......not very successful in completely unschooling
koetsierC
> In a message dated 4/7/2003 12:15:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time,When I see my kids messing around with a computer game (again!) and I've just had "that" chat with
> pamsoroosh@... writes:
>
> > I'm trying to picture what it looks like to have a particular day that
> > is not very successful in completely unschooling - can you give an
> > example?
> >
my mother-in-law/next-door-neighbour/Experilab shop-owner about how my kids are never going to make
it in life because they are not getting a 'proper' education (their view of course), but I give in
to the pressure and the fear, and then I yell at my kids -get off that computer and do
something constructive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I feel so terrible because I still have to grow and
change so
much and then I come back and say sorry, and we talk about it, but the freedom of the morning is
gone.............
Or when 5 kids all want me to interact/help them with something at once and I feel harried from
pillar to post and I don't handle that so well because it makes me feel like I'm failing and so then
I get stressed and short-tempered and irritable and answer questions in that stressed and
short-tempered and irritable kind of way so that the learning experience and closeness is ruined and
my kids regret they asked.........
Or when they try something and do it 'wrong' and then I am not gracious about the failure.......
Or when I have an 'idea' but the rest of the clan is less than excited about it and then I feel
hurt/rejected/whatever because it was an important idea to me, and then I don't handle that so
well........
Or when I walk into the kitchen and one of the kids is painting/cooking/whatever and going overboard
with the paint/ingredients and/or is making a colossal mess, and then I yell at them and then I feel
bad because they weren't actually doing anything wrong - just inexperienced. So I cool off and come
back and
say sorry but the
creativity that was flowing has been shut off just like that and it is 3 weeks before anyone touches
the art cupboard again.........
Or sometimes it's just because the baby woke up cross, and interrupted something really precious
that was happening and we don't get back to it because the moment was lost....
".......a particular day that is not very successful in completely unschooling........" is when I
try to realise that ideal of being an unschooling parent but fail, and we all lose out as a result.
Fortunately :-) these kind of experiences are happening less and less often. But they do still
happen. Because unschooling asks so much more of me than I am right now; challenges me to be soooo
different from the kind of authoritarian controlling mother I had; asks me to give so much more
freedom than my dirt-poor family and boarding-school life ever gave me. I am learning to smile at
myself and at my kids; to know that it doesn't matter if any of us fail - we will do better next
time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn in freedom alongside my kids. Life is wonderful.
Life is healing.
But it is not for the faint-hearted!
Blessings
Cathy K
Sorcha
>>>When I see my kids messing around with a computer game (again!)<<<Just call it Computer Lab and tell people it's a vital part of the
curriculum in our information age. Ask people how many hours a day the
local schools are providing Computer Lab, and if public schools are
preparing students for the amount of time adults spend on the computer.
Sorcha
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/9/2003 10:50:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
KoetsierC@... writes:
it's the _______."
And I HIGHLY recommend that you send Sandra a check for her audiotape,
Peaceful Parenting. If THAT won't get you "there", I don't know what will!
Good luck!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
KoetsierC@... writes:
> ".......a particular day that is not very successful in completelyYou could put Mary's quote on you bathroom mirror: "It's NOT unschooling,
> unschooling........" is when I
> try to realise that ideal of being an unschooling parent but fail, and we
> all lose out as a result.
> Fortunately :-) these kind of experiences are happening less and less
> often. But they do still
> happen. Because unschooling asks so much more of me than I am right now;
> challenges me to be soooo
> different from the kind of authoritarian controlling mother I had; asks me
> to give so much more
> freedom than my dirt-poor family and boarding-school life ever gave me. I
> am learning to smile at
> myself and at my kids; to know that it doesn't matter if any of us fail -
> we will do better next
> time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn in freedom alongside my
> kids. Life is wonderful.
> Life is healing.
> But it is not for the faint-hearted!
>
> Blessings
> Cathy K
it's the _______."
And I HIGHLY recommend that you send Sandra a check for her audiotape,
Peaceful Parenting. If THAT won't get you "there", I don't know what will!
Good luck!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
Cathy --
These are good to say out loud - days like this - we ALL have!!! All of
us get overwhelmed at times, that's for SURE. Life does that to us.
I was thinking she meant something other than these kinds of totally
normal mom-has-had-it moments (or hours).
My mom, who thought unschooling was the best thing in the whole world,
told me that some people needed to send their kids to preschool, not to
learn and get ready for school or anything like that, but so that the
little ones could have somewhere that it was okay to make a mess and
that, once they were out of preschool, those poor kids NEVER got to do
anything that was messy ever again - that it upset their parents too
much. I really hadn't thought about what it would be like to not let
the kids ever make a mess. Mine are SO messy - especially my oldest
daughter (now 18) who STILL plays with mud (she is a ceramicist) and
does collaging and all kinds of art - right now she has clay all over
the patio tables (I moved her outside - it started off in the house)
and little pieces of sea glass all over the living room coffee table
that she is using to make a mosaic. I've lived with so much mess for so
long that I'm used to it - but once in a while I look around and just
wish that I could have an "ordinary" house. Okay - truth is - ONCE in a
while I look around and wish I could have an "ordinary" family. But -
that's just when they are all being TOO creative and I have these
moments of thinking IF they all went to school I'd have 5 or 6 hours to
myself five days a week AND I could send them to bed early for good
reason and they'd have to spend an hour or two a day doing homework and
just THINK of all that time I'd have to ---- do what? Clean the
house??? WHAT a boring life - I'd be so miserable!!!! NEEEEEVVVVVERRRRR
MIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!
-pam
These are good to say out loud - days like this - we ALL have!!! All of
us get overwhelmed at times, that's for SURE. Life does that to us.
I was thinking she meant something other than these kinds of totally
normal mom-has-had-it moments (or hours).
My mom, who thought unschooling was the best thing in the whole world,
told me that some people needed to send their kids to preschool, not to
learn and get ready for school or anything like that, but so that the
little ones could have somewhere that it was okay to make a mess and
that, once they were out of preschool, those poor kids NEVER got to do
anything that was messy ever again - that it upset their parents too
much. I really hadn't thought about what it would be like to not let
the kids ever make a mess. Mine are SO messy - especially my oldest
daughter (now 18) who STILL plays with mud (she is a ceramicist) and
does collaging and all kinds of art - right now she has clay all over
the patio tables (I moved her outside - it started off in the house)
and little pieces of sea glass all over the living room coffee table
that she is using to make a mosaic. I've lived with so much mess for so
long that I'm used to it - but once in a while I look around and just
wish that I could have an "ordinary" house. Okay - truth is - ONCE in a
while I look around and wish I could have an "ordinary" family. But -
that's just when they are all being TOO creative and I have these
moments of thinking IF they all went to school I'd have 5 or 6 hours to
myself five days a week AND I could send them to bed early for good
reason and they'd have to spend an hour or two a day doing homework and
just THINK of all that time I'd have to ---- do what? Clean the
house??? WHAT a boring life - I'd be so miserable!!!! NEEEEEVVVVVERRRRR
MIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!
-pam
On Wednesday, April 9, 2003, at 07:43 AM, koetsierC wrote:
>> In a message dated 4/7/2003 12:15:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
>> pamsoroosh@... writes:
>>
>>> I'm trying to picture what it looks like to have a particular day
>>> that
>>> is not very successful in completely unschooling - can you give an
>>> example?
>>>
>
> When I see my kids messing around with a computer game (again!) and
> I've just had "that" chat with
> my mother-in-law/next-door-neighbour/Experilab shop-owner about how my
> kids are never going to make
> it in life because they are not getting a 'proper' education (their
> view of course), but I give in
> to the pressure and the fear, and then I yell at my kids -get off that
> computer and do
> something constructive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I feel so terrible
> because I still have to grow and
> change so
> much and then I come back and say sorry, and we talk about it, but the
> freedom of the morning is
> gone.............
>
> Or when 5 kids all want me to interact/help them with something at
> once and I feel harried from
> pillar to post and I don't handle that so well because it makes me
> feel like I'm failing and so then
> I get stressed and short-tempered and irritable and answer questions
> in that stressed and
> short-tempered and irritable kind of way so that the learning
> experience and closeness is ruined and
> my kids regret they asked.........
>
> Or when they try something and do it 'wrong' and then I am not
> gracious about the failure.......
>
> Or when I have an 'idea' but the rest of the clan is less than excited
> about it and then I feel
> hurt/rejected/whatever because it was an important idea to me, and
> then I don't handle that so
> well........
>
> Or when I walk into the kitchen and one of the kids is
> painting/cooking/whatever and going overboard
> with the paint/ingredients and/or is making a colossal mess, and then
> I yell at them and then I feel
> bad because they weren't actually doing anything wrong - just
> inexperienced. So I cool off and come
> back and
> say sorry but the
> creativity that was flowing has been shut off just like that and it is
> 3 weeks before anyone touches
> the art cupboard again.........
>
> Or sometimes it's just because the baby woke up cross, and interrupted
> something really precious
> that was happening and we don't get back to it because the moment was
> lost....
>
>
> ".......a particular day that is not very successful in completely
> unschooling........" is when I
> try to realise that ideal of being an unschooling parent but fail, and
> we all lose out as a result.
> Fortunately :-) these kind of experiences are happening less and less
> often. But they do still
> happen. Because unschooling asks so much more of me than I am right
> now; challenges me to be soooo
> different from the kind of authoritarian controlling mother I had;
> asks me to give so much more
> freedom than my dirt-poor family and boarding-school life ever gave
> me. I am learning to smile at
> myself and at my kids; to know that it doesn't matter if any of us
> fail - we will do better next
> time. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn in freedom
> alongside my kids. Life is wonderful.
> Life is healing.
> But it is not for the faint-hearted!
>
> Blessings
> Cathy K
>
>
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From: "koetsierC" <KoetsierC@...>
<<Or when 5 kids all want me to interact/help them with something at once
and I feel harried from
pillar to post and I don't handle that so well because it makes me feel like
I'm failing and so then
I get stressed and short-tempered and irritable and answer questions in that
stressed and
short-tempered and irritable kind of way so that the learning experience and
closeness is ruined and
my kids regret they asked.........>>
Well this one I can certainly empathize with. Of course not 5 kids but I do
have 4. And even though most people tell me how lucky I am to have Tara, I
feel lucky in a way they are not thinking of. I have most people figure that
because she's 17 she somehow doesn't need mothering and I can pretty much
leave her on her own. That and that she can help me with the other 3. I can
count on one hand the times I've actually asked Tara to watch the kids for
me. Of course she interacts with them on her own, but not in a watching
mothering kind of way. I certainly woulnd't expect her to. And Tara,
although easier because of her age, has a whole other set of parenting
needs.
But that's the only time I feel the strain. When all 4 want something and
I'm just not enough of a person at once to do it. My mom tells me I have a
rubber butt because I'm bouncing up all the time. Seems like when I do get a
chance to sit down, someone needs something and of course the others never
need something too until I try and sit back down!
I'm not sure though that this has most to do with unschooling as much as it
does just being a mom of more than 1 or 2 kids. It's hard sometimes, like
when one gets sick and you just know you are going to be dealing with it for
awhile as it makes it's way through the whole house. (like me now again!) Or
when you go somewhere and 3 are having a good time and 1 is bored. With one
child, you either just stay or go! They get sick and then well!
Okay, my frustration today with Joseph and Alyssa getting sick is showing.
We missed a field trip today. Sierra missed sports camp last week and it
looks like Joseph will miss this week. We were planning on the zoo this
weekend. Alyssa was up last night not feeling good.
It's times like this that make me feel not like it's not a good unschooling
day, just like it's not a good mother day. Meaning I should be able to do
more.
Mary B
<<Or when 5 kids all want me to interact/help them with something at once
and I feel harried from
pillar to post and I don't handle that so well because it makes me feel like
I'm failing and so then
I get stressed and short-tempered and irritable and answer questions in that
stressed and
short-tempered and irritable kind of way so that the learning experience and
closeness is ruined and
my kids regret they asked.........>>
Well this one I can certainly empathize with. Of course not 5 kids but I do
have 4. And even though most people tell me how lucky I am to have Tara, I
feel lucky in a way they are not thinking of. I have most people figure that
because she's 17 she somehow doesn't need mothering and I can pretty much
leave her on her own. That and that she can help me with the other 3. I can
count on one hand the times I've actually asked Tara to watch the kids for
me. Of course she interacts with them on her own, but not in a watching
mothering kind of way. I certainly woulnd't expect her to. And Tara,
although easier because of her age, has a whole other set of parenting
needs.
But that's the only time I feel the strain. When all 4 want something and
I'm just not enough of a person at once to do it. My mom tells me I have a
rubber butt because I'm bouncing up all the time. Seems like when I do get a
chance to sit down, someone needs something and of course the others never
need something too until I try and sit back down!
I'm not sure though that this has most to do with unschooling as much as it
does just being a mom of more than 1 or 2 kids. It's hard sometimes, like
when one gets sick and you just know you are going to be dealing with it for
awhile as it makes it's way through the whole house. (like me now again!) Or
when you go somewhere and 3 are having a good time and 1 is bored. With one
child, you either just stay or go! They get sick and then well!
Okay, my frustration today with Joseph and Alyssa getting sick is showing.
We missed a field trip today. Sierra missed sports camp last week and it
looks like Joseph will miss this week. We were planning on the zoo this
weekend. Alyssa was up last night not feeling good.
It's times like this that make me feel not like it's not a good unschooling
day, just like it's not a good mother day. Meaning I should be able to do
more.
Mary B