My unschooling journey, and "getting it"
[email protected]
When I first read about unschooling, I thought. HEY, this is perfect.. this
is ME, this is my family.. I hadn't taken my kids out of school yet and I
was just looking around, gathering information, trying to decide which path
to take. I understood it. I think having children in public school and
seeing how it did NOT work, made it easy for me to say. OH YEAH, that sounds
like a much better approach. The whole "educational" aspect of unschooling
was never a question or a concern to me. Now, it is a concern for everyone
else in my family ( that does not home/unschool). From my own 16 yo son to
my parents and of course, my laws, I have gotten nothing but grief,
questioning, condemnation, and suspicion of my sanity. But, that has
improved with time, they don't rag on me nearly as much as they did. I guess
they just realized I was not giving in to thier pressure.
What was harder to grasp was some of the parenting approaches that most
unschoolers (on this list) strongly uphold as the one, best, only way to
parent children. All the chores/bedtimes/TV/games/eating stuff. I've said
before, about 90% of them make good sense to me and they are right in line
with the way I have always parented my children. But some of the stuff that
I struggled with became a bone of contention on this group as I tried and
tried to figure out how to "do it right". Well, I finally just gave up.on
trying to suit the folks on this list, and I just followed my own instincts.
I thought, afterall, I was doing the same thing with my own family and
friends.. People who love and care about me and my children, I took thier
thoughts about how I was raising my children with a grain of salt, because I
felt in my heart I knew my own children better than anyone else.
The best thing I have learned about unschooling is to just enjoy it. It's
not nearly as complicated as some folks make it out to be. It IS just living
your life, period. Like there is no such thing as school ( stolen from Ned
Vare.. :-) ..I don't worry about math. I just don't.. period. I don't
worry about reading or writing or penmanship .. or history or any other
"subject".. It was very easy for me to let go of those worries because they
were so exhausting and stressful and just DIFFICULT to live with when my kids
were in school. Those kinds of things never meant nearly as much to me as
they did to the school or the teacher.. But, dang it, they just wouldnt leave
me alone about it.. lol. Now, when I hear my neices and nephews complaining
about doing thier homework, thier math, thier spelling and phonics.. I want
to shout YAYYYYYY>> NA NA NA NA NA. .. we don't have to do that!! It is a
tremendous relief to not have hear all about EOG's and test results and blah
blah blah..
I see my children learning every day. JP had not picked up a pencil in over
3 months. Then on Easter he picked me some flowers and he wrote me a note
that said. "Mommy, I love you, I want you to have these for a Happy Easter,
love, Jon. I thought Anna had written it for him, but he has written it all
by himself. . The last time he wrote anything, it was barely readable.. Now,
his letters were just about perfectly formed and his handwriting was much
improved. I told my husband, "look at JP's letter he wrote to me, his
handwriting has really improved ( not within earshot of JP). DH said.. yeah,
I bet it would look exactly the same if he had to write his spelling words 5x
each every week, write 2 stories every week, plus 10 sentences with his
spelling words.. PLUS all the worksheets he had to fill out. Heck, it may
not even be as good since he fought us tooth and nail over doing his school
work. His improved handwriting ( by osmosis..lol) is just one the many many
things I see blossoming in my children, and it's wonderful to be so much a
part of thier lives.
OH.. about non-stop gaming.. That was very difficult for me too. Not that I
really cared if they played all the time, just that it caused so much
conflict between my boys. So many broken controllers, so much frustration
and "sharing" arguements, it was indeed hard to see how all of that could be
"good" for anyone. But, I continued to let them play. Ethan broke the 4th
set of controllers on the Xbox. They went through 3 sets of controllers on
the N64.. They were down to one last controller that they had to share on the
N64, and then they just lost interest in the games. Not a word from me..
not a restriction ( well, except I couldnt continue to buy controllers every
week, they had to wait til the funds became available). Maybe it just got
warm enough outside for them to find other things to do. Maybe they got
tired of fighting and breaking things.. Maybe they reached the levels in
thier games that they wanted to. Maybe they got tired of sitting in food
crumbs and spilled drinks all day.. I don't know, but they havent played a
game in almost a month. They haven't mentioned it, asked about it, or even
acted like they know video games exist. Now, who knows, next week, they may
start in again with the games, want new controllers, new games, etc.. and if
they do, I will do my best to comply ( financially speaking) But, I can say,
honestly, my boys are living proof that if given the opportunity to play
games as much as they want.. They will NOT play them 24/7 for the rest of
thier lives.. For mine, it was just about 3 mos. :-) Which, in the whole
scheme of things, is really not long at all
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
is ME, this is my family.. I hadn't taken my kids out of school yet and I
was just looking around, gathering information, trying to decide which path
to take. I understood it. I think having children in public school and
seeing how it did NOT work, made it easy for me to say. OH YEAH, that sounds
like a much better approach. The whole "educational" aspect of unschooling
was never a question or a concern to me. Now, it is a concern for everyone
else in my family ( that does not home/unschool). From my own 16 yo son to
my parents and of course, my laws, I have gotten nothing but grief,
questioning, condemnation, and suspicion of my sanity. But, that has
improved with time, they don't rag on me nearly as much as they did. I guess
they just realized I was not giving in to thier pressure.
What was harder to grasp was some of the parenting approaches that most
unschoolers (on this list) strongly uphold as the one, best, only way to
parent children. All the chores/bedtimes/TV/games/eating stuff. I've said
before, about 90% of them make good sense to me and they are right in line
with the way I have always parented my children. But some of the stuff that
I struggled with became a bone of contention on this group as I tried and
tried to figure out how to "do it right". Well, I finally just gave up.on
trying to suit the folks on this list, and I just followed my own instincts.
I thought, afterall, I was doing the same thing with my own family and
friends.. People who love and care about me and my children, I took thier
thoughts about how I was raising my children with a grain of salt, because I
felt in my heart I knew my own children better than anyone else.
The best thing I have learned about unschooling is to just enjoy it. It's
not nearly as complicated as some folks make it out to be. It IS just living
your life, period. Like there is no such thing as school ( stolen from Ned
Vare.. :-) ..I don't worry about math. I just don't.. period. I don't
worry about reading or writing or penmanship .. or history or any other
"subject".. It was very easy for me to let go of those worries because they
were so exhausting and stressful and just DIFFICULT to live with when my kids
were in school. Those kinds of things never meant nearly as much to me as
they did to the school or the teacher.. But, dang it, they just wouldnt leave
me alone about it.. lol. Now, when I hear my neices and nephews complaining
about doing thier homework, thier math, thier spelling and phonics.. I want
to shout YAYYYYYY>> NA NA NA NA NA. .. we don't have to do that!! It is a
tremendous relief to not have hear all about EOG's and test results and blah
blah blah..
I see my children learning every day. JP had not picked up a pencil in over
3 months. Then on Easter he picked me some flowers and he wrote me a note
that said. "Mommy, I love you, I want you to have these for a Happy Easter,
love, Jon. I thought Anna had written it for him, but he has written it all
by himself. . The last time he wrote anything, it was barely readable.. Now,
his letters were just about perfectly formed and his handwriting was much
improved. I told my husband, "look at JP's letter he wrote to me, his
handwriting has really improved ( not within earshot of JP). DH said.. yeah,
I bet it would look exactly the same if he had to write his spelling words 5x
each every week, write 2 stories every week, plus 10 sentences with his
spelling words.. PLUS all the worksheets he had to fill out. Heck, it may
not even be as good since he fought us tooth and nail over doing his school
work. His improved handwriting ( by osmosis..lol) is just one the many many
things I see blossoming in my children, and it's wonderful to be so much a
part of thier lives.
OH.. about non-stop gaming.. That was very difficult for me too. Not that I
really cared if they played all the time, just that it caused so much
conflict between my boys. So many broken controllers, so much frustration
and "sharing" arguements, it was indeed hard to see how all of that could be
"good" for anyone. But, I continued to let them play. Ethan broke the 4th
set of controllers on the Xbox. They went through 3 sets of controllers on
the N64.. They were down to one last controller that they had to share on the
N64, and then they just lost interest in the games. Not a word from me..
not a restriction ( well, except I couldnt continue to buy controllers every
week, they had to wait til the funds became available). Maybe it just got
warm enough outside for them to find other things to do. Maybe they got
tired of fighting and breaking things.. Maybe they reached the levels in
thier games that they wanted to. Maybe they got tired of sitting in food
crumbs and spilled drinks all day.. I don't know, but they havent played a
game in almost a month. They haven't mentioned it, asked about it, or even
acted like they know video games exist. Now, who knows, next week, they may
start in again with the games, want new controllers, new games, etc.. and if
they do, I will do my best to comply ( financially speaking) But, I can say,
honestly, my boys are living proof that if given the opportunity to play
games as much as they want.. They will NOT play them 24/7 for the rest of
thier lives.. For mine, it was just about 3 mos. :-) Which, in the whole
scheme of things, is really not long at all
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heidi
wow. I am SO GLAD you read this. I didn't have much time to click on
every link here this evening (hubby's gonna kick me off soon, and
katie wants to play) so yours is the first I chose.
what PERFECT timing! especially this part:
handwriting. Being a piano player, I know that practice is needed in
order to get the neural connections to be at a reflex level, in order
to play well. I was thinking the same thing about the writing: lots
of practice in order to form letters well...but Robby's handwriting
looks just like a 10 year old public schooled kid we know, and I KNOW
Robby has had ONE TENTH the writing practice of a 4th grade kid in
public school.
anyway. Excellent post, teresa. Thanks!
Peace, HeidiC
every link here this evening (hubby's gonna kick me off soon, and
katie wants to play) so yours is the first I chose.
what PERFECT timing! especially this part:
> I see my children learning every day. JP had not picked up aone of the things I've had a difficult time "deschooling" has been
>pencil in over 3 months. Then on Easter he picked me some flowers
>and he wrote me a note that said. "Mommy, I love you, I want you
>to have these for a Happy Easter, love, Jon. I thought Anna had
>written it for him, but he has written it all
> by himself. . The last time he wrote anything, it was barely
>readable.. Now, his letters were just about perfectly formed and
>his handwriting was much improved.
handwriting. Being a piano player, I know that practice is needed in
order to get the neural connections to be at a reflex level, in order
to play well. I was thinking the same thing about the writing: lots
of practice in order to form letters well...but Robby's handwriting
looks just like a 10 year old public schooled kid we know, and I KNOW
Robby has had ONE TENTH the writing practice of a 4th grade kid in
public school.
anyway. Excellent post, teresa. Thanks!
Peace, HeidiC
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/29/03 8:41:06 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
bunsofaluminum60@... writes:
You are so right about the handwriting thing. When I really thought about
it.. I realized, writing is a small motor skill, those muscles and skills can
be just a easily ( if not MORE easily) developed doing things kids enjoy
doing.. Like playing with legos, coloring, playing video games. Its like
magic.. VOILA, their handwriting improves!..
Now, a disclaimer.. lol. Some folks never have good handwriting no matter
how much they "practice", or exercise their fine motor skills. My
husband's, Landon's, and Ethan's handwriting SUCKS big time. Thier
handwriting all looks very similar. It is labored and exhausting for them to
write. But, thats OK. thats what keyboards are for :-).. Landon can type
close to 100 wpm with few mistakes.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bunsofaluminum60@... writes:
> anyway. Excellent post, teresa. Thanks!You're welcome.. :-)
>
> Peace, HeidiC
>
You are so right about the handwriting thing. When I really thought about
it.. I realized, writing is a small motor skill, those muscles and skills can
be just a easily ( if not MORE easily) developed doing things kids enjoy
doing.. Like playing with legos, coloring, playing video games. Its like
magic.. VOILA, their handwriting improves!..
Now, a disclaimer.. lol. Some folks never have good handwriting no matter
how much they "practice", or exercise their fine motor skills. My
husband's, Landon's, and Ethan's handwriting SUCKS big time. Thier
handwriting all looks very similar. It is labored and exhausting for them to
write. But, thats OK. thats what keyboards are for :-).. Landon can type
close to 100 wpm with few mistakes.
Teresa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Olga
Teresa,
What an awsome post! I have been wrestling with this issue. We are
new to homeschooling and unschooling. My son went to preschool
pretty much at his leisure since I knew he would not continue to ps
next year. When he was at home, I crammed handwriting books down his
throat, poor kid! This kid will not want to look at any form of
workbook for the next few years, and you know what I am OK with that
because there are better ways!! Anyway, once I let go of those this
little "schooled" voice kept saying, "he needs to learn to write!".
Finally, the light bulb went off and I realized that this kid has
never been into drawing or artsy things, certainly never writing for
more than a few minutes if that. Did I really think that because I
decided he was going to learn to write, that he would just like it
and be good at it, never mind the fact that he is young and still
lacking in small motor control!! DUH to me!! Your post came at just
the right time for me to realize it is not the writing but the small
motor control which he will get in other ways. Now, he occasinally
will take me up on one of my offers to write something, i.e. a
grocery list, a ltter to his cousin. It is rare and I accept his "no
thank you" with a smile. When he does accept I watch for any
frustration if he tries for too long. But, I have learned and am
learning that it is alright if he is not ready. Thank you for a
great post that reminded me sometimes we are so caught up in the
details we forget the bigger picture!
Olga :)
What an awsome post! I have been wrestling with this issue. We are
new to homeschooling and unschooling. My son went to preschool
pretty much at his leisure since I knew he would not continue to ps
next year. When he was at home, I crammed handwriting books down his
throat, poor kid! This kid will not want to look at any form of
workbook for the next few years, and you know what I am OK with that
because there are better ways!! Anyway, once I let go of those this
little "schooled" voice kept saying, "he needs to learn to write!".
Finally, the light bulb went off and I realized that this kid has
never been into drawing or artsy things, certainly never writing for
more than a few minutes if that. Did I really think that because I
decided he was going to learn to write, that he would just like it
and be good at it, never mind the fact that he is young and still
lacking in small motor control!! DUH to me!! Your post came at just
the right time for me to realize it is not the writing but the small
motor control which he will get in other ways. Now, he occasinally
will take me up on one of my offers to write something, i.e. a
grocery list, a ltter to his cousin. It is rare and I accept his "no
thank you" with a smile. When he does accept I watch for any
frustration if he tries for too long. But, I have learned and am
learning that it is alright if he is not ready. Thank you for a
great post that reminded me sometimes we are so caught up in the
details we forget the bigger picture!
Olga :)
> You are so right about the handwriting thing. When I reallythought about
> it.. I realized, writing is a small motor skill, those muscles andskills can
> be just a easily ( if not MORE easily) developed doing things kidsenjoy
> doing.. Like playing with legos, coloring, playing video games.Its like
> magic.. VOILA, their handwriting improves!..matter
>
> Now, a disclaimer.. lol. Some folks never have good handwriting no
> how much they "practice", or exercise their fine motor skills. Myfor them to
> husband's, Landon's, and Ethan's handwriting SUCKS big time. Thier
> handwriting all looks very similar. It is labored and exhausting
> write. But, thats OK. thats what keyboards are for :-).. Landoncan type
> close to 100 wpm with few mistakes.
>
> Teresa
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]