Tim and Maureen

Hi,

I've been reading the posts about Ritalin with interest.I have a 14 year old on effexor and has been for about 4 months.
Given a lot of thought to whether I just am not accepting her for who she is. Guilt and sadness that we have felt the need to go to antidepressants. I lived with the difficulties for 14 years and finally it got to be to much for her also. She has been hypersensitive since one week old. Cried so much that by 4 months old she popped both ovaries through her abdominal walls.Could never find a way to comfort her. She seemed to always be in pain. She still can only handle so much of any people sensory environments then becomes extremely irritable. and overwhelmed

We tried to control things and in the last years instead have focussed on helping her to express her needs less verbally abusively and to find ways to cope or remove herself. She is very good at knowing her limits now.

Anyway one point I would like to make is that I believe kindness, respect and freedom has allowed us to find a way to live with her in a mostly peaceful way. I know others with "bipolar" whose children are violent and much more traumatised and I wonder what this child would look like if I had taken the tough love route. All these mothers regret that they took that route and they believe their children are sicker for it.

It has been a trying experience to live with this high need individual and meet the needs of the other three siblings in a respectful noncontrolling way. and I believe it is imperative not to judge another because we truly have not lived in their world.

Tim and Maureen Thomas
http://www.stillwaters.ca


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zenmomma2kids

>>I've been reading the posts about Ritalin with interest.I have a 14
year old on effexor and has been for about 4 months.>>

My son Conor has been taking Prozac for over 1 year now. He's almost
14. Have you been seeing good results for your daughter?

>>Given a lot of thought to whether I just am not accepting her for
who she is. Guilt and sadness that we have felt the need to go to
antidepressants.>>

Sometimes the medications are needed. I more than anyone else
understand that. Guilt is definitely not needed here. Do you feel
you're making the best decision for your child in this moment? Does
*she* seem to be helped? If you get more information down the road
that maybe helps you make a different decsion, does that negate the
fact that you are *in this moment* doing what you think is right? If
you alter your path later, then just go down the new path and leave
the old decisions behind. Leave the guilt behind too.

>>I lived with the difficulties for 14 years and finally it got to be
to much for her also.>>

For Conor it was a profound clinical depression. As a sort of happy
side effect, a lot of the sensitivities went away also. This was a
problem coping in his life. Doing day to day activities and
functioning as a human being. I think that's different than a
difficulty in how he's learning something. Although I can understand
how that difficulty would affect someone's outlook and sef image. And
it's not that one is right and the other wrong. But I still wonder
about how much we, as a society, have created the idea of there being
only one way to learn and therefore everyone else is in need of help.

>>She has been hypersensitive since one week old. Cried so much that
by 4 months old she popped both ovaries through her abdominal
walls.Could never find a way to comfort her.>>

Wow. My Casey is extremely sensitive and was hard to calm as a baby,
but not to that physical result. How traumatizing for all of you!

>> She still can only handle so much of any people sensory
environments then becomes extremely irritable. and overwhelmed>>

Now THIS describes my Casey. We have to be very aware of our
surroundings with her.

>> We tried to control things and in the last years instead have
focussed on helping her to express her needs less verbally abusively
and to find ways to cope or remove herself. She is very good at
knowing her limits now.>>

That's great. Have you looked into any of the information about
Sensory Integration? The OT explained to me that the idea was to help
these kids integrate and get centered from the inside out. That way
they don't have to work so hard to control the behaviors once they're
already out of whack.

>> Anyway one point I would like to make is that I believe kindness,
respect and freedom has allowed us to find a way to live with her in
a mostly peaceful way. I know others with "bipolar" whose children
are violent and much more traumatised and I wonder what this child
would look like if I had taken the tough love route. All these
mothers regret that they took that route and they believe their
children are sicker for it.>>

I so agree!

>> It has been a trying experience to live with this high need
individual and meet the needs of the other three siblings in a
respectful noncontrolling way. and I believe it is imperative not to
judge another because we truly have not lived in their world.>>

I hope you don't think I was judging Glena for giving her son ritalin
because that was not my intent. I understand that there are true
mental/chemical imbalances that are greatly helped with modern
medical intervention. I understand that. Really. Personally.

Life is good.
~Mary

sablehs

I now can put a face with your name Sandra. I just got in the January - Febuary HEM. {I ordered some of the pamplets so i guess they sent it as a complementary issue} I was flipping through the pages and saw your name then noticed the smilling face down below along with your article on "How To Raise A Respected Child". <g>

Tracy



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zenmomma2kids

>> I now can put a face with your name Sandra. >>

Ain't she sweet? <g> You can also see her (along with AnneO, Pam S.
and me) at the SOS conference website.

http://www.schoolsoutsupport.org/speakers.html

Life is good.
~Mary

sablehs

Ahh Thanks. Yes she is. <g> I guess in that was I am a visual learner. Photos some how help me internalize information. Maybe in this case, I feel more like a "know" a person and can better relate to their experiences.Tracy

zenmomma2kids <zenmomma@...> wrote:>> I now can put a face with your name Sandra. >>

Ain't she sweet? <g> You can also see her (along with AnneO, Pam S.
and me) at the SOS conference website.

http://www.schoolsoutsupport.org/speakers.html




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