harm than good.
Yes, provide for your children - shower them with love and affection
and all their neccessities. But take time for you too - you may not
"think" you want it, but you NEED it. :)
have small kiddies at home still - (under 10?). Please, those of you
who say you don't have time or "desire" to take time out for
yourselves - DO IT! If nothing more than letting your hubby stay with
the kids while you go roam around the mall or take a walk outside or a
bubble bath with a good book or magazine. I was like you when my
babies were littler (they are now 14, 12, and 10). I was a SAHM and
went to college - carried a 4.0 with a full courseload, and basically
was raising them by myself because daddy worked about 80 hours a week.
I did nothing 'for myself' either - although the classes at college I
ADORED, it was still "work". We never got a sitter - ok, once, in 4
years, on our anniversary when my MIL physically came and MADE us
leave the house without the kids...LOL
At the time I thought I was doing the best for my kids - being there
for them 24/7/365 - always, forever, and no butts about it! But,
looking back - I see that I probably hindered their growth (not to
mention my own) more than I'll ever know. They are now pretty
independent and I have plenty of time to do things for "me" (reading,
walking, surfing the Net, etc) but I see sometimes how I "smothered"
them - for lack of a better term - and my constant catering to them
did them more harm than good.
Yes, provide for your children - shower them with love and affection
and all their neccessities. But take time for you too - you may not
"think" you want it, but you NEED it. :)
regina hogan
lol..my husband and i do not have kids together but we both have kids and we have custody of all 5 of them total,,well we also do anniversaries that way too,,lol,,the kids do not refer to it as mine and my husbands is ours ,,they will say moma or dad our anniversary is coming up what we gonna do this year,,we think of it as the anniversary of the day we all became what they call a real family,,i think its sweet also,,
HMSL2@... wrote:Wow,
You just explained my life!
I even took my kids to our anniversary dinner at Bugaboo Creek! I too stay up
until 1-2am reading posts. My trips to Walmart always are with my son. I do
feel I spent too much time on this computer but my love for this has rubbed
off on my son. How sweet it is!
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 12:11:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/red2mickey/countrysidehomeschool.html
---------------------------------
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The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
HMSL2@... wrote:Wow,
You just explained my life!
I even took my kids to our anniversary dinner at Bugaboo Creek! I too stay up
until 1-2am reading posts. My trips to Walmart always are with my son. I do
feel I spent too much time on this computer but my love for this has rubbed
off on my son. How sweet it is!
Laura D
In a message dated 4/30/2003 12:11:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
> Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take
> care of my family. That's really what I do.
>
> After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the
> pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have
> no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no
> desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
>
> I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night
> out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my
> children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery
> store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do
> dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's
> actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty
> much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my
> children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that
> would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not
> my idea of fun.
>
> The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was
> in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went
> to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away
> from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with
> others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read
> when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their
> hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to
> read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm
> searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but
> mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with
> my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the
> children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact.
> Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the
> weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
>
> I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my
> husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang
> around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already
> with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at
> all as to how I parent.
>
> Mary B
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regina hogan,=mother to,robert age14,timothy age13
,justin age 12,matthew age 10 ashley age 16,,,,,homeschooled since august 2002!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/red2mickey/countrysidehomeschool.html
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sorcha_aisling
>>>If I pursued my own interests, I would be neglecting my kids.<<<I can't tell you how much I disagree. If you don't have your own
interests, you're robbing your children of an important part of
life.
Read The Continuum Concept. Children are not biologically designed
to have their mothers sit there playing with them all day long.
They're designed to follow us and learn what the world is about by
seeing what adults do. That's why so many toys are miniatures of
adult items, like stoves. Kids play because it's how they learn
about the world and practice their role in it. Many, many kids' toys
are farms and farm animals. That goes back to a time in this country
when children would grow up actually working on a farm and taking
care of animals.
I've found that when I try to do things specifically because I think
the children will like them, they start whining and throwing
tantrums, which is not how they usually act. For example, we take
them camping or on picnics or to the Renaissance Festival or the
bookstore or whatever because my husband and I enjoy these things.
My children have a great time and everyone's happy. But if I take
them somewhere "for kids" that I don't personally enjoy, like Chuck
E. Cheese's, they start fighting, and yelling, and crying. I don't
think it's healthy for children for everything to be about them
(unless it's their birthday).
One way I spend time alongside my children while pursuing my own
interests is to have a sofa in their playroom where I can read,
write, or whatever I'm doing. I have a lap available for snuggles,
and they climb up and down, but I'm not actually playing with their
toys with them.
My grandmother had six kids, and every one of her kids adored her and
considered her a wonderful mother. I guarantee she didn't sit around
playing with them all day. It's not neglect for parents to have adult
lives. It's natural.
Childhood is playing in the dirt while mother gardens, playing with
the suds while mother does dishes, lying on your back staring at
clouds while mother reads a book, playing with your own ball of yarn
while mother crochets.
I'm not saying we only do adult things here. Goodness knows, I'm not
the one who watches television. They must own a hundred or more
videos. I can sing along with any kids' song. And we're looking
into attending a monster truck rally because the boys want to. But
even a monster truck rally is something adults do that kids can come
along with. It's not a "kid thing".
I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's one
reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about the
adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all they see
is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have no
interests other than children.
Sorcha
sorcha_aisling
And lest someone think my post about mothers following their own
interests means I leave my kids with babysitters, I have never once
hired a babysitter. In fact, I haven't attended the local
unschoolers' meetings because kids were not welcome. I don't leave
my kids. Someone suggested I should just leave them at home with
their father, but I didn't see the point of the mother alone
attending an unschooling meeting, when unschooling is a family
lifestyle. I spend all my time with my family, but I pursue my own
interests and they pursue theirs.
Sorcha
interests means I leave my kids with babysitters, I have never once
hired a babysitter. In fact, I haven't attended the local
unschoolers' meetings because kids were not welcome. I don't leave
my kids. Someone suggested I should just leave them at home with
their father, but I didn't see the point of the mother alone
attending an unschooling meeting, when unschooling is a family
lifestyle. I spend all my time with my family, but I pursue my own
interests and they pursue theirs.
Sorcha
jmcseals SEALS
Before we came into unschooling, we were Waldorf-inspired homeschoolers. I
HIGHLY recommend You Are Your Child's First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin. It
is a fantastic book! Some of the Waldorf concepts, such as media exclusion
may need to be passed up for some families, but it addresses this situation
beautifully!
Indeed, you do your children a grave disservice by neglecting to be a woman
and all that it entails. What do we teach our children who may decide they
don't want children or marriage?? They have no role model if our only
description of ourselves is wife and mother.
Did anyone happen to catch Oprah last week about sex wars??? This thread
reminds me of the mother who refused [a certain form of sex] because she was
a mom! Her words went something like... Respectable mothers don't DO that!!
It was a great laugh!
What a wonderful post, Sorcha!!!
Jennifer
interests, you're robbing your children of an important part of
life.
Read The Continuum Concept. Children are not biologically designed
to have their mothers sit there playing with them all day long.
They're designed to follow us and learn what the world is about by
seeing what adults do. That's why so many toys are miniatures of
adult items, like stoves. Kids play because it's how they learn
about the world and practice their role in it. Many, many kids' toys
are farms and farm animals. That goes back to a time in this country
when children would grow up actually working on a farm and taking
care of animals.
I've found that when I try to do things specifically because I think
the children will like them, they start whining and throwing
tantrums, which is not how they usually act. For example, we take
them camping or on picnics or to the Renaissance Festival or the
bookstore or whatever because my husband and I enjoy these things.
My children have a great time and everyone's happy. But if I take
them somewhere "for kids" that I don't personally enjoy, like Chuck
E. Cheese's, they start fighting, and yelling, and crying. I don't
think it's healthy for children for everything to be about them
(unless it's their birthday).
One way I spend time alongside my children while pursuing my own
interests is to have a sofa in their playroom where I can read,
write, or whatever I'm doing. I have a lap available for snuggles,
and they climb up and down, but I'm not actually playing with their
toys with them.
My grandmother had six kids, and every one of her kids adored her and
considered her a wonderful mother. I guarantee she didn't sit around
playing with them all day. It's not neglect for parents to have adult
lives. It's natural.
Childhood is playing in the dirt while mother gardens, playing with
the suds while mother does dishes, lying on your back staring at
clouds while mother reads a book, playing with your own ball of yarn
while mother crochets.
I'm not saying we only do adult things here. Goodness knows, I'm not
the one who watches television. They must own a hundred or more
videos. I can sing along with any kids' song. And we're looking
into attending a monster truck rally because the boys want to. But
even a monster truck rally is something adults do that kids can come
along with. It's not a "kid thing".
I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's one
reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about the
adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all they see
is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have no
interests other than children.
Sorcha
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
HIGHLY recommend You Are Your Child's First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin. It
is a fantastic book! Some of the Waldorf concepts, such as media exclusion
may need to be passed up for some families, but it addresses this situation
beautifully!
Indeed, you do your children a grave disservice by neglecting to be a woman
and all that it entails. What do we teach our children who may decide they
don't want children or marriage?? They have no role model if our only
description of ourselves is wife and mother.
Did anyone happen to catch Oprah last week about sex wars??? This thread
reminds me of the mother who refused [a certain form of sex] because she was
a mom! Her words went something like... Respectable mothers don't DO that!!
It was a great laugh!
What a wonderful post, Sorcha!!!
Jennifer
>>>If I pursued my own interests, I would be neglecting my kids.<<<I can't tell you how much I disagree. If you don't have your own
interests, you're robbing your children of an important part of
life.
Read The Continuum Concept. Children are not biologically designed
to have their mothers sit there playing with them all day long.
They're designed to follow us and learn what the world is about by
seeing what adults do. That's why so many toys are miniatures of
adult items, like stoves. Kids play because it's how they learn
about the world and practice their role in it. Many, many kids' toys
are farms and farm animals. That goes back to a time in this country
when children would grow up actually working on a farm and taking
care of animals.
I've found that when I try to do things specifically because I think
the children will like them, they start whining and throwing
tantrums, which is not how they usually act. For example, we take
them camping or on picnics or to the Renaissance Festival or the
bookstore or whatever because my husband and I enjoy these things.
My children have a great time and everyone's happy. But if I take
them somewhere "for kids" that I don't personally enjoy, like Chuck
E. Cheese's, they start fighting, and yelling, and crying. I don't
think it's healthy for children for everything to be about them
(unless it's their birthday).
One way I spend time alongside my children while pursuing my own
interests is to have a sofa in their playroom where I can read,
write, or whatever I'm doing. I have a lap available for snuggles,
and they climb up and down, but I'm not actually playing with their
toys with them.
My grandmother had six kids, and every one of her kids adored her and
considered her a wonderful mother. I guarantee she didn't sit around
playing with them all day. It's not neglect for parents to have adult
lives. It's natural.
Childhood is playing in the dirt while mother gardens, playing with
the suds while mother does dishes, lying on your back staring at
clouds while mother reads a book, playing with your own ball of yarn
while mother crochets.
I'm not saying we only do adult things here. Goodness knows, I'm not
the one who watches television. They must own a hundred or more
videos. I can sing along with any kids' song. And we're looking
into attending a monster truck rally because the boys want to. But
even a monster truck rally is something adults do that kids can come
along with. It's not a "kid thing".
I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's one
reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about the
adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all they see
is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have no
interests other than children.
Sorcha
_________________________________________________________________
STOP MORE SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
coyote's corner
This post keeps calling me.
I've read it and read it again.
I can see it, but I can't "see" it.
Honest.
There's no "me" in there. Some one, maybe Charlotte Gilman called it a 'Chinese closet' - a place that is yours - totally -
a place & time to grow & nurture the you that is the fundamental of you.
I walk w/o Brianna.
I walk our dog.
I will be going back to the gym - w/o Brianna.
I need things like that - things that I do totally w/ me and for me.
But - obviously, this works for you.....
That's great:)
Janis
I've read it and read it again.
I can see it, but I can't "see" it.
Honest.
There's no "me" in there. Some one, maybe Charlotte Gilman called it a 'Chinese closet' - a place that is yours - totally -
a place & time to grow & nurture the you that is the fundamental of you.
I walk w/o Brianna.
I walk our dog.
I will be going back to the gym - w/o Brianna.
I need things like that - things that I do totally w/ me and for me.
But - obviously, this works for you.....
That's great:)
Janis
----- Original Message -----
From: Mary
To: Unschooling list
Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 12:07 PM
Subject: [Unschooling-dotcom] moms doing what they want
Well this was one recent post that caught my eye.
If someone were to ask me what I do for myself I would have to answer take care of my family. That's really what I do.
After seeing that my children have all their needs met, making sure all the pets have the same, my husband's needs and taking care of the house, I have no time or energy for anything else. And I can honestly say I have no desire to get out with friends or have an interest that is solely my own.
I don't go out with the girls. Our local homeschool group did a moms night out. I never went. I have no desire in the evening to be away from my children and my husband. Once in awhile I may take a trip to the grocery store or Target without any children but that's it. My husband and I do dinner or a movie alone maybe once or twice at the most in a month. It's actually been about 2 months though since we did that. Everything we pretty much do is with our children. Everything I pretty much do is with my children. I never do any kind of tupperware or such parties because that would take me away from my famliy to be with a bunch of women instead. Not my idea of fun.
The only time I have been away from my children is when I had one and was in the hospital, spent the night out briefly 2 Valentines days ago and went to Chicago for Oprah with Tara. In 9 years, that's the extent of my away from the children time. I get my grown up talk when my children meet with others and I have their moms to talk with. I have this list that gets read when the kids are eating or like right now, totally into playing with their hermit crabs. I also stay up until 2 a.m. so I have plenty of time then to read the news and check out this list or anything else on the web I'm searching for. I get an occasional magazine to read once in awhile but mostly the new issue is out before I've read the old one. I do vedge with my husband and a tv show every so often but that's totally with the children either watching with us or coming back and forth to interact. Movies that we only want to watch alone are done after midnight on the weekends when the kids for the most part are alseep.
I really am happy with the way things are. If our health holds up, my husband and I will have plenty of time when the children won't want to hang around us all the time. We'll have our alone time then. I see it already with Tara. And if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have no regrets at all as to how I parent.
Mary B
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[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 3:15:06 PM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< Some moms see being with their kids as drudgery or as sacrifice. >>
Not unschooling moms though. Lara...........
<< Some moms see being with their kids as drudgery or as sacrifice. >>
Not unschooling moms though. Lara...........
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/30/03 12:21:44 PM, sorcha-aisling@... writes:
<< I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's one
reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about the
adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all they see
is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have no
interests other than children. >>
I agree with that whole post but wanted to say something about this one as
applied to videos.
Our whole family really likes kid videos AND adult videos. I read through
all the songs on a three-DVD Sesame Street thing yesterday and decided we
already have enough on tapes we made ourselves. My husband has done analysis
on what rock'n'roll songs were being parodied on Sesame Street for kids, and
then right after that they kids will curl up with him to watch James Bond or
The Thirteenth Warrior or Lethal Weapon or something. And the next day maybe
Disney's Jungle Book, or Aladdin.
Again, not an all or none thing. I love Lego and hadn't found much (except
bricklaying and sculpture) that Lego directly applied to, but just last week
Keith told us about reading about some portable bridge-making stuff being
used in Iraq by army engineers who said it was basically engineering and big
legos. The figure out where the bridge needs to be, put it together, and
take it apart later (he thought). So is Lego a kid-version of an adult thing
now? Or were the adults just doing the grownup version of Lego? <bwg>
I don't think that in our culture a rejection of all kid-stuff is possible or
healthy, but I do TOTALLY agree that kids need to be around adult stuff.
They benefit hugely even from hearing and seeing things they don't fully
understand and trying to piece it together.
Sandra
<< I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's one
reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about the
adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all they see
is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have no
interests other than children. >>
I agree with that whole post but wanted to say something about this one as
applied to videos.
Our whole family really likes kid videos AND adult videos. I read through
all the songs on a three-DVD Sesame Street thing yesterday and decided we
already have enough on tapes we made ourselves. My husband has done analysis
on what rock'n'roll songs were being parodied on Sesame Street for kids, and
then right after that they kids will curl up with him to watch James Bond or
The Thirteenth Warrior or Lethal Weapon or something. And the next day maybe
Disney's Jungle Book, or Aladdin.
Again, not an all or none thing. I love Lego and hadn't found much (except
bricklaying and sculpture) that Lego directly applied to, but just last week
Keith told us about reading about some portable bridge-making stuff being
used in Iraq by army engineers who said it was basically engineering and big
legos. The figure out where the bridge needs to be, put it together, and
take it apart later (he thought). So is Lego a kid-version of an adult thing
now? Or were the adults just doing the grownup version of Lego? <bwg>
I don't think that in our culture a rejection of all kid-stuff is possible or
healthy, but I do TOTALLY agree that kids need to be around adult stuff.
They benefit hugely even from hearing and seeing things they don't fully
understand and trying to piece it together.
Sandra
kayb85
> >>>If I pursued my own interests, I would be neglecting my kids.<<<Would you say that reading these message boards is pursuing my own
> I can't tell you how much I disagree. If you don't have your own
> interests, you're robbing your children of an important part of
> life.
interest? Is it enough of an interest? Right now my biggest
interest is being able to get enough sleep and have a little bit of
time to myself to read. A little bit of alone time with dh and a
movie with him now and then. When those things happen I'm happy.
Sometimes they don't and I start to get stressed--like if I get no
time to check the message boards for a couple of days. But I know I
need *something* to myself and I try to always get it.
> Read The Continuum Concept. Children are not biologically designedSo what do you tell your kids when they ask you to play with them?
> to have their mothers sit there playing with them all day long.
No, sorry, I have to do my own thing? Reading this book is more
important than playing with you?
I've read it. It's a great book. But it just feels wrong to me to
tell my kids no when they ask me to play with them. And they ask a
lot. Also, we don't live in that kind of a society. We just don't!
> I've found that when I try to do things specifically because Ithink
> the children will like them, they start whining and throwingReally? I've found the opposite to be true. When I take them
> tantrums, which is not how they usually act. For example, we take
> them camping or on picnics or to the Renaissance Festival or the
> bookstore or whatever because my husband and I enjoy these things.
> My children have a great time and everyone's happy. But if I take
> them somewhere "for kids" that I don't personally enjoy, like Chuck
> E. Cheese's, they start fighting, and yelling, and crying. I don't
> think it's healthy for children for everything to be about them
> (unless it's their birthday).
somewhere they don't care about, they fight and complain and whine.
AS a matter of fact, my son is a huge behavior problem when I take
him somewhere he doesn't want to go. I often put off trips to the
grocery store or library until dh gets home from work so that my 5
year old doesn't have to go along. When I go somewhere for them,
they're happy. So what I try to do is find things that I can do
while we're there that will make all of us happy. I take a book
along to Mcdonalds and read for an hour while they're pretending the
ball pits are Freddi Fish's whirlpools. Sometimes I take them to the
park and follow them around for hours with their dump trucks, sitting
in the sand box with them, pushing them in swings.
> One way I spend time alongside my children while pursuing my ownMy kids constantly ask me to play *with* them. What do you suggest I
> interests is to have a sofa in their playroom where I can read,
> write, or whatever I'm doing. I have a lap available for snuggles,
> and they climb up and down, but I'm not actually playing with their
> toys with them.
tell them? No? I have my own interests to pursue? You pursue
yours, I'll pursue mine?
> Childhood is playing in the dirt while mother gardens, playing withyarn
> the suds while mother does dishes, lying on your back staring at
> clouds while mother reads a book, playing with your own ball of
> while mother crochets.And if, while the mother is doing dishes, the child asks her to play
with him, does the mother say no, come play in the suds or else go do
your own thing? Or does the mother say the dishes can wait, yes,
I'll come play with you now?
> I think designing everything around kids is a mistake, and it's onethe
> reason so many kids are so unhappy. Their job is to learn about
> adult world that they'll live in. They can't do that if all theysee
> is "especially for kids" and the adults in their lives have noI think it's impossible for kids to see only stuff that is especially
> interests other than children.
>
> Sorcha
for kids. My kids go shopping with me (when they want to or when
they have no other choice), to appointments, family gatherings,
restaurants, play video games with their dad that they wouldn't be
exposed to if they didn't see him playing them.
But they need me to do things with them. If I only had one child I
could see where I'd have oodles of time to myself. Or if my children
were all older. But my 3 kids are all under 10 and even if I only
just met their physical needs it would take a huge part of my day.
I think of the sheer pleasure I feel when I play a boardgame WITH my
daughter and see her figuring something out. Or the enjoyment I get
when I watch a movie with them that I otherwise never would have
chosen. Or helping them figure out a new way to build their train
track. I can't imagine trading the joy in those kinds of things for
pursuing some other interest.
Sheila
Mary
From: "coyote's corner" <jana@...>
<< I'll bet it caught your eye!!
How sad and empty!>>
I'm confused. What was sad and empty? My post?
Mary B
<< I'll bet it caught your eye!!
How sad and empty!>>
I'm confused. What was sad and empty? My post?
Mary B
Mary
From: "Melinda" <melindav98@...>
<<If nothing more than letting your hubby stay with
the kids while you go roam around the mall or take a walk outside or a
bubble bath with a good book or magazine> >
I hate the mall and I hate shopping unless it's for someone else. In which
case at least one or all of the children would be with me. They love to
shop, go figure!
I also hate bubble baths because all I do is sit there and think of
everything else I could be doing. Wasted time for me.
If I would go for a walk, the kids would want to come also and how could I
possible go alone when I would see so many neat things the kids would be
missing?
<<Yes, provide for your children - shower them with love and affection
and all their neccessities. But take time for you too - you may not
"think" you want it, but you NEED it. :)>>
Well I do provide and I actually do cater to my children. I don't see that
as a bad thing with the way it all works here. I enjoy doing that. It's
something I do very well. Taking care of others. I'm sure a lot of people
would say I have issues but I'm happy now and so is my family and that works
for me. Well for us actually. I don't expect everyone to feel and do the
same. Just as I couldn't imagine going on any kind of trip without my
husband. Or either one of us having a regular guy or girls night out every
week. I'm just very fortunate that I found a soulmate. First time around I
wasn't so lucky.
Mary B
<<If nothing more than letting your hubby stay with
the kids while you go roam around the mall or take a walk outside or a
bubble bath with a good book or magazine> >
I hate the mall and I hate shopping unless it's for someone else. In which
case at least one or all of the children would be with me. They love to
shop, go figure!
I also hate bubble baths because all I do is sit there and think of
everything else I could be doing. Wasted time for me.
If I would go for a walk, the kids would want to come also and how could I
possible go alone when I would see so many neat things the kids would be
missing?
<<Yes, provide for your children - shower them with love and affection
and all their neccessities. But take time for you too - you may not
"think" you want it, but you NEED it. :)>>
Well I do provide and I actually do cater to my children. I don't see that
as a bad thing with the way it all works here. I enjoy doing that. It's
something I do very well. Taking care of others. I'm sure a lot of people
would say I have issues but I'm happy now and so is my family and that works
for me. Well for us actually. I don't expect everyone to feel and do the
same. Just as I couldn't imagine going on any kind of trip without my
husband. Or either one of us having a regular guy or girls night out every
week. I'm just very fortunate that I found a soulmate. First time around I
wasn't so lucky.
Mary B
Mary
From: "jmcseals SEALS" <jmcseals@...>
<< Indeed, you do your children a grave disservice by neglecting to be a
woman
and all that it entails. What do we teach our children who may decide they
don't want children or marriage?? They have no role model if our only
description of ourselves is wife and mother.>>
I see that being a wife and mother encompasses so much, why wouldn't I be a
great role model of understanding and love and doing whatever it is one
wants to do? Do I have to go out and get a paying job to be a good role
model? Can't I do that staying home with my family and having interests I
can talk about without actually leaving my family to go and do it? I do have
many things I have done in my life, and many things I look forward to doing.
Staying home with my children is a relatively small part of my life.
(meaning I live to be a ripe old age) It's important to me to give it all I
can while still being happy. For me, maybe it's giving it a bit differently
than someone else. Certainly doesn't make it less important for me or my
family.
Mary B
<< Indeed, you do your children a grave disservice by neglecting to be a
woman
and all that it entails. What do we teach our children who may decide they
don't want children or marriage?? They have no role model if our only
description of ourselves is wife and mother.>>
I see that being a wife and mother encompasses so much, why wouldn't I be a
great role model of understanding and love and doing whatever it is one
wants to do? Do I have to go out and get a paying job to be a good role
model? Can't I do that staying home with my family and having interests I
can talk about without actually leaving my family to go and do it? I do have
many things I have done in my life, and many things I look forward to doing.
Staying home with my children is a relatively small part of my life.
(meaning I live to be a ripe old age) It's important to me to give it all I
can while still being happy. For me, maybe it's giving it a bit differently
than someone else. Certainly doesn't make it less important for me or my
family.
Mary B
kayb85
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
read things that I find interesting all the time. Sometimes I share
them with my kids or my husband, if I think they might find them
interesting too. If being interested in stuff I see and read from
time to time is what is meant by pursuing my own interests, then
sure, I do! But I don't have time for time consuming hobbies. I
even have to limit my reading time sometimes. I can't justify not
reading to a child because I have my own stuff I want to read.
train museums last week, I really wanted to go to Red Lobster because
there was one there very close to the museums. They didn't want to
go. I asked them if they would please just go and sit and talk to me
while I ate because I really, really want to eat there. I told them
that if they didn't want to, they didn't have to eat anything and
that if they didn't find anything they wanted to order I would take
them to mcdonalds right next door afterwards. They agreed and ended
up eating and didn't want to go to mcdonalds afterwards. So I guess
I do stuff for me sometimes, but more often than not I do stuff that
they want to do.
look into my kids' eyes as they're thinking about something new or
figuring something out and "seeing" their brains work.
Sheila
> -=-Is loving and nurturing one's family full time not a life?-=-nurturing.
>
> Sure. But part of the nurturing unschoolers need is intellectual
> An unschooling family in which the mom isn't interested in anythingbut
> housework is at a disadvantage. And if taking care of kids is seenin the
> housework category (keep them clean and cleaned up after), thingswill bog
> down.Oh, definitely! Housework is definitely NOT my passion! lol I do
read things that I find interesting all the time. Sometimes I share
them with my kids or my husband, if I think they might find them
interesting too. If being interested in stuff I see and read from
time to time is what is meant by pursuing my own interests, then
sure, I do! But I don't have time for time consuming hobbies. I
even have to limit my reading time sometimes. I can't justify not
reading to a child because I have my own stuff I want to read.
> When my kids were all little I went weeks without doing anythingthat wasn't
> kid-related sometimes, but it was still colored toward things Ienjoyed.
> Music. Games. Going out to parks and showing them things Ithought were
> cool. Showing them movies I liked too, and learning to like PowerRangers
> and Ninja Turtles (modern equivalents abound, but I don't knowmuch about
> them <g>).I have always wanted to go to Red Lobster. When I took the boys to
train museums last week, I really wanted to go to Red Lobster because
there was one there very close to the museums. They didn't want to
go. I asked them if they would please just go and sit and talk to me
while I ate because I really, really want to eat there. I told them
that if they didn't want to, they didn't have to eat anything and
that if they didn't find anything they wanted to order I would take
them to mcdonalds right next door afterwards. They agreed and ended
up eating and didn't want to go to mcdonalds afterwards. So I guess
I do stuff for me sometimes, but more often than not I do stuff that
they want to do.
> As they get older they want to know more about the width andbreadth and
> depth of the world and it's good when moms don't just say "Wouldyou like a
> sandwich instead?" or "I don't know."Of course!
> Some moms see being with their kids as drudgery or as sacrifice. Isaw it as
> learning something new and fascinating, as trying to figure out howkids saw
> the world as they were learning to talk, and how they figured outmath and
> geography (what direction things were from our house) and I lovedtheir early
> theories on how big the world is. ("There must be thousands ofpeople in
> the world!")I agree! There is nothing that is more interesting to me than to
look into my kids' eyes as they're thinking about something new or
figuring something out and "seeing" their brains work.
Sheila
Heidi
Flylady saved my house. Seriously. A mountain was swallowing it up,
sucking it down into the bowels of the earth.
Laundry. Her hint of doing one load of laundry every day SAVED my
house.
Look up flylady. Good stuff.
HEidiC
sucking it down into the bowels of the earth.
Laundry. Her hint of doing one load of laundry every day SAVED my
house.
Look up flylady. Good stuff.
HEidiC
> I realize this is long, but I just wanted to give you a taste of myshort
> morning. I've had plenty of time to pursue my interests but I doit in
> spurts. I also clean and do just about everything else in spurts.If I
> didn't plan ahead it would take me 2 hours to get the kids dressedand ready
> to go. Instead,I spend about 15 minutes after they head to bed tofind
> everything we will need for the next day. I HIGHLY recommendFlyLady to
> help you get organized. It's for your home, but somehow it clearsup your
> head, too!
Mary
From: "coyote's corner" <jana@...>
<< I need things like that - things that I do totally w/ me and for me.
But - obviously, this works for you.....
That's great:)>>
There's that magic word there. "I need things like that" meaning you, not
me. I have more than enough me time alone from about midnight until 2 a.m.
every week night. Doesn't really matter that in that time I may not do what
some of you consider quality time for me. It's my time and I do enjoy it.
Mary B
<< I need things like that - things that I do totally w/ me and for me.
But - obviously, this works for you.....
That's great:)>>
There's that magic word there. "I need things like that" meaning you, not
me. I have more than enough me time alone from about midnight until 2 a.m.
every week night. Doesn't really matter that in that time I may not do what
some of you consider quality time for me. It's my time and I do enjoy it.
Mary B
kayb85
Oooh...I tried flylady. It drove me nuts!
Sheila
--- In [email protected], "Heidi"
<bunsofaluminum60@h...> wrote:
Sheila
--- In [email protected], "Heidi"
<bunsofaluminum60@h...> wrote:
> Flylady saved my house. Seriously. A mountain was swallowing it up,my
> sucking it down into the bowels of the earth.
>
> Laundry. Her hint of doing one load of laundry every day SAVED my
> house.
>
> Look up flylady. Good stuff.
>
> HEidiC
>
>
> > I realize this is long, but I just wanted to give you a taste of
> shortspurts.
> > morning. I've had plenty of time to pursue my interests but I do
> it in
> > spurts. I also clean and do just about everything else in
> If Idressed
> > didn't plan ahead it would take me 2 hours to get the kids
> and readyto
> > to go. Instead,I spend about 15 minutes after they head to bed
> findclears
> > everything we will need for the next day. I HIGHLY recommend
> FlyLady to
> > help you get organized. It's for your home, but somehow it
> up your
> > head, too!
jmcseals SEALS
***I'm sure a lot of people would say I have issues but I'm happy now and so
is my family and that worksfor me.****
I'm not saying you have issues, I just wonder if it is possible that the
whole picture may not be represented? Perhaps there are things you do for
yourself that haven't been mentioned??
Not so long ago, my husband pointed out to me that I'd better think of
something I enjoy other than children because one day they will all be grown
and out of the house and then what will I have left??? He doesn't *want* to
be my sole interest!
I still agree with Sorcha (? - not sure now) that your children need to see
you living your own life. Not separate from them, alongside them. From
what you have written, it *sounds* like your children and your husband are
your entire life. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it puts an
awful lot of pressure and responsibility onto them that may not be apparent
now.
It seems like if you examine a bit more closely, you may find that you *do*
have interests of your own or have the desire for them to be there. I only
say that because I have been exactly where you describe to be and only
*after* I pursued my own passions, did I realize what happiness truly is.
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
is my family and that worksfor me.****
I'm not saying you have issues, I just wonder if it is possible that the
whole picture may not be represented? Perhaps there are things you do for
yourself that haven't been mentioned??
Not so long ago, my husband pointed out to me that I'd better think of
something I enjoy other than children because one day they will all be grown
and out of the house and then what will I have left??? He doesn't *want* to
be my sole interest!
I still agree with Sorcha (? - not sure now) that your children need to see
you living your own life. Not separate from them, alongside them. From
what you have written, it *sounds* like your children and your husband are
your entire life. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it puts an
awful lot of pressure and responsibility onto them that may not be apparent
now.
It seems like if you examine a bit more closely, you may find that you *do*
have interests of your own or have the desire for them to be there. I only
say that because I have been exactly where you describe to be and only
*after* I pursued my own passions, did I realize what happiness truly is.
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
Gee, I so appreciate the concern for my health and welfare concering this
issue. (and yes that was sarcastic) Let's see, I'm not a good unschooling
example, I need outside help and it's not healthy the way I am. Judgements
all of them and not really necessary at all. I never wrote in with a problem
I wanted fixed. Of course the whole picture isn't represented here. I was
just stating how I am and what works for me. Some here can't seem to
understand that and it's fine. I really have no need for approval here. What
I don't like is the judgements that I can't really be happy and healthy this
way and neither are my children. I'm not going to be sitting home rocking
myself when the children are grown. Really I won't.
I do live my life. I never said I didn't have any friends. I never said I
don't do anything for myself. I never said nothing ever interests me but
kids. Just because I don't go out with the girls and bike ride every day
doesn't mean I'm not living. The assumptions here abound.
And I have found true happiness. I'm just wondering how some of you can have
such a problem with me finding it?
Mary B
issue. (and yes that was sarcastic) Let's see, I'm not a good unschooling
example, I need outside help and it's not healthy the way I am. Judgements
all of them and not really necessary at all. I never wrote in with a problem
I wanted fixed. Of course the whole picture isn't represented here. I was
just stating how I am and what works for me. Some here can't seem to
understand that and it's fine. I really have no need for approval here. What
I don't like is the judgements that I can't really be happy and healthy this
way and neither are my children. I'm not going to be sitting home rocking
myself when the children are grown. Really I won't.
I do live my life. I never said I didn't have any friends. I never said I
don't do anything for myself. I never said nothing ever interests me but
kids. Just because I don't go out with the girls and bike ride every day
doesn't mean I'm not living. The assumptions here abound.
And I have found true happiness. I'm just wondering how some of you can have
such a problem with me finding it?
Mary B
Tammy
*********** It also helps to accept the fact that most home/unschoolers
*don't* have a clean house. Strive for picked up and clean at night or on
the weekends. Or in Spurts! It is possible!!!
Hope this blabber helped in some way! <bwg>
Jennifer************
I'm glad to hear it because ours is usually what some would consider
trashed"
I bought a sign on one of our vacations that reads
"This place cleaned every other day, sorry you missed it."
For some reason It helps me remember that its OK.. :-)
I had someone tell me once they liked my house better than theirs for visits
because it was so "lived-in" .. I took it as a huge compliment but I don't
know they intended it that way! LOL
Tammy
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*don't* have a clean house. Strive for picked up and clean at night or on
the weekends. Or in Spurts! It is possible!!!
Hope this blabber helped in some way! <bwg>
Jennifer************
I'm glad to hear it because ours is usually what some would consider
trashed"
I bought a sign on one of our vacations that reads
"This place cleaned every other day, sorry you missed it."
For some reason It helps me remember that its OK.. :-)
I had someone tell me once they liked my house better than theirs for visits
because it was so "lived-in" .. I took it as a huge compliment but I don't
know they intended it that way! LOL
Tammy
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Melinda
"My kids constantly ask me to play *with* them. What do you suggest I
tell them? No? I have my own interests to pursue? You pursue
yours, I'll pursue mine?"
I've learned the hard way that kids need to learn to entertain themselves sometimes - it's part of learning. The "real world" doesn't stop for anyone usually, and what will your kids do when they don't get their way *right away* when they are older? I'm battling this right now with my 10yo DD - she has honestly NEVER had to entertain herself, on her own, because I was always dropping everything whenever my kids wanted to play or whatever. But (bad mommy moment here) - sometimes I need time to do things like catch up on work or what have you, without them underfoot. (I know I might get beaten up for saying this here LOL) Sure, I can let her help - I'm sure my boss would LOVE that! Maybe I have a different take on things because I am a single mom - I don't have the luxury of dropping everything to play with my kids every single time they ask - it's just part of our life and it's part of "real life" for alot of folks. I *so* wish I could still be a SAHM and do just that, but I can't and my kids understand that now. And I think it makes them stronger to have to do things for themselves sometimes (play quietly in their room, play the keyboard/guitar without an audience sometimes, etc) rather than knowing "Oh boy! The world really DOES revolve around me!" I'm afraid if it still did, they'd get a very rude awakening later in life. :(
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tell them? No? I have my own interests to pursue? You pursue
yours, I'll pursue mine?"
I've learned the hard way that kids need to learn to entertain themselves sometimes - it's part of learning. The "real world" doesn't stop for anyone usually, and what will your kids do when they don't get their way *right away* when they are older? I'm battling this right now with my 10yo DD - she has honestly NEVER had to entertain herself, on her own, because I was always dropping everything whenever my kids wanted to play or whatever. But (bad mommy moment here) - sometimes I need time to do things like catch up on work or what have you, without them underfoot. (I know I might get beaten up for saying this here LOL) Sure, I can let her help - I'm sure my boss would LOVE that! Maybe I have a different take on things because I am a single mom - I don't have the luxury of dropping everything to play with my kids every single time they ask - it's just part of our life and it's part of "real life" for alot of folks. I *so* wish I could still be a SAHM and do just that, but I can't and my kids understand that now. And I think it makes them stronger to have to do things for themselves sometimes (play quietly in their room, play the keyboard/guitar without an audience sometimes, etc) rather than knowing "Oh boy! The world really DOES revolve around me!" I'm afraid if it still did, they'd get a very rude awakening later in life. :(
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