k montoya

...

kind of off topic maybe, but I noticed this a lot
lately, maybe b/c it is spring...


When Ted is playing in the mud or planting seeds or
sorting his toys while talking quietly to himself,
when Carla is surrounded by her Barbies, attending to
all the small details she loves or precisely shredding
paper (we are getting a WORM-COMPOSTER soon--hooray)
or doing the repetitive but meticulous can-crushing
she initiated for recycling...I feel the same kind of
endorphin, hormone rush thingie as I did while nursing
when I watch them....but I don't SAY a word--hehe.
That satisfied, happy feeling that 'all is GOOD'
comes over me like a WAVE.

Same feeling for me when they help each other or are
spontaneously kind for NO particular reason (like when
Carla won the watch and immediately handed it to
Ted)...

Sometimes these are just VERY fleeting moments, a
nanosecond of realization, but SO very important to
me. I am SO glad I can sometimes catch a glimpse of
the enormity of the effects of this whole way of
living in such a tiny gesture, but that's the way it
happens, I KNOW..I just know, it is a good thing. ( I
know there is a quote about 'a world in a grain of
sand' but I can't remember where or who...).

When Ted was in school, even though he was only there
for 2 months of kindergarten, he 'shut down' and this
quiet joy and 'ease' was suddenly GONE--how scary...he
also ground his teeth at night and cried out in his
sleep most nights...When Carla (no kindergarten, a fun
1st grade for her) started 2nd grade she suddenly got
a 'not nice' teacher and homework and a strict
classroom regime with shaming rules, nothing like at
home...I brought them home when I saw unsmiling faces
every day when they got off the bus. I was SO scared.
I didn't know it would be ok or what I would do or
how. I am 37, my kids are 8 and 6, I have a High
School Diploma, 3 semesters of college before I
flunked out, on purpose, my family saw I was 'smart
enough' to major in 'something good' when I WANTED to
major in art and history. I am one of those pagan,
laid-back, funky, artsy people, married to a shaming
family-youngest son-catholic-raised government worker
('deity of choice'-help us)--oh shit.

That was October 2002 and I haven't done a 'schooly'
thing since unless the kids asked for it. We are SO
happy!!!!! <big wicked grin>

Kimontoya





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Deborah Lewis

***...I feel the same kind of
endorphin, hormone rush thingie as I did while nursing
when I watch them...***

I know what you mean!

I get this when I'm watching Dylan sometimes. Whoosh, it's like someone
melted love and poured it all over you.

We went to see some friends who where camping along the Missouri river
yesterday. We fed the mooching ducks and geese from the dock and lazed
there, on our backs, being rocked by the water and holding bread up for
the seagulls. He was glorious, happy, smiling, laughing, delighted and
I was amazed all over again that he came from my body and shared my
world.

I know what you mean.

That was a great post Kim.

Deb L

Mary

From: "k montoya" <kimontoya@...>

<< kind of off topic maybe, but I noticed this a lot
lately, maybe b/c it is spring...>>


What a nice post. Good for all of you!

Mary B