finding friends/socialization
jmcseals SEALS
HELP! I need some fresh ideas. Six months ago, we moved into a new-to-us
neighborhood. We are blessed to live right next door to my
great-grandparents, which has been wonderful for me and the kids. However,
from what I see, there aren't many young families here. I've only seen a
handful of children as I'm driving to and from home but have never seen any
while actually out of the car, in my lawn. So, needless to say, my children
don't have any neighborhood friends.
We've always lived in this general area, so we have tried out all the area
support groups but my oldest daughter has had trouble making friends, simply
because we've only met about 4 or 5 kids near her age and she doesn't feel
like she has 'clicked' with any of them.
We don't go to church, so that avenue is out. She has tried the rec centers
for classes and to meet new people, but generally, there aren't kids her age
in those classes either. (Even a two year age difference can be huge at
this age..12.) She has met a few kids her age with similar interests, but
we seem to have a hard time getting them together as they don't live nearby.
I'm feeling helpless but I know there has to be something I'm missing here.
So I'm wondering where your children meet friends. Maybe it's just this
area, but it seems like everyone around here has very young children! Have
any of you experienced this and how did/do you deal with it? We have been
transportation-less for a while and I know that doesn't help, but we're
working on the van and that should change soon. In the meantime, I'd like
to explore other ways for my kids to meet other kids. It sounds so simple
but it has really been a struggle for us.
We recently discovered a neighborhood park and we plan to go a few times a
week, at different times, to see if we meet anyone that way, but otherwise
I'm at a loss, so I'm all ears!!
Jennifer
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neighborhood. We are blessed to live right next door to my
great-grandparents, which has been wonderful for me and the kids. However,
from what I see, there aren't many young families here. I've only seen a
handful of children as I'm driving to and from home but have never seen any
while actually out of the car, in my lawn. So, needless to say, my children
don't have any neighborhood friends.
We've always lived in this general area, so we have tried out all the area
support groups but my oldest daughter has had trouble making friends, simply
because we've only met about 4 or 5 kids near her age and she doesn't feel
like she has 'clicked' with any of them.
We don't go to church, so that avenue is out. She has tried the rec centers
for classes and to meet new people, but generally, there aren't kids her age
in those classes either. (Even a two year age difference can be huge at
this age..12.) She has met a few kids her age with similar interests, but
we seem to have a hard time getting them together as they don't live nearby.
I'm feeling helpless but I know there has to be something I'm missing here.
So I'm wondering where your children meet friends. Maybe it's just this
area, but it seems like everyone around here has very young children! Have
any of you experienced this and how did/do you deal with it? We have been
transportation-less for a while and I know that doesn't help, but we're
working on the van and that should change soon. In the meantime, I'd like
to explore other ways for my kids to meet other kids. It sounds so simple
but it has really been a struggle for us.
We recently discovered a neighborhood park and we plan to go a few times a
week, at different times, to see if we meet anyone that way, but otherwise
I'm at a loss, so I'm all ears!!
Jennifer
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[email protected]
In a message dated 4/24/03 3:19:25 AM Eastern Daylight Time, jmcseals@...
writes:
that she likes to do. Maybe a book club if she likes to read or different
craft type things if that is what she is into, I know some of the craft store
will help set up things to do like on a monthly basis. Maybe if you started
something you could build up a network of a few friends for her. It is more
effort.
I only say if you are connected with a support group because I know here the
support group is large and not everyone comes to all things, so if you start
something and post to one or two local group you may get people you never
knew about before. Just a thought and I know it is hard.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
writes:
> We've always lived in this general area, so we have tried out all the areaIf you were involved with a support group maybe you could start something
> support groups but my oldest daughter has had trouble making friends,
> simply
> because we've only met about 4 or 5 kids near her age
that she likes to do. Maybe a book club if she likes to read or different
craft type things if that is what she is into, I know some of the craft store
will help set up things to do like on a monthly basis. Maybe if you started
something you could build up a network of a few friends for her. It is more
effort.
I only say if you are connected with a support group because I know here the
support group is large and not everyone comes to all things, so if you start
something and post to one or two local group you may get people you never
knew about before. Just a thought and I know it is hard.
Pam G.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
art classes, sports, summer programs like zoo sessions for kids or ecology
clubs, scouts
Can she find a babysitting job? Meeting people and having something to look
forward to shouldn't need to be limited to just people her age. That will
come, but if she looks ONLY in her age range, she'll be missing most of the
people and opportunities around her.
When she does find friends, maybe arrange overnighters more than you
ordinarly think of them. Having a kid over for two or three hours makes
driving prohibitive, but having a kid from further away over for a day or two
isn't as bad. And my kids NEED way longer play sessions than school kids
ever get. They have a chance to build up some long make-believe, or watch a
movie, or play a video game, or walk to the park and play, without any of
those being the ONLY thing they got to do.
Sandra
clubs, scouts
Can she find a babysitting job? Meeting people and having something to look
forward to shouldn't need to be limited to just people her age. That will
come, but if she looks ONLY in her age range, she'll be missing most of the
people and opportunities around her.
When she does find friends, maybe arrange overnighters more than you
ordinarly think of them. Having a kid over for two or three hours makes
driving prohibitive, but having a kid from further away over for a day or two
isn't as bad. And my kids NEED way longer play sessions than school kids
ever get. They have a chance to build up some long make-believe, or watch a
movie, or play a video game, or walk to the park and play, without any of
those being the ONLY thing they got to do.
Sandra
nellebelle
----- snip----- > So I'm wondering where your children meet friends.>>>>>
Having lots of children in your neighborhood doesn't guarantee that they
will be freinds or even the type of kids you and your kids want to hang out
with.
Along with the myth that kids need to go to school for socialization comes
the idea that kids need to spend LOTS of time with other kids.
Help your kids focus on WHAT they want to do, and having friends will
probably come out of that naturally. Plus, the friends will be people who
share interests, rather than just being the same age or living nearby.
nearby.>>>>>
If she does want to spend time with these people, part of your job is to
help that happen. I don't know how you define "nearby", but I assume that
you would help her get to activities that she really wanted to do. Help her
get together with these people if she wants to spend more time with them,
either at your house or their houses or at common meeting places.
Mary Ellen
Having lots of children in your neighborhood doesn't guarantee that they
will be freinds or even the type of kids you and your kids want to hang out
with.
Along with the myth that kids need to go to school for socialization comes
the idea that kids need to spend LOTS of time with other kids.
Help your kids focus on WHAT they want to do, and having friends will
probably come out of that naturally. Plus, the friends will be people who
share interests, rather than just being the same age or living nearby.
>>>>>snip>>She has met a few kids her age with similar interests, butwe seem to have a hard time getting them together as they don't live
nearby.>>>>>
If she does want to spend time with these people, part of your job is to
help that happen. I don't know how you define "nearby", but I assume that
you would help her get to activities that she really wanted to do. Help her
get together with these people if she wants to spend more time with them,
either at your house or their houses or at common meeting places.
Mary Ellen
jmcseals SEALS
We are enrolling her in a summer skateboarding camp, and she is SO excited!
There is a camp in California that she is aching to attend this summer, but
we feel like it is just too far away to send her at this age. (We're in
Texas and she's 12.)
She is really seeking out friends her age right now. She loves being at
home, loves unschooling, but she is beginning to express a desire for ps
just to meet kids her age, which I should have added to my original post.
She's also become very image-oriented lately. I really thought, dumbly,
that not being in ps would help with the clique thing but not here. She's
very picky about who she wants to be friends with by what their
interests/looks are. We are talking a LOT about this right now and it IS
getting better, but it is frustating for both of us. A lot of the problem
is she is so mature for her age and many of the kids she meets that are her
age are still into 'baby stuff' as she puts it.
I did write this morning to one of the leaders in our support group,
requesting that she be able to attend the teen groups on a trial basis and
they have no problem with that. (The groups are for 13 and up, so she's a
year away.) That should make a huge difference since she was often the
oldest kid in all the activities we go to.
She liked the idea of a game night, so we are discussing setting up a game
night here in our home since our driving ability is limited right now. I
even got my husband to agree to take her to the skate park weekly. She and
I both think this is an ideal situation considering everyone there has the
same interest...skateboarding!!! She's pretty thrilled with that idea.
We also talked about setting up a reading group at Barnes and Noble for
pre-teens/young teens. (I'm sorry, I can't rememeber who suggested it right
off hand, but Thanks for that idea!!) She's reading the Harry Potter series
and SHE suggested we start the group when the new book comes out. She's
already been on the computer to pre-order the book so she'll be prepared!
This is GREAT! THanks so much, everyone!
Jennifer
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There is a camp in California that she is aching to attend this summer, but
we feel like it is just too far away to send her at this age. (We're in
Texas and she's 12.)
She is really seeking out friends her age right now. She loves being at
home, loves unschooling, but she is beginning to express a desire for ps
just to meet kids her age, which I should have added to my original post.
She's also become very image-oriented lately. I really thought, dumbly,
that not being in ps would help with the clique thing but not here. She's
very picky about who she wants to be friends with by what their
interests/looks are. We are talking a LOT about this right now and it IS
getting better, but it is frustating for both of us. A lot of the problem
is she is so mature for her age and many of the kids she meets that are her
age are still into 'baby stuff' as she puts it.
I did write this morning to one of the leaders in our support group,
requesting that she be able to attend the teen groups on a trial basis and
they have no problem with that. (The groups are for 13 and up, so she's a
year away.) That should make a huge difference since she was often the
oldest kid in all the activities we go to.
She liked the idea of a game night, so we are discussing setting up a game
night here in our home since our driving ability is limited right now. I
even got my husband to agree to take her to the skate park weekly. She and
I both think this is an ideal situation considering everyone there has the
same interest...skateboarding!!! She's pretty thrilled with that idea.
We also talked about setting up a reading group at Barnes and Noble for
pre-teens/young teens. (I'm sorry, I can't rememeber who suggested it right
off hand, but Thanks for that idea!!) She's reading the Harry Potter series
and SHE suggested we start the group when the new book comes out. She's
already been on the computer to pre-order the book so she'll be prepared!
This is GREAT! THanks so much, everyone!
Jennifer
_________________________________________________________________
The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE*
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/24/03 11:01:15 AM, jmcseals@... writes:
<< I really thought, dumbly,
that not being in ps would help with the clique thing but not here. She's
very picky about who she wants to be friends with by what their
interests/looks are. We are talking a LOT about this right now and it IS
getting better, but it is frustating for both of us. >>
At least she doesn't have other cliques of girls telling her who she can and
can't be friends with as she would have at school.
Sandra
<< I really thought, dumbly,
that not being in ps would help with the clique thing but not here. She's
very picky about who she wants to be friends with by what their
interests/looks are. We are talking a LOT about this right now and it IS
getting better, but it is frustating for both of us. >>
At least she doesn't have other cliques of girls telling her who she can and
can't be friends with as she would have at school.
Sandra
britcontoo
--- In [email protected], "jmcseals SEALS"
<jmcseals@m...> wrote:
I know it is hard, even for us adults to meet new people. There is
something truely inspiring about watching my 4 year old walk up and
just start chatting with other kids, any other kids or adults for
that matter. I would definitely do the park. I found many of my own
friends there <g>. It might help if you try to meet other adults who
have children that age. Family or play dates for everyone may help
ease the tension of meeting someone new. If there is a support group
in your area, I am sure she could find others her age. Even, if you
could post on a local support group website in search of families
with other children her age who might be in a reasonable distance, I
am sure you would get some responses. Honestly, I just think it gets
so much harder to make friends as you get older. Me and my
girlfriend are always joking around that it is like asking for a
date. All the same issues: will I get rejected? Do they already
have a full load of friends? Etc. Good luck and I guess it just
takes alot of time to find people that you really want to get to know
better! Hopefully, it will be worth the wait!
Olga
<jmcseals@m...> wrote:
> HELP! I need some fresh ideas. Six months ago, we moved into anew-to-us
> neighborhood. > JenniferJennifer,
>
I know it is hard, even for us adults to meet new people. There is
something truely inspiring about watching my 4 year old walk up and
just start chatting with other kids, any other kids or adults for
that matter. I would definitely do the park. I found many of my own
friends there <g>. It might help if you try to meet other adults who
have children that age. Family or play dates for everyone may help
ease the tension of meeting someone new. If there is a support group
in your area, I am sure she could find others her age. Even, if you
could post on a local support group website in search of families
with other children her age who might be in a reasonable distance, I
am sure you would get some responses. Honestly, I just think it gets
so much harder to make friends as you get older. Me and my
girlfriend are always joking around that it is like asking for a
date. All the same issues: will I get rejected? Do they already
have a full load of friends? Etc. Good luck and I guess it just
takes alot of time to find people that you really want to get to know
better! Hopefully, it will be worth the wait!
Olga
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
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Lisa M. C. Bentley
> HELP! I need some fresh ideas.All your ideas are great. Be sure to check out postings of current
clubs (maybe at the library). Try Girl Scouts, Lego clubs, etc., too.
-Lisa in AZ